Happy Birthday, Pass The Bail Money

August 1, 2010

It’s Kyle’s birthday today. I’m not going to tell you how old he is, because I think that he’s feeling a little weird about that, and if the 21st century has taught us anything, it’s that there’s nothing weirdmaking that can’t be made even more weirdmaking by being broadcast on the Internet. So.

Emilia got him sticks for his birthday. She put a lot of thought and planning into that, and it’s important to realize – as she explained at some length this morning when she presented them, with great fanfare, which is to say, wrapped in ribbons and pulled with a flourish from behind her back – that they aren’t actually sticks, but tools. “Car tools,” she explained. “For your car.”

birthday sticks

The largest stick is a tire tool. “It’s for when you want to get new wheels for your car,” she said, waving it in a circular motion above her head, presumably to illustrate the concept of ‘wheels.’ “You just poke your tires with it like this” – jab jab jab – “and you make a hole and then you get to have new ones.” The three smaller tools, she explained, were simpler instruments: “you use them to scrape the paint from your car” – she held it horizontally, gripped in both hands – “for when you want to get the paint off so it can be painted a different color.”

Kyle, needless to say, was moved and proud: his daughter invented a portable kit for car vandals in his honor, which really is every father’s dream.

“I’m going to keep this always.”

“You’d better keep it in your car, Daddy. But maybe I should help you with your tires, first.”

Her future’s so bright, we gotta wear shades – and carry lots of bail money.

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    { 31 comments }

    Leslie in Toronto July 31, 2010 at 10:46 am

    Happy Birthday to Kyle!!!

    Yahee July 31, 2010 at 10:48 am

    Here’s to Kyle’s birthday and tires that remain intact!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
    .-= Yahee´s last blog ..Im so patriotic in my fabric choices at least =-.

    Aimee July 31, 2010 at 11:20 am

    Happy Birthay, Kyle! Make it a great one!

    Wendy Armbruster Bell July 31, 2010 at 11:27 am

    Happy Birthday Kyle! Have a wonderful sunny birthday!

    Suebob July 31, 2010 at 11:30 am

    Happy Birthday, Kyle. Anyone who makes Catherine happy is ok by me!
    .-= Suebob´s last blog ..Dear Suebob =-.

    cagey (Kelli Oliver George) July 31, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    Happy birthday, Her Bad Father! Many happy returns to ye and may no nails find their way into your tires.
    .-= cagey (Kelli Oliver George)´s last blog ..One mans pest is another mans pet =-.

    lindsayc July 31, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    Happy Birthday!

    Neen July 31, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    Happy Birthday Kyle! Congratulations on another successfull trip around the sun!

    Jill July 31, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    Happy Birthday Kyle. Keep an eye on that kid.

    zchamu July 31, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    Happy Birthday, Kyle! You don’t look a day older than 10 years younger than your actual age.
    .-= zchamu´s last blog ..And the winner gets to work for free =-.

    darah July 31, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    Happy Birthday!!! You got the best birthday present ever – even if it does involve a life of crime.
    .-= darah´s last blog ..history keeping =-.

    julia July 31, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    Hey Happy Birthday Kyle!

    GingerB July 31, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    Happy birthday Daddy-O, and I hope you need never use those tools. You could put your eye out, and, it’s always funny until someone gets hurt. So sayeth the mother in me.
    .-= GingerB´s last blog ..Sing a song of sixpence- and heroin- and studs =-.

    Lara July 31, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Happy, happy birthday – may all your dreams come true! Happy, happy birthday from the blogosphere to you! :)

    She Writes July 31, 2010 at 11:44 pm

    This is the possibly the best birthday story ever. Happy Birthday to the lucky father of such a thoughtful, forward-thinking girl.
    .-= She Writes´s last blog ..Dear AT&T- 2010 =-.

    Blue August 1, 2010 at 12:01 am

    Happy birthday to Kyle. Congrats on that, and also on having a daughter who can make the Internets laugh until they cry.

    Rainyday August 1, 2010 at 7:23 am

    Happy birthday Kyle! *LOVE* your portable vandal kit! Enjoy!
    .-= Rainyday´s last blog ..Insanity =-.

    MizFit August 1, 2010 at 8:48 am

    Happy Happy BIRTHDAY!!

    **scurries off to procure some gifting sticks**

    Her Bad Mother August 1, 2010 at 9:50 am

    LOL ‘gifting sticks’ ;)

    Holly {ArtistMotherTeacher} August 1, 2010 at 8:52 am

    Happy Birthday Kyle!
    .-= Holly {ArtistMotherTeacher}´s last blog ..Unexplored surfaces and alien life forms =-.

    Jaelithe August 1, 2010 at 10:34 am

    Kyle should not care about how (not) old he is because:

    1.) He is hot. (I mean, seriously, you scored big time with this one, Catherine, which I’m sure you knew even before everyone on the internet came to the same conclusion.) He’s got that “distinguished professor who just might ride motorcycles and raid tombs on the weekends” look DOWN like Dr. Henry Walton Indiana Jones. I think this and I am 29. (Okay, almost 30. But still.)

    2.) He has a hot wife. Who makes him famous on the internet. Everyone knows that famous people don’t age as quickly as the rest of us.

    3.) His daughter will obviously take over the world before she is 25, which means he’ll certainly not only live to see her Grand Coronation as World Empress, where she will undoubtedly present him with a gilded slim jim to honor his support of her early childhood career in, um, high-tech transportation security services, but will also pass many years as a favored witness to global progress under her glorious reign.

    4.) He can keep up with two children under the age of five. He therefore cannot possibly be older on the inside than 30. That’s, like, written in the Cosmic Book of Parenting somewhere. I’m certain of it.
    .-= Jaelithe´s last blog ..Days Before Yesterday =-.

    Editdebs August 1, 2010 at 11:54 am

    Oh Happy Day!

    Angela August 1, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    Happy Birthday Kyle! And may your daughter learn how to fix a flat for you.
    .-= Angela´s last blog ..So close to being DONE =-.

    Her Bad Mother August 2, 2010 at 9:52 am

    More like, MAKE a flat. And then steal the hubcaps.

    Martha August 1, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    Happy Birthday, Kyle, Happy Birthday to you!

    Redneck Mommy August 1, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    Happy Birthday Kyle!!

    Big redneck smooches from me. Can’t wait for the chance to have you cook for me again. (Heh. I know, it’s an honor and a privilege to feed me…wink.)

    Take care and see you soon(ish).
    .-= Redneck Mommy´s last blog ..Operation Slobber Puss =-.

    Katie August 1, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    Happy Birthday Kyle, I’m drinking a beer to honour your birthday right now.
    .-= Katie´s last blog ..What Is It No Really- What Is It =-.

    habanerogal August 2, 2010 at 10:02 am

    Nappy birthday to Kyle the guy that makes all the Herbad family a complete picture

    Secret Mom Thoughts August 2, 2010 at 10:22 am

    Happy Birthday Kyle!
    .-= Secret Mom Thoughts´s last blog ..Waiting =-.

    caramama August 2, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    Happy Birthday, Kyle!

    Enjoy those car tool sticks, but also find a good place to keep them where your girl won’t get to them. Unless you need new tires or a paint job… Does your insurance cover Damage By Young Child?
    .-= caramama´s last blog ..Question of the Week – Dont Leave Home Without It =-.

    Bryony Boxer August 2, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    Happy Birthday Kyle!

    I totally get feeling weird about certain ages, certainly about broadcasting them on the Web. :)

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