Comments on: Roadkill

By: Katie

Katie — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 19:40:56 +0000

A good book that relates God to dinosaurs is by a man named Kyle Butt. I think it’s called Dinosaurs Unleashed. It explains dinosaurs and their relation to humans and God. He came to preach at my church once upon a time, and really helped me to understand better.

By: alison

alison — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 19:58:18 +0000

tell her it got hit by a car and died. then ask, “that’s sad, huh?” and then move on. keep it simple, don’t cover up. kids are smart and they rely on us to be honest with them.

By: jier

jier — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 23:18:24 +0000

Love the post. Glad EVERYONE is okay. About explaining death to a child. I feel being honest is the best policy. I never understood saying “the dog went to live on a farm” kind of explaining. Kids understand more than we think and sometimes they don’t want a detailed list of what happens in death. Something a general idea is good enough for now.

http://got2havefaith.wordpress.com/2009/06/18/in-memory-of-2/
jier´s last blog ..eating squirrels

By: Her Bad Mother

Her Bad Mother — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 01:09:46 +0000

Yes, I am trying to view it as an opportunity – both for the conversations (which, with a three year old, are interesting) and for reflecting on my own beliefs. And feelings. Which are hard to sort out while debating dinosaurs’ relationships to God, but still – the sorting is all the more rich for it.

Thanks for your comment.

By: xandy

xandy — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 22:06:10 +0000

This is your beautiful opportunity to impart your own belief system to your children. Even though it’s painful as all heck to talk about death.

If you are very organized religion-based and have a heaven system, you can (simplistically) explain that to them; if you are of the spirituality set of beliefs, you get to talk about how we are all ultimately one and our souls join others (try that one simplistically, urgh); and if you are of a completely non-secular bent you get to talk about how great a life was lead, how you get the here-and-now to make your mark, and how important it is to live a great life on a day to day basis and to leave a good road for others to follow.

What would be sad would be to allow someone else’s beliefs to mark the day. Leave them with yours, for now, and let them make up their own minds down the road, as they wish.

Our 12 yo beautiful dog died last week, prematurely and unexpectedly. We just met this one in a really hard way. We were both from religious/spiritual backgrounds, yet didn’t really bring that into raising the kids, no organized sundays, no veggietales, little spirituality (hard to explain), etc etc. It was really tough for us, we were simply sad and kept expecting to see Lucy around every corner, yet, with the kids at 6.5 and 8, we were able to talk about all three options (in limited ways) and begin the conversation about free choice and belief systems. Perhaps a bit young, but it certainly made them more sensitive to others’ religious choices (and their own) and made conversations all around really interesting. All in all, it has made everyone’s lives richer for the conversations, and isn’t that what it’s about?

By: Catherine

Catherine — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 15:22:31 +0000

My 4-year-old’s aunt died of cancer when he was almost 3, and 3 of his 4 grandparents are dead. So we’ve talked about it a lot. We are not exactly believers in the literal sense, but at his age, I think it’s OK to say “Aunt Lisa is in heaven with God.” But then when he asks “Who is God?” I say things like “You know that feeling when I first wake you up for school, and you’re still a little sleepy and we cuddle and giggle a little bit and tell each other stories, and how close and warm and happy we feel?” and he says “yeah” and I say “that feeling is God.”

I don’t know if parenting experts would approve, but it seemed to satisfy him. Later he asked a lot of questions like “Who drives you to heaven?” which necessitated a lot of strange abstract statements like “You don’t need your body in heaven, so you don’t take it with you” and then “all the stuff that you think and feel inside you, that stuff is what you take with you” (which forced me to imagine packing a spiritual suitcase and shouting to my husband “Honey! did you remember to pack your sense of humor?” but whatever.)
I don’t think there’s any easy answers. But I wanted him to feel safe. So far it seems OK.
Catherine ´s last blog ..Milestones

By: daysgoby

daysgoby — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 01:32:57 +0000

I wrote about this here: http://tinyurl.com/q6tbdf and the BEST place I found resources was at our local funeral home. They should be able to give you some pamphlets.

Glad you’re home safe!
daysgoby´s last blog ..housekeeping

By: Trillian

Trillian — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 01:08:30 +0000

We have both books and have taken a seminar with Dale. He is a very interesting person and great at helping you figure out approaches to answering these kinds of questions in age appropriate ways. You can e-mail him at his site or go on the forums and ask folks there (or just search for “death”, it’s a frequent topic).

By: Alice

Alice — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 19:07:55 +0000

So… death. Well. I, too, was afraid of this discussion because I was afraid they’d become afraid. One tactic I scrupulously avoided was “It’s like going to sleep and never waking up” because HELLO insomnia and night terrors. In a nutshell (spaced out over many conversations) I’ve explained to my girls (now 8 and 7) that (1) dead means the person or animal is not there any more, you won’t see them again, but they won’t fee pain or sadness or anything else; (2) there are lots of ways to die, including accidents, diseases and just plain old age, number 3 being by far the most common method of popping your clogs; (3) children very rarely die and most people live to a ripe old age (though Sarah had one classmate die of adrenoleukodystrophy and another classmate’s dad drop dead during a triathlon), so while death can happen to anyone, I try to hammer home the concept of likelihood without using words like “actuarial tables”; (4) some people think you go to heaven when you die, but I personally don’t, nor do I think you are punished or rewarded for your actions in life. Fortunately this is not an issue since we are not affiliated with a religion that espouses these beliefs. My kids go to Hebrew school at a liberal Massachusetts synagogue where half the people (including me) are atheists, but we are united by our belief that it’s important to be kind — there. Religion in five words.
Alice´s last blog ..A most excellent vacation

By: Lindsay

Lindsay — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 19:01:34 +0000

No advice on the explaining death thing, just that I love the hats, and that Jasper is pants-less, but his toes look very toasty in those booties.