her bad crazies

The Grabbing Hands, Grab All They Can

November 4, 2009

Things are getting desperate around here. Like, really. I can’t remember the last time I slept more than two or three hours at a stretch. I had hoped that my brief trip to Chicago would provide a full night’s sleep, but, alas, I spent that night waking up every hour wondering why I wasn’t being [...]

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Sufficient Unto This Day

April 22, 2009

Last week, I almost quit blogging. Almost. I wasn`t going to say anything about it. If I had quit, I would have gone totally silently into that good blogless night. There wouldn`t have been a post angsting about whether or not to quit; there wouldn`t have been a post proclaiming some long goodbye. I was [...]

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Monday, Monday

March 16, 2009

I have typed six paragraphs this afternoon. I have deleted them all. I have deleted them all because they all said the same thing, and the thing that they said was boring and stupid and self-obsessed and whiny and I couldn’t decide whether or not I was willing to indulge in any more self-obsessed whining [...]

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Out Like A Lamb

March 9, 2009

I don’t understand how this works, but for some reason, getting away by myself for one night this past weekend seems to have caused me to become even more tired than I am usually. Of course, the fact that getting away for that one night involved flying to New York and attending an event that [...]

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Let Me Know When I Am Done

January 8, 2009

I think that, maybe, I am done having children. I think. Maybe. Very possibly almost certainly. I’ve been thinking about this for weeks. I’ve been thinking about the fact that our family of four comprises a tidy little unit. I’ve been thinking about the fact that my daughter and my son make such a lovely [...]

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Look At Me Not Sleeping

November 6, 2008

Update below. I haven’t slept in four nights. Which, you know, isn’t totally bad, considering that until about four weeks ago, I’d gone nearly five months averaging only three or four hours sleep a night, every night. New mothers don’t sleep. That’s just a fact. But when you’ve passed that ‘fourth trimester’ grace period – [...]

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Baby Can’t Dance (Or, Everything I Needed To Know About Post-Partum Mental Health I Could Have Learned From Jonathan Swift And Ally McBeal)

October 15, 2008

Ooooh. Is so big! Svetlana gives Jasper’s belly a poke. He giggles. Is big baby. Is happy baby! He grabs her finger and yanks it into his mouth. And strong! I shrug. I know that he’s big and strong. I am, after all, the one holding him. With difficulty. This is why you are post-traumatic [...]

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Scream

October 8, 2008

It was all going so well. The crib had been set up and baby moved into the nursery, the husband was home at night and embracing the task of night-time baby monitoring, the Ativan prescription was filled and ensuring that just as soon as baby had last pass at the breast for the evening, I [...]

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Visualize Whirled Peas

October 2, 2008

Her name was Svetlana. She spoke with a thick Slavic accent and wore a pantsuit, which for some reason made me think that she looked like a banker. A Russian banker. Which didn’t predispose me to telling her my secrets, but still: I had promised myself that I would do this, that I would seek [...]

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I Can Has Therapy? DO NOT WANT

October 1, 2008

So I goes to the doctor and the doctor sez: oh, hai, you has intrusive thotts? you can has psychiatrist! My appointment is at 3:30 today. I am dreading it. I hate talking about my state of mind. HATE. But I will do it, because I must. Hold my hand in spirit, plz? Kthnx.

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