A Cautionary Tale

March 22, 2007

Consider this scenario, oh ye bloggers, and learn:

So, one day, you and the husband are sitting around, tapping away at respective laptops when you notice that said husband is transfixed by something on his screen. Transfixed. Staring at the screen. Staring, blinking, and then leaning in to get a better look.

You watch, for a minute. You wonder what he’s looking at. Can’t be YouTube, because he hasn’t got the sound on, and what’s the fun of that video of the cat playing piano without the sound? And he’s not really the Internet porn type. Strange e-mail maybe? Unusually bizarre spam?

He’s not speaking, just peering at the screen of his laptop. You shift, slightly, inching yourself along the sofa so that you can catch a glimpse of what it is that he’s looking at. He looks at you, you look at him, and he looks back at the screen.

You lean over slightly, and see a familiar green checkered background. He’s looking at your blog. He’s looking at this:

He looks at you, and says, unnecessarily, I’m just looking at your blog…

You say, mmm hmm?

And he says, and I’m wondering what this means?

What what means?

What this means. (turns laptop so that screen is in full view.)

You fix him with a blank stare. You know what that means.


Ovulating? Why yes, I am ovulating. We discussed this.


That’s an OPK that you’re looking at, there.


Not a pregnancy test.


You think that, if – or when – I get pregnant, I will tell the Internet before I tell you? Dude.

Because, please. I might be tempted to just go ahead and trumpet the news to the Internet, but I really would tell my husband first. And family, and a few close friends. Then the Internet.

Because we don’t want to give anybody a heart attack.

(Sorry, honey. Hopefully all of the sex makes up for the near-coronary.)


Thanks all for the wonderful encouragement on this new and terrifying endeavour. But, please – is it really terrifying? Someone – only one, mind you, but still – left a comment to the effect of do not do it! you can’t handle it! it’s hell!. Which, grain of salt and all, but still. Way to freak me out.

Expanding the brood isn’t that bad, is it? Cuz, you know, the first one has been a breeze… I’d hate to think that this motherhood gig would get, you know, all hard and shit…

Easy like Sunday mornin’, bizatches.


(PS, please, go! Visit the Basement!)

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    crazymumma March 23, 2007 at 6:30 pm

    Thats funny. I like the way you keep him on his toes….god knows wonderbaby keeps you on yours….ther’s just gotta be some payback.

    Two is great. Easier than one in the strangest of ways, but thats a post and a bottle of w(h)ine type of conversation….

    mothergoosemouse March 23, 2007 at 8:16 pm

    The WonderBaby caption made me cackle. You’re right – between WB and CJ, you and I would be locked in a closet while they went out joyriding. But if they left us a bottle of vodka, that wouldn’t be so bad.

    Laural Dawn March 23, 2007 at 8:57 pm

    I only have one – that is working for me right now.
    But, from what I understand, when you have more than one you just end up managing.
    Who knows.

    Fairly Odd Mother March 23, 2007 at 9:16 pm

    Going from zero to one child was such a shock to my system that it made going to two (and then three!) seem like a breeze. Once you are a mom, you are a mom. It’s just now about how many butts you have to wipe.

    Lady M March 23, 2007 at 10:08 pm

    Ha! I knew what the box was for, but can certainly imagine many jumped to the next conclusion. Your husband is going to examine your posts much more closely now . . .

    Damselfly March 23, 2007 at 10:38 pm

    Yeah, I can see why the coronary.

    Wonderbaby looks like a little ray of sunshine, there….

    SuburbanOblivion March 23, 2007 at 11:43 pm

    For me the transition from 1-2 was easier than 2-3, but my first two were 5 years apart, 17 months between the 2nd and 3rd. I don’t know how old your kids are yet, so draw your own conclusions :)

    I promise you will be fine, and you too will soon be awed and amazed at just how close your kids can push you to the brink of insanity and you still bounce back. Human resiliency is amazing.

    Mel March 24, 2007 at 1:04 am

    Well, it isn’t the easiest gig in the world, but it’s not like horrible awful torture, either. It’s like having one, but bigger. A little more high-endurance. I don’t know, having two hasn’t been that rough for me, but I had mine four and a half years apart.

    flutter March 24, 2007 at 3:10 am

    I have to go change my pants, I think I’ve wet them

    Amber March 24, 2007 at 7:23 am

    Expanding my brood was the best thing I’ve ever done. Seriously. The first few months were rough but now we’ve settled into a fantastic routine and in many ways, my days are so much more entertaining and enjoyable watching the two interact!

    gingajoy March 24, 2007 at 9:36 am

    it’s been fricking pretty good round these here parts, have to say:)

    Mamacita Tina March 24, 2007 at 10:37 am

    That is just TOO funny!

    My first was a breeze! The second, well, she saw to it that there won’t be a third. Oh sure, I say that now, but then she gets all sweet and easy going one day and I think, hmmmm, maybe a third wouldn’t be so bad. And oh how I love babies! But then, she gets cranky and whines and cries and climbs up onto the windowsill and dances. Thank god for hair dye! Never a dull moment, I LOVE IT!

    Her Bad Mother March 24, 2007 at 10:55 am

    This all helps IMMENSELY. THANK YOU.

    (And, Bon – you talked me into it. It doesn’t take much talking to get me to do stuff. I’m impressionable that way.)

    Robin March 24, 2007 at 10:56 am

    Oh my goodness, I can just picture the panic on your husbands face! Too funny. Mine would also wonder if in fact I’d told the entire internet before telling him.

    Just for the sake of clarity, my ambivalence is about going from 2 to 3. I went to two pretty easily, but growing up one of two, with nearly everyone else I know also one of two, I’m having a very hard time even imagining how three kids would work. Now that a few of our friends have had their third already the pressure is mounting.

    Sarah March 24, 2007 at 4:46 pm

    My second child has completely enriched my life…my kids are just shy of 2 yrs apart. I love baby 2 for a lot of the same reasons I love my first….but the delight I take in my second child brings a unique joy that only he gives me. Much in the way my little daughter has a special place in my heart.

    Sure, some days are hell but you can say that about *anything*! Some days were hell with just my first.

    The joy I get from the love they have for oneanother…it almost makes me want a third!!

    Lawyer Mama March 24, 2007 at 9:16 pm

    Now that I think about it, that would probably be my hubby’s reaction if he saw a pic of an OPK on my blog too. Men can’t tell the difference. LOL!

    And no, two is not *that* hard. I’ll be honest, it is an adjustment, but you’ll get into a routine just like you did when WB joined the fam. It’ll be great. Plus, I have to agree with the previous commenters about the sibling relationship. It will be absolutely amazing to watch WB & littlest WB or WG together. Amazing. I promise.

    karla March 27, 2007 at 5:17 pm

    Now THAT was funny. I’m sure my husband would have thought the same thing!

    ewe are here April 5, 2007 at 12:04 am

    Of course it’s terrifying!

    But as I sit here typing onehanded at 5:00 in the morning with my new wee one snuggling in on my shoulder trying to work his way down to snuggle under my chin … i can only say that it is so worth it…

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