Comments on: Home Alone

By: sarah

sarah — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 03:24:45 +0000

I’m sorry, but I have several brothers and sisters and my mom told me one day (which obviously stuck in my head), that the day you decide to keep the child you have created in your stomach, that is the day you decide that this child is going to be with you everywhere! I believe that if you leave your child alone while you run out to the car or to take the trash cans or to borrow sugar from the neighbor, you are neglecting your child. Even as the oldest sister of 7, I am sure to bring my 9,5 and 3 year old brothers and sister with me out ANYWHERE.

By: On Leaving Your Child Alone « Will’s Miscellanous Musings

On Leaving Your Child Alone « Will’s Miscellanous Musings — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 21:02:15 +0000

[...] } I ran across this column today, and as child-free adult, found it interesting. You might want to check it [...]

By: Biagia

Biagia — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 19:26:32 +0000

As you state, some states have a specific age limit law – not all do. I investigated this when trying to figure out whether we could “legally” leave my 13 yo stepson at home alone (wanted to make sure his mom didn’t have any ammunition to make a stink about it). I found out that in my state there is no specific age – it is left up to the discretion of the police/child services/whomever to determine the situation – although 13 years is an often stated guideline. So, 5-year old home alone for an hour – probably an issue; 13 year old – not so much.

By: Amy

Amy — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 14:37:02 +0000

As a “free-range” mother, I think you were justified given the situation. I’m not sure I would leave my 5yo alone for 1 hour..but I have left him alone (and his siblings) to run to the neighbours.
One of our neighbours is appalled at our “lack of parenting” because we sat on our lawn while we watched our 3yo ride his two wheel bike back and forth down the road…I thought it was great he was 3 and riding a bike…she thought we were terrible people. So it’s all personal, and NOT to be judged. Her 6 year old can’t get out of the van by herself (which would drive me NUTS!) but that’s their choices not mine. I wish we (myself included) could all be more tolerant and understanding of each other.

By: Emma

Emma — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 11:16:42 +0000

I think in this situation you did exactly as I would have done. But I wish it didnt matter, I wish we didnt all compare ourselves to one another as mothers. I wish we didnt all feel so judged and as if we need to justify our choices.
Interestingly, where I live it is illegal to leave a child alone in a locked car so when I leave my toddler in the car to run in and pay for petrol, back into the house to grab whatever I forgot or into the corner shop to grab milk I have to leave it unlocked. I take the keys with me but will leave a window down if its not summer (in Summer I leave them up hopeing to trap the airconditioning in!).
I live 5 kms from the centre of a biggish city (Sydney) but in a relatively ‘safe’ neighbourhood (such a relative judgement?!) eg we sleep with our unbarred windows open and sometimes the backdoor if its stinking hot.

and in comment to the post by Carrien, we often play outside or even walk to the shop without shoes, sometimes even in winter if its not too cold! I think I am (as I’m sure you are) capable of deciding if its too cold!

By: Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 01:25:35 +0000

Love this post. Love the combination of personal and global. Love the boldness in “confessing” and your reasons for doing so.

Even if I didn’t agree with you, I don’t think it merits a rake over the coals.

Personally, I would have had her on my cell phone the whole time, but I’m a little neurotic like that.

By: Heather

Heather — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 22:31:22 +0000

So glad that I found this blog and this particular post!

I’ve struggled with this ever since becoming a mother. My hardest moment of “do I leave him or not?” is when I have to go to the dry cleaners to drop off or pick up clothing. It is too cumbersome to take my child out of his car seat, put him in the stroller to walk him into the store (that is 5 ft from my car), and carry a load of dry cleaning in one arm. So, I always want to leave him in the car. But I don’t…mainly because I am afraid of being “found out” by someone who walks by and sees my kid in the car unattended, calls the police, etc. To avoid this dilemma, I’m going to the dry cleaners on the w/e when my husband can watch our son. But, this is just one example…like the many examples posted above, I’ve been tempted but won’t for fear of judgment/punishment. Thanks for a great post!

By: Bella

Bella — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 18:12:42 +0000

Here’s a take on “how” men do it… and why mothers wake from every freaking whimper:

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/08/why-mom-wakes-up-when-baby-cries/
.-= Bella´s last blog ..The best ten books on discipline =-.

By: Nick

Nick — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 23:36:25 +0000

I find it so fascinating that once you “outed” yourself and admitted to leaving your child alone that 98% (just a guess, certainly not a calculation I did) of the comments have been similar stories. Very few have said they NEVER would do that and gasp how could you??!! Wonder what kind of comments you would have received had you posted about your friend who did the same thing and now you’re wondering if she’s negligent?

Anyway, more to the point of what I decided to comment on is: One parent’s story of leaving their child alone involves their own property, 50 or 100 feet away from the child, 5-10 minutes of separation. Another (or several) includes a car, driving away, or leaving their property crossing a street, away from sleeping child for 20 minutes or so. All cases seemed to be anxiety inducing but also included examples of the comfort level growing as they continued the practice. Interestingly, quite a few commenters said that they think an hour is excessive and never to be done.

So where’s the line? Your 10 minutes around the corner is within your comfort level. Personally, I totally respect the fact that you said if it is something you felt comfortable doing then it would be something you would feel comfortable discussing and defending if need be. Would everyone who have done this feel the same way? Would you (you now meaning the general audience of readers not YOU) REALLY be okay admitting to your neighbour, friend, whomever, that you drove away (it was only 15 minutes!!) from your sleeping baby at home? When you hear yet another story of the mom who was busted because she left her sleeping baby in the car (she only meant to be gone for a few minutes and it turned into a hour)-do you judge her?

To clarify, I’m not asking these questions in judgement of my fellow readers or of you. I do have to admit that I was quite surprised and frankly uncomfortable with some of the accounts of the other commenters. However, I too have taken “calculated risks” and left my kids unattended in circumstances that I have both felt totally okay doing (ie left in car while ran back to the house). I’ve also done it when I did not feel 100% confident but did it anyway.

I just wonder though by doing these little deeds of leaving on kids while we run to the corner store is what leads up to some of the more bolder acts of leaving our kids for more extended time in which it’s not okay. Not saying this is the case for all of course, just wondering if that is how some of these things happen.

By: Arkie Mama

Arkie Mama — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 18:38:16 +0000

Many times, I’ve left my 6-year-old daughter in the car when picking up my youngest from daycare.

I’ve done it when the weather was lovely and sunny and warm.

And no, I cannot see her, or even the car, once I enter the building. And I’m fine with it.