her bad pregnancy

A Good Birth

January 18, 2010

When I was pregnant with Jasper, I asked my doctor for a c-section.

Can I have a c-section?, I asked.

No, she said.

I had been going through early labor for weeks. It was three weeks or so before my due date, but bio-physical ultrasounds were logging me at well over a week overdue based on Jasper’s size. Jasper, according to ultrasound measurements, probably weighed close to nine pounds. And I still had three weeks to go.

I was a little freaked out. Keep reading…

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Speed Racer: The Birth Story

May 22, 2008

The first contraction hit at 7:46 pm. I know this, because I checked the time. I was pretty sure that it was just more false labor, but still. One always hopes. So I checked the time, and then went back to eating my fajita. Ten minutes later another contraction hit. Ow, I said to no [...]

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Birth Day

May 19, 2008

Miss Emilia would like to introduce you all to her baby brother, Mister Jasper, who arrived last night at 9:16pm. After very narrowly escaping being born at the side of the road. Their bad mother, who is happy but nonetheless shell-shocked from what was – no exaggeration – a somewhat traumatic birth experience, needs to [...]

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Getting Down To Business: Update

May 16, 2008

No baby. Lost rocked, though, so, hey, there was that. Spent the better part of today at hospital while doctors fussed over size of baby and fact of ongoing contractions that seem to go nowhere. The baby? IS HUGE. Well over nine pounds now and measuring off the chart for length and head size and [...]

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Getting Down To Business

May 15, 2008

Why I have to have this baby this weekend, or else: 1) Because if I have to go through another full day or night of ‘false’ but nonetheless really f*cking painful labor contractions, I may be compelled to shoot myself in the head, or dope myself to sleep with vodka, and neither of those things [...]

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My Baby, By Any Other Name…

May 13, 2008

We’ve known Sprout’s name for a long time. Naming him, in fact, was one of the easier parts of child-preparation for us. It came to us, and it felt right, and that was that. So he has a name, and we – and Wonderbaby – have been referring to him by name for a long [...]

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Hysterical

May 7, 2008

Hysteric – from the Greek, hysterikos – of or from the womb (uterus: hystera); suffering caused by the womb. Yesterday, I went to the hospital. I wasn’t convinced that I was in full-on regular labor, but something was up, and I was concerned enough about what was going on – over two days of very [...]

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If This Is It, Please Let Me Know

May 5, 2008

UPDATE: No baby yet. Have been to hospital and they say that I am in ‘early’ labor and that it could go on for days and oh, hai, yeah, sometimes it hurts like a bitch but it’s just that way sometimes. Will update on that hospital visit – which made me, much to my embarassment, [...]

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Oh, Hai, Person With The Childbirth Horror Videos? DO NOT SHOW ME THEM

May 3, 2008

I haven’t even given birth to this child yet and I’ve already gotten my first flaming piece of assvice. Which, you know, would be totally poetic – seeing as this weekend is the weekend of a virtual assvicefest of a baby shower that is being held partly in my honor – if the nature of [...]

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Joy, and Pain (Pump It Up Pump It Up)

May 2, 2008

I cannot even begin to tell you how crap I feel. Seriously. Between the ongoing false labor and the muscle-searing leg cramps, the chest-sucking heartburn and the debilitating backache, the no sleep and the no f*cking sleep, I’m this close to asking somebody to just club me in the head so that I can be [...]

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