Bad Love

Moving Forward

February 22, 2012

Kyle took the kids back to Canada this week – Emilia has the week off of school, and I’m going to be in Nashville at Blissdom until Saturday – and I’d be lying if I denied that there were one or two awkward jokes made about the prospects of them coming back. These were jokes, in the fullest sense, but I say that they were awkward because as much as we snickered at them, they spoke to an uncomfortable truth, the truth that I spoke of in my last post, the truth of how difficult this transition has been for Kyle, and for all of us.

I could not for one minute deny – nor would Kyle deny – that there’s something deeply, comfortably compelling about the idea of Canada, of home, and all that that stands for in terms of comfort and predictability and knownness. Canada, in the abstract, feels like a security blanket that we’ve left behind, a comfort object, a state-sized stand-in for a mythical family home, for childhood bedrooms and familiar smells and the feel of worn carpet under your feet. But therein, I think, lays the rub: Canada is a place of return, of going back. New York is the place of going forward. Which is not to say that there won’t come a time for return. It’s just to say that for now, we are forging ahead. We are going forward.

Onward, to the horizon.


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Love Lifts Us Up, To Where We Probably Belong

February 14, 2012

This will seem like a statement of the obvious, but still, it bears stating: when we moved to New York City, everything changed. Everything changed, of course, in the ways that you might expect: we went from living in Canada to living in the United States, we went from living in a very small town [...]

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We’ve Got A Grown-Up Kind Of Love

February 14, 2012

When Emilia was about six months old, Kyle and I set about getting life insurance. At the time, I joked about it: look at us! We are so mature! And grown-up! ADULT, EVEN! GO US. I also related the story of how, as part of the process of applying for life insurance, a nurse visited [...]

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Wait A Minute, Mr. Postman

December 1, 2011

(This post is underwritten by the American Cancer Society, official sponsor of birthdays.) In the town where we used to live, on the street that we used to live on, there was a home for the elderly that Emilia and Jasper and I passed every day on our walks to and from preschool and kindergarten [...]

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It Was Hard To Find An Appropriately Sized Birthday Cake, But We Managed

November 21, 2011

She didn’t ask for much for her birthday. Just, you know, little things: a visit to the American Girl doll store, a cake, some candy. Oh, and a personal audience with the Statue of Liberty. Turns out, I could give her that. Sometimes, I don’t feel like such a bad mom after all.

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They Say It’s Her Birthday

November 17, 2011

Well, was her birthday. Past tense. According to the calendar, anyway. But we’ve adjusted the calendar. Her birthday is now on Saturday. And we are doing anything and everything that she wants. Which includes, if you’re wondering, a trip to the Statue of Liberty, lunch at the American Girl store, a visit to the Toys [...]

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The Writable Life

August 25, 2011

I haven’t been writing here much lately. I mean, I have, sort of, inasmuch as I continue to post here – photos, guest posts, links to stuff that I’ve written elsewhere – but I haven’t really, you know, written here. About things that are going on in my life, beyond the canoe trips and the [...]

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Far And Away

August 15, 2011

It’s not that I love my kids more when we’re away – I couldn’t possibly love them more, because I already love them to the greatest capacity of my heart, and possibly beyond it (so much it stretches and aches and threatens to burst, with all the loving) – but it is, perhaps, that I [...]

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A Certificate Of Presence: On Why I’m Obsessed With Taking Photographs, And Happier For It

July 29, 2011

There’s a post at Babble this week by a mom who regrets having been too obsessed with photographing every moment of her family’s life. She forced herself to put the camera down, and, she says, is happier for it. “While I still desperately want my boys to be able to look through photo albums of [...]

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Instagrammatica #17

July 7, 2011

There is a point where in the mystery of existence contradictions meet; where movement is not all movement and stillness is not all stillness; where the idea and the form, the within and the without, are united; where infinite becomes finite, yet not. — Rabindranath Tagore And then there is the point where small children [...]

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