Comments on: A Spanking A Day Keeps Failure Away?

By: Lisa D

Lisa D — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 15:20:29 +0000

I agree. I think that the moments I have been most tempted to spank are those that I was least in control of myself and my son. That’s not discipline, then– that’s just lashing out.

By: Lisa D

Lisa D — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 15:17:27 +0000

I’m not sure that I buy that time outs are bad. I don’t withdraw love and I don’t think of time outs as not punishment. Of course they’re punishment. And I think there’s a big difference between withdrawing love and withdrawing attention. I’m with SuperNanny on this one.

By: momtrolfreak

momtrolfreak — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 21:51:27 +0000

My husband was spanked as a child (I once saw his mother hold a two year old grandson in the air with one arm and swing at his bottom like a pinata, so I can only imagine what she did to them when she was younger, though none of them feel as if they were abused), I was only spanked once. My one spanking incident was odd and stood out in my mind because it was done coldly, with a belt. Not in anger. I had done something at school and was told to wait til my father got home, so it was a premeditated spanking, and some might think this is odd but I think that’s worse than spanking in hte heat of the moment when you lost your shit out of fear that your kid almost walked into traffic or whatever. Neither my husband (who was always spanked) nor I (almost never spanked) “believe” in spanking as a disciplinary tactic. It is not in my “bag of tricks” for discipline. However, I have done it a handful (ha) or times. Less than five. in extreme situations that involved danger. I was not proud of it. It was not hard and it was on his bottom, through a couple of layers of clothing. Bare hand, not a belt. He’s three. Am I happy that I did that? No. But it did get his attention at times when nothing else would have and when he was in danger. I have not spanked him for mouthing off or anything like that. The thing that I think is important is that we talk about it once the situation has passed. We talk about what it means to love eachother and treat each other with respect, and that Mommy did not like spanking you but it was the only way I could keep you out of danger right then, and i’m sorry. We talk about listening carefully so that you can hear me when I tell you to step back from the curb or not run around the back of the car. Etc. I explain and we discuss, and we both apologize (him for not listening, me for yelling or spanking or whatever). i think it’s important for kids to know that their parents are human, too, and make mistakes and have regrets about behavior and that we MODEL FOR THEM how to apologize to people that you have hurt (either emotionally or physically). I do think that there were other ways I could have handled the situations in which I spanked my child (I can think of four times I’ve done it). There are other times he’s been in danger and I have not resorted to spanking, so clearly there is a a workaround. Spanking is probably never “unavoidable.” I feel guilty because I do believe it’s hypocritical to tell our children not to hit other people and then turn around and hit them ourselves. it’s sticky territory, like much of parenting. My son has learned in preschool to make his fist into a little ball and punch me in the leg when he’s mad at something I’ve made him do–I don’t haul off and punch him back (even though it hurts like hell). Its hard to know the right thing to do, you know? My husband is one of the nicest people you’ll meet, and his mom beat him. I am selfish and have a horrible temper, and was never spanked. So, you know, I think kids turn out whatever way they turn out for a whole host of reasons that have nothing to do with spanking. That doesn;t mean I won;t keep feeling guilty, though.
.-= momtrolfreak´s last blog ..I’m HUGE in Australia* (*"HUGE" = "virtually unknown except for this one cul-de-sac") =-.

By: Rbelle

Rbelle — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 20:53:54 +0000

Dr. Phil is about the least reliable source for true science a person could possibly name.

By: jonesidosio@blogspot.com

jonesidosio@blogspot.com — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 17:03:18 +0000

i spanked my children (now 11,10,and 7).
on rare occasions they still get a spanking.

the old “stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is a lie. words do hurt.

i think some can tear their kids apart with their words, with yelling at their children.
that is a wound, a blow that hurts.

a spanking is for the incident, and the sting hurts for a moment. it makes a heart that is clinging to self-will, turn and comply. giving way to conversations that communicate the matters of the heart, and how to live in truth, value self and others.

i spanked my children because i love them.

and they are AWESOME KIDS. they have always been well behaved,been well loved, had a healthy fear (if you can’t spank and not do it without anger than don’t)of authority. they have always been DELIGHTFUL children, ALWAYS.

By: Minty apple

Minty apple — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 10:12:28 +0000

What on earth has driving on the left got to do with any of this?

Best Wishes

From Minty apple of the UK who drives on the left, is certainly not backwards and got the occasional slap as growing up.

By: different scars, but scars nonetheless « RhapsodyInBeige

different scars, but scars nonetheless « RhapsodyInBeige — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 01:29:37 +0000

[...] was quite a discussion over at Her Bad Mother the other day about spanking, whether it causes irreparable harm, or actually leads to better, more [...]

By: Val

Val — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 05:21:35 +0000

Give yourself a break about the time you spanked your daughter. As you said yourself, you did it because at the time it was the only way to get her attention and help keep her safe. You were acting instinctively in a moment of panic. You were not doing it to inflict pain or as a punishment.

With that said, I was spanked a few times as a child and it was less about the pain than a signal to me that I had really crossed the line in my behavior. I was never afraid of my parents because they never spanked or hit in a fit of anger – just as a last resort to show me that I had really crossed a boundary. I won’t say that I’ll never spank my son. But luckily, he has yet to misbehave to the point where I felt something stronger was necessary to get his attention (he’s only 15 months). I agree that it is not productive to try and teach your child not to hit, when you have the power to swat their bottom and get away with it. But it is nice to know that there is somthing “stronger” available to get his attention if his behavior is completely out of control. And it is nice to know that I have a great loving relationship with my parents – even though they spanked (or perhaps because they loved me enough to teach me when I was seriously out of line???)

By: Stone Fox

Stone Fox — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 22:22:28 +0000

I am almost tempted to not comment, but I like to see my name in print. Ahah hah hah.

Glory sounds like someone from an older generation, where there was very little (according to my parents and their siblings) “talk” between parents and kids when it came to discipline. You did what you were told or you were punished. “Hug it out” was not invented yet.

What Glory says is true. Even the latest studies (and we love our studies, don’t we? ) show the next generation to be entitled, selfish, and lacking a work ethic. They DO want things to be handed to them, without working for anything. No, I can’t name a specific study, but Dr. Phil recently did a show on this exact topic, so I’m sure his website lists his sources.

I’m not sure how Glory made your point that parents who spank use it too much? Nowhere does s/he say that spanking was his/her only discipline method or that s/he used it all the time.

I don’t completely agree and I don’t completely disagree with, “a smack on the butt never hurt anyone.” I think it’s, “If the situation warrants it, a smack on the butt is what my child requires.” I can’t speak for anyone else’s child.

What you said about applying the principle of wacking to life in general? We already do. The police apply this principle every day. If you fail to obey an order from a Peace Officer, you will find yourself on the wrong end of a Taser doing the funky chicken as 50,000V shoot through your body, OR face-down in the gravel with a knee on your back. The cops are not interested in hugging it out.
.-= Stone Fox´s last blog ..Childhood friends =-.

By: The myth of the perfect mother « Mommy Said What?

The myth of the perfect mother « Mommy Said What? — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 16:43:31 +0000

[...] (01/08/10): Thanks to Her Bad Mother who, through her own writing, gave me the courage to write this [...]