Comments on: The Amazing Survivor Race Challenge: Parenting Edition

By: MrsEmbers

MrsEmbers — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 14:27:00 +0000

Good Heavens- YOU ARE ME. Well, me if I could string together enough coherent and well-thought-out sentences to create a post this perfect.

Thank you for saying what so many of us can’t!

By: Alana

Alana — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 21:14:00 +0000

I hate kissing ass, but I’m afraid that’s all I have to do here. I couldn’t have said this better and I have sorely wanted to verbalize exactly this. We decided to have only one child and while it is an adventure, I feel I am in the same place that you are. It is so, so much harder than I ever could have imagined. Do you ever feel that this is a sign of OUR times? Previous generations not being exposed to the idea that we don’t just nurture but that we PARENT (make sure to raise unspoiled, happy, smart, engaged people). I don’t want to write a novella, but it is something I think about a lot.

While I have yet to read the other comments, I did want to praise you again for some of your wonderfully thought provoking posts on this topic. They have truly resonated with me and I appreciate your honesty.

By: Animal

Animal — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 19:56:00 +0000

Miss Tessmacher and I just had this experience yesterday morning, when Roslyn was on her umpteenth day of feeling crummy and out of sorts because of incoming molars and outgoing ear infections. First we sniped at The Rozzle, then we quickly switched gears and started sniping at each other. On our way to work – a wonderful semester long panacea – we apologized sincerely and admitted that razzing each other in classic passive/aggressive mode was no solution for the exhaustion and frustration we both felt. And in that moment, we were allies once again.

If your hubby is everything you say he is, trust me: he will never pause for a second before carrying you, he will always give you the last coconut (even as his own ribs poke holes through his grass shirt), and he will never, ever resent you for it.

By: courtney

courtney — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 06:16:00 +0000

What a great post. We’re only on our first child, but I have already felt that resentment. That I’m doing it all and that he gets it easy. And then he gets frustrated because I’m mad with him and he feels like he’s doing enough… it’s hard.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 03:20:00 +0000

Hello,
I want to thank Elizabeth 9:14 for sharing her perspective in having tooooo much to do in a 24 hour day. That really is the problem isn’t it? I wouldn’t mind any of this if there were more hours in the day to truly rest i.e get an 8 hour shift of sleep in. Then I wouldn’t even mind the work of parenting. I am the one with the three kids under the age 3 years, two and a half months. My hubs works 80+ hours a week. HE is a new GP, who is trying to set up a practice. He leaves us all in the middle of the night to deliver someone else’s baby. Every one thinks I am so lucky and it must be easy, must be nice to be a doctor’s wife. But my life is hard too. We all need to replenish our energy or we are no good for anyone.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 18:36:00 +0000

My husband and I have one easy going 2-year-old and are contemplating having another. In my heart of hearts, I know that one is enough for me. However, everyone keeps telling me that my son needs a sibling. I’m so very torn about this.

By: geeklady

geeklady — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 17:50:00 +0000

It took me a little while to really condense my thoughts on this, and they're still long and rambling, but here it goes.

I can never imagine turning on Mike, or him turning on me. Not as our past selves, or our present ones, or anyone I can imagine us being in the future. Whatever the jobs, one kid or ten, the idea that we'd turn on each other just seems impossible. Even ludicrous.

We argue, nuts, we fight all the time. Marriage is hard, parenting is hard, life in general is hard, and we're both pigheaded individuals. So we fight, but they're usually flashes in the pan. It's rare that there's any lasting resentment between us. Having a kid just is one more thing life, the most importantthing, so the resulting fights are an order of magnitude huge-er.

Mike adores his son, but won't give him baths (he's not flexible enough to hunker down by the tub), won't feed him dinner unless I ask, forgets to change his diaper again unless I ask. And this drives me up the wall, across the ceiling, and down the other side. But he can get the baby to sleep without boobie, and will get up in the middle of the night to put GeekBaby back to sleep to spare my boobs pacifier duty, even when he has to get up at 4:45 am to leave by 5:30 for his hour long drive to the soul sucking horror of teaching HS spanish.

It's easy to forget this when all I want to do is write a blog post but the baby needs dinner and a bath and then he wants to nurse, and then by the time all this is done it's 8:30 already, and damn it I was at work all day too, why do I have to do all the baby tending when we get home from work? And did I mention the kid practically bit my nipple off last night and it hurts??

But while I'm baby wrangling, he's doing the dishes, or the laundry, or picking up, and maybe he's not doing these things to my standards, but he's doing them. And, thank God for small favors, he is not ALSO a baby that needs my constant tending and attention. He's my partner, my coworker, my fellow conspirator. I trust him without thinking about it. Ultimately, he has my back.

In turn that trust is supported by our closeness. Baby in tow or not, we spend time together. We talk, banter, pray together, we are noisy and silent together. We try to be open to each other. This is super hard, way harder than parenting in my opinion, because it really makes you vulnerable. With or without kids, it's so easy to get wrapped up and safe in your own little world and then you just drift apart. It's much harder to be open.

By: LAVANDULA

LAVANDULA — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 17:29:00 +0000

catherine you are so hard on yourself sometimes…i'm sure we all at times resent our spouses the freedom they have. as for finding time me time spouse time children time its very hard.my children are vastly different in age 18,16,8 & 4.so trying to spend quality time with them is hard and my husband is often in bed before any of children as he has to be up at 3 a.m. so it is very hard to spend any time together.i just keeping telling myself that it will all work out for the best…

By: Jaci

Jaci — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 17:26:00 +0000

THANK YOU for writing this! I’ve been feeling alone in my parenting/marriage/me-time struggles, like there is something wrong with me and I can’t handle it as well as other moms.

I’m going to print this and share it with my mom’s group tomorrow. I know every woman there will be able to relate!

By: Veronica Mitchell

Veronica Mitchell — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 17:21:00 +0000

It really is the age, not the number. My sister’s fourth and fifth kids (twin boys) are now almost five, and her marriage is going through a renaissance. She feels freed from the constraints of babyhood, and she and husband are cooing over each other, in love like college kids. My fourth baby is only 5 months old, and we have a long way to go till babyhood is over. But it matters a lot that I can trust him to be committed to me until this gets easier. And he remembers single life well enough to choose even a tired and cranky wife over no wife at all.