They Say It’s Your Birthday, And That You Want A Kitten

May 21, 2012

It’s my birthday today. My husband has been asking me for days what I want. I don’t know what I want. A day off, maybe. A day off, with a nap. Which is totally not going to happen, not today, anyway. By some accident of fate, I’ll be spending part of my birthday this year at the White House, and I’m pretty sure that they’re not going to let me nap in the West Wing.

In any case, a nap, according to Emilia, is not an appropriate wish for one’s birthday. One must aim significantly higher than naps, according to Emilia, because, she says, ‘naps aren’t special.’ (A pause to reflect on the bitter absurdity of this claim, which only a child, or any being that is not a parent, could make.) According to Emilia, there are other, more special things that I should be asking for for my birthday. Other, fluffier things.

“You want a kitten, Mommy.  I know that you do, because you have kittens on your phone, which means that you want one, right Mommy?”

(For what it’s worth, I also have pictures of honey badgers, lemurs, unicorns and Jesus riding a T-Rex on my phone, so we can reasonably assume that Emilia’s interest here is somewhat self-directed. Which also prompts the question: why not a honey badger? Why not a unicorn? She and I are going to have to talk about this.)

And: “if you want a kitten, Mommy, you should ask for one for your birthday. But it won’t be wrapped. Kittens don’t get wrapped.”

They do, however, get hats:

I don’t really want a kitten. I’d like to have that kitten, the one with the beret – Tequila Kitten, I call her, because La Petite Chat Avec Beret just doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily – and maybe a few of its friends, at a party. I’ve been saying this for weeks now, that I want to throw a party that features kittens and tequila, because that would be an awesome party, what with the margaritas and cucumber lime martinis and kitten-cuddling and all – but I wouldn’t want to keep the kittens. That is, I would want to keep the kittens, or even maybe just one or two, but I wouldn’t be allowed to. Which sucks, because, my god:

If there is any creature cuter than a fluffy kitten in a wee black beret, I have yet to encounter it. This kitten could kill you with its cuteness. Smite you with its adorableness. LOOK INTO ITS EYES. IT WILL MURDER YOU WITH ITS CUTE.

I don’t have time in my schedule for dealing with cute-murder. And in any case, I already have two cats – two skittish Siamese, whose egos would not be able to cope with the presence of a being cuter than themselves – and also two children, and a husband who believes that our household is already overfull of living beings, cute and otherwise.. Which means that I’m going to have to get my kitten fix by rifling through all the pictures I took of Tequila Kitten and watching video of Tequila Kitten and drinking tequila and pretending that my two Siamese are sort of somewhat like Tequila Kitten.

And then I’m going to demand that nap.

(This napless birthday post is brought to you by Sauza. Tequila Kitten: also brought to you by Sauza. Also, tequila. THANK YOU SAUZA.)

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    Tarasview May 21, 2012 at 10:44 am

    I have asked for a nap for my birthday and Christmas and mother’s day for the last 10 years. I still haven’t gotten it.


    I haven’t ever asked for Tequila kitten though. Perhaps I should try that. I might have better luck.

    Happy birthday to you. Enjoy the Whitehouse! I seriously suggest sneaking off to the West Wing and having a nap. Just tell them you are Canadian and we Canadians are just so nice that we didn’t KNOW we weren’t ALLOWED to nap in the West Wing on our birthdays! And then show them your shoes (which I’m sure are fabulous). They’ll like that.

    Tara May 21, 2012 at 10:48 am

    How clever of your daughter though, lol.

    Gwensarah May 21, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Happy Birthday and while I do not want a kitten, I really really really want your cats! They look awesome. I have a flame point so it’s not like I am lacking a cat, I just really like Siamese cats (unless they are pinchy faced, which yours are not!) have fun at the White House (maybe they have a secret nap room we don’t know about) and have a wonderful birthday.

    BusyMomof Twins May 21, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    I think a birthday at the White House sounds pretty cool. I say ask for “nap coupons” that you can turn in on days when a nap *might* seem possible. Today, in honour of Tequila kitten you should make a fantastic Tequila based drink. Feels like summer here…maybe a margarita is in order! Happy Birthday.

    Amy May 21, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    You’ve just given new meaning to the words “cat-nap”! Hope you have a great birthday!

    red pen mama May 21, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    Happy birthday! You should absolutely have a margarita. I hear you about the nap, though. When my children grow up and have children, and complain about being sleep deprived and wanting naps, I am going to laugh and laugh. And then probably take the baby so they can have a nap.

    i will wish for your nap, but not for a kitten.

    Fad May 22, 2012 at 6:16 am

    A nap!! how cool is that!
    or better yet a nap after a few Margaritas

    Lisa Mills May 23, 2012 at 7:08 am

    I want for nothing, I need a day off. I ask for no gifts for my birthdays/christmas as hubby is pants at selecting gifts. I just would like a day off of work, children, cooking and cleaning. Is that too much to ask?

    Maggie S. May 23, 2012 at 7:54 am

    Happy Birthday. Best wishes for a long and luxurious nap.

    Sandra May 23, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    I’d totally go for the kitten. I think you’re daughter and I are future ‘cat ladies’…maybe I’m a little closer to the goal than she is, but nevertheless, bring on Tequilla Kitten.

    Patrick Nelson May 23, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    Happy birthday! I am so envious with your present. My cat just passed away last week and she was not just an ordinary cat, she’s been a good friend of mine for many years so it was painful to see her go. Now I’m looking for a new “Cathy” in my life. Happy birthday again.

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