Motherhood is laden with layers of complexity, and contradictions. I wouldn’t want to be viewed as purely an object of lust, but also, quite maddeningly, long for some acknowledgement of my physicality; the way it was, and will no longer be.

We are inundated with the celebrity mommies parading their lithe, toned, bikini clad figures post-baby creating illusions that run counter to realities of fat, dimpled thighs, sewn parts, leaking breasts.

I remember running my fingers down my mother’s stretch marks as a child, being nestled within my gradma’s saggy but ample bossom.

These, to me, are the MILS – Mothers I’d like to See.

We do not escape the emotional ravages of life, why seek escape from physical marks?

MILF seems to be a term appropriated from the pages of celebrity culture by teenage boys, men whose views of womanhood centre on one plastic image. A mother who is desirable has somehow managed to retain her pre-baby beauty and fits that stereotypical view: thin, perky, flawless.

But at heart, what is more comforting, more reassuring, indeed more sexy, than a strong body, marked by childbirth, childrearing, by life itself, that continues to nurture, and love in many ways.

Views pictures of ebony skinned African women juggling water and food on their heads with children in tow. That is strength, and that is sexy.

It’s not just about looks and silicone and tank tops for me. It’s deeper than that. It’s how I’ve come to see myself and how others in my life have come to see me too. I *should* feel good about my body as a woman who happens to be a mother. I *should* feel empowered enough to feel sexier as a woman who happens to be a mother. I get that intellectually. I agree with it too. But I am not always able to draw from that well of knowledge when I need it most.

So although I find the term MILF is an objectification (that the feminist in me finds totally offensive), I’ll admit if the term was ever thrown at me, I’d see it strangely as a much-needed compliment.

I thought the term humorously outrageous in American Pie and then annoying once it became widely “accepted”. So I made my own MILF t-shirt… it stands for “my infant loves farts”.

And personally, I think there are a lot of men out there who consider mothers much more sexy than we consider OURSELVES. (I’ve wondered how that might add to the communication problem.)

Was I offended no.

Dh and I bandy it about…it is meant lightly and if he states I am looking milfish or soccer momish…I laugh and say thank you.

I DO get that the term more conotates a mom who doesn’t look ‘mommish,’ but whatever.

Sweats ain’t sexy. We all know that.

And yes blah blah..our ‘inner’ woman and all that should be sexy enough..but not in pop culture world and not in shallow just for looks worlds either.

But whatever.

If anything, moms have demonstrated their fertility by – yes – having children.

First, there are the changes that often accompany pregnancy and childbirth. Many of these changes (I hear) remain permanent in many woman

Then, there is the problem of (as I hear it) much less time and energy, in general, to devote to exercise, clothing, and appearance. Also, there is a focus on the child, rather than the mother as an individual.

Mothers tend as a group to be older than non-mothers.

I agree with much of your post, but the idea that IN GENERAL your average mother can be expected to be less sexually appealing to the general populace to the same woman pre-child is not true.

I, of course, hope to be an exception but I am prepared if I am not.