Comments on: Sticks And Stones

By: Cadi's Mum

Cadi's Mum — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 06:13:10 +0000

“Let’s say your husband tells you he is upset that dinner wasn’t on the table by 6:00pm. He tells you it should have been, because he’s hungry damn it. The next day it isn’t on the table by 6:00pm again, so he calmly explains to you that this is why he needs to slap you.
It was your choice not to have the dinner on the table by 6:00pm. So you deserved to be hit.”

And yet, if I was about to walk under a truck because I was yelling and screaming at him (not that I behave that way in public, but hypothetically), I would hope that he would hit, push or grab me out of the way. In that instance, his physical violence, if you want to call it that, would be preferred, and yes, even acceptable. If he hit me to bring to my attention that I was stepping under a truck, do I deserve that – probably, even as an adult, especially if it is done from love. Would there be another way of drawing it to my attention? Maybe, but maybe not if I was engrossed in my diatribe.

Unfortunately, life is never as simple as we would like it to be.

By: Maggie

Maggie — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 19:58:55 +0000

“The thing that really gets me with spanking is…if you saw a parent slap a kid across the face, would you think that was abusive? Yes. So why is it okay to hit your kid as long as you hit their bottom? Is it because if you leave a mark it won’t show while out in public?”

No, I’d say it’s because a) there’s a lot of padding on the bottom, so it’s less likely to actually cause damage (eyes are fragile, noses break, lips bruise, teeth can be knocked out) and b) because most people have a stronger sense of identity with their head/face than they do to their rumps.

Getting hit in the face is much more of an insult than a smack on the backside – it carries a different connotation and a greater lack of respect. I’m not saying that any hitting doesn’t have some level of ‘violation’, but I think most would agree that there’s a distinction between stepping on someone’s foot and raping them – there are different levels of psychological harm involved.

By: Troutie

Troutie — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 21:30:34 +0000

Jesus! My son is 8 months old and I’m dreading the day…to spank or not spank…that is the question. My head says “it’s not necessary” but children provoke emotions in you that you never knew you had. May I be blessed with a cool head and a slow hand.

By: Annie @ PhD in Parenting

Annie @ PhD in Parenting — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 02:02:28 +0000

Thank you. Well said.

By: LD

LD — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 01:48:58 +0000

I was also spanked, and I still remember the moment that I just stopped caring. My dad raised his hand to hit me and I said, “go ahead.” So what do you do then– when the big guns fail?

By: LD

LD — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 01:24:06 +0000

Amen to that.

By: LD

LD — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 01:17:35 +0000

Spanking is such a difficult issue, and the thing I think that makes it so difficult is that not everyone is as thoughtful as you and many of your readers are. I was raised being spanked, being threatened with spankings (with a large spatula no less), and with the threat that my parents would allow someone else (like the principal or my teacher) to spank me if I wasn’t good. My husband was not raised to spank or to think it was normal. I knew–we knew–that we were against spanking, but nothing was harder there for a while than resisting the urge that felt so natural. And then dealing with the guilt of feeling absolutely sick at the thought that I felt like it was natural to hit something that was less than 1/3 my size. My brother and sil, however, spank indiscriminately. They use it as a warning. They use it after many warnings. They use it because they can and watching it makes me sick– because their kids never know when it’s coming or if it’s coming. There’s no rhyme or reason to when they decide to follow through– it’s all dependent upon their own anger, their own frayed patience.
That, I think, is a problem. Not spanking is WAY harder than swatting a kid and letting go of your anger, releasing your tension in that smack. Because that’s mostly what spanking is, right? It’s a reaction to something. And if it’s not a reaction– if it’s something that was pre-planned, decided upon, and then carried through in a calm and orderly way, I can’t help but thinking that parent is one sick puppy to think it’s ok to plan to physically harm a kid.

By: roztime

roztime — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 21:05:23 +0000

Thanks for your honesty; I think I learnt more from it than most (general – not necessarily here) commentson this subject.

By: Jozet at Halushki

Jozet at Halushki — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:44:59 +0000

“I don’t EVER think it’s okay to physically punish a child and what I did wasn’t a punishment, it was a reaction.”

Yes, I see the distinction. And I think that kids get it, too. Well, kids of a certain age. I personally try not to count on their resilience and keep those situations to a minimum. Yes, they still love me and eventually forgive me, but really, do they have a choice?

I’ve heard people argue that kids are hurt by getting shots at the doctor, for instance, and it’s for “their own good”, just like swatting, etc. The difference being, of course, that if there were another way to get the full, equal benefit of the medication without the “ouch”, why not do it? The other part being, we do let kids know that we are sorry that there wasn’t another way at the time. It’s also the reason why the nurses in our doctor office give the shots and are the “bad guys”.

By: Amber

Amber — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:40:21 +0000

I always thought that spanking was wrong, but sure enough, 1 whopping migraine+child who gets out of bed to jump from couch to floor repeatedly and loudly. I came into his room the 10th time (I am not exagerating) and smacked his bum. He laid down and went to sleep. “There.” I thought and feeling guilty, but more relieved that I could shut my bedroom door and vomit in silence and darkness. My husband was working nights and the next night same thing, migraine no support and loud kid not going to sleep. This time I waited until the 6th time I went in. The next night the 3rd time. I had gone from an anti spank mom to an everyday spank mom in three nights. It’s so easy. I realized what was happening and realized I needed to ask for support, not to spank my little boy. So I had my mother in law come over at night to help put him to sleep when I felt sick. Now I still feel the urge to spank sometimes but I remind myself how easy it is to keep spanking. That said, if we were to repeatedly hit our child in the face as hard as we spank, why would that revolt us more? It’s still a body part being hit repeatedly, why is it “o.k” or not abuse if it’s a bum and not a face?