Woe, Is Me

March 17, 2010

I get hate mail. Not as much as Dooce, I’m guessing, but enough. I get hateful e-mail – and comments, and Facebook messages, and tweets – about how depressing I am, about how I’m exploiting my children, about how I whine too much, about how I’m encouraging women to take anti-depressants and so contributing to the global drug problem, about how it’s terrible and selfish of me to look for my long-lost brother, about how nobody wants to hear about my Frankenvulva, about how I’m setting the feminist movement back by complaining about motherhood, about how I should just stop writing about my grief over the death of my father already, about how I only write about Tanner to get attention for myself, about how I’m an attention-whore who really should just shut up already, because, please.

I get correspondence that addresses one or another or some combination of those issues and others left unmentioned with some regularity. It’s why I sometimes close comments; it’s why I sometimes just don’t look at my e-mail: because I know that at some point I’m going to read something really hateful. Something like this:

You seem to love to play the role of martyr. The world is always out to get you, whether it’s for nursing, having a blog, neglecting your kids, or just generally “being”, right? It’s always someone else’s fault, according to you. Your “woe is me” tone is getting pretty sickening. Woe is you because you don’t get enough sleep. Because your kids drive you to “need alcohol” regularly. Because there’s not enough Ativan in the world. Because your girly bits got mangled giving birth. Because your husband finally had the brains to cut his son’s hair so he didn’t look like a daughter. OH EM GEE, ITS ZE END OF THE WORLD.

But then on the other hand, you try to champion for women’s rights, and how women are strong and awesome. Except you whine all the damn time. Your kids are your constant source of whining; that is, until someone insults motherhood and then you’re ready with a pitchfork and torches because you’re so proud of it. How are you proud of something you constantly bitch about?

You capitalize on your kids, there’s no way around that. You use them for your own financial gain, just like you did when your dad died. Let’s see the revenue jump from blog ads when people were coming to your blog when that post went up. Never mind that you didn’t take care of him when he was alive. Never mind that he was alone when he died. How many days did he lay there alone? But you miss him so much, right? And love him so much? Yeah, as long as it makes you money.

And your project for your dying nephew is just as bogus. “Tutus for Tanner”? FYI: Tanner’s a boy. You really went with tutus? [ed. note: Tutus for Tanner is not my project, although I do whole-heartedly support it, obviously]  Oh right, its all about you, not him. And then your first idea is to take your kids and your friend and her kid down to Disney, without the boy this is supposedly all “for,” all on someone else’s dollar in the name of your nephew? You want to do something to help your dying nephew? Drive yourself out THERE to see him with your kids. Raise money to help with research for a cure. [ed. note: donations to organizations I'm supporting with 100 Miles For Tanner can be made at the project's main page] But that’s not as fun, right? That’s not Disney and sparkles and tutus with your kids for free, so why do it?

You honestly make me sick. Keep making money off your dead dad, your dying nephew and your kids. Keep taking trips for free while your 15 minutes are still here, because eventually, people are going to see the scum money grubbing famewhore that lies underneath the fake exterior, and you’ll be yesterday’s news. Here’s hoping that’s sooner than later. Go take another Ativan, cause that’s how you cope, right?

God, it’s awesome being a mom-blogger.

You wonder why I get testy about mom-bloggers – about women who blog, generally, who share their stories and open up the space of discourse for these narratives, for our narratives – being dismissed or belittled or snickered at or even just being called ‘charming’? Because of this. Because I am not alone in this. Because, for some reason, us telling our stories – us telling those stories, us making a living telling those stories – is regarded by some – many? – as vile and reprehensible and toxic and because those some – those many? – would have us shut up. Because as women, as mothers, as women-who-are-mothers and women-who-are-not-mothers, we are still denied a voice by those who think that our stories should only be shared behind closed doors, behind the veil of privacy, in secret, in whispers.

Because this sucks, that anyone thinks that it’s okay to tell any one of us what kinds of stories we can tell, and how, and under what terms. Because although one might think that hate mail is just what comes from exposing one’s life in the public sphere, that someone like me should be prepared to just suck it up as part of the cost of doing this, of telling these stories, I say no, no, it’s not; no, it shouldn’t be; no, I shouldn’t have to. I think that it’s sexist and it’s hateful, and it doesn’t matter whether that kind of mail comes more from women or from men – I’m pretty sure that this one came from a woman – it’s still a sign of a bigger problem, of a more serious ill.

Our voices aren’t free so long as we’re subjected to hate when we raise them. But I don’t know what to do, other than to keep writing, and to keep taking the blows, and to hope that I – that all of us – can outlast and outspeak the hate.

Is that enough?

(My reaction to the Tanner-specific hate is over at Their Bad Mother. I’ll just say here that this came at a bad time, and that there were many tears last night.)

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    { 254 comments }

    agirlandaboy March 17, 2010 at 11:17 pm

    GAH. Just GAH.

    And re: exploitation for financial gain, all I can say is that thank god you are monetarily compensated even A LITTLE because anyone subject to that kind of abuse (even once, not to mention regularly) should be able to buy herself some new shoes when all is said and done.

    Thanks for continuing to weather the blow in order to do the work you do in and for this community (of bloggers, of mothers, of women).
    .-= agirlandaboy´s last blog ..W(h)ine Country =-.

    Lara March 17, 2010 at 11:19 pm

    People in pain find solace in hatred. I think we will get some form of hate mail or another no matter what we do – just living life elicits hate mail. Sometimes hate mail comes through emails or comments, but sometimes phone calls, letters, post-it notes on a computer monitor, or even the good old fashioned scream-in-your-face hate mail. It’s the product of our broken world.

    I’m so sorry, C. I think you’re a wonderful woman, fully real, fully human, a beautiful mix of mourning and whining and celebrating and challenging and growing and learning and loving. Just like we all should be.
    .-= Lara´s last blog ..In Which I Remind You All That I Am Totally Messed Up =-.

    Sierra Black March 17, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    A few weeks ago I got my first real dose of hate mail after the crazy US Airways flap. I killed the nastiest comments before they ever made it onto the blog – like the one that referred to my kids as “crotch-fruit” – but I still had friends and strangers writing me for weeks to reassure me that everyone can see how crazy those trolls are.

    They’re crazy and small-minded and sick. They should be deleted from the Internet, and when I am Queen of Everything that is how it will be.

    In the meantime, I’m so sorry you have to cope with that nonsense and drama.

    Here, have a feminist screed – not written by me – about trolls and how they like to pick on powerful women: http://childwild.com/2010/02/23/misogyny-and-the-just-world-fallacy-together-again/
    .-= Sierra Black´s last blog ..Speaking Of A Room Of One’s Own =-.

    Tricia March 17, 2010 at 11:24 pm

    Catherine, I’m so sorry. This person is obviously very angry and miserable, and in his/her desperation is trying to spew venom anywhere he/she can, so that they can spread their pain and see other people suffer as a result. And I agree with so many other commenters: if she hates you so, why does she read you so frequently so as to know every single detail of your life? Sounds like a love/hate relationship. As in, this person is green with envy and can’t take seeing you succeed and thrive, so in turn, he/she emotionally vomits all over you. See, you were just the target, but everything that was said was just a mirror into this person’s insecurities, fears, regrets, etc. I’d say this jerk-off is just another miserable schmuck that refuses to see that their position in life is in direct relation to how they treat others. I wouldn’t be surprised if this person put hate mail in other people’s mailboxes, just because her hate overflows so fluidly, so heavily, she can’t even stand to keep it to herself. I don’t know why I changed the pronoun to a “she” in the comment, but something tells me this is a woman. I hate to say that, but it is only too often true.

    Catherine, keep doing what you’re doing. You will get this because you are doing good things, positive things, life-changing things. And demons come out in droves to destroy the good. The enemy, whatever enemy you believe exists, thrives when people like your nasty emailer writes those emails. He wins. But we take it back when we say we’re not going to accept it as truth, and fight back, and protect one another, and stand by those we support and love. I say…take down that email after tomorrow. Don’t give that venomous snake anymore publicity. That’s what she wants, after all. A piece of your prosperity, your joy, your success. Take it away from her and throw her garbage where it belongs: in the trash bin.

    You are loved. So much.
    .-= Tricia´s last undefined ..Response cached until Fri 19 @ 2:09 GMT (Refreshes in 23.08 Hours) =-.

    Heidi March 18, 2010 at 12:29 am

    Are you kidding me?

    SERIOUSLY.

    I read because your honesty is what makes us human. Every one of us. Human.

    Nancy Bogue March 18, 2010 at 12:36 am

    I am using my real name for a real post. That hate-letter made me cry. Not for you, nor for its writer. It made me cry because of the mean-ess involved. It was cutting and meant to be cruel… and I am sad that the world has people like this in it and yet, oddly, I am beginning to understand why we, as a world, are so messed up… and I have no idea where to begin to help fix it.

    But I can start here. Write at the top of your lungs my friend! You are here and alive and therefore HAVE earned that right. Let no bitch (or man) put asunder. I will share your words every chance I get even more than I do now, in some small way, to karmically counter the hate-letter you shared with us today.

    I, for one, love your words and I continue to be in awe that you share as you do. Thank you.

    Lady M March 18, 2010 at 12:58 am

    There’s no excuse for that kind of cruelty. Someone who doesn’t enjoy reading should just click to close her browser.

    Catherine – I’ve admired your thinking, feeling, and writing for many years. Much love to you and your family.
    .-= Lady M´s last blog ..Taking Casual Fridays a Step Too Far =-.

    RachelB March 18, 2010 at 1:35 am

    I am constantly astounded at people who have so much anger and hate in them. How could someone seriously type that many hateful words?
    I love your writing, laugh mightily at your funny stories and cry along with the sad ones. You help moms and women feel less alone in the world.

    I just don’t understand why people need to be so mean. Are they jealous or just so inherently unhappy and permanently 10 years old that they need to make someone else feel bad in order to feel better.
    Don’t like it? Then don’t read, jerks.
    We love you – and one good vibe should erase at least 10 nasty trolls.
    .-= RachelB´s last blog ..Ninety One =-.

    Frugan Amy March 18, 2010 at 2:06 am

    Catherine, you more than any other blogger have made me feel less alone with my complex (check it – you can love something and not at the same time, woah) feelings about new motherhood. Your writing has been a gift to me and many other women. If I ever received his kind of hate I’m pretty sure I would be unable to sleep for days, die a thousand deaths and, also, vomit. I hope you have developed enough of thick skin (woe is you that you have to) that this doesn’t become the narrative for your day/week. It’s cruel and she’s wrong.

    Angie March 18, 2010 at 6:53 am

    Why can’t people realise that if they don’t like what you are writing they can just stop reading. To knock someone else down is just childish. When I repeatedly don’t agree or like what a fellow blogger is writing I stop following, there is always others that may fit your interests better.

    Complete BS is what that kind of hate mail is

    Marinka March 18, 2010 at 7:23 am

    This hurts all of us and I’m sorry that it happened. And as a lifelong feminist, I can vouch that whining is one of our most important calling cards. It what keeps us not going all Yellow Wallpaper on the world.

    Thinking of you.
    .-= Marinka´s last blog ..I Took A Physique 57 Class and Lived To Blog About It =-.

    domestic extraordinaire March 18, 2010 at 7:47 am

    I don’t know if I can say anything else, that someone hasn’t said. I know you are a lovely person, spending time with you, and while getting hate mail is not a pain I know, and I can easily say to brush it off and ignore it…..I know that I probably wouldn’t be able to do so.

    Honey I am so sorry….much love.
    .-= domestic extraordinaire´s last blog ..Flashback Friday-The Closet Edition =-.

    Rella12 March 18, 2010 at 8:04 am

    sending you a hippopotamus hug. (that’s what my son calls the biggest hug ever)

    your blog is real. not some fictional waspy wife who sh#ts sunshine all the time. YOU are real. you feel all of it. you share all of it.
    I’m so sorry you are getting blasted for telling the truth of you and for sharing your truth. Please continue and know that you are appreciated.

    Beth March 18, 2010 at 8:15 am

    Catherine,

    I’ve never commented before, but have enjoyed both your blog and the basement too, which I think is a vitally important kind of space for women.

    And may I say, with all respect — oh, for fuck’s sake! Do people have nothing better to do than to attack other people? Heaven FORFEND that you should write your reality with such clarity and honesty. Must you be punished for being real??? For admitting that motherhood is challenging and sometimes painful? For feeling devastated about Tanner’s illness? For grieving your father? This, in particular, burns me up because I lost my mother right after you lost your dad — and it’s hard enough to walk through each day in this supposed “after grief” time where everyone but your closest friends has seemed to forget that you feel like you’re walking around with a simultaneous hole in your heart and a heaviness that makes it hard to move your limbs. I admire your great writing and your even greater realness.

    And again, if someone truly doesn’t like a blog, why is there need for such meanness? Just don’t read the blog. Christ.

    Know that for every mean person, you have 100 more that are in your corner. Keep doing what you do. It matters.

    Must Be Motherhood March 18, 2010 at 8:25 am

    Oh my god, woman. Please know that for every awful letter like this you receive, there are dozens–probably hundreds–of women like me who didn’t spend the time to send you a personal note about how much love in our hearts we have for you and what you are doing every day on your blogs.

    Christina March 18, 2010 at 8:45 am

    Please ignore the haters. They are everywhere all the time. I read your blog almost daily & have never commented before but I think you are a wonderful human being. Don’t stop just because of a few losers who are so miserable in their own lives that they feel the need to spread the misery. Hold your head high & continue to do what you love.

    Christina March 18, 2010 at 8:56 am

    Catherine – I don’t write blogs, but I love reading yours!! I’m a mom to 2 little ones and step mom to 2 teenagers…. My girls are close in age to your kids, so I can TOTALLY relate to most of your tales.

    My mom and I were talking the other day about mommy-bloggers, and generally how different it is raising children today as compared to when she was raising my sister and I. Reading your blogs – and others like it – provide ideas and potential solutions for similar problems we may be experiencing; it provides a small justification to know that my kids aren’t the only ones to draw all over themselves with an uncapped pen; and provides a source of entertainment & insipration to moms everywhere – and I really think that’s a concept only another mom would get.

    Please don’t let vile hate mail like that letter get you down – instead look at it as you must be doing something right… because if you weren’t they wouldn’t have anything to write to you about!!

    Please know that you are loved and adored and have MANY, MANY supportive fans & firends!!

    ((hugs))

    coffeewithjulie March 18, 2010 at 9:02 am

    I’m speechless. I can’t imagine that someone would write such a thing. So damn harsh and uncalled for.

    Assertagirl March 18, 2010 at 9:21 am

    It’s so easy for people to make judgments from the outside. If he or she only really knew you they would be ashamed of what they’d written. I’m sorry you deal with this so often.
    .-= Assertagirl´s last blog ..A theme song for Nate. =-.

    LD March 18, 2010 at 9:24 am

    I’m sorry.
    That’s a harsh e-mail.
    And wrong in many ways. I read your blog for many reasons. But, one of the reasons is because it lets me be okay with the shit that comes with life (and mothering).
    And, if you can make money writing and sharing yourself so openly good for you. But, I’m also guessing that if you had no ads, and very few readers, you’d still be writing all of this because it’s real.
    Life is messy. I wish I had your courage.
    .-= LD´s last blog ..Irish =-.

    Maureen March 18, 2010 at 9:25 am

    I’m delurking to say that I read your blog regularly, and all I read is evidence of a truly compassionate, intelligent, and thoughtful woman, writer, and mother. I quit my own blog five years ago because I didn’t want to continue dealing with the trolls. You are braver than I, and what you share with the world is so vital. Thank you for putting up with hatemail like this so I, and obviously others, can be comforted and enlightened by what you have to say.

    Heather, Queen of Shake Shake March 18, 2010 at 9:38 am

    “Because although one might think that hate mail is just what comes from exposing one’s life in the public sphere, that someone like me should be prepared to just suck it up as part of the cost of doing this, of telling these stories, I say no, no, it’s not; no, it shouldn’t be; no, I shouldn’t have to.”

    Not to get all religious, but tell that to Jesus. You know, people are fucked up. Always have been, probably always will be. So yes, we do have to find a way to process the outer world that is fucked up. We’re here on earth to play the human game, this is part of it.

    But hey! At least there is progress. You may be figuratively crucified, but not literally, like Jesus. Lucky you. It’s only taken over 2000 years to get there, who knows how accepting humans will be in 2000 more years, Yay for optimism!
    .-= Heather, Queen of Shake Shake´s last blog ..Marry for Love, Not Money. I Think. =-.

    ewe_are_here March 18, 2010 at 9:41 am

    Catherine, I’m so sorry. The venom is beyond despicable … and not even understandable to most. You really have to wonder about someone who is not only continuing to show up and read something they claim bothers them so intensely, but then take the time to write and send such a disgusting, thorough, vile email when they know you’re hurting, they don’t have to read, it’s really none of their business…

    I’m so sorry people like this exist. I truly hope you can find a way to just hit delete and not read the comments that roll in like that.

    pgoodness March 18, 2010 at 9:49 am

    Some people are so miserable they just can’t let anyone live their own life. This person is obviously an idiot and a loser. It’s sad,really.

    You don’t deserve that kind of hate mail – hell, no one does. Ridiculous that people think it’s ok to hide behind their computer and say such vile things.
    .-= pgoodness´s last blog ..Protected: Just venting =-.

    Karen March 18, 2010 at 9:50 am

    Please keep doing what you’re doing. Do NOT let this clearly unstable person get to you!

    Katy March 18, 2010 at 9:53 am

    Is that the letter from Margalit?

    If it is, you need to shrug your shoulders, take your pointer finger and twirl it around your ear in the universal fashion for coocoo bananas and move on.

    That bitch is crayzay. You’re better than her. A lot of people are.
    .-= Katy´s last blog ..Guesting =-.

    Barb March 18, 2010 at 10:03 am

    Well, one positive outsome of the horrible hater’s post is that the Tweets (@maggiedammit, you) drew me to look at your blog, so now I can follow it.

    I am not as connected to the wonderful women blogger world as you are (yet) so I know nothing of who might be the hater. As I was reading, I pictured one of those pinch-faced mothers whose children are quiet and well-behaved, who insist that they love having children but spend most of the time punishing, or who buy sale-quantities of enemas at the drugstore.

    Now I am sounding like a hater, and that wasn’t my intent. Only that this kind of cruelty comes from somewhere, and it sure isn’t from reading your posts.

    I, too, wondered why anyone would continue to read and spout venom rather than staying away? Sad, angry victim/abuser syndrome.

    So sorry you have to hear that. So glad that somehow it led me here, and that you go on telling your story in spite of it. Thank you.
    .-= Barb´s last blog ..About Hope =-.

    sweetney March 18, 2010 at 10:39 am

    You’re a fucking inspiration, and I love you.
    .-= sweetney´s last blog ..(Everyday Is) Halloween =-.

    Lynn March 18, 2010 at 10:43 am

    There will always be mean people in this world. Most who’s lives suck, so they want to trash others. You do a great job and I’ve enjoyed reading your blog. Chin up chicka!

    Colleen March 18, 2010 at 10:46 am

    I just don’t understand people. If you don’t like what someone is writing on their blog… stop reading. Unsubscribe. Unfollow. Unfriend. What do you really get out of writing a letter like that?
    .-= Colleen´s last blog ..My Little Gymnast =-.

    jaelithe March 18, 2010 at 10:56 am

    Just yesterday my son, who is learning about the human body in school, said to me, “Guess what? The heart is a muscle!” And I had to turn my face away when I replied, “Yes, yes it is,” so he wouldn’t see me blinking back tears.

    Because you see, that post you wrote once about Tanner seared itself a permanent mark in my muscular heart. And I’m not sorry about it. Hearts are prettier with scars.

    To write so beautifully about Tanner that people like me, who have never met him, will never forget him – will never forget that there are children like him all over the world right now, waiting for a cure – I don’t believe that can be called exploitation by anyone with a properly beating heart.
    .-= jaelithe´s last blog ..Conversations with a Five-Year-Old: The Pain and the Pedant =-.

    Suebob March 18, 2010 at 11:08 am

    Your post and these comments made me write about the time I was a troll. Maybe my post will help explain.

    http://redstapler23.blogspot.com/2010/03/true-confession.html
    .-= Suebob´s last blog ..10 things that should be illegal =-.

    Judy March 18, 2010 at 11:25 am

    I haven’t read you for all that long – you were pregnant with Jasper when I started, but you come across to me as a loving, gentle person. Sure, there have been times when I have wished you could come to grips with your demons – but I wish I could come to grips with MY demons too. The thing is, a blog is personal. No matter who reads it, your blog belongs to you. If someone is offended by it, they should leave. Don’t come back. Don’t bother reading something that offends you. Certainly don’t bother writing a bunch of vitriolic crap to the person whose blog offends you. It’s not up to us, the readers, to criticize or condemn you. This is YOUR blog. You allow us to visit. We don’t have to always be supportive, but we have no right to condemn.

    Gemini-Girl March 18, 2010 at 11:48 am

    If this woman hates you so much, why do they even read your blog? I just dont fucking get it man! Let the haters just go away. Tell them that they dont need to read your blog. This is YOUR space. They can go suck it.
    just know- the majority of us DO NOT feel that way.

    Jo March 18, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    Hi Catherine, I’m not big on commenting, but this post just really touched me and I had to reach out and say something. I’ve been thinking a lot about my daughter and fearing for her as I was teased and bullied horribly in middle school. I want to somehow teach her to protect herself. This letter reminds me of middle school, of how mean some of the girls could be–how they could find your weakest point and pick at it until you became raw, bruised and so self-conscious about all your flaws. Most of us grow up and heal, but obviously, some don’t.

    The only thing I’ve come up with to teach my daughter is the simplest lesson, but so hard sometimes– to love herself. Love every bit of herself. These people who are so cruel were never taught that, they are sad and miserable and just need to drag some unlucky target down with them. If you can shrug and say, “You know what? You’re screwed up! I’m awesome!”, then they lose and go on to find another target. Your misery is their gain. It is so hard, I know. But know this, Catherine, I don’t know you, but I know you have an incredible mind, a beautiful family, a huge heart, a sensitive soul, an amazingly intelligent brain and so much to give this world through your writing. I think of all the blogs I read that are about difficult situations–The Spohrs, for example, and I cringe to think anyone would send them hate mail accusing them for writing for their own gain. They have turned an awful situation into something beautiful. Everyone who reads loves and knows and supports Maddie, in the same way (most) people who read your blog love, know, and support Tanner.

    I’m sorry for the mini novel, but I just had to say something. May this sad person go away from this blog knowing her miserable soul has found nothing to feed on here.

    Liz@thisfullhouse March 18, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    Delurking and wiping some of the toxicity from my screen to tell you how sorry I am for the woman who sent you that vile letter.

    Unlike yours, her life will never know the restorative powers of blogging, not to mention healing, faith or joy.

    Hang in there.
    .-= Liz@thisfullhouse´s last blog ..I Was Vlogging, Before Vlogging Was Cool =-.

    Caroline March 18, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    So much hate. It’s disgusting. The time it took to expel such anger and press send on their email boggles my mind. But. So. Why do we keep doing it? Why do we continue to blog? Is it for your 15 minutes of “fame”? Your free stuff? Please. We don’t blog for any of that. Even some fabulous salary for blogging would never be WHY we do this, dropping our asses out in the wind for the world to see and judge. Its the WRITING. The freedom to express. Its where we find sanity when a parent passes (my mom passed 9 months ago and the sanest I’ve felt about losing her is when I’ve posted about it). Its the community that has your back when you do dare to press publish. Lordy, I know I’m a broken record here, we say this stuff over and over. But I am so discouraged to see successful bloggers who continue to keep on keeping on, and who new bloggers look to, be treated like this. NYT condescension one day, vile hatred another – mom bloggers certainly live the life.
    .-= Caroline´s last blog ..Securing Your Mask =-.

    slouchy March 18, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    i’m so sorry.

    and grateful, for once, that i’m a blogger with a small, known audience. because i don’t get that kind of mail.

    love to you.
    .-= slouchy´s last blog ..In the Third Month =-.

    Lizzy March 18, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    What happened to being polite? Why can’t ideas be respected even if they aren’t our own?

    I’m sorry so many of you wonderfully expressive and intelligent women get feedback spewing with hate. Not only is it a waste of your time and energy, it is for the writer as well. She could be a nice productive person if all that initiative wasn’t focused on the dark side.

    Rise above, friend.
    .-= Lizzy´s last blog ..Play hard, or go home =-.

    Alex March 18, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    Big hugs.

    jill March 18, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    What is wrong these days with people feeling the need to blast out such negative comments on others blogs?

    I don’t think I’ve ever read anything as mean as that person’s comment.

    Nobody deserves that… You don’t deserve that.

    I am sorry for you… you have every right to be upset and angry.

    JM March 18, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    I lurk around and stop by and read and laugh and cry over your blog a lot, but rarely comment. Then I figured, if someone takes the trouble to read everything you write just so they can send you a nasty email like that.. the least I can do is raise my voice and just say- Ugh. People like that, there’s only one answer worth giving them.. Stop reading!
    If they dislike what you write so much, why bother coming back ?!
    Please, its your blog, your stories and your voice- and for each silly email like that, you know there are five others who come back because we LIKE to, and we look forward to your words. So just ignore them, really, and give yourself a happy hug thinking of the rest of us :)

    IzzyMom March 18, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    C, just keep doing what you’re doing. The positive comments grossly outweigh the negative for a good reason—you touch people’s hearts AND you make them think.

    I know it’s hard when someone intentionally hits below the belt as this person did but the vast majority of your readers (and your true friends) know it’s pure nonsense.

    Keep on with your bad self and chalk this email up to being a sad testament to the author’s own unhappiness.

    xo
    J
    .-= IzzyMom´s last blog ..Let the Sun Shine In (Before I Bite Someone’s Head Off)! =-.

    red pen mama March 18, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    I’m just adding my support and virtual love to you, Catherine. We’ve yet to meet, but you are one of my blogging heroes, and I’m sorry that being big and interesting (and popular) have made you a target to jealous, petty, mean people.

    It’s times like these that I’m so thankful to be a “little” blogger. *hugs*
    .-= red pen mama´s last blog ..Lost: Recon =-.

    The New Girl March 18, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    Mental illness comes in all shapes and sizes. And I’m not being facetious. And I’m not kidding.

    To spill so much venom, to directly try to wound and tear up (or down) someone out in the world, whom you believe you know when you really don’t (or even if you DID, for that matter)…it’s just, you know, not adaptive behavior. Not appropriate.

    And whether there are sadness issues or true mental health issues (I’m going for the latter) comments and input like this are ALWAYS more about the speaker than they are the listener. Or, the writer/reader…you know what I’m saying.

    You know what I’m saying?
    .-= The New Girl´s last blog ..Oh, Here We Go. =-.

    Ariel March 18, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    I have to agree, mental illness is exactly what I think it is.
    .-= Ariel´s last blog ..Multimedia message (I love having a child in kindergarten!) =-.

    Mrs. Schmitty March 18, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    Wow….she’d love the name of my blog. What I find interesting is if she finds you so vile…. Why does she apparently know SO much about you and your blog? Loyal reader who doesn’t have the balls to admit the truths about their life?
    .-= Mrs. Schmitty´s last blog ..A Mother’s Anxiety =-.

    Michelle M March 18, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    I…hmmmm. So I admit that I tried to find this person from clues given in tweets, and facebooks, and posts…however I could only find one blog and it was shut down.

    No matter.

    I hope that this person does not, as my investigating seems to point to, have twins. I hope that hate like that would be sterile. Would not be able to breed.

    There is no reason for hate such as that. That- that is pure, vile, black, inky hate.

    This post taught me to never use the phrase “I hate it when you…” b/c now I know what real hate looks like on paper. Souless, stone cold hate.

    Catherine, I love your blog. You have taught me lessons, challenged me to think, to grow up, to live, to call my mom who I did not talk to for a long time. To forgive.

    For those things I will defend your honor.

    So, HATER WHO SHALL REMAIN CHICKENSHIT AND NAMELESS, I ask you to pick on someone in your own class, someone who can shut out emotions and attack places that should never be attacked. Catherine- catherine WOULD NEVER BECAUSE SHE IS GOOD, BETTER THAN YOU WILL EVER BE.
    .-= Michelle M´s last blog ..Tobacco Stains and the Snow Plow =-.

    lindsayc March 18, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    I just wanted to tell you that I find you inspiring and honest and brave. The sad person who sent you that reprehensible letter – was just being hateful. I am sorry that this is causing you more grief – goodness knows that you have had enough of that.

    Loukia March 18, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    Oh good grief. I’m so sorry, Catherine. That is sickening to read. Just horrible. Please, don’t take it to heart. Just throw it away, and forget about it. You know yourself. You know your worth, your love, your commitment the things you love. You love your children, you are a good daugther, and you do a lot of good for causes that are near and dear to you. People can be pieces of shit, truly. And you didn’t deserve that. I find that people who don’t get blogging will never get why we complain or bitch about our kids online. At the end of the day, we know how much we love them. And we know humour. And we are all here together. SIGH! SORRY! HUGS!

    sheila March 18, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    i am new to your blog. i just started reading a few days ago and i am someone who is VERy grateful for you doing this. i suffered from SEVERE post partum. didn’t know i even had it until my son was 17 months old–i’d been diagnosed something else, but even though i’m 1 year past that now, there’s still a real need for support and the knowledge that there are people out there who didn’t turn out to be the mom’s they thought they would be and are gentle with other moms who find themselves on that path. and i personally love the humor!
    anyway. that comment would have been a hard one for me, too. i hope that you’re feeling better today.
    once again, thank you for blogging. it really helps me.

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