Being Bad

She’ll Be Coming Down The Mountain

July 2, 2010

I am sometimes told that I come off as intimidating. This always surprises me, because I’m pretty convinced that I’m a giant dork, which, I know, is what everyone says, but still: in my case it’s absolutely one hundred and sixty seven percent true. I mean, I have spent pretty much the entirety of my [...]

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A Jasper By Any Other Name

June 10, 2010

We knew that Jasper was going to be Jasper for months before he was born. From the moment that we found out that he – hitherto referred to as Sprout – was going to be a he, he was Jasper. Jasper. It was a name for eccentric old English uncles, for suspender-wearing artists pottering about [...]

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Rage, Rage Against The Whining Of The Child

June 2, 2010

Emilia is not a morning person. I am also not a morning person, but as an adult I recognize that I don’t have any choice in the matter of whether or not I get out of bed, and also I have coffee. Emilia is a child, and she doesn’t drink coffee, so she’s oftentimes – [...]

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Adulthood: The Reckoning

May 27, 2010

There comes a moment in every parent’s life when all the contrary forces of the universe collide – you are scheduled to make an appearance on a television program, say, and are rushing for the train to make it to the studio, and you haven’t yet had coffee because getting the kids to school and [...]

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Neverland

May 21, 2010

It’s my birthday. I’m forty years old today. Forty years old. Isn’t this the birthday where I get canes and bifocals as gag gifts and t-shirts that say things like I’m not old, I’m vintage and at least one coffee mug with the words lordy, lordy look who’s forty printed along the side? I’m not [...]

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Are You A Stay At Home Mom? This Just In: You Suck

May 12, 2010

I received the following message via Facebook today. I think that it’s pretty awesome. And by awesome, I mean, so profoundly insulting and ignorant that I actually yelled out “REALLY???” and scared some flamingos.

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A Rose By Any Another Name… Well, Almost Any Other Name

May 10, 2010

I suppose that the following conversation with Emilia was inevitable. I just didn’t expect to have it when she was four. Emilia, having spilled some juice down her shirt: “oh, f***.” Me: “Emilia Elizabeth Ann! What did you just say?” Emilia: “I said, oh f***.”

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The Story’s The Thing

May 7, 2010

My mother was and still is an inveterate teller of tall tales, especially in conversation with children. She delights in the wide-eyed fascination of children with all things fantastic, and decided very early in her career as a mother that it was part of her job to keep the eyes of her own children and [...]

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Jillian Michaels Hates Your Body, Maybe. Or Not. Should You Care?

April 26, 2010

So apparently Jillian Michaels is going to avoid pregnancy and childbirth for the same reasons that she avoids cupcakes and joy: because those things aren’t worth the cost to her perfectly toned, perfectly muscled, perfectly perfect body. Which, whatever. She’s entitled to make whatever cost-benefit analyses she likes about life and love and muscle tone. [...]

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10 Things I Hate About Motherhood (And One That I Love)

April 20, 2010

A writer at Newsweek wrote last week about how her son – and the general state of being that is motherhood – is torturing her. Then a writer at Jezebel responded to the story with something very close to exasperation: “I was left, as I often am by pieces on parenting, at sea. Nowadays, there [...]

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