Little Beaner, Rest In Peace

January 13, 2009

Hi Catherine,

Don’t know if you remember me, but it’s Marie. You helped me with my beautiful baby girl Beaner. I had been wanting to let you know about this, but I know you have your own stuff you are going through and well I didn’t know how to say it… But I just wanted to let you know that my baby girl Mia passed away On Oct 27, 2008 due to SIDS. She was 13 1/2 weeks old and getting so big! Its so hard to believe that its going on 3 months that she’s been gone. I would tell myself, “tell Catherine next week” but next week turned into well this long…. Thanks for all you did for us when I needed people there for me… I just thought you would want to know….

Always,

Marie

I never met Beaner. I never held her hand or touched her cheek. I knew her only through a story that her mother told me, pictures that she sent me, the fragments of a life that she shared and that became, somehow, strangely, briefly, intertwined with my own.

You can read her story here, and here. It’s a beautiful story, the story of a child who was so loved that her mother fought back all of her fear to keep her, for better or for worse, for the sake of a life that she wanted to nurture as her own, on her own terms. Her mother reached out to me, and to you, to all of you, for support and guidance and she drew some of her strength from that and she made the bold step of clasping Beaner to her heart and deciding to never let go and that, that was amazing. Deciding to never let go can be a difficult choice – for some, the wrong choice, an impossible choice – but she made it and she was happy and she kept her Beaner and Beaner was loved.

And now Beaner is gone, and I don’t know, I just don’t know what to say, because this was the story that was supposed to have the happy ending and although I tell myself that Marie had her Beaner for all the time that Beaner had on this earth, and that that is wonderful, that that is a gift, it remains that to have such a precious gift and then to have it snatched away is tragic beyond measure. So I don’t what to say. And it is not, in any case, my place to say. It is not my right, to sing an elegy for Beaner, to wring philosophy from her death. Not my right at all.

I didn’t know Beaner – little Mia Catherine – but she found her way into a corner of my heart, and there she remains, this child I did not know and will never know but do love, a little, from a distance, from – now – a tragic distance, nonetheless. There she remains, and there she is mourned, and there she will be remembered.


Rest in peace, Mia Catherine. You touched more hearts than you could know.

You can leave condolences to Maria in the comments. She’ll be reading, and I know that the support will mean so much to her.

Then – as I insisted last week, not knowing how soon I would be confronted by the demands of my own words – hug your children. And your moms. And anyone whose heart touches yours. And be grateful.

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    { 155 comments }

    Michelle January 14, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    I’m so sorry. My deepest condolences to the family. Especially mommy, big bro and big sis.

    Karen Sugarpants January 14, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    How very sad. May she be snuggled in heaven.

    Mandy January 14, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    How very sad. My heartfelt condolences.

    Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy January 14, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    Oh my goodness. What a very sad story. My thoughts and prayers are with her mother and their family. This should never ever happen to a parent.

    You are very special to have been a positive influence in this woman and her baby’s life and for sharing her story.

    Elle Bee January 14, 2009 at 1:29 pm

    Oh Marie! I’m so sorry.

    BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) January 14, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    I’m so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful little girl.

    Jeni January 14, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    Oh. That’s very, very sad. I’m so sorry, Marie. What a precious daughter she was – I know you’ll never, ever forget her. She is surely in heaven now, just waiting for her family to join her someday.

    Tuesday Girl January 14, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    A parent should never have to lose a child. I am so very sorry and will be hugging my children a little tighter today and every day.

    Dave January 14, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    I’m so sorry – my prayers and condolences are with her family. I just read about the entire story of Beaner on Monday, and here, on Wednesday, I find out this. So tragic!

    With a second child on the way for me, hearing about a little one dying of SIDS is a shocker, and something I know I’ll have to worry about all over again.

    My best wishes to Marie and family, and to all that have been touched by these events and this story. Thank you very much for sharing it.

    ThompsonClan6 January 14, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    I am so very sorry for your loss. Heaven has gained one beautiful little angel.

    tutugirl1345 January 14, 2009 at 1:33 pm

    I’m so sorry Marie. My thoughts are with you and your family.

    Mommy Melee January 14, 2009 at 1:33 pm

    This is absolutely devastating.

    Marie, my heart goes out to you and your family.

    Heather January 14, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss Marie. She was a beautiful baby.

    for a different kind of girl January 14, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    My heart breaks to read this. I’m so sorry Marie and Mia’s siblings are going through this time. My thoughts are with them and their angel.

    Meg January 14, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    Maria,
    I am so, so sorry. I’ve been following this story since Catherine first wrote about it and I’m hearbroken to hear of what happened. You were a great mother for that short time and Mia was lucky to have you.

    My heart goes out to you. Losing a child is the hardest thing anyone should have to face.

    BaltimoreGal January 14, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    So very sorry for everyone involved. Take care Marie, children & herbadmother. Mia Beaner is at peace now, knowing how much she was loved.

    Mamalang January 14, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    Marie, I’m sorry seems so inadequate for this situation, but it’s all I have. Please know that you will remain in my thoughts and prayers.

    Catherine, thank you for sharing, both the good and the bad.

    Momo Fali January 14, 2009 at 1:37 pm

    When my infant niece passed away a few years ago, and her Grandmother was holding her in her arms for the last time, knowing she would soon be gone, she looked out the window of the hospital and saw a pink sky.

    Whenever I see a pink sky, I think it must be all the little girl’s in heaven who create it. I will think of Mia when I see one.

    Kendra January 14, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Whirlwind January 14, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    I am so sorry that such a tragic thing happened to baby Mia. May she rest in peace.

    kaila January 14, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    I lost a baby to SIDS and it is heartbreaking and senseless. I am so very sorry for your loss, and can relate to the emotional rollercoaster. Bless you and your family and little baby Mia.

    motherbumper January 14, 2009 at 1:41 pm

    Oh Marie, I’m so sorry.

    Colleen - Mommy Always Wins January 14, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    Oh so sad. Marie, my deepest condolences to you. May the thoughts of your beautiful baby and the joy she unexpectedly brought your life comfort you!

    Lynn (Walking With Scissors) January 14, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    Maria, I’m so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl.

    K January 14, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    I am so so sorry.

    Miss Grace January 14, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    There’s nothing to say to make this right. I’m just truly, deeply sorry.

    Issas Crazy World January 14, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    I’m so sorry Marie. I can’t even imagine. My heart is with you today.

    Major Bedhead January 14, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    Words don’t suffice in situations like this, but I’m so very sorry, Marie.

    egm January 14, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    Marie,

    You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. May God somehow bring peace into your heart and the hearts of your other children.

    Laura January 14, 2009 at 1:57 pm

    I am so sorry Marie. I will keep your family in my thoughts. Love to you.

    Kyla January 14, 2009 at 1:59 pm

    That is devastating. I’m so sorry.

    Dan January 14, 2009 at 2:03 pm

    My deepest condolences for your immeasurable loss.

    Syko January 14, 2009 at 2:05 pm

    I am just stunned. I read that story and hoped for Marie to keep Beaner, and was so happy when she did, and thrilled to see the picture of the lovely little girl that Beaner was…and I hoped for updates, but never anything like this. I’m sorry. It’s not enough and it doesn’t express what I feel, but I’m sorry is all I can think of to say. What a terrible thing for a parent to endure.

    mommamia January 14, 2009 at 2:06 pm

    I’m so sorry. My prayers are with you and your family.

    Heather January 14, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    Marie, I am so very sorry.

    Don Mills Diva January 14, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    Oh Marie I am so very very sorry for your loss – wishing I could give you the biggest hug…

    Gwen January 14, 2009 at 2:18 pm

    I am not sure what to say other than I am very sorry for your loss.

    Aidan Elizabeth's Updates January 14, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    Oh Maria. I am so sorry for your loss. And sorry doesn’t even begin to say it. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your surviving children, and little Mia. I have lost a child unexpectedly and can begin to imagine your grief. It takes a long time, but eventually they more more alive within you. Blessings, Cindy

    Lara January 14, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    i’m certainly not going to be so crass as to say, “it should make you feel better to know…” because what can make you feel better except time and your own path of healing? but i do think you deserve to know that your story, your beaner, really did touch SO many lives. more than you’ll ever be able to know for sure.

    Mary Moore January 14, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    I’m so very sorry for your loss.

    Joy January 14, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    Marie, my heart is breaking for your loss. Hugs, to you and your children.

    Angela January 14, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    “I’m sorry” just doesn’t seem like enough. But I am. Terribly, terribly sorry. Rest in peace, Beaner.

    FishyGirl January 14, 2009 at 2:53 pm

    I am so sorry, Maria. Peace be with you and your family.

    Magpie January 14, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    I am so sorry – that is beyond heartbreaking.

    Adventures In Babywearing January 14, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    Oh, my heart. I am so incredibly sorry.

    Steph

    Haley-O January 14, 2009 at 3:03 pm

    I am crying after this. I’m so sorry for your loss, Marie.

    Pgoodness January 14, 2009 at 3:12 pm

    I am so sorry for the loss of your little beaner. It’s simply not fair. :(

    All Things BD January 14, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    What a terrible thing to happen. I’m so sorry for your loss. I remember your story, and was so pleased for you and the road you were going down with your little one.

    I will pray for you and your family, and I hope we find out how you and your older kids are doing in the future.

    Andrea January 14, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    Oh Marie, I just want to give you, Itty Bitty, and Lil Man a big hug and never let go. You are so brave.

    Mary Helen January 14, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    Oh, I am so, so sorry, Marie. After all you went through it is so unfair for that to happen. I’m sending a big hug your way and saying a little prayer for your Beaner.

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