One mom mentioned Epstein Barr as a reason not to allow another mom to breastfeed her baby. Epstein Barr does not pass through breast milk, nor does the herpes virus. A baby is more likely to be exposed to Epstein Barr by being held than by being breastfed. What DOES pass through breastmilk is EB antibodies.

The screening tests mom has to get in order to donate milk are simply: HTLV, HIV, Syphillis, and Hepatitis.

I don’t think that because Catherine is a more popular blogger that she should have to eat extra crap. It’s hard enough being a Mom and having all the usual criticism.

I wasn’t saying that you called her snarky, I just pointed out that she wasn’t. I also wanted you to realize that she doesn’t really have control about what her readers do with the information. Some want to fight for her honor, some want to tear the other lady down, some get mean and nasty, some start a good discussion. I was just saying it’s the nature of this medium, and blaming HBM for people getting mad at the other lady doesn’t make much sense to me.

I kind of think that the whole thing is pretty fair game. I think the original blogger had a right to post on the topic she did…I haven’t read the original post, but HBM felt it was an unfair portrayal. I think she has every right to post her own side. She’s an honest blogger, and that’s why so many of us love to read her.

I hope it’s more clear to you now what I was trying to convey. I did appreciate the tone of your post. It was so much more respectful that most of the other Anonymous posters.

I’m totally not getting the moral outrage–by you (Catherine) or a lot of commenters on both “sides.”

Someone disagreed with you breast feeding another person’s child, blogged about it and had people who regularly follow her blog agree with her?

SHOCKING.

Come on.

I mean, hey, I get that it stings to be talked about (especially by people who don’t know you), but that’s sort of what you open yourself up to when blogging/twittering/whatevering in this day and age, no?

I very much appreciated your post describing the experience, it was something I never really thought about before (just reactively thought, “Nah, not for me.”) Now I’m thinking more critically about it and I appreciate that (a lot of your writing does that, so thanks!).

But to react at all to the other person’s blog post? Eh. Whatever. She wrote about it. She wanted to talk about it. It was basically a hypothetical. Why react at all? You believe in your actions enough that you don’t have to defend them, right? The thin skin argument falls a little short when you clearly put yourself out there as a woman-centered, feminist mom (which I shout BRAVA to, by the way.)

And the “gang” mentality is unimpressive. “Followers” are a scary thing to have I think.

Thanks for sharing, though, I think the best part of this shitstorm is the thinking it’s made a lot of people do.

Sincerely,
Liz

Therefore, I have precious little experience with breast-feeding. I readily admit that I KNOW NOTHING!!!!

Accordingly, I have very few opinions on whether what you did was “right”, “wrong”, “icky”, “brave”, or anything else.

So why am I posting????? Simply this — I agree with you 100%! It’s your boobs, your milk and her child.

WHO CARES WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS ABOUT IT OR WHETHER THEY WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME THING?

You helped a new friend, relieved your pain, and fed a hungry child – those are all good things in my book.

Those other people who are freaking out need to chill out and worry about the things in life that are within their control!

Would I have done what you did? Who knows. BUT, I’m SURE I wouldn’t have gotten up in your face about it!

I am positive that aside from the possible health issues involved in cross nursing there is FOR SURE a bigger societal stigma with breasts and sexuality than there is danger. The past five decades have skewed reality sexualizing what is created by nature to nurture, nothing else. The reason men are instinctively attracted to large breasts is the subconscious thought that “those boobies will feed my offspring so it will thrive.”

Even though milksharing happens in certain cultures it usually stems from need, if not necessary, moms just feed their own. (we know all about how maternal milk is formulated specifically for one’s baby) I think what swayed your decision stemmed from the need to relieve your pain.

If it is true that you would let your baby feed off another mom, then that means you are willing to accept the risks however negligible they are. You in your heart don’t believe it is dangerous, no more than any other daily activity. But, what made you question whether you would do what you did (before you did it) is that very societal stigma. Heck, even the medical community advises against it, so you pause, and think because you can make decisions for your son and for yourself based on your belief but not for someone else. I think that is why in your post you had to say that you tried expressing, you couldn’t find a pump, you looked into every venue before doing “the deed”.

Ultimately if this served to reaffirm your belief it goes to show that those cultural standpoints are sometimes worthy of a big ol’ “suck it”.

But – full disclosure – I did know that there was a backlash going on, and I knew that it was because, in part, I’m liked and respected and that some of that backlash had little to do with the debate and much to do with people taking sides and that it was probably hurtful to her, and I feel badly that I wasn’t quicker in saying publicly that I wanted people to be nice to each other.

So, yeah, I’m conflicted. And feeling badly, and a bit guilty, and still trying to sort out my feelings.

I found out about this whole thing through Twitter, and there were definitely comments left there that would make people who wanted to share a differing opinion think twice about it lest they be flamed, or worse. This included a comment from one person who said if anyone messed with HBM they would “drop an f’ing bomb on them.” I respect the person who wrote that and her loyalty to someone she truly cares about, but it does send a rather harsh message to people who might feel a lot more like Anon 12:24 and who aren’t willing to risk the fallout (hence using “Anonymous”).

Anyway, I just think it’s something to think about. As a very popular blogger, your actions DO become public “fodder” if you will for discussion and criticism. It’s why I think all bloggers such as you are so brave and so valuable. I just think it’s important to keep in mind that if you choose to do something controversial (which I think you knew it was after reading your comment that 2 weeks ago you weren’t sure you would have done it) and then comment on it in your blog, you might want to call off the dogs just a touch to allow your real message to be heard without too much catty rehtoric getting in the way.

Still and all, I think this is fascinating and I have learned a lot by reading your account of it!