I labored over a post about this, about this dark anniversary, about how this year has changed me, about how I still cry. But the words were confused, the sentences messy, the paragraphs long, the ideas incoherent, and it occurred to me that I do not need to struggle to put everything into words. That not everything can be captured in words.
I said goodbye to my father a year ago. I am still saying goodbye. I am still sad.
I am still sad. I will always be sad, about this, this loss. There will be other sadnesses – and there will, of course, be many, many happinesses – but this, this sadness will stay.
It will not color all things, but it will be there, always. I just need to learn how to bear it, and how to accept it.