A Picture Is Worth Years Of Therapy

July 28, 2008

I received this cunning little sketch last week, and it has been sitting on my bedside table while I decide its fate. To scrapbook, or not to scrapbook? To consign to the bottom of the dustbin, or to frame and display in the front hallway? To deconstruct as artifact of postmodern motherhood, or to roll eyes at and discard?

A fistful of Smarties to anyone who can tell me what it is, or at least make some outrageously funny suggestion so that I can appropriate the narrative of this sketch and reframe it into something that won’t keep me awake at night. Which, yes, is a hint.

(It’s two sketches, actually. The scribble below the fold is a separate image, scrawled with a flourish to underscore a point about the main image, above the fold.)

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    Anissa@Hope4Peyton July 28, 2008 at 10:39 pm

    No farking clue, I guess this means I get my own skittles, huh??

    I’m going to guess with chicky tho and say it’s the Frankenvulva!

    Bec July 28, 2008 at 10:41 pm

    It is the sound of one beef curtain clapping.

    TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre July 28, 2008 at 10:41 pm

    See, when *I* look at it, I see a lovely spider with an egg sac. That would keep normal folks awake at night. That would get me running for my macro lens to take pictures of all its eyes. And maybe the babies too. Because I’m a sicko.

    TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre July 28, 2008 at 10:44 pm

    Or it’s totally a vajay jay.

    Her Bad Mother July 28, 2008 at 10:55 pm


    TSM-terrifically superiorily mediocre July 28, 2008 at 10:57 pm


    It is the eye of GOD watching all these comments and taking notes.

    “And that’s one for YOU…and YOU…and oh yes…YOUUUUU”

    Black Hockey Jesus July 28, 2008 at 11:00 pm

    It is the tear wept by Nothing at the origin of the World.

    Karen Sugarpants July 28, 2008 at 11:02 pm

    That’s the look I had in the shower the other day when a pregnant mama spider was spotted post-soap, pre-rinse and I knew I couldn’t get away. She looked as though she was doing the I HAZ A MILLION BABIES AND I”M GOING TO SPRAY THEM ALL OVER YOUR NAKED BODY dance.

    I was fucking terrified.

    Black Hockey Jesus July 28, 2008 at 11:05 pm

    Number 69, 2008.

    Black Hockey Jesus July 28, 2008 at 11:09 pm

    The Sphincter Mourns As Shadow Embraces Light.

    motherbumper July 28, 2008 at 11:16 pm

    I can’t top any of these comments. All I can say is ouch and this might be the reason you are pissing all over yourself when laughing. Obviously this person did not know it’s pearl one, knit two.

    Karen Sugarpants July 28, 2008 at 11:21 pm

    I would like to point out that if that was my naked likeness in the shower – my tits do not point sideways like that. Nor do I have 4 teats.

    Black Hockey Jesus July 28, 2008 at 11:25 pm

    The Inverted Nipple Remembers High School.

    Black Hockey Jesus July 28, 2008 at 11:27 pm

    There Are No Flowers Or Perfume Where You’re Going Motherfucker.

    Whit July 28, 2008 at 11:30 pm

    Glory Hole with Chewing Gum (Triple J Truck Stop- Yuma, AZ, 2003)

    Karen Sugarpants July 28, 2008 at 11:37 pm

    Reindeer Cornholio in Ink

    Rachael July 28, 2008 at 11:40 pm

    This is completely hilariously out of control. I can’t stop coming back to see what is new.

    Karen Sugarpants July 28, 2008 at 11:50 pm

    Bob Saget Attacks Unsuspecting Gazelle

    Alli ~Mrs. Fussypants July 28, 2008 at 11:51 pm



    Srsly, lady bits?

    ((mails case of wine to HBM))

    Whit July 28, 2008 at 11:58 pm

    All Pale Against the O Face

    Her Bad Mother July 28, 2008 at 11:58 pm

    Karen – there’s an Aristocrats joke in there somewhere.

    mothergoosemouse July 29, 2008 at 12:56 am

    Frankenvulva, of course.

    VDog July 29, 2008 at 2:31 am

    Someone tore you a new asshole?

    Sass E-mum July 29, 2008 at 4:23 am

    Yes, it has to be Frankenvulva.

    But really it has to be the view from the clouds of a teeny weeny person who let go of their balloon, and then off to the side you see a close up of their sad little smile.

    In case you’ve not thought this already – I suspect this drawing is not great bedtime reading…

    Tracey July 29, 2008 at 8:01 am

    The comments have distracted me so much that my OWN witty comment has escaped me. I SWEAR.

    Wyliekat July 29, 2008 at 8:55 am

    Little birdie flying high
    Dropped a message from the sky
    My, said the farmer, wiping his eye
    Isn’t it lucky that cows don’t fly?

    Erika Jurney July 29, 2008 at 9:51 am

    It’s the reason I want to email you a home reconstructive surgery kit. And drugs. xoxoxo

    Her Bad Mother July 29, 2008 at 10:16 am

    Erika – good drugs, I hope.

    lavandula July 29, 2008 at 10:41 am

    its a half bunny a sad one because umm it wee wee’d on the bottom of the page? oui? no?

    lavandula July 29, 2008 at 10:55 am

    oh its a ring and the jewel broke of a tiny bit and smashed on the floor.how silly was i thinking it was a mutant bunny!hahaha!

    Ms. Huis Herself July 29, 2008 at 11:00 am

    I agree entirely that it’s lady bits.

    Because you’ve got the labia represented by the two sets of curving lines, and the darker, roundish part right below it is the vagina, ‘cuz that’s how a young artist would draw a hole that goes in…

    Then maybe a belly button? ‘Cuz that’s sort of in the general area, too?

    And beneath the fold is the hairy-grown-up version.

    But I could totally see it being Rudolph with his nose falling off if it were around Christmas… with the scribble being the foggy night at the bottom.

    My daughter drew a picture of herself eating cherries, complete with one in her stomach. I was glad to have her explain it to me because there was so much wealth in the details!

    Maybe you can save it and sell it to pay for the therapy. :)

    Laura July 29, 2008 at 11:26 am

    A sad vagina. I see the labia, clitoris, and pubic hair. And a frown. This vagina is very, very sad.

    THopgood July 29, 2008 at 11:37 am

    Still LMAO at “That’s The Wind In Your Vagina.”

    Jen M. July 29, 2008 at 1:08 pm

    Bungee jumping Daddy Long Legs

    iheartchocolate July 29, 2008 at 1:26 pm

    I’m gonna have to totally second the episiotomy comment!

    That is totally what it is!

    fidget July 29, 2008 at 1:27 pm

    Nipple portrait!

    Shamelessly Sassy July 29, 2008 at 1:30 pm

    It’s obviously a one eyed reindeer. :)

    Vicki July 29, 2008 at 2:15 pm

    Are there fuzzies around that lower dark spot? I am feeling very sorry for your vajayjay right now.

    Its a map to the lost city of Atlantis?

    Stacy July 29, 2008 at 2:39 pm




    Normally separated by a plateau of nothingness except in this drawing there is clearly a large HOLE the size/shape of a baby head.

    Can I get you some ice? Tucks? Hard liquor?

    Stefanie July 29, 2008 at 5:51 pm

    Yes, obviously it is a hoo ha with a sad face under it. Which is exactly how I feel about mine these days.

    Ashley July 29, 2008 at 7:05 pm

    It’s a sad face with crazy hair. The picture underneath is a mess-up. A do-over. You can see the shirt behind the scribble.

    ML July 29, 2008 at 7:06 pm

    to me it says “Loach Pain.” Loach, (not) meaning that smooth spot between the vajayjay and the rectum, was coined during a Balderdash round 15 years ago. It’s really some kind of fish… which could also be a good title for this piece.

    Anonymous July 29, 2008 at 8:53 pm


    amelia bedelia July 29, 2008 at 9:20 pm

    I’m thinking an episitomy, too?? gee, don’t they feel good!

    Shonda Little July 29, 2008 at 9:56 pm

    The larger picture is clearly a hand mirror view of a vagina.
    The bottom is a rabbit. Maybe baby has heard momma talking about her favorite “toys” and was confused.

    cbahm July 29, 2008 at 11:09 pm

    I’m gonna go with:
    A cyclops with a black eye and a bad combover. And a tiny little patch of chest hair.

    Her Bad Mother July 29, 2008 at 11:21 pm

    Oh, hey, wow – Anonymous scrolled all the way down through 90-plus comments to type out that he was bored. Someone, clearly, needs to get a life.

    Her Bad Mother July 29, 2008 at 11:22 pm

    And, ha! Shonda – you’ve explained the bunnies to me. THANK YOU.

    Kelley July 29, 2008 at 11:33 pm

    Yeah, what was I going to say? Whatever.

    It was totally more witty than anyone else but all of a sudden my nether regions feel all kinda ouchie.

    Kim/2 Kids July 29, 2008 at 11:38 pm

    It looks like a duck to me, can’t make out the bottom. Please don’t take my input seriously, I have been in therapy for years and now one of my daughters is due to her father’s terminal illness. My favorite drawings were always the large round circles with big round eyes and limbs shooting out from the widest part (kinda looked like chicken feet). I love the one we have of four circles and the only difference is my husband’s green eyes vs. the three girls with blue eyes. We all spend years trying to analyze how we’ve f**ked up our children through their art, welcome to the club.

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