Comments on: The Grabbing Hands, Grab All They Can

By: Anne

Anne — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 19:49:06 +0000

Well, he’s 14 now and allows only the most fleeting of contact-a hand on the shoulder, maybe a mini shoulder rub (if no one is looking, and we’re nowhere near a window). But I clearly remember trying to drive, a standard no less, with my right arm twisted at an improbable angle through the gap in the bucket seats so that he could clutch my thumb, while he sucked his own. It started innocently enough. He would hang onto my thumb while he nursed and gently rub my thumbnail. Later he would hold on while we cuddled. After that it is a blur of really bad parenting choices. We moved him out of the crib too soon causing “boomerang bedtimes” and ended up sleeping with an egg-beater (because, truly, how else can you descirbe sleeping with a toddler?). Here is my position, for what it is worth. Attachment is good. It innoculates children agains a host of evils later in life. Positive attachment however needs to be balanced with parents’ basic needs. I’m no fan of CIO, and I couldn’t do it myself. But I’m also a lousy mom when I’m so miserably grouchy that I’m a danger to myself and others. After I arrived at nursery school and realized I had blown 4 stop signs on the way, I knew something had to happen. It is really hard, but I did both things at once. I stayed present (no abandonnment) and he stayed in his own bed. It took hours each night and about 4 nights. You can’t really go through that and expect to accomplish all of your daily activities at the same time. If I was going to do it again, I’d call for back-up. I’d cancel all the daytime stuff, get friends to come help so I could have naps (or company during the hard part). Your need for sleep is legitimate. I hope it gets easier for you.

By: Boot Skootin’ Snot Boogerin’ Nobody’s Sleepin’ Boogie | Her Bad Mother

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:35:48 +0000

[...] It’s also what 8pm, 11pm, and 3am look like. Yes, he sleeps in those cowboy boots. No, not for any longer than two or three hours at a time. [...]

By: Sarah Denley

Sarah Denley — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:14:11 +0000

I don’t think I tried to tell anyone how to write. I said I had thought about not coming back and decided against it. I was just stating that I had felt the same way as Maxine before, but in the end I felt the quality of writing and the honesty of this blog made it worth it. I do have my own blog and I would be interested in what keeps people coming back to it. I guess my comments did seem a little snarky, but some of what I said was in defense of this blog.
Sarah Denley´s last blog ..Weekly Happenings Post #34 (November 9-15)–Better Late Than Never

By: Rusti

Rusti — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 19:06:01 +0000

while my situation isn’t nearly as bad – I do feel your pain! About a month ago E was pretty sick and was practically held 24/7 for 4 days straight – once she was feeling better we had to coax her back into her crib instead of our bed, then she started teething again… back to our bed… and then last week she went the ENTIRE week sleeping no longer than 1.5 hours at a time (ends up that on top of the teething, she also had a sinus infection)and was once again in our bed… FINALLY this weekend (after starting the Amoxicilin) got her back into her crib – at least part-time… and I thought I had it bad… I don’t have any suggestions, as E had a lovely, but really doesn’t have any interest in it lately… in order to fall back asleep she has to be holding on to my fingers, or at least some part of my body… wishing you all the best!!
Rusti´s last blog ..it’s been so long…

By: claire

claire — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 02:18:53 +0000

um, maybe a silicone swim cap to cover your hair while you comfort him? so he hopefully would get over the hair part of the equation without completely melting down for hours?

By: Elsewhere

Elsewhere — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 12:42:32 +0000

Have you tried giving him a T-shirt worn by you? So he has your smell around him?

By: Lisa

Lisa — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:33:13 +0000

Sarah and Maxine,

I don’t think you understand how these things work. If you want a say in what someone writes, you have to pay them to write. I think you want is to become a publisher, not a reader of someone else’s blog.

There are fifty-bajillion blogs out there. You might even find that has just the right balance of what you want.

Or you could write your own blog.

Or you could go off and be a film director, then you can get exactly what you want.

All of these are better options than trying to tell someone what you want out of their online diary.

By: Jodee

Jodee — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:15:03 +0000

Oh I am so sorry!. I know the feeling of a bed sleeper though.. My 18 month old kept coming into our bed in the middle of the night when I was 7 months pregnant and would practically sleep on top of you.. I finally told my husband I could not take it anymore and he was kind enough to take my little monster back to bed every time he got up… He was in a toddler bed i think that was our first mistake. But after about of week of this he started sleeping through the night… well until his sister was born.. sigh…..
Jodee´s last blog ..Shoes….. Wordless Wednesday..

By: Ask Me About My Beaver | Her Bad Mother

Ask Me About My Beaver | Her Bad Mother — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:21:15 +0000

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By: Andrea

Andrea — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:31:51 +0000

Sympathies! Wish I had advice – I’d take it myself. I started reading your blog about the time Jasper was born following your chronicles with a needy non-sleeping boy that in many ways mirrors my own. The post you wrote – Hush – was the first time I had ever heard anyone say how I felt – all those people who urge CIO – no one ever seemed to get where I was coming from. Where the boy and I were coming from. You give so much of yourself for your children, all moms do, and here we are, sleep deprived and confused and dealing with the rest of life that doesn’t stop so we can just take a really long nap before we have to face it all.
Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for putting it all out there, good, bad, ugly and sublime. It seems to me that every time I’m up against the wall and feel like I can’t take one more second of the way things are they ease up just a bit, long enough to give me hope that I can keep moving forward. I hope you get your reprieve soon.