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2 May

WTF Wednesday! Now with more cursing action!

**Note added below. Keepin’ y’all on your toes!

The mood has been a little heavy over here at WonderBaby headquarters. Which means that it’s time for the weekly WTF Wednesday interlude.

Conveniently brought to you on Tuesdays. Because here in WonderBabylandia we try to keep the masses happy.

And keeping the masses happy is good politics. Someone recently tried to start a revolution here, and so it is imperative that we set about distracting the masses with bread and circuses. Because sooner or later someone else is going to realize that this is, however benevolent, a dictatorship and that dissenters are administered 40 Big Word lashes before being subjected to Hard Pinches from WonderBaby’s loyal subjects and then chased out over the drawbridge by shouting Cultish Mommy Bloggers (see below) with sticks and forced to start Their Own Blog.

(Yes, you may visit This Blog. There is currently no embargo, no travel advisory, and, to the best of our knowledge, no vaccinations are necessary. We prefer that you visit blogs with which we have established diplomatic relations – partial list at right, no passport stamps currently available – but we have not established any curtain, Iron or otherwise, with dissenting blogs and will not do so until such blogs become openly hostile. If you do choose to visit This Blog, however, please abide by interblog norms of civility and observe the rules of conduct of that site. For example: no Kool-Aid, and no cursing. Yes, the latter will deaden your self-expression, but rest assured that full cursing freedoms can be enjoyed when you return to WonderBabylandia. Which you fucking better well do. Her Bad Mother gets lonely cursing to herself.)

(Although do please refrain from bringing any plant or animal life back with you upon your return. And wipe your feet.)

In the meantime, to ensure that you remain loyal to WonderBaby, Imperial Leader, and to the cult of Her Bad Mother, we offer you fun and distraction! In the form of WTF Points of Interest, or Things That We Here At WonderBaby Headquarters Have Discovered This Week:

1. The Mystery of the Mutant Seal Block Revealed:

Remember that one? In the foreground? Seemed to be some sort of mutant seal, or earless cat, possibly performing yoga poses?

I think that I know what it is:

A Shmoo. Okay, so the Shmoo lacks the front legs and tail of the mutant block creature, but aren’t Shmoos shape-shifters? In any case, they are truly extraordinary creatures, not unlike bulbous-headed Lilliputians. Because they are self-replicating and can produce any imaginable resource – meat, buttons, toothpicks – from their Shmoo bodies, Shmoos can form the the basis of a completely sustainable and self-sufficient economy, one that doesn’t rely upon the exchange of commodities. And they are, apparently, more entertaining than television. So, the blocks upon which these Shmoo appear are clearly Communist propaganda. Make of that what you will.

2. In addition to being an unreliable narrator, I have, according to one Paul Larman of Barrie, Ontario, ‘saddening’ and ‘frightening’ views on parenting. This was pronounced after the National Post published a letter that I wrote addressing Caitlin Flanagan’s recent work, in which I stated, among other things, that happy families require happy mothers, and that happy mothers are – whether SAHM, WAHM, or WOHM or whatever – mothers that have choices and are happy with their choices. This, according to Mr. Larman is a selfish view, and one that saddens and frightens him. More on this later in the week.

**When I post on this, I’ll include the letters. So, no need to fuss about with online subscriptions to the Post get up to date. I’ll fill you in; I promise. And although I may be many troubling things – saddening, frightening, an unreliable narrator, and burdened with a potty mouth – I always keep my promises. Well, most of them. I’ll keep this one. Because I want you to like me, and to not defect to any protest camps.

3. Hammer still hasn’t visited my blog. But he’s been busy hanging with Sting (who’s looking a bit rough and Malcom McDowell-ish these days) and taking random photos of exercise equipment, so that probably explains it. He’s busy. Or maybe he’s just afraid of…

4. Rampaging Mommy Blogger Cults!

Apparently, I am a member of a cult (see here, and comments here). The insidious Cult of Mommy Bloggers, who quaff emotional KoolAid and propagate nonsense about Empowerment and Disempowerment and chant lamentations for the Great Mother Struggle while choreographing pro-mother dance cheers (Woe Betide the Mothers/Go Mothers Go!) Ours is a great and dangerous cult, one that is dedicated to Mother World Domination and the mocking of Tom Cruise. We are fuelled by a dangerous cocktail of hormones, baby-love and virtual KoolAid, and we are actively recruiting and brainwashing new members.

If you are reading this, and you have a blog, or even if you don’t have a blog, but are mesmerized by. My. Big. Words. And. Occasional. Cursing. And. Random. Photographs. Of. Big. Eyed. Child… you have been sucked in and you have become a member of the cult, too.

(Grandmistress Kristen! Note hypnotic use of punctuation above!)

People of the Blogosphere. You have been enslaved by Xenu. I can free you.

But you must send money. Now.

Sucked in yet?