Dark

November 26, 2007

A week and half ago we went for our first ultrasound, as part of an ‘integrated prenatal screening’ to gauge the odds of genetic abnormalities in this pregnancy. In our baby. The ultrasound technician – and, later, the clinic doctor, who examined me closely because of something suspicious that was spotted in my ovaries (another story for another day) – said that everything looked fine. There were still blood tests to do, but they all sounded positive, and we got a lovely picture of a very baby-like fetus that I immediately called Sprout.

But now there’s some doubt that everything’s fine, and I’m losing my mind a little bit.

First thing this morning, my doctor’s office called with a summons. Please come in first thing tomorrow, Dr. NiceLady would like to see you. ~Why? I’m seeing her in a few days.~ Yes, but she’d like to see you tomorrow morning.

An innocuous conversation, but then again, no conversation with your doctor when you’re pregnant is innocuous. I have a scheduled prenatal appointment in a few days, at which time we were going to discuss the results of the IPS. The only reason that I can think of that she would need to speak with me, in person, immediately, is if something’s wrong, so wrong that it can’t wait a few days. So wrong that we need to discuss it, deal it with it, now.

Oh, god.

Husband has a phone call into the nurse to see if we can get more information before tomorrow. Something, anything, to stop panic, or something to let me know that it’s okay to panic. Maybe it’s better to not know for 24 hours?

No. I don’t want to panic. I don’t want to be scared. I want everything to be okay. But hovering somewhere in the dark spaces between should I be scared? and be scared and ohgodit’sbad is killing me, it’s putting so much pressure on my heart that I’ll think it’ll burst.

Please, fingers crossed for me?

Update: Spoke with nurse. It indeed concerns test results, but doctor not in today and nurse can’t discuss with me. Understood my fear – made worse by conversation with her – and asked me to do my very best to relax between now and tomorrow morning. Fuck relax. Will be crying all day, clinging to desperate hope that doctor is just being super-anal about getting results to me quickly. Desperate, desperate hope.

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    { 109 comments }

    painted maypole November 26, 2007 at 3:15 pm

    fingers crossed, prayers commencing…

    Niksmom November 26, 2007 at 3:15 pm

    Adding my good wishes and vibes to the universe. Prayers, too. Damn it’s hard to type with crossed fingers! They eyes don’t help much either…

    Andrea November 26, 2007 at 3:25 pm

    Adding my own Go Sprout Go! cheer to the mix and a whopping dose of hand holding for you. I went through a scare at about 16 weeks myself that turned out to be a miscalculation of my gestation. A new due date was all that was required. Here’s to hoping it’s something as innocuous and the fear you feel will be replaced by flooding relief. Thinking of you, Mama.

    Gabriella November 26, 2007 at 3:42 pm

    Lots of good thoughts and prayers are sent your way C. I’m hoping that this is only a case of a doctor being overly cautious. Shame on them though for calling you and then having you wait what is an eternity to you but nothing to them. That irks me.
    Nevertheless lots of prayers are being said.

    Ruth Dynamite November 26, 2007 at 3:59 pm

    My friend just had the same kind of news delivered to her (e.g., no news, just nebulous concern) – and I’ll tell you what I told her.

    Nothing has changed between yesterday and today. Wait until you have something concrete to worry about, and until then, just try to breathe.

    I’ll breathe with you.

    (And my friend? Total false alarm.)

    Hang in there.

    FishyGirl November 26, 2007 at 4:04 pm

    It’s probably nothing, because if it was truly something SOMETHING, they would call you to come in immediately, not wait until the next day. I’ve been through the hubba-hubba-get-all-freaked-out thing more than once, and every damn time it was nothing. I’m praying that you have the same results.

    The City Gal November 26, 2007 at 4:07 pm

    THAT SUCKS!

    I am so sorry to hear that.

    What is wrong with nurses and doctors and this kind of communicating with the patient?

    When I was expacting my cancer-biopsy results, they called me and asked me to go in ASAP. I was freaking out like a clown! I kept asking on the phone, “is it about my cancer biopsy?” “is it bad news”?

    Of course, they can’t tell you!

    Once I went in, the doctor sat down with me and told me it’s time for my annual check-up. “What about my cancer results?” Her answer was “What cancer results? I didn’t see anything!”

    I wanted to shoot her! Couldn’t the nurse tell me that on the phone?

    Idiots!

    FishyGirl November 26, 2007 at 4:08 pm

    I also wanted to note that with Sunny, our test results came back at high risk of Down Syndrome. We opted not to amnio, and she’s perfect. These tests have a stupid high rate of false positives.

    Helps your mind, doesn’t help your heart. Keeping my fingers crossed.

    Karen (Miscellaneous Mum) November 26, 2007 at 4:09 pm

    Thinking of you, all the way over here…. xx

    Binkytown November 26, 2007 at 4:12 pm

    It’s so easy to jump to the worst possible conclusion, I think we think it will protect us when all it really does is make us crazy.

    Maybe they just need to do a re-test? That’s what I’m going with. Best wishes.

    Hannah November 26, 2007 at 4:15 pm

    I had one of these a month ago. Nurse called home first, agitated my ill father-in-law by telling him that I had to call the doctor’s office ASAP, very important regarding recent test results. Then called me at work, got me all wound up too.

    Turned out my serum screening urine sample wasn’t viable by the time the collection clinic got it to the lab, and I had to go pee in a cup again.

    Nurses (and doctor’s office receptionists) can sometimes be thoughtlessly cruel because they are trying to be businesslike. I hope this turns out to be nothing serious. Good luck.

    Mamalooper November 26, 2007 at 4:24 pm

    There are soooo many innocuous things it could be besides bad news. And even if there is an indication of something, remember that this test is NOT diagnostic. It’s more of a risk assessment. The amnio (if you choose to have one) is what is diagnostic.

    Mommato2 November 26, 2007 at 4:35 pm

    Sending good thoughts and lots of hope your way. Those phone calls and the waiting are the absolute WORST. Will be anxious for an update tomorrow.
    Hugs to you….

    Badness Jones November 26, 2007 at 4:50 pm

    Oh honey….thoughts and hope and hugs and fingers crossed coming your way….waiting is always the worst.

    Heather November 26, 2007 at 4:56 pm

    Wow that stinks.

    There are so many tests that turn out to indicate something wrong inacurrately. Maybe this will be the case with you. I hope I hope for you.

    Beck November 26, 2007 at 5:01 pm

    OH GOD. How scary – but I’ve had that same phonecall twice in my three pregnancies and each time, had a healthy baby. So it could very well be nothing that’s very serious.
    But yes, it’s a scary phonecall to get.

    clueless but hopeful mama November 26, 2007 at 5:04 pm

    oh god, Oh God, OH GOD. My heart is in my throat and I’m so scared with you, for you. My little agnostic self will say lots of prayers for you. I just hope beyond hope that all is well.

    becks November 26, 2007 at 5:08 pm

    fingers crossed, big internet hug to you!

    Candygirlflies November 26, 2007 at 5:22 pm

    Oh, my dear… fingers and toes and everything else I can muster, FIRMLY CROSSED. And many prayers, too.

    Hang in there… and hope.

    love love love, CGF xo

    Mrs. Chicky November 26, 2007 at 5:37 pm

    I’m wishing and hoping that your doctor is so super anal she wears a red cape with an “A” on it. I’m also wishing you a very swift evening.

    Love and thoughts to you.

    Motherhood Uncensored November 26, 2007 at 6:01 pm

    Look at the power of HBM — you’ve even got Agnostics praying for you.

    We here in Atlanta are cheering for Sprout.

    (and you too, friend).

    Janet November 26, 2007 at 6:29 pm

    Crossing, praying, hoping, for you.

    xo
    janet

    Veronica November 26, 2007 at 6:38 pm

    I have everything crossed that it is nothing major.

    (((hugs)))

    Damn doctors.

    Kate November 26, 2007 at 6:57 pm

    I have been there. It was horrible. And unfair, and scary, and painful.

    Twice, actually. The first time did not have a happy ending. The second time ended up being a horrible, cruel, unnecessary false alarm, and the evidence of that baby’s perfection is driving Matchbox cars on my foot right now.

    I wish for you a false alarm, and the strength not to beat the doctor (and nurse) over the head with an examining table.

    I have hope for you, even if yours slips a little.

    mothergoosemouse November 26, 2007 at 7:23 pm

    I’m with you. As close as I can get without being there in person.

    xoxoxo

    Aimee November 26, 2007 at 7:44 pm

    I, too, have been there. As Kate said, it is horrible, painful and scary.

    Tomorrow will come and I pray that everything works out well for you and baby.

    Should you have any questions or concerns that we might be able to answer, don’t hesitate to ask.

    Sarcasta-Mom November 26, 2007 at 8:00 pm

    I put my money on anal doctor. Try to keep it together until tomorrow. We’re all thinking of you.

    AliBlahBlah November 26, 2007 at 8:08 pm

    I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. I hope your doc can explain the necessity of putting you through this.

    glennia November 26, 2007 at 8:13 pm

    Sending lots of love and happy, positive thoughts your way, dear. My gosh, I remember worrying so much over every thing when I was pregnant, so I know how hard this is. Hang in there.

    Jezer November 26, 2007 at 8:50 pm

    Much love, thoughts and prayers for you, my friend. Breathe in, now breathe out. Repeat.

    Petunia Face November 26, 2007 at 8:53 pm

    Your post resonated with me because when I was pregnant with my daughter I called her Sprout AND because I got the same terrifying phone call, the same questionable tests. Also strangely at the time–early December so I was grim and withdrawn while the whole world seemed to be merry and bright. Ultimately I had to get an amnio to rule out problems and then wait 2 excruciating weeks for the results. I thought I would die from fear, from lack of sleep and not being able to eat. It was by far the worst 2 weeks of my life. In the end the amnio showed everything was FINE. My baby was healthy and normal and is now an amazing toddler. I wish you the same results!

    MamaMichelsBabies November 26, 2007 at 10:09 pm

    I’m going to go with a anal retentive doc who likes to scare the bejeebus out of women. That’s what I’m going with and I’m stickin to it.

    What a sucky ass thing to do, if it is nothing I hope like hell you lay into them for their actions and lack of consideration. And it is nothing, so plan on going in there and making heads roll.

    Aw heck Mama… I’m adding to the many prayers here.

    Pgoodness November 26, 2007 at 10:12 pm

    thinking of you and Sprout. Hang in there…I know it sucks, the waiting, but we’re all praying and hoping all is well for you.

    Trenches of Mommyhood November 26, 2007 at 11:21 pm

    Have everything crossed as I sit here typing.
    No words, just a virtual hug.

    Trillian November 26, 2007 at 11:34 pm

    Thinking of you here at the nest. Hang in there!

    Jozet at Halushki November 26, 2007 at 11:40 pm

    Oh, brother…I thought they taught against this kind of thing in doctor school.

    I had a doctor do this to me once and it was because she needed to change an appointment. What an idiot.

    If it’s the blood test, just know that I can count on both hands and both feet the number of people who had positive results leaning in some direction which later turned out to be false positives because dates were screwy or because they were old fogey moms, etc.

    Anyway…I am willing tomorrow morning to be here. All will be well. All will be well. In ten years, you can ground Sprout for scaring the heck out of you.

    Lisa b November 27, 2007 at 12:27 am

    I think that is a very nasty thing to do to a pregnant lady. From a screen they don’t know anything for sure. Don’t freak out. You screen positive at 1 in 200.
    Get the amnio if you are worried. Seriously it is not a big deal.

    Lisa b November 27, 2007 at 12:28 am

    to get an amnio. Being scared is a big deal.
    amnio. really not a big deal. I swear.
    I cry from a hangnail.

    SUEB0B November 27, 2007 at 1:15 am

    Oh baby. I know you can’t relax, but I wish you all the best.

    Cathy November 27, 2007 at 1:40 am

    Thinking of both of you. *hugs*

    Jaelithe November 27, 2007 at 1:45 am

    Oh my goodness. Best of luck. Hang in there, lady.

    flutter November 27, 2007 at 1:47 am

    Thinking of you

    creative-type dad November 27, 2007 at 2:19 am

    fingers crossed, fingers crossed….

    something blue November 27, 2007 at 3:01 am

    I’m wishing with all my might that today you will be given all your hope and joy back.

    Laural Dawn November 27, 2007 at 9:26 am

    I was thinking about this last night – if your test was more than a week ago and the doctor is just calling now then it may not be a huge thing.
    I hope that’s the case.
    When my doctor called me back about the IPS results I was terrified – and literally hopped in a cab and begged to see her.
    I had low iron and was told to eat red meat. Seriously. (thankfully they didn’t check my blood pressure)

    Carly November 27, 2007 at 9:42 am

    Sending you positive vibes and best wishes from the Boonies…

    Carly

    Tara (aka AbbysMomma) November 27, 2007 at 9:46 am

    Sending BIG HUGS and positive vibes your way… *fingers crossed* that DR is being overly cautious.

    The City Gal November 27, 2007 at 11:13 am

    It is 10:15 am Toronto Time on Tuesday.

    I am counting the minutes until you come back from the doctor’s office and let us know what happened.

    Love you!

    Amy November 27, 2007 at 11:15 am

    Fingers crossed, prayers being said.

    Dana J. Tuszke November 27, 2007 at 11:26 am

    I don’t know what to say because nothing will calm your nerves until you are at the doctor’s office. Please know that I’m praying everything is well and that your doctor is just exaggerating and that nothing is wrong.

    -hugs from afar-
    Dana

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