Served with whine

January 23, 2007


The other week, after I had written that post about parental vanity, I remarked to my husband that I was a bit concerned about ending that post on a down note. It was hard, I said to him after publishing the post, to find a way to end that discussion without getting all sad and low and woe-is-me…

‘Sad and low and woe-is-me’? he replied, his tongue not-quite-firmly-in-cheek. Isn’t that your thing? Your SHTICK?

Ouch.

My mother likes to tell me that I’ve always been a worrier. But I’m not, ordinarily, constantly all tied up in knots about whither this and whence that? and what the fuck am I doing? I’m not, ordinarily, a big fat mess of anxiety and angst and worry.

Parenthood, however, has ripped out my heart and my guts and my nerves and scattered these across the nursery floor and this has rendered me – understandably, I think – somewhat more vulnerable. Still, even with this heightened and deepened vulnerability, I consider myself to be a fairly emotionally-balanced human being. Sure, I cry more, wring my hands more, press my fists into my temples more often – but on the whole, I’m pretty together. (Right? Right?)

Whatever the case, the picture is always going to be skewed here, on this blog, because this is the place where I vent and rant and rave. Where I – ahem – write. Because despite all of my efforts to focus my writing here, to really use this place as a forum for exercising my writing muscles, I invariably end up writing posts about about how I’m feeling. About what’s bothering me. About all the issues – big and small – that I’m wringing my hands about. This blog has become therapy. You have, like it or not, become my therapists.

I’ve been feeling a little bit uncomfortable about this. I’ve written about this discomfort before; I won’t belabour the issue here. I’ll just say – I’m a bit uncomfortable. Part of this discomfort has to do with the not-altogether-pleasant feeling that I’m doing a little bit too much dwelling on certain issues (To worry or not to worry about declining naps, that is the question/Whither ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the pains of outrageous sleep habits/Or take arms against this troubled sleep). It is possible, I think, that I might be more inclined to just let some issues go if I did not have a forum in which to drag these issues for flogging again and again and again…

Then again, I might have already driven myself insane with the effort of containing all of these issues within the confines of one tired brain, if I hadn’t had this outlet.

I am, for the moment, comforting myself with the latter idea. Therapy is good – no? – even if one never intended to lay bare one’s soul for therapizing (wd? sp?). So I’m trying to chill out a little bit about the hand-wringing. I’ll probably feel better once I get back into the groove of visiting other blogs and lending an ear to other hand-wringers. I’ve been so remiss in this lately, for which I apologize. I’ve been visiting, but not talking. I need to get talking again… that’s what drew me into this community in the first place: the conversation. And the first step toward really good, really fruitful conversation comes with relaxing one’s guard, letting go of one’s full preoccupation with one’s own issues (not to mention, letting go of one’s preoccupation with one’s preoccupation with one’s own issues, holy hell) and saying what one really thinks and feels so that one can learn what others really think and feel. Relaxing, speaking and listening.

So… Hi! I’m Her Bad Mother, and I’m a bit of a basket case these days! A lot of a basket case! Stressed, and tired! In love with my daughter, but getting my ass kicked by her, and by motherhood generally!

How are you?


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    { 56 comments }

    AdventureDad January 26, 2007 at 4:26 am

    Some worrying is good. It means you’re being concerned and responsible. You just want what’s best your your child and family. I do run into quite a few parents with the “sky is falling” syndrome. By that I mean excessive and very unhealthy worrying. Worrying about everything that can possibly go wrong. And that’s lots of things.

    A person should be concerned but most things are out of our control. Our kids will get sick, hurt themselves, and have trouble sleeping and eating at times. When I feel hesitant of nervous about something I like to be very boring and think about statistics. Even though my child is sick I know that the risk is very small that anything serious will happen. It CAN happen but in the modern world mos things work out just fine.

    Having children is not easy, sounds like you’re doing great and just doing some healthy worrying about your little one and your family

    Have a nice weekend

    AD

    Kelly January 26, 2007 at 6:30 pm

    Pretty good today, thank you. I just had lunch and a glass of wine with some friends for my birthday which is Sunday (well wishes readily accepted). And what did we do? Complain and support each other concerning the ass- kicking that is motherhood (and being a wife). Conversation between friends…it’s a good thing.

    Lydia January 27, 2007 at 8:29 am

    I’m as good as can be expected (my 102 year old grandmother uses that line a lot).

    A 2 year old who categorically refuses to sleep all night in his own bed… although he has started using the potty.. plus a crappy work schedule.. oh and a dissertation defense coming up…

    But I love reading your blog!

    Kyla January 27, 2007 at 4:56 pm

    Hi HBM! I’m Kyla and my daughter has 8 hours to make a wet diaper or we’re off to the ER for the second time this week!

    So, in short, I’ve been better.

    I’ve also been a one way blogger lately. I’m trying to make the rounds today, just in case we have another little vacation at Chez Hospital.

    The Mad Momma January 29, 2007 at 5:24 am

    ah.. worrying comes with the territory… part of motherhood… i’m not doing too well because my 20 month old has happily moved to his own room and i am wondering what happened to all the distress that is supposed to come with it!!! kidding.. second pregnancy and i am down with all sorts of weird symptoms… but i am doing well… and you should cheer up because u spread a lot of joy in all our lives.

    Mamma February 7, 2007 at 10:33 pm

    Hi! MammaLoves here.

    Been battling with how much hand-wringing to do on my blog as well lately. But since I was always known as Eeyore as a kid, one little off post and Mom is emailing right away.

    I always used writing as therapy and that’s how my blog started but now…too many readers who know me in real life and I don’t want them to worry. Gets me thinking about trashing the current one and just starting over without telling anyone.

    But then I’d miss all my “therapists.”

    You can see my dilemma.

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