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27 Oct

Family Sized Blender: The Loss

Strap in for Jason’s ongoing story. Once a tech obsessed writer/photographer/speaker, he thought he had it all under control – until his family grew six sizes. Now he’s trying to fuse everyone together into a single family. This is Family Sized Blender.

It really was only a cheeseburger.

Mom got home last night late after class, bearing a cheeseburger for me and a baked potato for her. We’d chatted by phone a few minutes before, and she mentioned that she would grab a couple of burgers for the both of us. I blew up. Like actually got angry that she’d changed the plan (Hulk, smash).

Stupid? Yes.

I could blame it on being tired, or sick, but neither of those two things was particularly true. I’d felt this uneasiness rattling around inside me for a few days and the cheeseburger was the flame that lit the fuse.

I’ve been spinning this one around my brain for a day or so, and I’m starting to cobble together a bit of an answer as to “why.” One of the cliche’s of moving in with a partner is that you lose your sense “self” in favour of the “we.” That sort of thing, (I’m learning) gets hyper accelerated when you consolidate homes, stuff five kids under a single roof and prepare to sell that roof in favour of a new home.

In short, I’ve started to change in ways that don’t quite fit me. I’ve let a long summer of organizing, painting and trips to the dump has give me a more serious veneer. Things are bugging me more frequently. I’m getting outwardly angry for stupid reasons (free cheeseburger).

If you know me, you’ll know that I’m an insanely happy person. The guy with the clueless grin. Mr. Silver Lining. What this incident has done is surfaced something important for me. It’s challenging me to say “ok – the summer’s over, the work is mostly done. Now, get back to running your own race.”

And so that’s my challenge. Stand down when the ridiculous starts to bother me and try and figure out what Captain Smiley is supposed to look like when the stakes are higher, the days are longer and the baby continues to test out her lungs.

Jason also blogs about making better memories with your point-and-shoot camera – check out Frame One on Facebook. And he’s an active participant in Intel Canada’s online community – follow his contributions at the Intel Canada Facebook page.