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14 May

Baby, You’re A Firework


I know, I know: if you’ve seen one video of small children dancing, you’ve seen them all. But these are my children, and one of them is wearing only sunglasses and a diaper and it is cute, dammit, even if it does turn a little bit violent at the end. So hell yeah, I’m going to make you watch it. Now you have Katy Perry in your head, and god knows that even the most adorable images of flying toddlers in sunglasses don’t make that okay.

That said, it was either that or I was going to make you look at my Batshit Cats Are Batshit picture again, and maybe make you write captions. Thing is, I had already decided that “My Name Is Inigo Montoya. You Killed My Father” was probably going to be the winner, and since I thought of that one it made the whole enterprise seem, I don’t know, unseemly, and so I abandoned the idea.

Mostly. I’m still going to make you look at the picture:

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

I’m working on staging a capoeira cage-match between Jasper – in sunglasses and diaper – and that white cat. I’m going to videotape it and set it to Katy Perry and call it When Honey Badgers Fly/Firework Remix and I’m totally going to make you watch it. You’ve been warned.



1) Thank you so much for the discussion on this post. I’m still grappling with anxiety (bullying! my child! what does it mean? what do I DO?) but at least I’m able to pin that anxiety down long enough to sleep and to laugh and to move forward in life, secure-ish in the knowledge that these are all just trials and lessons and that it only gets worse from here.

2) So some lady has a blog where she just hates on people who put any kid bigger than an infant in a stroller, which really is an awesome use of her time. Shannon discusses it in nicer terms than I would, over at The Bad Moms Club.

3) Are Canadians uniquely tolerant of moms and babies in public spaces? Not really, but it seemed an interesting question to explore.

4) John Cave Osborne asserts that ‘videos of locusts aren’t oozing with tacit yet palpable homoerotica.’ I say John Cave Osborne is watching the wrong locust videos.

5) You really should buy this book. It costs, like, less than a Venti latte at the airport, and although I am first to insist that a Venti latte – at the airport or anywhere else – is worth its weight in platinum, this book really is pretty awesome, and not just because it features an essay of mine, although that’s mostly why I’m plugging it here, because I am self-centred, y’all.

6) I know, Canadians don’t say y’all. I lament that, muchly.