Bizarro World

April 2, 2007

Too many words. There are just too many words, more than I can manage right now, required to tell the story – stories – of the Magical MommyBlogger Mystery Tour, Kentucky Edition. It was wonderful, amazing, fascinating – all those good things that you love (or hate) to read about.

But I can’t tell those stories right now, because I’m a little bit distracted, sitting in my office at school, waiting for my husband to come and pick me up and take me to the hospital to investigate some mysterious chest pain, having had a long and disturbing telephone call with an ER resident about my symptoms. I’m – what’s the term? – wigging out, just a little bit.

All that I can do is wait, and nervously wring my hands. I’m anxious. Is it bizarre that I’m blogging right now, as I wait to be ferried to the hospital? I can’t think what else to do.

Ironic, or perfectly fitting, that, after a weekend of analyzing mommyblogging and spinning fascinating theories about what is mommyblogging and why mommyblogging and what is writerly about mommyblogging, this mommyblogger is reduced to blithering and spewing stream-of-consciousness babble?

I’m anxious. I hate doctors. I’m a worrier. I’ve barely seen my baby since I returned home. I’m worried, and I don’t want to go to the hospital, I want to go home to my baby.

I need you to tell me this: that I’ll be fine. That it’s fine for me worry. That I’m not crazy for writing through this immediate, impossible anxiety on a blog. That it’s all just fine.

It’s all fine, it will all be fine.

He’ll be here soon; I need to pack up and go.

(breathe deeply, and hit publish…)


UPDATE: I have not, it seems, had a heart attack. I had a lot of the same symptoms, but they did all variety of unpleasant test – blood, heart traces, ECG – and there was no discernible damage to my heart (other, I suppose, than that wrought by my anxiety) and so no evidence of an attack. They don’t know what happened; I’m going to the doctor again this afternoon. But at least the immediate worries have been allayed.

Thank you so, so, so much for your concern and your support, and your understanding. Friends, all of you.

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    { 88 comments }

    Amy Jo April 2, 2007 at 9:26 pm

    I know you’re ok. Since you haven’t checked back in that means they made you wait forever at the ER, which means they didn’t think it was serious. They always take the most dire people first, leaving the ones who maybe only need a little medicine to wait for hours on end! Right?

    Erika, Plain Jane Mom April 2, 2007 at 10:06 pm

    I’m sure you’re still waiting to be seen in the ER — if it is anything like the US you won’t be seen for 12 hours. I KNOW you’ll be fine. Please update when you can.

    Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" April 2, 2007 at 10:08 pm

    Feel better. You will be fine. You are fine. Just worried. Don’t worry.

    Go hug your baby and schnuggle all night long.

    And keep us posted on your visit.

    kittenpie April 2, 2007 at 10:37 pm

    I bet – and of course hope – that you will be fine. But I also know the panic that chest pain can cause because this summer, after two days of chest pain, I was seriously debating heading out to an ER when the next day, a serious chest cold hit me. It was clogged-up bronchi, and a week of disgusting hacking later, all was well. I hope that’s all you’ve got – a chesty version of the change-of-season cold. Yes, I’m an optimist, but I believe this to be true, too. Please let us know, though, okay? Fingers crossed, despite the pink glasses…

    crazymumma April 2, 2007 at 10:48 pm

    Hon. You are going to be fine. You are a self described anxiety bundle and you are having some sort of physical manifestation of worry.

    They will put you in the clear with a recommendation for excercise and stress management.

    Thinking of you as I now all to well what it is like to have some freaky physical occurence.

    Ms. B April 2, 2007 at 11:23 pm

    I hate to say this, but we haven’t heard from HBM and this is not good!

    She has been gone for more than 12 hours…

    Now I am worrying too!

    the bad husband April 2, 2007 at 11:26 pm

    I thought I should give you guys an update. They could find nothing wrong at the hospital. They did an exam, blood tests, ECG etc. Her health is apparently fine. We are wondering if it was just muscular cramping of some kind. It was an exhausting day and the Bad One sleeps, which is good. I’m sure she’ll have a more comprehensive update for you tomorrow, along with details of our most excellent ER adventure.
    Good night, all.
    K

    nomotherearth April 2, 2007 at 11:37 pm

    Try to relax. Why does everyone say that? Whenever someone says that, I spin out of control. I’m a worrier too. How about this — why don’t you let ME worry for YOU? That way you can relax.

    You’ll be fine. If you need anything let me know.

    Lady M April 2, 2007 at 11:49 pm

    I can’t believe you are that coherent while waiting to be picked up to go to the hospital!

    Sending you good wishes – hopefully it’s nothing. One time I was certain I was having a stroke, and was googling stroke symptoms during a meeting, when my boss diagnosed me with my first migraine.

    Lady M April 2, 2007 at 11:50 pm

    HBHusband – thanks for the update. I saw it just as I hit post . . .

    Girl con Queso April 2, 2007 at 11:56 pm

    Okay, so glad that you’re okay. And now I’m positive that it means you need more chocolate and coffee.

    Anonymous April 3, 2007 at 12:04 am

    oh gosh catherine i hope everythings ok?!when i was in hospital with my little one i had a severe panic/anxiety attack.having never had one i thought it was my heart.anyways the nurses came running and had to give me oxygen as i couldn’t breathe and was sure i was a goner…any how i’m nervous and blabbing so sorry.sure hope you are alright.LAVENDULA

    Kyla April 3, 2007 at 12:49 am

    Thanks for the update. So glad she is well.

    mo-wo April 3, 2007 at 1:30 am

    Bad Husband, thanks for the update. I hope your fine. Good thoughts for good rest.

    flutter April 3, 2007 at 1:35 am

    I good thwack on the back, a good burp and you’ll be fine, yeah? I’m worried for you.

    Mary G April 3, 2007 at 8:30 am

    Oh, phew! Updates! Thanks, hb’s. Be well, we are all wishing you! Long weekend in the offing — I hope it helps.

    Lisa b April 3, 2007 at 8:57 am

    Oh good. Glad to hear you are ok.

    Julie Pippert April 3, 2007 at 9:50 am

    I’m so glad you are immediately fine but sorry you don’t have any answers yet.

    At least the trip was great.

    I went through a similar thing in my early 20s and finally got a costochondritis diagnosis (http://www.emedicinehealth.com/costochondritis/article_em.htm) Felt like I was having a heart attack and couldn’t lift my rib cage to breathe. I’ll never forget that feeling. ARGH

    Hope you are doing better!

    Damselfly April 3, 2007 at 10:06 am

    Whoa! So glad you are checking it out. So glad you didn’t have a heart attack! I had chest pain after my baby was born, but no one could find anything wrong despite hours of grueling tests. (And that awful nitro cream. Did they put that on your chest?) Hope you can spend some time with Wonderbaby soon.

    Pendullum April 3, 2007 at 10:12 am

    So glad it was not a heart attack…
    and am anxious to hear what there findings are…

    And I have to say Mr.Pendullum would never know how to post an update for me…
    How truly kind of him topost the update so we could all breath a bit easier…

    Awesome Mom April 3, 2007 at 11:19 am

    I am so glad that it was nothing and I hope that it continues to be nothing.

    Christina April 3, 2007 at 1:15 pm

    I missed all the excitement, but I’m glad nothing was wrong. Be sure to take some time to relax this week!

    tracy thompson April 3, 2007 at 3:43 pm

    This happened to me once. I was 35. Ish. (Don’t remember exactly.) It turned out to be costochondritis, which is (get this) an inflammation of the cartilage that joins your sternum to your rib cage. Cause unknown. The shooting pain down my left arm that happened at the same time, and scared me batshit witless? Caused by driving a stick-shift car in rural Great Britain, where the steering wheels are on the WRONG SIDE OF THE VEHICLE. I challenge you to come up with a story any weirder.

    Fairly Odd Mother April 3, 2007 at 5:49 pm

    So glad to read that all appears to be ok. Take care and go and hug that little girl a whole bunch.

    Carmen April 3, 2007 at 6:51 pm

    I’m glad to hear that it wasn’t a heart attack. You had me worried!

    Heather April 3, 2007 at 8:42 pm

    Oh super glad to hear that it wasn’t a heart attack! I hope you get lots of downtime and cuddles with WB to recover.

    s@m April 3, 2007 at 8:47 pm

    WOW. I didn’t see this until now, I’m glad that you’re alright! I hope you’re able to get some conclusions as to what’s causing the pains! You’re in my thoughts.

    Jennifer April 3, 2007 at 9:27 pm

    Thanks for the update. Hope you are feeling better. Thinking of you.

    MamaLee April 3, 2007 at 9:38 pm

    Sending you good wishes as well. And I had costochondritis as well (same as Tracy). It’s scary.

    I thought I was having a heart attack last spring. I ended up in the ER and after lots of tests, more trips to docs, mammograms and ultrasounds, we found out that I just pulled a muscle in my chest from carrying my baby on the left side all the time.

    Again, scary. Hope all goes well. Keep us posted!

    Her Bad Mother April 3, 2007 at 9:44 pm

    You all – you all rock – all yur words help so much. HEART SO TIRED. Figuratively. You’re helping hold it up.

    (To those of you who suggested this – I asked docs about costochond today. There’s no tenderness, so it’s doubtful it’s that. The symptoms were dead on heart attack – textbook – but it wasn’t that, because my heart tests healthy. Mystery. Hurts my head. WonderBaby hugs help. So do bloggy friend hugs.)

    Pgoodness April 3, 2007 at 10:49 pm

    Glad you’re ok and that heart tests came back ok, too. Take care of you!

    crazymumma April 3, 2007 at 10:52 pm

    good to hear you are well.

    now relax and take a break. A well deserved down time.

    Anonymous April 3, 2007 at 11:00 pm

    oh catherine my mommy blogging friend so glad you are all right.wow did you ever scare us .good to know you have a healthy heart.well take it easy and feel better soon LAVENDULA

    Kate April 4, 2007 at 10:15 am

    The only thing worse than a false alarm is a real one. So I’m glad you didn’t have the worst.

    But still. Crappy day, eh?

    Here’s to feeling better, no more chest pains, and big baby hugs and chocolate. They make everything better.

    theflyingmum April 4, 2007 at 11:06 am

    Hi, delurking to offer support:
    A wise person once told me, “When the heart speaks, listen.” And I think blogging through anxiety is perfectly acceptable here. Hope you feel better soon.
    -Becky

    Jaelithe April 4, 2007 at 12:14 pm

    Oh goodness- I can’t believe I missed this! I am glad to hear that you did not have a heart attack.

    I had chest pains similar to what you describe about a year ago– very intense, very scary– and I wound up being diagnosed with costochondritis, which is an inflammation of the cartilage around the sternum; it’s a stress injury that is apparently very common in mothers of small children– ESPECIALLY mothers of small children who like to flail around a lot, and especially mothers who have really poor posture when they are sitting in front of their computer reading blogs with a squirming child on their laps . . . Not that you or I would fit that description, of course . . .

    (Did they check you out for that?)

    I hope you are all better soon!

    Jaelithe April 4, 2007 at 12:15 pm

    Oh wait– silly me– I should have read all of the comments. Okay, so, not costo, but, I do hope it’s something similarly non-serious!

    Multi-tasking Mommy April 5, 2007 at 2:12 pm

    I can’t even begin to imagine how scared you must have been.

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