Comments on: The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Mommy

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 22:25:00 +0000

Hello Everyone

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By: Mom101

Mom101 — Mon, 11 Sep 2006 03:49:00 +0000

fantastic essay, hbm! Just catching up on last week’s posts and am glad to have hit this one right away – it’s a little…well, familiar. Except for the heels part which I don’t care about. Jimmy Choo does make flats you know…

By: Tina C.

Tina C. — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 20:40:00 +0000

Here’s what I do. I always chose baby time over laundry or cleaning (also I have made sure I have enough pairs of under-wear so I don’t need to do laundry for at least one month). I have long ago accepted that i make mistakes everyday, sometimes twice or 3 x per day. and i tell myself that perfect doesn’t exist in humans. no way i’m going to be perfect. this helps me not get too anxious about my shortcomings as a mom. i also tell myself that even bad moms are loved by their babies – i think babies are hard-wired to love their mommies no matter what. you might feel less competi-mommy when you start back to work and get some perspective on baby-raising skills and time spent with baby — i did when i went back to work.

By: Brony

Brony — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 19:35:00 +0000

I think it’s time to stop running and start living. All mothers, or almost all mothers, feel frustrated, disappointed and overwhelmed just as you do. If we spend time thinking about the could have, would have, wish I…then we lose sight of the I did, I am, I have…

Perfection is what we make it. Loving your child and giving her the best is perfection. The fact that you care enough to enough to question you abilities tells me that you’ve achieved it. Well done.

By: Annie, The Evil Queen

Annie, The Evil Queen — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 17:24:00 +0000

Maybe we can form a club of some sort? I see membership shirts proclaiming:
“I’m an overachiever and all I got was this lousy tee shirt”

I usually feel like I’m doing pretty well on the mothering end of things, but the house and the husband get short changed and the me usually gets 3 hours a week at the gym and the occasional time with a novel.

By: Ruth Dynamite

Ruth Dynamite — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 10:39:00 +0000

Right. Exactly. Bingo.

We women drive ourselves nuts trying to achieve our own unrealistic images of perfection – whatever they may be. Our fantasies clash with our realities, and we feel angst/failure/frustration. But…it eases as the kids grow, because we grow too.

By: Queso

Queso — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 04:27:00 +0000

Great post.

By: Jenny

Jenny — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 12:37:00 +0000

Wow. You said it so perfectly.

I find myself competing against the ghost of my mother (who isn’t dead oddly enough). I never win.

By: Bobita

Bobita — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 04:55:00 +0000

Ah, the Motherhood Mystique!

You might appreciate one of my all-time favorite quotes:

"People can say what they like about the eternal verities, love and truth and so on, but nothing's as eternal as the dishes."
-Margaret Mahy

And the laundry...and the unattainable standards that we hold ourselves to. I echo your sentiments and stand beside you...joined in the same struggles. Solidarity, sister!

By: sweetney

sweetney — Tue, 05 Sep 2006 22:33:00 +0000

what? you can't do everything?? what kind of mother are you?!?

bwahahaha!

you of course must KNOW that i am right there with you with this: able to consciously know (and mock) how ridiculous that competimommy voice in our heads is, yet unable to wholly get past it despite this awareness.

i haven't washed my wood floors in weeks. this fact fills me with shame.