We all struggled through, they grew up knowing how to budget and how to save. They are in their 30's now. They learned early in life that not everyone can have everything they want. That if they save their money they can get something extra.

I don't think it is shameful for kids to know you don't have enough. On the contrary, they need to know that sometimes you don't have enough. Knowing that prepares them for the real world much better than telling them that everything will be alright all the time.

So… I am learning to cook inexpensive meals, making our own laundry soap, really enjoying the one Saturday a month when the grandparents come out and bring us a cooler full of food, doing without tv, sewing from my stash instead of buying new. It’ll get better… but I’m hoping my new found frugality sticks around!

But you know what? I’m actually proud of the person I’ve become because of those lean years. I have a very strong work ethic, I don’t take money for granted, I’m resourceful, and I’m very aware of the difference between when you can’t help your financial situation and when you’re making bad choices. I don’t see any shame in being in tough financial quarters; it just happens sometimes.

I know it’s really hard. You’re not only worrying about how to make it through, you’re probably worrying about how it will affect Emilia emotionally. My advice is to try to be as matter of fact as possible about it with your daughter. I’ve been there and I can tell you the worry won’t go away. But it seems to me that the shame gets all tied up with the self-worth of owning stuff and that’s… just not a good path for kids to go down.

Emilia will be fine. And you’ll feel better – still worried, but better – if you can drop the shame.

Peace.

Fifteen months ago, my husband got out of the military. We had thought and discussed long and hard before we made that desion. We knew that most likely we would not be able to make as much in the civilian world as we did in the military, as my husband wasn’t able to get his degree while active duty. But ultimately our desire for him to be around more for our family won out on the desire to be better off financially. (While in the military he spent about 75% of the year away from home.)

However now that we are civilians, and out on our own, I miss many things that the military ment for us financially. For example, while I was never one to go out shopping all the time, I did enjoy being able to get something if I saw it and wanted it. Now I look at the thing that is on clearence, and think, I wish I had the money to get that.

We are keeping our head above water, but just bearly. But the thing is, I am learning to be content with less. And really, it hasn’t been all that bad. I have enjoyed making eating at home all the time fun, and exciting. Spending more time playing games with the family at home, not going out to have fun and entertainment. It has been an adventure. And while I would welcome an increase in income, I know that we are going to be okay. I really believe that. And we just have to do the best with what has been provided to us at this time in our lives, and know that it won’t always be this way.

Something like ten years ago, both of them went through periods after their businesses failed in which they couldn’t hold a job for long, and then my mom’s health went out the door, and I’ve supported them ever since. Hadn’t ever struck me how completely dependent they were on me until my job loss was imminent. I still haven’t even told them that I expect to be out of a job in a month because I’m determined to find another way to support them before they have to worry about it.

Wondering if you’re going to be able to make ends meet when you’re the sole provider(s) is completely nerve-wracking. But knowing that you can make it, once you get through, is one of the most blessed feelings you can have. And your daughter will learn, in some small way, to be self-sufficient, creative and resourceful for having this experience in her life, in her family.

All this while friends are able to spend money like its nothing. See, I have friends with money. Lots. Like, houses in NICE neighborhoods paid for in cash. Friends who love me, but raise an eyebrow while I try to explain I can’t afford a trip to the beach. Or Costa Rica. Or the Bahamas.

So, basically, I say all of that to say this: You are not alone. You will provide the best way you know how. You will be the adult and your kids will be fine. There were probably times in our childhood that we dont remember (hopefully) when our parents struggled. But we are fine. And our kids will be fine, stronger in fact.

We can’t complain really because we both have jobs, we have our health and our beautiful baby girl… we have vehicles… but as far as having extra cash… we don’t. and it’s mostly my fault, of which I am ashamed… hubs works hard and puts money in our savings accounts, pays the majority of the bills, as well as the majority of the necessities around the house, and I… well, I work… and waste money on frivolous things… like outfits that are cute, but Emma won’t wear until NEXT summer… shirts I might wear once or twice after buying them for a wedding… it’s ridiculous….

so while I’m not on the exact same page as you are, I’m not feeling so proud of myself lately… especially since I had paid one credit card down quite a bit over the past year or so… then managed to put $1500 back on it in just over a month on things we didn’t need… WOW. GREAT IDEA. or not. and now – my minimum payments are both RIDICULOUSLY high. GREAT IDEA #2. or not. so… working on that. and it’s a definite work in progress…

thinking of you, sending good thoughts and prayers your way… it will get better, and it will be okay… some day… hopefully some day soon…