Ima Let You Finish

Emilia 039Before Emilia was born, I had a very clear plan about what kind of mother I was going to be. I was going to carry her with me everywhere in designer slings, I was going to hand-blend my own organic baby food, I was going to shun pacifiers, I was going to teach her sign language before she was six months old, I was going to lose the baby weight before she was four months old, I was going to forbid any and all toys that were not hand-crafted by Swedish artisans from entering my house, I was going to swaddled her bottom only in cloth diapers hand-laundered in eco-friendly detergents, I was going breastfeed her until she was two, I was going to not let her watch television until she was three, I was going to clothe her only in garments woven from pure cotton by Tibetan monks or, at least, certified Disney-character free. I was going to be master of my maternal domain! I was going to be the very best mother ever, and nobody would be able to deny it!

Then Emilia was born. You know where this is going. There was a pacifier in her mouth before we wrapped her bottom in some Huggies Little Snugglers, bundled her in a Winnie-the-Pooh sleeper and took her home from the hospital. Keep reading…

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Things That Are Not Radical Acts

July 20, 2010

I had it in mind that I was going to write about it, that thing that happened last week , that thing that was really just so horrible and awful and unpleasant – in a First World Problems! kind of way, sure, but still – that thing that left me feeling so rattled and uncertain [...]

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In Other Words, He’s Just Not That Into Me

March 15, 2010

The following is a comment that someone just left on my post about love in the age of the Internet. It was directed to my comment spam folder. I don’t quite understand why it went to spam. I mean, it does proclaim a universal truth, and universal truths are the meat of discourse. Or something: [...]

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CBS Hates Babies. Pass It On.

January 31, 2010

I don’t know about you, but I think that my child makes a far slicker Horatio Caine than does David Caruso, who, let’s face it, is a hack. But CBS doesn’t care if my baby is an undiscovered Horatio Cane-impersonating genius, because CBS hates babies. Canadian babies, mostly, but also just babies, as a class, [...]

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Home Alone

January 21, 2010

When I saw the news that Anna Kournikova’s mom had been charged with neglect for leaving her little boy home alone for an hour while she ran errands, I thought, how terrible. And then I thought, there but for the grace of a little more restraint go I. I’ve left my daughter alone. Not for [...]

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A Good Birth

January 18, 2010

When I was pregnant with Jasper, I asked my doctor for a c-section. Can I have a c-section?, I asked. No, she said. I had been going through early labor for weeks. It was three weeks or so before my due date, but bio-physical ultrasounds were logging me at well over a week overdue based [...]

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Dealing With Trolls: A Holiday Primer

December 15, 2009

Step 1: Ignore the trolls. Step 2: Ignore the trolls. Step 3: IGNORE THE TROLLS. Do not look at them, do not respond to them, do not point your finger at them and scream TROLL, because the only thing that trolls  loves more than the sound of their own voice (virtually rendered in the spaces [...]

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