And I don’t watch ER, either

November 2, 2006

Edit: Update below. In a nutshell: not dying.

So, tomorrow? I’m going to the doctor. After having been hounded to within an inch of my life by the Husband, who is sick – sick, he tells you – of my bitching about still feeling achy and unwell nearly a month after actually being ill and run aground by the TurboBaby, I finally sucked it up and made an appointment.

Not exactly newsworthy, I know. But here’s the thing: I hate going to the doctor. HATE. IT. I can never quite explain what’s wrong with me and always end up sounding vague and confused and when they ask me questions about my general health and how I take care myself I usually end up fudging the truth so as not to sound like a total screw-up (yes, yes, three square meals a day, lots of liquids, plenty of exercise). I worry about not having the right answers (have I been nauseaus, or dizzy? Have I had an earache, or a sore throat that reaches back into the ears? Have I had a dry cough or a hacking cough? Has this been going on for two weeks, or three?) and not giving the right information (did I forget to mention the headaches? the ringing in the ears? the lingering feeling of dread?) I sit in the waiting room or on the examination table consumed with anxiety and guilt, veering emotionally back and forth between the conviction that I am dying from some rare and fatal illness and the conviction that there is nothing at all wrong with me and I am wasting everyone’s time. And I fret and worry and worry and fret about what will happen to me if I am sick (will there be needles? Will I die? Will there be needles?)

(Which, gah. Don’t even get me started on my fear – my toe-curling, gut-twisting fear – of blood tests and gynecological exams. Pregnancy, I needn’t tell you, was torture with its never-ending cycle of both.)

It’s too much pressure, the doctor’s visit. I can’t handle it.

So I avoid it, wherever possible. But I’ve been suffering from headaches and insomnia and occasional nauseau and earaches and general tiredness and malaise for nearly a month now, and it’s getting old. It’s getting old, and it’s getting in the way of life. I’m tired, and frustrated with being tired.

It may be that I’ve made myself sick simply by languishing in this autumnal funk. But then again, it may be that this autumnal funk has been made worse by ill health. In any case, I need to find out, if only to reassure the Husband that I am not perversely clinging to illness in order to make his life more difficult. So I’m going, tomorrow. I may lay awake all night tonight, fretting about rare tropical diseases and needles, but I will get up in the morning and keep my appointment.

You’ll be holding my hand in spirit, right?

To the best of our knowledge, Asian Bird Flu has not infected the local population of the Great Yellow-Tufted Budgerigar (a feathered, flightless creature, native to central Canada, easily identified by its high-pitched hoot and distinctive waddle).


UPDATE: SO, I am told by doctor that I have, in all likelihood, a post-viral infection, brought on and perpetuated by being consistently run aground by the Great Yellow Budgerigar, which, although flightless, is a fast-moving and demanding creature. Translation: I had a bad virus, and have been unable to recover because there has been no time or physical resources to facilitate recovery, and my body has, accordingly, rebelled.

That, or I’m dying, and the doctor couldn’t tell just by shining a light up my nose and in my ears.

And, hey! No needles. Yet.

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    PunditMom November 3, 2006 at 9:06 pm

    I’m glad to hear that things will be OK. Definitely a spa day is in order!

    Whymommy November 3, 2006 at 9:16 pm

    Good for you for going! It is hard to put ourselves in somebody else’s hands. I’m not a big fan myself — but with the difficult pregnancy I’m having, I’ve had to go lots this year. ARGH.

    Hang in there, and feel better SOON!

    PS You’re not missing anything on ER these days. I was a devotee for years, but I’m just not that into it anymore. I do love love love Grey’s Anatomy, but after a day in the ER myself yesterday, I could NOT watch it! That in itself made me laugh….

    Mocha November 3, 2006 at 9:18 pm

    I will hold your hand (and even take a shot or two for you – THIS is how much I adore thee) so long as I can hold that little squidgy Budgerigar in my arms for a little while.

    I promise to return her to you. Promise.

    Melissa November 3, 2006 at 9:19 pm

    Love the picture of Turbo Baby. Is this a name change? I’m glad you’re not sick also, but now that you’ve been to a doctor, I’ll say it….I was thinking you were pregnant. Anyway, I’m glad you know you’re not dying and I hope you feel better soon.

    Stacie November 3, 2006 at 9:41 pm

    I’m sorry to hear that you still aren’t feeling well, but very happy to hear that you didn’t get your ticket to the next life.
    Your little bird is adorable!

    Heather November 3, 2006 at 9:52 pm

    I can completely relate to this post. You should read my latest post about my lady visit. It was an absolute NIGHTMARE! ( I think the fact that the doctor asked me if I give attention to my breasts pretty much summed up the whole surreal experience!) I enjoyed your blog! Very creative! Thanks!

    Pattie November 4, 2006 at 9:09 am

    That picture is just too cute…
    Ah yes, the inability of Mom to get better because hey, let’s face it, mom’s don’t have time to rest! Sounds like that is what the doctor ordered…a little rest. Hopefully your little bird will allow it. I hope you are feeling better soon!

    Mom101 November 4, 2006 at 9:57 am

    Don’t die!

    Jenny (toddler mom) November 4, 2006 at 10:23 am

    Yay! No needles!

    And that picture? I’m dying.

    sunshine scribe November 4, 2006 at 10:44 am

    SO behind on blog reading. My heart just sank when I read about the day with Wonderbaby at the window and I am also sorry to hear you have been sick. Go see my naturopath … seriously … she can totally help with this kinda thing. See you tonight.

    petite gourmand November 4, 2006 at 6:45 pm

    I’m so glad to hear you are not dying…
    these little chicks are a lot of work, and certainly not made easier when momma bird is under the weather.
    I totally hate going to the doctor as well.
    I think that’s why I had a midwife.
    I actually haven’t been in almost three years.
    tsk tsk.
    I hope you make a full recovery soon.

    Queso November 4, 2006 at 7:31 pm

    In a way, this is fantastic news. It means you need to get away to a spa asap. A spa. Go. Stop blogging. Seriously. Now. Spa. Go.


    kittenpie November 5, 2006 at 9:26 am

    Glad you will be fine. Hopefully one day soon you’ll wake up feeling like yourself again!

    scarbie doll November 5, 2006 at 10:34 pm

    It’s the same illness in our house. Except I spent a fortune at the homeopath before I figured out that I just need to sleep. But you and I both know how it is with desires to make a stamp on the blogosphere — there is no time for sleep. Hang in there.

    Shannon November 6, 2006 at 1:42 am

    Whoa! Be still my beating heart! The Great Yellow Budgerigar is ADORABLE. And I have a terror of needles, too. It has often resulted in ridiculous and embarrassing fainting. So I can relate. I try to get them to talk to me so I’ll be sidetracked enough not to pass out. Very glad to hear you’re going to live though….

    KC November 7, 2006 at 2:03 pm

    Wow! I can’t believe so many despise doctor’s visits.

    If it makes you feel any better, some doctors hate doing the pelvic exam as much as you do getting one. *pointing at forehead*

    Karla November 7, 2006 at 2:04 pm

    That is perhaps, THE cutest photo I have ever seen!

    scribbit November 8, 2006 at 3:22 am

    I think Chick Fil-A has just found their new spokesperson.

    fuzzypeach November 11, 2006 at 1:59 pm

    I’m the same way about doctor’s visits… and eye exams? Utter fiascos.

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