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A Word Cloud Is Worth 49 Words

Her Bad Mother — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 12:10:16 +0000

My One Word, wordled. Or rather, my 49 One Words, as decided by you (duplicates were eliminated) and then transcribed into Wordle for the purposes of making a word cloud, which is so last-month-media, but still. Note that I opted to include the word ‘moist,’ despite my deep aversion to it, for the simple reason that a) it was suggested, and b) human beings are 98% water, so it’s probably accurate.

There were some words that were suggested a few times over – open, honest, impassioned/passionate, smart, strong – and I love those words. I also love Catherine J‘s suggestion of ‘Catherine Wheel‘ – which strictly speaking isn’t one word, but two, unless you hyphenate it, which I think that you can do with any words, really – and Annie‘s coinage of ‘philoso-activista,’ which I – being a transliteration-of-ancient-Greek geek, tweaked as ‘philosopho-activista’ – and Alli‘s sensible insistence upon ‘complex’… I love all of these words, really, with the obvious exception of the word ‘moist,’ and can see using all of them. But after reflecting upon all these words, and the ones that I had jotted down, secretly, in my Little Black Notebook Of Words That Don’t Go On The Internet, I settled upon this:

Searching.

Just that. Searching. Searching my heart, searching my mind, searching love, searching (for) hope, searching (for) reason, searching (for) whatever it is that lays beyond reason. Searching for ways to make things better, searching for understanding about the things that don’t lend themselves to conversations about ‘better.’ Just, you know, searching.

Which, yes, I know: ‘searching,’ like ‘authenticity’ and ‘connect,’ is a word that might cause cavities if you hold it in your mouth too long. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t the best word, or, at least, the best word for now.

That, and ‘moist.’

———–

Random addenda:

- I was interviewed by Technorati for their State Of The Blogosphere series. I said stuff.

- Babble named me one of their top mom bloggers, again. I’m sandwiched between the inspiring Karen Walrond and the seriously just-so-lovely Rebecca Woolf, friends both, and that – and the rest of my company on that list – makes this, for me, a real honor. If you check out their list, though, be sure to check out their nomination page and get to know some of the amazing blogs that are cropping up there. And nominate someone who deserves to be known a little better, or a lot better, because, really, there’s room enough for bajillions of us in any celebration of who and what we are. And we’re all better off for making that room as open and inclusive and welcoming as we can. (Also, check out the Canadian Mom Bloggers list that we did last year at The Bad Moms Club for some of the Canuck blogs you should be getting to know. Maybe we’ll do it again this year. If I ever catch up on my sleep.)

- I wanna help this mom, and her boy. Please help me help this mom, and her boy.

Five Reasons You Should Totally See That Vampire Movie

Her Bad Mother — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:06:59 +0000

New Moon – the second film in the series based upon the Twilight novels (which I will not explain to you here, because, seriously, have you been living under a rock?) – opened last night and I did not go see it. Oh, I’ll get around to seeing it, eventually, but I’m not in any great hurry because a) if I happen to find spare hours in any given day sufficient to the purpose of going to the movies, I will be using them to catch up on sleep, and b) I actually really kind of didn’t so much like New Moon the book (more on that below), and will only be seeing the movie to see the parts that actually involve a plot – which is to say, the end – and that can wait until I’ve caught up on my sleep. But the flurry of discussion about the Twilight novels and the movies deriving from those novels, much of which repeats last year’s canards about aren’t these books actually kind of bad? and a good feminist would never, ever let her daughter anywhere near these books, has got me thinking about the stuff I was thinking about last year when the first movie was released. So I thought I’d repost (what follows was originally posted at MamaPop), with some minor addenda and amendments, some of my thoughts on the subject.

So there’s this vampire movie? And, like, it’s based on this book that’s like part of a four-book series and it’s about this vampire? Who’s like a nice vampire? And he falls in love with this girl and she falls in love with him and it’s, like, SO AWESOME.

Seriously.

I’m not going to claim to anybody that the Twilight series is high literature. It’s not high literature, by any stretch, unless you happen to consider the works of Dan Brown high literature, in which case you’ve probably already read Twilight sixteen times and made notes in the margins with your National Treasure commemorative ballpoint pen, and, also, could I interest you in a library of leather-bound works by Ken Follet?

What Twilight is is solid storytelling that taps into the human-all-too-human desire to experience love epically, in that awe-inspiring way that inspires, well, love stories. It’s storytelling of the variety that one might expect if the gods gathered up Judy Blume, Jane Austen, the Sweet Valley High writers, the writers behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer and also, maybe, Mary Shelley and the Brothers Grimm and wrung them all together to make a particularly yummy if not entirely filling word soup.

Twilight is pretty good stuff, and not just because it’s entertaining (although it is that). It’s also, arguably, good for you, and good for your kids. You should consider encouraging them – if they’re the appropriate age – to read it/see it. And if you don’t have kids (and even if you do), you should consider reading it/seeing it for yourself. Here’s why:

1) Bella is a good role model.

When Breaking Dawn was released this summer, a flurry of articles hit the Internet about how Bella was a poor feminist role model, what with her mooning over Edward and her inability to kick ass like Buffy and all. Those arguments are bogus. It’s not anti- or un-feminist to fall in love (more on this below), nor is it anti- or un-feminist to not be able to drop kick the undead. Bella is a strong female character precisely because of her vulnerabilities: she’s Everygirl. She’s clumsy and an unremarkable student; she’s angsty and stubborn and prone to whining about bullshitty things like rain and unwelcome attention from douchey boys. Which is to say: she is just like most girls. The thing is, none of these things make her any less compelling. She’s not a superstar, but she shines as a character because she’s smart and loving and loyal and kind and determined and independent-minded and has great taste in trucks and spends more than a little time saving the lives of her loved ones. She does her own thing, follows her own lights, defines her own heroism and is all the better for it. She proves that you don’t have to be The Chosen One to be remarkable. Who wouldn’t want their daughters (or their sons, for that matter) to follow that example?

2) The story characterizes love as empowering.

Love makes both Bella and Edward better people. It strengthens Edward’s resolve to be a ‘good’ vampire and encourages him in his restraint. It encourages Bella, in the literal sense that it gives her courage: it makes her brave and daring in ways that it seems she wouldn’t be otherwise. It compels both of them to look beyond their own, self-limiting worlds and reach outward. It teaches both of them the rewards of self-sacrifice (in sometimes excessive ways, sure, but this is fiction.) They are both made better through loving each other, which is exactly the kind of love that I want my children to aim for.

(Okay, maybe I don’t want them to consider becoming undead for love, nor do I want them to battle – as Bella does – homicidal monsters on anyone’s behalf, but still. The intent is good.)

Sure, love makes Bella a little moony and Edward a little emo – okay, a lot moony and a lot emo – but hello? Were you ever a teenager? THAT’S WHAT LOVE DOES TO TEENAGERS. It’s scientific fact. Even Buffy and Angel made moon-eyes at each other and got all angsty. And after all is said and done, Edward and Bella move beyond making CDs for each other and get down to the business of saving each other’s lives and encouraging each other to transcend their limitations and all sorts of other stuff that rinses the taste of Spencer and Heidi right out of your pop-culture-coated mouth and allows you to believe, for a moment, in the transformative power of young love.

Ed. add.: my reasons for disliking New Moon – apart from the absence, for 9/10ths of the book, of a plot – are actually related to this category. The message that love can be transformative and empowering is a message that runs through most of the series, but it gets curiously dropped in New Moon, which concerns itself largely with Bella going kind of self-destructively batshit over the loss of Edward and toying with Jacob’s feelings. People going self-destructively batshit over the loss of a lover is not in itself a bad thing, necessarily, within the context of literature. It’s kind of a recurring theme, actually – Romeo and Juliet, Anna Karenina, Madame Bovary, etc, etc. – but that kind of self-destructivity is usually characterized as, you know, problematic. And it’s usually embedded in a plot. New Moon goes on for hundreds and hundreds of pages, lingering over Bella’s misery and her perverse efforts to overcome that misery by tormenting herself and poor, furry Jacob. Not so empowering, and, also: YAWN.

3) Further to #2: the story sets the bar really freaking high for choosing romantic partners, in a good way.

Much has been said about the fact that Edward is an impossibly perfect guy, that there’s something problematic in the fact that he seems to defy reality in his awesomeness, inasmuch as no girl (or boy) is ever, in real life, going to find someone like that to fall in love with. A related argument holds that the story perpetuates the insidious idea that we should only fall in love with amazing people. Here’s a news flash: I want my kids to hold out for amazing people. Obviously, there aren’t a lot of sparkly, do-gooding vampires out there, so odds are slim that my kids will ever find some perfect, Edward-like creature (nor would I necessarily want them too. After all, vampire), but still: they can hold out for someone who is unswervingly loyal, someone who is kind, someone who strives to be good, someone who treats them with respect, someone who wants the best for them, someone who loves them dearly and passionately, someone who is inspired, by them, to be the best vampire/werewolf/person they can be. (Maybe not someone who floats outside their bedroom window at night, not least because slobber is hard to scrub off of windows, but I’m going to assume that if they don’t fall in love with a gravity-defying vampire, this won’t be a problem.) (Yeah, the stalkery thing is not awesome, but it’s not exactly a new and outrageous theme in western lit. Romeo was more than a little obsessed with Rosaline, and then he did all that trellis-climbing with Juliet and, also, murdered her cousin. The course of love in fiction never did run smooth or uncriminally.)

Someone like Edward. Or Jacob (*cough*). You know, if they weren’t, respectively, a vampire and a werewolf.

4) The story underscores the idea that love (and friendship) can transcend difference and that, yes, we can just all get along.

Edward is a vampire. Bella is not. As Jacob reminds Bella constantly (and somewhat hypocritically) Edward is pretty much a different species. He’s a MONSTER. And to those people who don’t know that he’s a monster, he’s still different enough that everybody keeps their distance from him and his family and look upon them with suspicion and basically, effectively, shun them. Because they’re different. But Bella doesn’t: she looks past Edward’s (and his family’s) monsterness and ignores the differences that seem to divide them and falls in love, and, at the end of the day (at the end of the books) even the most dramatic differences are overcome and (spoiler alert) everyone lives in a sort of inter-species harmony. That’s a good lesson, no?

Just because someone is – or seems to be – a monster doesn’t make them bad. Just because someone is different doesn’t make them bad. Grover and Cookie Monster taught me that. Edward and his family and Jacob and his pack and Bella’s relationship with them all just underscores the lesson, and it’s a lesson worth teaching.

5) The story demonstrates, convincingly, that love is not just about sex, and that abstinence can be erotic.

Holy shit is abstinence ever freaking erotic in these books. You ever want to convince your kids that they do not need to have sex to be turned on and/or to bond physically with another human being, you just hand them these books. SERIOUSLY. WAITING IS HOT.

6) EDWARD NOM NOM NOM.

That was a bonus reason.

Now go see that movie. (ed.note: or, you know, the other one. Or just read the books.)

(There was a lively discussion over at MamaPop when this piece was originally posted – you should check out the comments there.)

I Like Baby Butts And I Cannot Lie

Her Bad Mother — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:21:13 +0000

I have some pretty cool news to report. Problem is, I can’t yet report it.

Oh, wait: I CAN. Wanna guess? Guess away, and then scroll to the bottom of the post…

(No, not a book deal. Not yet.)

(No, not a new website. I’m full up on websites.)

(It’s a real-life kinda thing.)

(No, not pregnant.)

(God. Would it be weird if I said, I wish, when really I kinda mostly don’t?)

(Anyway.)

I can’t report it because things aren’t set up enough yet to report it, which, AGH. It’s kind of getting in the way of writing anything else, because my head is full of planning and plotting this super-awesome thing.

I did, however, find enough mental space to comment on the death of Michael Jackson, so, you know, if you’re interested in what a rhythm-challenged white girl has to say about the death of the King of Pop, you could go check that out.

Otherwise, check back here later BELOW! I might do have something cool to report. And, of course, there’s always the babies:

And their butts.

UPDATE: I HAS TEH NEWS:

Yeah, yeah, butts. Are awesome. You know what’s also awesome? ROAD TRIPS.

I’m going on a road trip. With the kids. And this chick, and her kid. Across Canada (mostly across Canada, but whatever.) Yes, we’re insane. Yes, we might not survive, because YES, this is basically I’m A Mom Blogger On A Road Trip, Get Me Out Of Here. Which means a couple of things: 1) if you’re Canadian, we might be coming to a Motel 6 near you. And! We’d love to meet you! SERIOUSLY (leave a comment at the road trip website to get our attention). And, 2) even if you’re not Canadian, you’re going to want to keep an eye on how this goes, because unlike Spencer and Heidi, we can’t just call our publicists to complain about the hardships of life on the road with two batshit crazy preschoolers and a turbo-baby. So when the going gets tough, the mom bloggers are going to have to just keep going. And it promises to be interesting.

So, I’ll be updating here, and there’ll be mile-by-mile accounts at the road trip site and at Canada Moms Blog (the launch of which is our ostensible reason for doing this.) We leave Monday to start the trip on Canada’s east coast. We’ll be counting on you to cheer us on.

You Know You Waaaaant it

Her Bad Mother — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 13:37:00 +0000

Because, there is just SO MUCH cool stuff out there, and so much weird stuff, and just, you know, so much stuff, and yet – even though some might consider it horribly throwbacky for women to talk shopping shopping shopping – just not enough web content about STUFF – the marketing of stuff, the design of stuff, the history of stuff, the stuff itself – by women.

So, if you’re looking for cool mom stuff, you’ll still go here, and if you’re looking specifically for green mom stuff, you’ll go here, and if you’re, like, a supercool Canadian chick who has babies but also maybe doesn’t and is looking for cool stuff, you’ll soon go here (link pending!) But if you’re just a woman – just a very cool, smart woman (or a man who appreciates the finer points of cool, smart, feminocentric consumerism) – who likes STUFF – finding stuff, talking about stuff, thinking about stuff, COVETING stuff… then you really. must. go. HERE.

Because we said so. Because it is the awesome. And because if you can’t covet stuff and talk stuff and think stuff when 21st century technology virtually engulfs you with stuff, well, there’s really no point in being on the Internet, now is there? Go, look, ENJOY.

*******

What, you didn’t know what a koan was? Fair enough, it was late last night when I posted and mine wasn’t exactly the model of intuitive irrationality. Doesn’t matter. Just summarize the truth about motherhood in as few words as possible (I set my benchmark at twelve) and share it. Bonus points, redeemable in good karma, for koaniness. If you’re into that.