So I asked – nay, demanded – that you all come out of the virtual woodwork and introduce yourselves, insisting that this whole virtual salon/discussion-circle/cocktail-party blog thing will be oh so much more fun if I know who you are, if we’re all just a little bit more acquainted, and you all (most of you – yes, I see you black-clad, anti-social lurkers over there in the corner smoking your cigarettes and trying to be invisible) gamely stepped forward and submitted to the cute-but-sort-of-annoying little party game that was National Delurking Week, and then what?
I, your hostess in the HBM-corner of this big blog-party, have nothing to say. And now we’re all just standing around uncomfortably, the big hey-how-are-ya! grins plastered awkwardly on our faces and I’m supposed to say something, post something, anything, to keep this conversation going but whaddya know? I got nothin.’
OK, maaaybe I’ve got a Gratuitous WonderBabyPhoto ’round here somewhere…
To be more precise, I’ve got nothing that I can summon the energy to offer. Tell a story? Share an anecdote? Make an impassioned/reflective/pedantic argument about life, the universe and everything? Sorry. Can’t. I’ve got plenty that I could talk about, but we’ve been following a strict no-sleep regimen around here (the better to keep up with the short-burst baby races and the long-distance speed-toddling and the free-style table climbing and all the other events that fill our napless days) and I’m really only capable of sotto voce cursing and muttering and, for variety, threatening my husband. Motherhood – or what seems to me to be extreme motherhood – is, at the moment, turning me into a cranky, sloppy, sleep-deprived bitch.
And nobody likes a bitch. At least, not up close.
So I’ll spare you. I’m going to excuse myself from the party for a night or two to (try to) catch up on my sleep. While I’m gone, discuss amongst yourselves one or two or all of the following:
1) Tried and true methods for getting turbo-charged babies/toddlers to a) nap, b) sleep through the night, or c) both;
2) Tried and true methods for getting Mommy back to sleep after baby has woken at 1am and demanded, successfully, to be moved into the parental bed and is kicking Mommy in the head with restless baby feet and/or is thumping Mommy on the head with grotty stuffed frog and/or is yelling Hi! Cat! Hi! Cat! at Daddy’s hairy feet;
3) Warm milk/hot bath, liquor or sleeping pills?
4) Britney Spears: comedy or tragedy?