Things that I have discovered, lo these many days of sick:
1) Ginger ale does squat for my nausea.
2) Except give me gingery burps.
3) Peppermint tea helps a little bit.
4) So do Peek Freans Chocolate-Covered Digestive Cookies, but only psychologically, and only for a minute, before I throw them up.
5) Having the flu while you are suffering from all-day morning sickness is a twisted sort of hell that I would wish on nobody other than, maybe, Ann Coulter.
6) Having the flu while you are suffering from all-day morning sickness AND trying to get your house ready to sell AND wrangle a toddler who welcomes each day as an opportunity for MORE! MAYHEM! is, I think, beyond even hell, and would make the devil weep.
7) God invented television to save sick mothers from the torments of unrestrained household chaos. But he didn’t allow for any contigencies in the event that one’s child refuses to sit and watch television, which has unsettled my already shaky faith in His benevolence (yes, HIS. If God were a woman this would all be much, much easier.)
8) Okay, maybe he allowed for one or two contingencies, but these involve crayons and markers and paints and play dough and so bear the mark of collaboration with the devil. Heavenly distraction; hellish clean-up. Third-Circle-Of-Hellish if you are a) sick, and b) trying to prepare your house for real estate viewings (hunched on the floor scrubbing Washable Marker from the carpet while the bile rises in your throat: evidence that you’ve fallen to the Fifth Circle as punishment for your intense desire to be Slothful.)
9) The artwork of a child – all the more when that child is your own child, and presents said artwork with a kiss – is ample distraction from all the torments of hell:
Mommy’s Cage Of Sick (2007, mixed media fingerpaint)
Ode To Mommy, Who Will Rise Like A Phoenix From The Ashes And Give Me Cookies (2007, mixed media, Crayola Washable Markers and Crayola Paint Pen)
Elegy For Georgia O’Keeffe (2007, watercolor)
I think that WonderBaby is an artistic genius with a future in abstract art. Every parent says that, I know, but still. Who needs Jackson Pollock when you have a toddler?
Show me your kids’ artistic genius – we can congratulate each other for having spawned creative genuises and, also, it will amuse me while I remain prone with my nausea and my earache and my sore throat. Post a picture of your child’s artwork – be sure to title it, for posterity – on your blog and link back here. Next Friday, Wonderbaby will randomly select one and will send that artist a signed Wonderbaby original, and a selection of the Crayola tools (from their new line of easy-to-handle, toddler-friendly ‘Beginnings’ products) that Wonderbaby currently uses to create their masterpieces.