I can’t tell from your words what you really want. But you did say that if you keep this 3rd baby you will be sacrificing the lives of your other 2 kids. Those words chill me. Please don’t sacrifice any of their lives.

I live in Virginia, near the Shenandoah mountains. If that’s near you please email me and I will help you. ellisa@nocturne.org

I know a wonderful family near Denver and my sister is near St. Louis. Please contact me if we can give you moral or emotional support.

Please get help somewhere. Your children don’t need to suffer. There are so many people that will help you if they know you need it.

You aren’t alone! We love you Marie.

Since then I have managed to get a nice 2 bedroom apt on my own and enroll in college. My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t know what’s best for you but I can honestly say that no one knows what can happen. If you don’t want to stay in that town then leave. I left her father by choice when he changed how he felt towards me. I moved 60-70 miles away. I’ve moved approx 16 times and I’m still only 22.

If your heart wants your baby then there are support systems out there which can help you keep her. If you need more information about these and would like me to check around for you, you can email me at satsukirebel@hotmail.com. I’ll add you to my prayers.

I am not an overly religious person, I have tried to be since our adoption for reasons I won’t go in to here, but it just doesn’t work for me. What I will say is, when dealing with adoption I firmly believe there is a higher power involved. Time after time I look at my daughter who fell in to our lap out of nowhere and think “who was pushing this along?” She came when we needed her the most, but when we weren’t looking for her, when she needed us the most but we didn’t know she existed.

I believe after hearing several stories like ours, that there is some kind of “higher power” that places the choices in our path when it comes to adoptions and places the right path there in front of us to take or not to take. In my case I felt VERY strongly it was a step I HAD to take and her birth mother has said the same.

In your case maybe that higher power is saying “take a step back, breathe, think of what you want for you and Beaner and be sure” and maybe, just maybe that same higher power knew Beaner belonged with another family or even with you. It’s hard to know which, but I would look at it not as a “stumbling block” or “obstacle” but a chance to find that right path that you may not have known wasn’t right in front of you the whole time.

http://www.sams-stories.com/2008/06/i-did-not-know.html

It is hard to tell from your post whether in your heart you want to keep your baby but follow your heart, whatever you do. The net is replete with stories of mothers, like HMS own mother, who regret the decision to give up their child to their dying day. Yet there are just as many who know they gave their child the most unselfish gift in making the same choice. Please try to envision your life in 5, 10 and 20 years and reflect on how you may feel about your choice at a later time.

It is hard to tell whether want your to keep your baby or whether you feel like you should because your family wants you to. Your decision to name your child in utero and in wondering whether it is a sign the other couple backed out make me think you may, in your heart, want to keep this baby. Yet, you sound conflicted about your own personal wants and desires to escape shitville.

If, in your heart you want to keep your baby, please know that in six short years your youngest will be in kindergarten and you will again have the time to pursue your dreams. Please follow the advice here about seeking assistance. Please know that ALL MOTHERS shelf many of their own dreams while raising young children (whether personal, professional, artisitc or otherwise) but realize that it is only temporary and that the reward of a child’s love is far worth it.

If in your heart you know you can not provide your baby with the love that she deserves (and that she will so purely give to anyone who loves her back), please find someone worthy of that love and do your best to honor your choice and do everything possible to make your dreams come true for yourself and your other two children.

Good luck.

Bad Mother,
Thank you for your beautiful writing. Really…wow.
Maggie

Find some quiet time to sit and meditate, listen to your soul.

God bless you on your journey.

We adopted him at birth, and maintain a very open adoption with his birth mother. She did what she felt was best, even though it broke her heart. It was never that she didn’t want him.

As a parent it’s my job raise my son to know and love his birth mom and be proud of his family, whatever form it is!

I love the woman who made me a mother and it breaks my heart to hear that the family Marie chose backed out.

Families like ours, families committed to open adoption are everywhere.

Marie’s decision is hers alone and should be done so with her heart, out of love either way.

It’s because of stories like that of your brother that our son will grow up knowing everything he can about both of the families that love him.