photo steinem quoteIt was right there at the top of my personal inbox this afternoon. A Dropbox file, shared by my friend David Wescott, with this note attached:

As you may know, Gloria Steinem is 80 years old today. I thought it might be nice to share a recording of the conversation you had with her a few years ago. I found it recently when I was cleaning out my hard drive and listened to it. While Ms. Steinem was impressive, I’m more impressed with the success you each have achieved since that call. I am so proud to know all of you and I wish you every happiness and continued success.

The plural ‘all of you’ refers to me and a small group of what would now be considered ‘old school’ mom bloggers. The ‘recording’ is indeed one of a conversation between that small group of us and Ms. Steinem. It took place almost eight years ago, which is to say, forever ago, before public Facebook, before Twitter, before Pinterest, before Buzzfeed. It took place back when mom bloggers numbered in thousands, not millions; back when our only social platforms were the comments sections of each other’s blogs; back when we could only find each other through blogrolls and backlinks and word of mouth. It took place in a time that seems almost immeasurably long ago, in Internet years. It took place in a time that I’m struggling to not feel morosely nostalgic for.

I opened that Dropbox file (there was no Dropbox way back then, in the Internet olden days) and listened to the WAV recording (no WAV recordings, lo those many years ago), and god, it was like being cast back in time. I could practically feel my excitement – our excitement – at getting to chat with Gloria Steinem. Gloria Steinem! This was before any of us had built our quote-unquote businesses; we were, at that time, debating whether what we were doing should even be called ‘business,’ and arguing about whether it would compromise our creative integrity to put Google Ads on our blogs (there was no such thing as a sponsored post; no-one would have been able to tell you the difference between earned and paid media. Content integration? What?). This was before any of us had made a television appearance, before any of us had a YouTube channel, before any of us had keynoted a social media conference (there was only one social media conference – BlogHer – and it was still so young and so small that it had been held around a swimming pool in San Jose. Most of us had met each other there, for the very first time, only a month or so earlier.) This was before any of us had gone to Africa or Haiti, or met Bono.

And yet. And yet. Even though it was early days – the earliest days for this thing that now fuels an entire industry, that drives millions of dollars in business – we knew that what we were doing was important. We knew that we were on the cusp on something. I left an academic career to be on the cusp of this… thing. This movement. This revolution. Which is what it was.

Ms. Steinem agreed with us. I wrote at the time:

And by far the coolest thing that she said was this: that she saw the women (and many of the men) of the blogosphere as being at the forefront of a new kind of revolutionary movement. A movement wherein we really talk to one another, and listen to one another. A movement wherein the highest premium is placed on telling the truth, and deriving inspiration and power from the truth. A movement that we further with every post that we write, with every supportive comment that we leave, with every empowering conversation that we spark and fuel and fan to a blaze… our movement.

She was right, of course. We’d only just begun to acknowledge it at the time. I’ve written about it many times since, usually with curse words. There were many times in those early days when it felt as though the movement, such as it was, was unstoppable, undeniable. We were an intense community, telling our true stories, telling each other that our true stories mattered. Fighting for what we believed in. Fighting each other, some times. Many times, if we’re being honest. (It was only one year later that we filled a room over capacity at BlogHer, raising our voices – really raising our voices – about the ‘State Of The Momosphere’ and whether and how we might be compromising it in the name of commerce. Because the question of whether we were businesses was still not settled, even though we were, by then, some of us, actual businesses. We knew that we wanted – that we deserved – to be considered on a par with professional writers, but we worried that such recognition might come at the cost of our community. It was a reasonable worry.)

This was before Pinterest, before Instagram. Before the Walt Disney Company bought Babble. Before there really was a Babble. The Huffington Post had only just launched; Arianna Huffington was at BlogHer that year, at the edge of that San Jose swimming pool, talking about fearlessness. We already knew that those two things were connected – starting something big always involves fear. We got that, because we too were at the beginning of something big. I think that we all ended up being among the first HuffPo writers that year (you can see my first post – on fearlessness – here). I still have her old business card.

We knew then that we were doing something extraordinary. We had no idea what we would become.

What we are now is an industry, of course. I’m not going to bemoan that – hell, I’ve made a good part of my living on that. I’ve played my part. And for as much as I agree with those who would and do say that in the process of becoming an industry we lost something of our community – because we absolutely did – I also believe that we wanted this, at any cost. We wanted to charge, full bore, full speed, into the public sphere and transform it. We wanted to make change, and we wanted that change recognized. We wanted acknowledgement, and we wanted payment. And we knew that gaining those things would cost us. We worried about it costing us, but we pushed forward anyway, because that’s what a movement is. It’s motion. Ours was us in motion. Is us in motion.

It doesn’t matter that, now, among the millions and millions of mom blogs (and dad blogs) that fill the wide open spaces of the Internet there are countless shill sites and content scrapers. It doesn’t matter that our digital commons is cluttered with quizzes and listicles and that every blogger and her sister knows how to write a Buzzfeed-worthy headline. It doesn’t matter that we have banner ads and sponsored posts and that we hashtag the shit out of everything. It doesn’t matter, because this juggernaut that we created is evidence that we were right, that Gloria Steinem was right, that we were a force that could not be stopped. Yes, much of that force has taken the form of what we might call a Motherhood Industrial Complex, but it still contains the community that was there from the beginning. It still contains the true stories, and the speaking of truth to power. And it not only contains those things – those things drive it.

We are still telling our stories, and our stories are still making all the difference. Rebecca Woolf is still singing my feminism with her words and Liz Gumbinner is still fairly and evenly deconstructing maternal weirdness. Katherine Stone is still shining a light into our darknesses, and Kelly Wickham is still calling bullshit on our racism. Georgia Getz is still Bossy. We are deconstructing bossy. We could not have deconstructed bossy the way that we have over the past weeks had we not created this vast, energized public ladysphere. We fanned that conversation to a blaze that would simply not have been possible even eight years ago, because there wouldn’t have been a public space for that conversation and because there wouldn’t have been a community of this size – this vast, energized public ladysphere of ladies possessed of digital bullhorns – invested and engaged and empowered to deliberate and debate and deconstruct. I have seen, in the last two weeks, more than a few people remark that the Ban Bossy campaign seemed to really only accomplish an end of getting people to talk about Ban Bossy. Well, yes. Exactly. As we used to say, no duh. That was the point: that we talk about it. That’s public discourse. For most of human history, women have only ever had – and then only in the best and rarest cases – very restricted access to meaningful participation in public discourse. One hundred years ago, we could not have had a far-reaching conversation about how we empower or discourage our daughters. Hell, we couldn’t have that conversation ten years ago, not in the way that we’re having today. We have – we have – built and expanded and lifted and expanded again this inclusive public space, and made possible this inclusive public discourse. Us. We did this. We made this. It is huge.

Gloria Steinem saw it coming, way back in 2006. So did we, but, you know, at the time, it really meant something to have her validate it. It still means something. It means no less for Sheryl Sandberg to validate it – and regardless of your opinion on the campaign to #BanBossy, she did exactly that. She validated our movement, by bringing her cause to it, and furthered that movement, by fanning the discursive flames that are its fuel, and its burning hot core. And we all do this, too – we validate and broaden and deepen our movement – every time we participate in the conversation, every time we debate and deliberate and disagree, every time we speak our truth, every time we tell our stories. We made this. We give this life.

Let’s keep doing this. Let’s keep speaking our truths and telling our stories, wherever we can tell them, however we can tell them. Let’s keep building this space, and moving this movement, not just because we can, but because we should.

And because Gloria said so.



Who’s Gonna Ride These Wild Horses?

March 8, 2012

In honor of International Women’s Day, this: a repurposing of an essay that I wrote for Canadian Family a couple of years ago, about my ambitions and frustrations in living up to my own self-assigned feminist mother bona fides. I still struggle with these questions, somewhat. Inasmuch as I don’t struggle anymore it’s because she’s [...]

11 comments Keep reading…

Sacrifice And The Mom

April 27, 2011

At the closing keynote session at the Mom 2.0 Summit the other week they showed a promotional clip for Oprah’s new network. In it, Oprah made a few remarks about why she never had children. “I realized that I didn’t want to make the sacrifice,” she said, “and motherhood is about sacrifice.” Ugh, I thought. [...]

72 comments Keep reading…

All The Things You Said, You Said

April 20, 2011

I almost never do this, pull narrative from the comment section of this site and present it alongside my own narrative, because that just seems so meta, although maybe I should, because it’s not like I don’t get meta – that whole last post was about as meta as it gets – and anyway so [...]

Keep reading…

Moms On The Front Line

April 19, 2011

Last Friday morning I was sitting in a conference room at the Ritz Carlton in New Orleans, listening to Abigail Disney speak about her documentary films and about her belief in the importance of telling women’s stories. She made a film about women and war, she said, because women have historically been written out of [...]

26 comments Keep reading…

I Am A Mother

December 15, 2010

It was sometime early on in one of the first sessions of TEDWomen last week that the question occurred to me: are we saying to each other here – in this go go women go celebration of everything that women can do – that women are the new men? And if that’s the case, is [...]

36 comments Keep reading…

There I Was, Rocked Me Like A Hurricane

December 10, 2010

TEDWomen was an idea-hurricane, an inspiration-avalanche, a brainwave tsunami, a tornado of provocation and stimulation, a force of nature – if nature wore high heels – a force to be reckoned with, a thing to make your heart pound and thrum and swell and your head throb from the magnificent pressure of all those ideas, [...]

Keep reading…

Through A Glass, Brightly

November 29, 2010

My mother always told me that I was beautiful. “You are a beautiful, beautiful girl, sweetie,” she would say, and I would reply – with much eye-rolling and heavy sighing – “you’re my mother. You have to say that.” I knew that I wasn’t beautiful, not in the way that princesses in fairy tales or [...]

110 comments Keep reading…

Ceci N’est Pas Une Mommy Blogger

November 18, 2010

Oh, hi! Can I tell you something about myself? I am not a mommy blogger. Yeah, I know. There’s a baby in my header. There are lots of pictures of my children here, including that one, right there, on the left. (Aren’t they cute? I let them call me Mommy.) But still. I am not [...]

119 comments Keep reading…

On Being A Good Mother, In Spite Of It All

November 9, 2010

Before Emilia was born, I had a very clear plan about what kind of mother I was going to be. I was going to carry her with me everywhere in designer slings, I was going to hand-blend my own organic baby food, I was going to shun pacifiers, I was going to teach her sign [...]

89 comments Keep reading…