July 31, 2009

I don’t say much about him, here. I wrote something about that, once:

I don’t say much about my husband here, on the blog. He appears, now and again, a peripheral character in the stories that I tell. Sometimes, rarely, he comes to centre stage, as an antagonist or foil, in some adventure or misadventure that I’m recounting, but even then the story is usually not about him but about our home or our neighborhood or – most often – our child, and his prominence in the story is merely a function of his indispensability to the scene.

I don’t say much about my husband here, nor about our marriage. I don’t, I feel, have enough propriety over those stories to assert myself as narrator of those stories. They are not mine to share. They are his stories – or, in the case of our marriage, our stories. So it is that you rarely read anything substantive about my husband.

Which is a shame, because you would like him, you really would. He’s a wonderful, wonderful man: one of those souls who is just genuinely good, genuinely concerned about the world around him and everyone in it, who is just naturally, effortlessly generous and kind and not in the cloying manner of someone who wants recognition or a place in the kingdom of God for their efforts but in the straightforward and authentic manner of someone who knows that we all just have to be good to one another if we’re going to get along. And he loves animals and children, all of them, except maybe the really unpleasant ones and the older ones with the silly pants dropped below their skinny asses (the kids, not the animals), and always has, even before we had our own. I’ve seen him moved, really moved, at the sight of young children at play. All of which might make him sound kind of wussy, but he’s not, he’s really not, and that’s the thing, probably the biggest thing, that I love about him: he is at once the kindest and gentlest human being that I know, and the strongest.

And then I said:

He’s not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination… But I’m not perfect either; contrary to all appearances, I am far from it. But I’m perfect for him and he’s perfect for me and that, my friends, my dear, dear friends, is probably all that you need to know.

It is all that you need to know. I struggled for a long time this morning, trying to figure out how to say more. He does, after all, sometimes ask why I don’t say more about him (Do you want me to say more? I reply. Would it be about me not putting my underwear away, or about my vasectomy? – Probably. – Then maybe not.) And I sometimes wish that I did say more about him, so that you could know him, because as I said above, you would love him, you really would. But as I said above: for that, I think, you need only know that I love him, more than I can ever put into words.

their bad father

It’s his birthday today. Wish him a good one. He’d love that. Because although he doesn’t want you hearing about his underwear or his vasectomy, he likes to know that you know that he’s there, and that he’s awesome. Which he is. So.

(Happy birthday, doofus. Love you.)

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    CatrinkaS July 31, 2009 at 9:35 am

    So well said.

    Plus he’s cute.

    Happy Birthday, him.
    .-= CatrinkaS´s last blog ..Home. Work. =-.

    Her Bad Mother July 31, 2009 at 8:32 pm

    He IS cute. AND he doesn’t even know it.

    Judy July 31, 2009 at 9:38 am

    Happy Birthday, Their Bad Father!

    Miss Behavin July 31, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    Yeah, what she said! I second that!
    .-= Miss Behavin´s last blog ..I’m an Event Chaser =-.

    red pen mama July 31, 2009 at 9:41 am

    Happy Birthday to Their Bad Father, and Her Good Husband!

    .-= red pen mama´s last blog ..Lack =-.

    Ann July 31, 2009 at 9:43 am

    Happy Birthday Her Bad Dad!

    We think we love them more than is possible until we see how much they love our children and that love grows even more. I love that about my husband.
    .-= Ann´s last blog ..Running Away =-.

    lindsayc July 31, 2009 at 9:43 am

    Happy Birthday!

    Christie July 31, 2009 at 9:50 am

    That is so sweet!


    Angela July 31, 2009 at 9:59 am

    Hope you have an amazing day! Hey, it’s your one day where you won’t get yelled at if you don’t put your underwear away. Enjoy!

    Karen July 31, 2009 at 10:08 am

    Happy Birthday, have a good one. Enjoy your day, your children, and each other

    Mrs. Wilson July 31, 2009 at 10:12 am


    ps. My husband doesn’t put away his underwear either.
    .-= Mrs. Wilson´s last blog ..braids and rockets =-.

    Martie July 31, 2009 at 10:13 am

    Happy Birthday!! So, *you* are the husband behind the genius? heehee Hope your day is full of laughs and fun. Now go home and kiss your wife–she really, really loves you.
    .-= Martie´s last blog ..Oh, Cranberry, Please Cure Me… =-.

    Melise July 31, 2009 at 10:21 am

    Happy Birthday, Him. I don’t have a husband so there’s no underwear issue in our house. mwah! MMJ
    .-= Melise´s last blog ..melisej: hopes the QoS makes it through the cats ‘n dogs through to the airport for her safe departure. =-.

    Shannon July 31, 2009 at 10:29 am

    Happy Birthday! I hope it’s wonderful!

    julie July 31, 2009 at 10:41 am

    Happy Birthday!

    I suddenly feel guilty for writing about my own husband – especially since those posts seem to be the biggest traffic drivers. Yikes.

    Such a beautiful family.
    .-= julie´s last blog ..10 things about motherhood that rock. =-.

    Elizabeth July 31, 2009 at 10:44 am

    Happy birthday!!

    What an amazing, beautiful way to speak of your husband. It sounds as if you are one lucky woman and he, one lucky man.

    Adventures In Babywearing July 31, 2009 at 10:55 am

    He sounds like quite a man. The perfect man for you, too. What a great post. Happy Birthday to him!

    .-= Adventures In Babywearing´s last blog ..And the seasons, they go round and round =-.

    liz July 31, 2009 at 10:55 am

    Happy birthday!!!
    .-= liz´s last blog ..I Added Some More Folks to the Blog Roll –> =-.

    Jill July 31, 2009 at 10:56 am

    Happy Birthday! Hope you have a wonderful day together as a family!!
    .-= Jill´s last blog ..Take Us Back in Time Tuesday =-.

    Loural July 31, 2009 at 11:01 am

    Happy Birthday, wishing you all the best!

    Tamara aka RiceWenchie July 31, 2009 at 11:01 am

    My husband and I frequently tell each other and others that we are not perfect but we are perfect for each other…

    Happy Real-lationship,
    Happy Birthday!

    Jo July 31, 2009 at 11:02 am

    That made me cry. Dammit. LOL

    Very sweet and a wonderful tribute to Your Good Father.

    Tell him Happy Birthday from Minnesota!
    .-= Jo´s last blog ..An Open Letter To Tavaris Jackson =-.

    Tiaras & Tatnrums July 31, 2009 at 11:04 am

    what a sweet post – I can feel your love for him in your words!
    .-= Tiaras & Tatnrums´s last blog ..My Home Tour Cont =-.

    Busy Mom July 31, 2009 at 11:10 am

    Happy Birthday!
    .-= Busy Mom´s last blog ..Meet Edward and Bella =-.

    She Likes Purple July 31, 2009 at 11:18 am

    Happy birthday to your dear husband, a man who shares a name with the most beautiful boy I know, my son.
    .-= She Likes Purple´s last blog ..Before you came around =-.

    Heather July 31, 2009 at 11:40 am

    Happy Birthday to TBF! I don’t know how you could give him a better gift than these wonderful words (well, at least not without talking about vasectomies and underwear).
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..A sandwich, A fruit roll-up, A juice box* =-.

    Mama Snyder July 31, 2009 at 12:01 pm

    Happy Birfday, Him!
    .-= Mama Snyder´s last blog ..Do I worry too much? =-.

    Trillian July 31, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    Happy Birthday! We miss you guys!

    Her Bad Mother August 1, 2009 at 10:31 am

    Ditto ;)

    C @ Kid Things July 31, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    Very well said. It’s kind of how I feel about writing about my husband as well.

    Happy Birthday!
    .-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Fruit Loops, Indeed =-.

    Amber July 31, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    What a great photo. I do love seeing dads and their kids together, it’s really the best.

    And a big happy birthday to Mr. Bad Mother. Hope it’s a great one. :)
    .-= Amber´s last blog ..Kids Are People Too =-.

    Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire July 31, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    Happy birthday! I hope its a grand one!
    .-= Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..There really is a place called Pocahontas, IL or Why Chicken should never be given tasks first thing in the morning =-.

    Chantal July 31, 2009 at 1:13 pm

    Happy Birthday to you Bad Dad!
    .-= Chantal´s last blog ..reboot in safe mode =-.

    anita tedaldi July 31, 2009 at 1:19 pm

    Happy Birthday!
    I loved how you wrote about your husband I feel that my own hubby is a kind kind man but that I often don;t write enough about him.
    We briefly passed each other at Blogher and I was hoping to chat in person well maybe next time
    .-= anita tedaldi ´s last blog ..Today I miss you =-.

    Her Bad Mother August 1, 2009 at 10:32 am

    Next time for sure! I would have loved to have chatted!

    Jamie July 31, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    Wishing you a happy birthday and the best year yet!

    Sashalyn July 31, 2009 at 1:48 pm

    Happy happy birthday, TBD!
    .-= Sashalyn´s last blog ..how we play… =-.

    Angela July 31, 2009 at 1:50 pm

    Happy Birthday to HBF!

    I don’t remember seeing a photo of him before, but E looks just like him!
    .-= Angela´s last blog ..Puppies and Kitties and Piggies, Oh My! =-.

    Ve July 31, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    happy birthday to their bad father!

    And many more . . .

    Lara July 31, 2009 at 2:10 pm

    Happy birthday, Mr. Bad Father! I hope it’s a great one with your wonderful family. :)
    .-= Lara´s last blog ..This Post Really Needs Images, But I Couldn’t Find BlowHer or Xenophobes on Google Images =-.

    Mad July 31, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    Happy birthday, Uncle K!
    .-= Mad´s last blog ..Archives Shortcode =-.

    katie ~ motherbumper July 31, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    Happy Birthday DUDE!
    .-= katie ~ motherbumper´s last blog ..This isn’t a BlogHer Recap (alternate title: Viva La Siesta!) =-.

    Her Bad Mother August 1, 2009 at 9:23 pm

    He likes it better when you call him OnKyle.

    georgie July 31, 2009 at 3:46 pm

    This was Beautiful
    He’s not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination… But I’m not perfect either; contrary to all appearances, I am far from it. But I’m perfect for him and he’s perfect for me and that, my friends, my dear, dear friends, is probably all that you need to know.

    Happy Birthday to your Hubby!

    Sprite's Keeper July 31, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    I think this is one of the nicest birthday tributes I’ve ever seen. Happy birthday to your husband!
    .-= Sprite’s Keeper´s last blog ..Spin Cycle: Digging for gold in the archives… =-.

    Paperfairies July 31, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    Muchas felicidades Su Papá Malo!
    .-= Paperfairies´s last blog ..A selfish email to my underwater husband =-.

    Della July 31, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    Happy birthday! Also, it’s my mom’s birthday – and Harry Potter’s! So happy shared birthday.

    Enjoy your wife, because she rocks, and your kids, who are adorable (good job!). Happy, happy.
    .-= Della´s last blog ..Nearly Wordless Wednesday =-.

    Chelle July 31, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    Happy Birthday! Love the photo above, you all look so good together. :D
    .-= Chelle´s last blog ..Wild Bird Rescue Center =-.

    Headless Mom July 31, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    I could have posted this very article for my husband’s birthday 2 days ago.

    Happy Day, Him!
    .-= Headless Mom´s last blog .. =-.

    Aimee Greeblemonkey July 31, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    Happy birthday to the Bad Father!!!

    Momo Fali July 31, 2009 at 6:47 pm

    Happy Birthday! I hope it was great.
    .-= Momo Fali´s last blog ..Sugar, Sugar =-.

    Backpacking Dad July 31, 2009 at 6:48 pm

    Happy birthday to him.

    I don’t write much about my wife either. I rarely put pictures of her online. And it’s for the reason that she never signed on for the life of being the wife of a blogger, so I’m careful about what I say about our relationship. I don’t want the internet giving me marriage advice, or taking my side in disputes. I have no cute pet/derogatory names for her that diminish her person.

    She asked me once why I never talked about her online and I was surprised, because it sounded as though she’d prefer I said more. So I’ve opened up a bit more, posted a few pictures and told a few stories involving her feelings and thoughts, but I’m still not comfortable doing that. She’s got her own blog if she really wants to share it.
    .-= Backpacking Dad´s last blog ..BlogHer ‘09: Top Moments =-.

    Her Bad Mother August 1, 2009 at 9:24 pm

    Giving advice and taking sides, yeah. You nailed it. I don’t want any assumptions made about him, and so I limit any basis for assumption-making.

    But if HE starts his own blog, all bets may be off.

    Jezer July 31, 2009 at 6:50 pm

    Happy Birthday to Him. You don’t have to write much about him for us to know that he’s pretty awesome.
    .-= Jezer´s last blog ..State of the Mind: Today’s Edition =-.

    Ms. Mama July 31, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    Happy Birthday!
    .-= Ms. Mama´s last blog ..Day 29, Delayed Intensification =-.

    Mrs Chaos July 31, 2009 at 7:48 pm

    That was very sweet. What a lovely birthday wish to your hubby.
    .-= Mrs Chaos´s last blog ..An Anniversary, If You Will =-.

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