September 2, 2008

Further update below…

I have never been so emotionally exhausted in all my life.

Zachary is improved. Improved enough that we can say, now – our hearts in our mouths – he almost died. He almost died.

We can only say that, now, because there is every reason to remain hopeful that that ‘almost‘ will remain past tense. Expectantly hopeful. Positively hopeful.

But still: my heart is so tired.

I have been in hospital with Zachary – alongside my sister, who has been sleeping in a chair at his side for a week now – around the clock, cut off from the rest of the world. Soon it will be time to return. For the moment, my access to technology is limited. And that’s fine – my attention, my energies, my everything is needed here.

But still. I am so tired. I wish that I were not so tired, so that I could use my words, find solace in using my words, telling this story.


Update: we’re still at hospital. Zachary has sustained such extensive nerve damage that they don’t know if he’ll be able to walk again. He’s trying so, so hard. It’s both heart-bursting and heart-breaking.

Me, I’m living in the dark ages – there’s no wireless here and my smartphone isn’t working properly and so I only have computer access when I stand in line for the one dial-up system on the ward. I’m limited to text and sporadic access to some machine that was built in 1983. But know that I am – and Zachary is, and my sister is – receiving all your warm wishes and hopes and prayers.

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    lattemommy September 2, 2008 at 2:25 am

    Our hearts go out to you and your family. I hope that all the good thoughts and prayers emanating from your friends here have helped to buoy your spirits and Zachary’s little body, helping you both through this terrible time.

    Rachael September 2, 2008 at 2:51 am

    I can’t imagine how exhausted, how spent you all must be. What a difficult time. I’m glad things are improving and I’ll be praying that all is well soon for Zachary.

    just beth September 2, 2008 at 3:00 am

    I’m so glad that you were able to be there… for yourself, for Zach, and probably mostly for your sister. You rock hardcore.



    P.S. Now, rest easy, little one.

    Immoral Matriarch September 2, 2008 at 4:03 am

    I’m so glad he’s doing better Catherine.

    wright September 2, 2008 at 4:18 am

    So glad to hear Z is doing better. Hope you get some much needed rest soon!

    Awesome Mom September 2, 2008 at 4:44 am

    I am so glad that it is now an almost rather than did.

    Cassie September 2, 2008 at 4:49 am

    I’m so sorry that this happened. My thoughts have been with you and your family.

    JanMary September 2, 2008 at 6:32 am

    Glad to hear he is improving.

    Take time to rest – and share only when you are ready.


    Kaye September 2, 2008 at 6:57 am

    So glad to hear that Zachary is doing better. Hopefully, you and your sister will soon be able to get some much needed rest.

    Tory September 2, 2008 at 7:02 am

    I’m so glad Zachary is getting better. I’m so sorry you are so exhausted mentally and physically. Thanks for keeping us posted … as you know know many of us were very worried and thinking of you. I hope the baby and you sleep on the flight home!

    Dani September 2, 2008 at 7:15 am

    I’m glad things are improving.

    Omaha Mama September 2, 2008 at 7:35 am

    I’m crying for your nephew, for you, for your family. Not sure if the tears are happy or sad. Probably a little of both.

    Fairly Odd Mother September 2, 2008 at 7:35 am

    I can’t even imagine. Was thinking of you and Zachary all weekend and glad to see the news you’ve posted today. Will continue to send positive thoughts his way.

    Mac and Cheese September 2, 2008 at 7:52 am

    I’ve been thinking of you guys all week-end. I’m tearing up now just imagining how you must feel.

    Britt September 2, 2008 at 8:39 am

    i’m so glad to hear things are starting to turn around.
    my little brother almost died under similar circumstances when he was four. (he’s just ten now) so i know what you mean about the heart in the throat thing, and the “almost” being so precious and important. i still remember what he looked like in the hospital bed, with his body bearing little resembelance to his actual self.
    when my daughter was born she was taken to the city hospital while i stayed in the local hospital in hysterics. my hub went with her and i was there all alone. my doctor came and patted my leg and said “soon, your family will be together again and this will all be a distant memory.” i was so mad at him for saying that at the time, but i realize now he was right. the thing with my little brother is a distant (yet still tear invoking) memory. kids are thankfully so resiliant.

    i hope your family will be together again soon, so this can start being a memory.

    motherbumper September 2, 2008 at 8:44 am

    This, is very, very good. He will recover. And your energy is obviously part of what got him to this point. Love to you family from everyone here.

    verybadcat September 2, 2008 at 8:45 am

    Glad to hear the little one is on the mend. Will be even gladder to read your story. Because I love your stories, but also? Because that means you’re rested again.

    Kyla September 2, 2008 at 8:52 am

    Oh Catherine! I’m so glad. So very glad. What an awful scare. Hug your sister extra hard for me, even though she doesn’t know me.

    ❉ pixie ❉ September 2, 2008 at 9:07 am

    My heart goes out to you and your family. I’m hoping each day that you have a positive update.

    Love to all of you.

    Maria September 2, 2008 at 9:10 am

    I am glad to hear that Zachary is doing better. I have been thinking about and praying for him and his momma.

    smiles4u September 2, 2008 at 9:24 am

    I am glad that Zachary is doing better. I will continue to keep him, your sister and you in my prayers. Thankfully you are able to be there with them!

    The Stiletto Mom September 2, 2008 at 9:32 am

    I am so glad to hear the good news that he is getting better. Your sister is lucky to have you there and I’m sure it makes all the difference in the world to have that kind of support at a time like this. Take care of yourself, will continue to send good thoughts your way!

    Jozet at Halushki September 2, 2008 at 9:37 am

    Hugs and love. And much rest and renewed strength to you all.

    Rest now. Renew.

    Angela September 2, 2008 at 9:38 am

    I’m so thankful that Zachary is doing better, and I’m so glad that you could be there with your sister. I can’t imagine how much she needed you.

    KD @ A Bit Squirrelly September 2, 2008 at 9:53 am

    I am sure your endless love and support ahs meant the world to them both. So glad to hear he is doing better. Rest well.

    mothergoosemouse September 2, 2008 at 9:55 am

    Very hopeful myself, and relieved and full of love for you, my friend.

    KristySearching September 2, 2008 at 10:16 am


    Remaining Hopeful!!!!!!


    bigmama September 2, 2008 at 10:16 am

    I’m so glad you went there to be with everyone (and for yourself!!)…Zachary sure is loved and I’m sure he has felt it all along the way – even through his sufferings…may your family all rest up and God-speed on Zachary’s full recovery!!

    for a different kind of girl September 2, 2008 at 10:25 am

    So wonderful to hear that he’s improving. He remains in my prayers as he regains strength and can return home. I’m so glad you were able to get there and be a support for your family.

    Liz September 2, 2008 at 10:38 am

    I'm glad things are looking up. Hang in there. Poor Z. I wish him a speedy recovery. & a quick exit from hospital (they are so miserable)

    Linda September 2, 2008 at 10:41 am

    Gosh, Catherine. I’ve been away for a bit and am just catching up now. I cannot imagine how exhausted and wrung out you must feel right now… I’m heartened to read that Zachary is improving — how hopeful and encouraging for all of you! Hope he recovers readily and will soon be home with his family.

    Take care of yourself, too.

    Avonlea September 2, 2008 at 11:15 am

    I’m so very glad to hear that Zachary is improving. Hopeful and wishing you all the best.

    Lizzi September 2, 2008 at 11:19 am

    Thanks so much for posting the update. We know you’re so exhausted, but hang in there. Continued prayers for all of you.

    Vicki September 2, 2008 at 11:24 am

    Thank God that Zachary is doing better. I will keep praying that he makes a full recovery. I hope rest and peace decend upon you.

    carrie September 2, 2008 at 11:41 am

    If I could ship you a triple grande, half caf, extra foam, easy on the vanilla latte, I so totally would.

    You are the best sister (and aunt) ever Catherine.

    Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas September 2, 2008 at 11:51 am

    Prayers and more prayers coming his way! I am glad the news is positive.

    HeatherPride September 2, 2008 at 11:56 am

    Glad to hear he’s turned the corner! Keep us posted. Have been praying.

    Mommy Melee September 2, 2008 at 12:01 pm

    I’m so relieved to hear that you have this hope to hold onto. And it was so amazing of you to fly out and be there for your family.

    You’re an awesome lady.

    Vered September 2, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    I’m glad Zachary is doing better. Thank you for letting us know.

    Average Jane September 2, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    That’s good to hear. Don’t forget to take care of yourself now.

    Kathy September 2, 2008 at 12:47 pm

    This is wonderful news. I’ve been thinking about your family a lot. I can’t imagine the exhaustion. I hope you get a chance to rest a bit now that he’s improving.

    caramama September 2, 2008 at 1:10 pm

    Oh, Catherine! I’m so glad he has improved! I have been thinking and praying for you all.

    That’s great that you were able to get out there to be with your family, especially your sister. I’m sure you are taking care of her, cause I doubt she is taking care of herself. I know I’d be a complete wreck and need my sister for support.

    abbyjess September 2, 2008 at 1:18 pm

    Thank God. Let the healing continue.

    Stefanie September 2, 2008 at 2:06 pm

    I’ve been obsessively checking back for an update and I’m soooo fucking thankful the news is good. Here’s hoping you get some rest soon!

    Katrina September 2, 2008 at 2:49 pm

    Hang in there, chickadee. Be where you need to be, we’re not going anywhere. Sending get well thoughts to your nephew…and hugs to you.

    Janet September 2, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    I can’t even fathom having to whisper those words.

    Peace and strength to you and yours.

    wherewiller September 2, 2008 at 2:56 pm

    So glad to hear you can say almost.

    Green September 2, 2008 at 3:45 pm

    I hope somebody can send your sister for a massage once Zachary is home from the hospital. The combination of prolonged extreme stress plus sleeping in a chair can NOT be good for the body. Still keeping my fingers and toes crossed for your nephew.

    Tiffi33 September 2, 2008 at 3:48 pm

    Almost counts in more than horseshoes and hand grenades…

    I am glad this is an ALMOST..I wish him a full recovery..thank god he is getting better

    Jaelithe September 2, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    Wishing for a speedy recovery of his health, his mother’s sanity and your heart.

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