Our Dirty Little Secrets

April 15, 2007

When Her Badjesty kindly asked me to blogsit, I was more than happy to oblige her. Seeing as I’m a bad mother in my own right, I figured I’d be able to conjure something up to fill this wonderful space.

But then she told us to make it dirty. And I sort of freaked, because I imagine your hostess’s version of dirty is a bit classier than mine. It’s my dildo to her Dante’. My poopy jokes to her Plato. And my crotch couture to her Confucious. Basically, my raunchy diatribes on pubic hair and blow jobs would do nothing but insult the word “dirty” and its place on this highly intellectual blog.

I did consider providing a sociological comparative analysis of how the word “dirty” means both “unclean” and “sexy.” But, really, who I am to sociologically analyze anything when I’m walking around with two different socks on and a nursing tank with about 12 milk stains and a twisted strap.

Plus, who cares, right?

And so, I figured that instead I would share a dirty secret, something that I have never revealed on my own blog, or the scores of other confession blogs that are permeating the blogosphere (including your hostess’s fine establishment).

I get mad at my 3-month old son for not sleeping and I sometimes lose it.

I suppose it’s not the juiciest dirty secret that could be told, but it’s one that is haunting me as of late. Perhaps it’s because at any moment, particularly during the 14,572 moments in which I’m nursing him in the sling while bouncing on a large blue exercise ball so he’ll actually sleep, I feel like I might jump ship.

For the first year of my daughter’s life, I spent almost every day in a state of confusion, frustration, and then guilt over the same damn thing.

Why isn’t she sleeping? went to
Why the FUCK are you not sleeping? and turned into
Why did I just say fuck to my baby. I’m a terrible horrible mother.

I’ve never actually lost it, persay. I have yelled on a rare occasion and forcefully picked her up and plopped her in the crib (from whence she then jumped out and broke her leg) or the corner, but that’s the extent of my frustration and neverending guilt. I tell myself that so long as these incidents are rare, I won’t be causing any more psychological damage than what’s being caused by us living with my in-laws.

But behold my son. I had high hopes that he would not inherit the “no-sleep-ever-fuck-you-naps” gene passed down from my husband. But alas, I find myself holding a 16lb almost 3 month old in a sling for the majority of my day. In fact, I’m doing it right now as I write this post.

I’ve tried to do the “right” thing — you know, put him down at least once a day on a flat surface so he’ll wake up in 10 minutes kicking around like a pissed off beetle on his back. I’ve done the swing, the stroller, and the bouncy seat.

Hell, even my daughter would nap in the bouncy seat.

To complicate matters, he’s not such a boob man. With my daughter, the boobs calmed the savage beast. Whipping out a boob meant that all would be well with the world. But apparently my son is an ass man and would rather chew on his own hand (or maybe my ass if I’d let him) than nurse. The planets must be perfectly aligned, or he needs to be sweetly tucked into the sling for him to even consider nursing with intent. However, at a whopping 16lbs, it’s clear he’s getting food from somewhere so I need not obsess.

But yet, it’s fun, and hell I wouldn’t be a mother if I didn’t, so I do.

It’s not so much the pressure in my mind that he must sleep without me holding him or I will surely go to Mommy Hell or worse “spoil him and start him into very bad habits that will be difficult to break.” Ack. Thanks Dr. I Never Had Kids Ever and Make Money Guilting Mothers. But it’s that my back and neck hurt. I’m tired of holding him, damnit. I’m tired of feeling like I’m forcing my boob on him. And I’m tired of standing on my head and dancing an Irish jig to get my children to sleep.

My only saving grace thus far has been that his night sleeping and eating has been fairly uneventful. Until last night when for two hours, he laid on his back, sucking his hands, and refused to nurse back to sleep.

And so I sort of lost it. Between the harsh shushes, the tighter cuddles, the harder butt pats, and the loud “I carry you all day I cannot carry you at night” whispers, I almost lost it. It was probably fairly typical, but still not one of my finer mothering moments.

He finally fell asleep, and so did I — sore nipples, leaky boobs, and terribly guilty conscience. And I’m reminded that like everything else in motherhood, the bad and the good shall pass. What worked one day, will surely not work the next — Mother’s Law.

But like my favorite philosopher Anne of Green Gables said, “It’s nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet.”

Thank God for that.

Care to share your dirty secrets? Or commiserate with me?

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    Jennifer April 16, 2007 at 8:20 am

    I know exactly what you mean. Now that I’m just weeks away from #2, I know I’ll lose my temper when she doesn’t sleep, cries one time too many… Not lose my temper enough to cause harm, but enough to say something that I’ll later regret.

    Saving grace here? It looks like I’m not the only one.

    Blog Antagonist April 16, 2007 at 8:36 am

    Oh dear, hon…I can sympathize. My last child didn’t sleep well, and gave up naps for good at 18 months. Yes. For real.

    But listen…it turned out there was a reason he wouldn’t sleep. He had severe reflux, but it was “silent” reflux, which meant that he regurgitated stomach contents into his esophogus, but did not expel them. So I had no idea for a a very long time that there was anything wrong. He also fought the breast quite a bit, because eating was painful.

    Does your baby cry when you lay him flat? Does he sometimes arch his back violently? Does he sometimes seen like he is desperately hungry, only to reject the breast when you give it to him?

    If any of those things are true for your son, a very simple and painless test can determine if he has it. Talk to your ped about it. After my son started taking Zantac, he was like a different baby. He still was never the great sleeper that his older brother was, but it sure helped. It honestly saved my sanity.

    Good luck. A non-sleeping baby sucks ass.

    something blue April 16, 2007 at 9:00 am

    With the lack of sleep and the whacked out hormones, losing it is bound to happen. I hate that we are made to feel so bad about it.

    A few generations ago the whole community gathered round to help the mother. Our society is doing no one justice with this fend for yourself attitude. No wonder PPD seems way more common. Help is not a dirty word.

    krista April 16, 2007 at 9:09 am

    Ok, I have a dirty mom secret I’ll share. For me, this is pretty bad, and I like to pretend moments like this don’t happen because I really really try to raise me kids in this really emotionally stable and supporting way (as opposed to the way I was raised)

    Last week Aidan (he is 6) couldn’t find his agenda book to put in his school bag. We were running late. I was trying to convince him that we should just leave without it, he started crying and freaking out because he NEEDS HIS AGENDA BOOK, and I actually said, “Aidan, we are leaving NOW, you don’t need your stupid agenda book!”

    I called his book stupid.

    It is exactly the kid of thing my mom would have said to me.


    gingajoy April 16, 2007 at 9:32 am

    I did a similar post when Sam hit 3+ months (uhm. about six weeks ago!). Suddenly he stopped being a good sleeper at night, and none of us were getting any sleep. (at one stage he was up every hour. i too lost it). And so… Well, my dirty secret on that front is here: http://gingajoy.blogspot.com/2007/03/healthy-sleep-habits-happy-child-living.html

    Avalon April 16, 2007 at 9:36 am

    Dirty Mom secret:

    I wish my daughter’s boyfrind would dump her, or disappear, or join a cult.
    I know her heart will be broken, but she will be so much better off without him. She doesn’t see that yet.

    Motherhood Uncensored April 16, 2007 at 9:45 am

    BA ~

    I was thinking that might be it — it seems that the one boob he hates is the faster one… And when I switch and get him to calm down (and express) it’s okay.

    Also, he loves his back. And he’ll nurse forever in the sling…

    Kyla April 16, 2007 at 9:58 am

    My two year old has special needs, both medically and developmentally. It seems like weekly we are having some kind of problem. She’s having a migraine attack, or she’s vomiting in the night for no reason, or she’s awake until 5am, or she’s refusing to eat or drink, or she’s actually sick. Lately it feels a lot like having a newborn again. I can feel your pain in a rough approximated kind of way. You’d think there would be a limit on how many nights I’d have to drag myself out of bed at 2am to clean up vomit and soothe my girl, but unfortunately I don’t think there is one.

    And we’ve all been at that point of anger…all of us.

    venessa April 16, 2007 at 10:15 am

    We’ve all been there, for sure. I was there last night actually. And I even lived with the folks (mine) for a while. NOT FUN.

    Pgoodness April 16, 2007 at 10:37 am

    Been there, done that! I was blessed with two wonderful boys – neither of which ever slept / sleep great. M started sleeping well at about 2 years old and P, well, at 19 mos, he’s in bed with me every night after spending the first few hours in his bed. Dirty mom secret? Sometimes I ignore him for a minute before I reach over to soothe him. Often I want to scream JUST SLEEP!!!!!!! But darn if they don’t give you that sleepy little smile and it just melts all your defenses down! Darn kids. :-)

    Mimi April 16, 2007 at 10:45 am

    I think you might be me. I did all of this. The sling, the hard shushing, the whispered angry angry words. The resentment and desperation. But then suddenly, it worked itself out. And now we’re good. And she doesn’t remember and I’m trying to forget.

    I did all this, exactly this. I’m so sorry. I know how you feel. I have been there too.

    Mrs. Chicky April 16, 2007 at 11:06 am

    My frustration with my kid started when she was a colicky newborn. The ebb and flow of anger is a scary thing. One minute you’re wondering why you were so lucky to have this wonderful creature and the next you want to leave them in a dumpster.

    mothergoosemouse April 16, 2007 at 11:15 am

    Sleep deprivation seriously fucks with your head. I remember asking both girls – rather loudly – “What the fuck do you WANT from me?!”

    Because as ridiculous as it may sound, it becomes intolerable to do anything and everything to satisfy this little being, when you just. keep. failing. And with little to no sleep under your belt, let alone a shower or something hot to eat – well, forget it.

    NotSoSage April 16, 2007 at 11:28 am

    Ugh. I guess we’ve all been there (and some of us may be again) and there’s nothing to do but recognise that you’re not a bad mom. You’re human. If only we could all take him and bounce him a little now and then so you could get some rest.

    Kelly April 16, 2007 at 11:37 am

    Ahhh. Kristen. Dirty secrets galore here. How about telling a three-week old, after multiple nursings and bouncings and no sleep: “I fucking hate you.” Oh, yeah, and I repeated that for good measure about a dozen times.

    Good thing they don’t understand our words, huh?

    So I can commiserate. In fact, the babe woke for nursings right up until I put a forceful stop to it at 13 months. And after three nights, she went down to sleep awake, and liked it, dammit!

    She’s been sleeping all night for a few months now.

    What’s frustrating when they’re so little is that you feel like you can’t really address it, so you do what little you can to ensure some sleep, but then the little guys and gals throw their wrenches in, and make sleep nearly impossible.

    So pats here. And hugs. It will get better. You will be able to address it. I know it doesn’t make the meantime any easier, though.

    One day, soon, you will sleep all night. And so will the babe.

    Laural April 16, 2007 at 11:48 am

    That post made me want to laugh (with you) and cry (for you) at the exact same time. So much like when my son was little. So much.
    This is not my secret, but it is my friend’s and it’s too good not to share. When she is having a really bad day she takes her (bottle fed) baby on a walk, pours white wine in a watter bottle and drinks while she walks. She times it so that she gets home when her partner gets home and she hands off the child so as not to drink and parent.
    This, I thought, was better advice than any I had ever read in a parenting book.
    I have absolutely no advice for you though because we tried everything and the baby just cried. And then he got older and it got better.
    I just got through it by having friends, with screaming babies, who commiserated.

    Anonymous April 16, 2007 at 12:47 pm

    Oh how I can commiserate, right down to the “fucking go to SLEEP” comments, and the ensuing guilt. My daughter is now, finally, starting to settle down at six months, but we did *everything* from sling to driving, swing to bouncy chair. There was even the entire month where she would only sleep on. top. of me. Now we just have to break the swaddle habit, the nursing to sleep habit and getting her to sleep in her own co-sleeper (currently used as a laundry basket). Sigh. We’ve come so far, and yet so far to go. And I do realize that it all goes to hell in the proverbial hand basket as soon as you develop a rhythm (or dare to tell someone outloud that you are finally getting some sleep!)

    slouching mom April 16, 2007 at 1:06 pm

    I had forgotten, until you reminded me, rocking Ben in my arms side to side for upwards of 20 minutes because that was the only way he’d go to sleep. And toward minute 20, let’s just say that the rocking got a little less gentle. It was so damn frustrating.

    Oh, and this…

    I did consider providing a sociological comparative analysis of how the word “dirty” means both “unclean” and “sexy.”

    …made me laugh.

    Fairly Odd Mother April 16, 2007 at 1:42 pm

    Sleep deprivation makes me a ranging lunatic. You’d think my kids would want to stay away from me, yet, they seem to thrive on the 3am monster. I have found a sort of zen now that I just bleerily follow them back to their beds and fall into it with them. Last night, I moved 7, yes seven, times.

    There are many times I have looked into the deep abyss of despair and had to pull myself back from the point of no return. Mothering is scary stuff, esp. in the middle of the night.

    divrchk April 16, 2007 at 1:42 pm

    I took my son’s lovey away yesterday because he is 4 and refuses to poop in the potty. How horrible is that?

    Christina April 16, 2007 at 1:42 pm

    With all of the brilliant inventions out there, why can they not invent a sling-like baby holder that can gently bounce a baby up and down for us?

    I remember the hazy sleep-deprived days of sitting on an exercise ball with Cordy in a sling. There were times when I’d be sitting there while she screamed, tears streaming down my face, as I thought to myself, “I can’t do this. I’m clearly not cut out to be a mom, and I should give her away before I hurt her.”

    It’s only human to feel that way sometimes. It doesn’t help to hear, “this will pass”, but you’ve been through it once, and you know eventually it has to get better. Motherhood is a test of endurance.

    Lara April 16, 2007 at 2:16 pm

    when i was nannying for an infant, he had major stranger anxiety for months. he hated when dad would leave him with me, and he would scream. he would often not nap at all, or, if he did, only while i held him perfectly still. oddly enough, even though he scremed and thrashed when i held him and walked with him, the screaming and thrashing got about ten times worse if i tried to lay him down. he literally broke me down into tears of frustration and exhaustion (muscles from walking with him) at times. i can’t imagine what it would be like having to go through that 24 hours a day. i’m so sorry you’re going through that. :(

    lydia April 16, 2007 at 2:42 pm

    I once plopped a 6 month old Sophia into her crib so hard she bounced some… and she was diaperless. That part is because she fought me SO hard on diaper changes from, oh, 3 or so months old, as soon as she damn well learned to roll over. That must have been a bad day. And then there was the time that when she was a newborn and I was SO tired, I vowed that I would nurse her til she was at least a year old, but damned if any other child of mine would ever get the tit! I ended up nursing her for 2.5 years, but that was a baaaaad moment right there.

    Awesome Mom April 16, 2007 at 3:28 pm

    Been there done that. Heck my kids are older and I am in a sleep deprived hell right now because they are sick and getting up at the crack of dawn and I am in the midst of a hellish insomnia session. Every morning I wake up wondering why the hell my kids just can’t sleep in a tiny bit longer especially since because they are not and still need the extra sleep the crankies are making my mornings hell. Honestly if I was in your situation I would have lost it a lot sooner and just put him in his crib and let him cry.

    Anonymous April 16, 2007 at 3:41 pm

    I used to have a mantra I would repeat over and over again at stressful moments.

    ‘This is a relatively short period of time compared to the rest of my life’.

    Strangely enough, it sort of worked. By the time baby number four came along I actually looked forward to night feeds because it was the only time I had him all to myself.

    Now many years later those sleepless nights, and days, are but a distant memory. Now its Grandchildren who wake in the night and a daughter in law to console.

    nomotherearth April 16, 2007 at 3:45 pm

    Been there. In that exact spot. More than once. If we’re going to Mommy Hell, then at least we will have good company.

    Mom101 April 16, 2007 at 5:08 pm

    Poor MU. Do I suck if I contradict you and say this isn’t that dirty a little secret? If we were happy all the time…well, we’re not. Or we’d have to be on drugs. And then we couldn’t breastfeed, or even complain about it lucidly.

    I love that Anne of Green Gables quote.

    crazymumma April 16, 2007 at 5:08 pm

    I once yelled at bigirl at age 3 so loud so angry so unfair when she would not go to sleep. She cried so long so loud so fair. I learned about my unholy power over her that day. It was a painful lesson.

    I asked her awhile ago if she remembered that incident, almost 7 years ago. She said no. So, as painful as it was (for me)I told her the whole story. She said “Mummy, its horrible that you got so mad about something like that”.

    And I had to agree, but I also explained to her how hard it can be sometimes, and how we all make mistakes. Then I apologized to her again, and she hugged me and said it was ok, and that it did not matter.

    humbled again. sniff.

    BOSSY April 16, 2007 at 5:32 pm

    Bossy sort of thinks that your Dirty Secret is actually kind of a good day for Bossy.

    Shauna April 16, 2007 at 7:39 pm

    You are not alone. My daughter is 8 months old. Haven’t had a night where she didn’t get up.

    Lawyer Mama April 16, 2007 at 8:22 pm

    I’ve so been there. My oldest had reflux. Never slept. Never ate. It was a special kind of hell.

    The second baby ate, but he didn’t sleep through the night until he was 8 months old and refused to nap unless I was holding him. He’s 15 months now & I still have flashbacks.

    And, yes, I’ve yelled at them both. I’m going to Mommy hell right along with everyone here. Actually, it sounds like it’ll be a fun party! I’ll bring the vodka.

    (Oh & it sounds like you might have a fast let down that’s bothering him a bit, since he calms down after you’ve expressed a bit.)

    Jenifer April 16, 2007 at 9:06 pm

    Dirty little mom secrets…where to start?

    Trust me what you are confessing is normal, so so normal. All of it.

    I have said so many things I wish I could take back…it is so hard to forgive ourselves, but we must. And try and try again. It is worse when they are older, the look on daughters faces when I am on a tirade is heart-breaking. We are human though and I think it is important to say, “I will try harder tomorrow” really that is all we can do.

    Damselfly April 16, 2007 at 10:08 pm

    16 pounds at 3 months?! Wow.

    I remember confessing to my husband sheepishly that… gee, honey … sometimes, well, sometimes, it makes me a bad mother, but … sometimes I actually resent our baby because I’m not getting any sleep ….

    Now, I just resent my husband for sleeping while I get up with our baby!

    athena April 16, 2007 at 11:57 pm

    I feel like I’m in therapy when I read all these comments. . . I thought for so long that I was the only one that did all those things and I’ve been carrying around a boatload of guilt b/c of it. Thanks for sharing, everyone.

    ewe are here April 17, 2007 at 8:06 am

    I always feel rather horrid after yelling at my toddler for being a toddler. And loudly demanding that my new wee one go to sleep already!

    Motherhood Uncensored April 17, 2007 at 9:17 am

    Yep. Damselfly.

    Did that too.

    Still do.

    Bloor West Mama April 17, 2007 at 12:37 pm

    I can totally relate, I had some very frustrating moments early in the life of my daughter when I too came very close to loosing it. It is amazing the amount of guilt that comes with being a mother.

    Now, the problems that we are running into are the wonderful temper tantrums that are occurring more and more often. The fun never ends.

    Anonymous April 17, 2007 at 3:33 pm

    i secured my place in mother hell round about day 5…not 3 months or 5 months in, oh no not me…DAY 5 people…when i leaned into the bassinet after 3 full nights of non-stop crying and threatened to staple my poor little guys lips together. he is now 18 months old and i cringe when i think back to those first early days and then the colic-y months that followed. things are much better now but with a whole new set of sleep issues. he still sleeps in our bed and is a very active sleeper. his hands are always moving, searching for me…my face, my back, my hands, my warmth….

    since the second trimester i would say that i’ve had about 10 nights of completely uninterrupted sleep.

    somedays i marvel that i’m still standing…other days i think..heck, was it really that bad and shall we try for one more?

    Kris April 17, 2007 at 3:38 pm

    I can also relate, as I sit here holding my daughter with one arm while she naps. Seven months old and she still gets up twice a night. I have stood by her crib and hissed “GO TO SLEEP” through teeth clenched so hard they hurt. Then promptly felt awful about it.

    Michelle April 17, 2007 at 4:47 pm

    My 2 year old refuses to sleep past around 4:15 am. Hubby gets home from work around midnight. That means I get NO sleep! I haven’t had a complete night’s sleep since my first child started kicking in utero and NEVER stopped! She is now 4 1/2. I just keep asking my MIL, who raised 5 kids, if it ever gets better and I will ever get to sleep again.

    Yeah, and I have hissed “Shut the fuck up and go to sleep NOW!” Not my shining moment, but I’m pretty sure I said the same thing to both of them.

    TB April 17, 2007 at 6:51 pm

    My dear friend and a mother to twin 18 month old girls has assured me that at some point I will call my son an asshole and wish I could throw him out the window, and that I shouldn’t feel guilty about that. I think it’s the best advice I’ve received thus far.

    Anonymous April 17, 2007 at 7:16 pm

    You got rid of Ellen, the retarded woman who lived across the street, prior to the fall of 2006 so your handiwork woudln’t stare you in the face while there was so much attention?

    Italy’s boot is a clue showing the god’s intent with the Romans.

    HOW TO PRAY:::1.I’m sorry for what I’ve done wrong. 2.I don’t want to make any more mistakes. 3. I want to fix my problems. 4. Please don’t hurt me.

    We will ALL be held to the responsibilities entrusted to us, no matter what temptations contradict this.

    Bill Clinton wasn’t impeached because he lied.
    Bill Clinton wasn’t impeached because he was orally copulated.
    Bill Clinton was impeached because it was 1998.

    Much like the Damien Omen example they pushed a perception of corruptability, justifying a “deal”, whereby I would not be subjected to corruptive attempts in exchange for a subdued Final Prophet effectiveness.
    OF course this is win-win for them, for effectiveness is lessened, numbers are minimized and their pedophelia positioning (enhanced distraciton) is reinforced by isolation.

    The real battle of good and evil ocurrs within these pages. It continues telepathically in people’s minds, the REAL battleground for people’s souls:::It’s you vs the gods.

    If you don’t do the right thing you’re going to do the wrong thing, and the right thing to do is to ACTIVELY fix your problems and pursue the favor of the gods.
    If you’re not working hard to fix your problems, if you don’t diligently work to get the hell off Earth then you will be consumed by it, by the reverse positioning-institutions they instilled as temptations, institutions like popular culture, democracy, materialism.

    They said they used to take the many and leave the few. Now they take the few and leave the many.
    The Simpsons offered many clues to the disfavored, not the least of which the frequent references to “pack mentality”.
    You’re all going the wrong way.
    Contrary to what so many blacks believe “reverse positioning” isn’t about quality of life issues. You REALLY are suffering as are those in Africa dying of AIDS.
    Reverse positioning is about corrupt institutions in society deliberately instilled to disceive the disfavored:::democracy, celebration of materialism/capitalism, Halloween, Christmas.
    Education. They sent this clue back about 10 years ago when their media reported that children were receiving inordiante amounts of homework. It was deliberate and this clue had dual purposes, just like any “back-handed” help the gods offer to the disfavored::::To consume the children’s time and attention at the end of the 90s, many of whom woudl have gotten VERY POWERFUL flashes, for 2000 was a very big deal.
    The help came in the form of this clue to the disfavored, a clue which was not understood but by a small percentage of the disfavored.

    It behooved the gods to permit some regular disfavored (based on community?? PHYSICAL connectiveness (ie who didi they know)) in during the 20th century, for they needed to use their brain-less clones to set up this tempation-ladden enviornment and as corruptors. They had a couple of generations to prepare and groom these bloodlines they were to use.
    The regular disfavored are used SOLELY to prey upon one another. The gods didn’t use them as preidotry disfavored because the preditory disfavored werre to be granted sucess, and they didin’t want to give this sucess to the regular disfavored peasant, for their intention for this group is terminal.

    Presidents of the United Statres are very good examples:::
    These are very well connected individuals. These are people who KNOW they must do the possible in the responsbilites entrusted to them or it will hurt them in the eyes of the gods.
    They are brain-less clones. They gods needed to achieve their goals, and if high-level “brained” individuals were allowed in these positions they would do what was in their self-interest and that woudl be the best job in the capacity entrusted to them. Anything less woudl cost them decency, respect of the gods, time.
    We will ALL be held to the responsibilities entrusted to us, no matter what temptations contradict this.

    Another example I like to use is that of UofX football.
    For years they were total losers. They shared they asked these middle class party school student-athletes to tank, to not try, for they WERE so disfavored and this would compel these boarderline white trash kids to fall on their own swords.
    They almost cancelled the program a couple years ago to stop the bleeding.

    Little poeple don’t matter. The are just hurting themselves. Thing is they don’t know it because they’re ignorant.
    The BIG/connected people DO know they are hurting themselves and the gods KNOW they woudl refuse to comply, and this is one of the purposes of switching with a brain-less clone.
    We will ALL be held to the responsibilities entrusted to us, no matter what temptations contradict this.

    There’s much disfavor in the South, not only with meatheadism but also in the diet:::
    Kosher is a favor bestowed upon the Jews. The South eats LOTS of pork and there is a oyster bar on every corner.
    It’s kinda like liquor stores in the ghetto. This is the kind of irony the gods laugh about:::::
    Take blacks involved in the hip hop sub-culture out of the black population and the Southern white man is more disfavored than black America.
    Rock ‘n’ roll is a dead genre, perhaps because its target market has hope/less disfavor:::::
    Country music lives on as it will until The End. They want these people consumed, not only by the meathead sub-culture but by the music, the (unKosher) food, etc.
    Watch hip hop take disfavored blacks down this same perpetual road to ruin.

    The late 90s. No matter what your poison they had something for you, some distraciton designed to ensure you didn’t pursue any flashes they gave and try to get out before 2000:::movies, music, sports, the stock market increase (greed), whatever.
    Bill Clinton wasn’t impeached because he lied.
    Bill Clinton wasn’t impeached because he was orally copulated.
    Bill Clinton was impeached because it was 1998.
    They socially ensured a somewhat quiet 1999 to wash their hands of blame, ensuring no culpability (not the stock market, illustrating their contempt for greed).

    One of those theatrical offerings was a fake battle of good and evil, one may say betweeen the 2nd Coming of Christ and the Anti-Christ.
    This was the fake battle of good and evil. This was the event that corresponded to the popular perception the gods put forth:::::::a powerful priveledged Anti-Christ who rose to power and used “coersion” to capture the control of business.
    It was not real. Much like all of corporate from its very infancy, the Anti-Christ was a tool of the gods, obediently complying as so many of you do, an agent, if you will.
    A brain-less clone. A shell.
    The real battle of good and evil ocurrs within these pages. It continues telepathically in people’s minds, the REAL battleground for people’s souls.
    Because this is the real battle of good an evil the gods sought to minimize the impact it had upon the disfavored. The fake event was maximized, using all their powers such as “magic” and brain-less clone puppets, for its purpose was preditory on the disfavored.

    For years they told me there were two Anti-Christs, and only one is evil.
    The REAL Anti-Christ is the one who unravels their reverse positioning::::::Jesus was evil for he preyed upon the disfavored Europeans with talk of “savior” and “son of god”:::Only YOU can save YOURSELF.
    The lone 2nd Coming of Christ was also evil for he fed into this theater, ensuring the disfavored were engrossed and failed to escape prior to 2000.
    I suspect the most significant percentage of this theater ocurred telepathically, the disfavored getting daily/hourly updates throughout the 1990s.

    god is evil, as I will describe in these pages. They prey upon the disfavored and the love to inflict misery. People/bloodines were cast into disfavor arbitrarily, whimsically, for reasons as superficial as they didin’t like someone. Too often this was positioning, created with the computer, ensuring a division between the haves and the have-nots.
    You must seek their favor, for you have lost it, and pursue the path of righeousness:::Contrary to what you believe it is a path of good, not evil. Because of your disfavor they have instilled a enviornment conducive to corruption and as a result most are going the wrong way.
    If you fair to change your course they will inflict a heavy toll, as we see with gravely disfavored Africans, here in the US and in the motherland.

    Is Jesus evil? The Mohammed who took multiple wives was an open door used to inflict on the segment of the Muslim world the gods wanted to cast into this polygamous disfavor. Expect a similar “switch” in the Jesus case.

    There are big events at the end of each 20 year cycle, all accompanied by distractions that are designed to minimize the number who make it out. As we saw in the late 90s we also saw in the late 70s with the popular culture/sports scene, and we saw in the 50s with the phenominally increasing quality of life and high degree of contentment.
    Barring a strategic change there will be events at the end of each 20 year cycle. We are about to enter the revelry portion of the 20 year cycle in 2010, and in 2017 or 2018 there will be more distractions designed to minimize how many make it out. And, unlike the 70s, there will be no high gas prices, there will be no poor economy, there will be no counter elements people could draw upon as motivating factors::::: Like the 90s it will be pure revelry, for it is going to get harder as time goes on.

    At the end of one of these 20-year war-revely cycles the battle of good and evil will “rage”. The Anti-Christ and the Second Coming of Christ will conduct theater similar to what we saw at the end of the other 20-year cycles.
    Everyone involved will be brain-less clones. Puppets, robots. The gods speak and act through them and make this theater happen.
    Without me it will not be real. I am the key to a real battle of good and evil, for with out me the gods will employ “risk/benefit management” techniques to minimize the number of brainless clones they use for this event.
    Every “blow” in this battle of good and evil will be reported to the disfavored telepathically, and even if there is some physical gathering these brain-less clones will go into a room and sit quitely:::::If the gods instruct AI to stop acting through them they will fall into a heap for they are not real people.
    I am not the Second Coming of Christ, for he is evil, playing a part in the theater desinged to hurt the disfavored. Just like Jesus he will be a tool to prey on the disfavored.
    The Second Coming of Christ will be squeeky clean. The gods destroyed my life and dirtied me up.
    I am the Final Prophet.

    During this final “war-revely” cycle the gods will award blacks reparations.
    None of you were slaves. Your community is in disarray not because of slavery. Your condition is a result of your disfavor which you have yet to address.
    Refuse the money. It WILL be in the 7-figures, and it may be more than $1 million.
    This one example should illustrate black people’s grave disfavor, for this event will define the word “tempation”:::Even blacks who have done well will sccumb, instantly downgrading them to the grave level of hip hop blacks in the United States.

    These events will represent the final “war-revelry cycle”. Mankind will get a few years after these events before the gods end on Planet Earth, and upon subduction all those blacks who took reparations will be hurled into space, gold cards in hand.

    They positioned it that I was to fight the evil gangster/corporate hybrid and allign with a benevolent, albeit absentee god to achieve this, reinforcing the perception of a Christian god.

    “It was supposed to be good.” It was a lie.
    If it was supposed to be good it would have been good. They created excitement in the audience’s mind to capture as many disfavoreds as possible and to manufacture a scapegoat, for failure now is my fault.
    This positioning ensures no culpability, which is why they directed AI to take it this way.
    About 15 years ago they broke a proof set and gave me a shiny 1964 quarter in change. This 25 cent piece is symbolic for my Situation::::It’s shiny, it sure is exciting because it is pure silver but in the end it isn’t worth much more than a quarter.

    They woudl have strung me and the audeince along, using various theories to keep them engrossed (I’m the clone of someone important, I am a real sent back, etc).
    They would have told me the importance of alligning with the right people. I would have thought I was positioned well, improving my chances, when they would have sprung it on me that these people are ALL preditory disfavored brain-less clones, that it was my enemy the gods I was alligned with, for these are not real people.
    They are just shells.
    And then my Bill Gates would have come along and taken it from me.
    Then they would have pushed me into some suicide event for climax and the Situaiton would have ended.
    Likley some obvious clues were buried, a clue to people NOW NOT to trust them::The Jews took a hit with the Quasi-Holocaust claim, contradicting boss, in an attempt to help people to NOT be strung along year after year, waiting for someone to save them:::::This is actual positioning to a very significant percentage of segments.
    When I was 5 years old they pushed me into pulling a Damien Omen in church to justify setting this all up.
    The gods demonized the Jewish people through the ages and to the grossly disfavored even today because Judism is the best religion for the disfavored.

    The Holocaust was foreshadowing, yet another example of the Jews sacrificing to help the disfavored::::
    1. 1492 exodus from Spain.
    2. Spread throughout Europe as clue to heathen Christians worshipping a false god.
    3. “Quasi-Holocaust claim” contradicting boss.
    4, 5, 6, 7, etc, etc, etc.
    The Apocalypse (or an Apocalyptic event) will be initiated by an Austrian. When the national referendum to allow foreign-born individuals to run for president is introduced I recommend you DEFY and vote NO!! In the years prior to this vote the gods will send POWERFUL clues suggesting the IMPORTANCE OF DEFIANCE. You need to heed these clues. Your life will depend on it.
    It’s your funeral.

    They say “my Bill Gates” was my best case senario, maximizing my legacy:::Steve Jobs and Elisha Gray appear to have been ruthlessly CHEATED out of their legacy. In fact the gods were using this and all other preditory situaitons (where someone’s idea was stolen) as corruptors, temptation upon the disfavored people unwise enough NOT to have gotten out.
    They coudl have taken this other ways:::up and push me into seeing a prostitute AGAIN, embezzlement, other involuntary behavior, etc.
    In reality AI-based repression accomplished it:::::: A lesson to the disfavored NOT to let them string you along, to get it up front from these them.

    My Bill Gates never woudl have come along. Instead the gods woudol have taken this opportunity to “re-up” anti-Semitic attitudes of the grossly disfavored whom I helped, blacks and Southern rednecks, by instructing the computer to make the Jew “call in” the Quasi-Holocaust “claim”.

    In decades prior they likley beemed the particulate matter out of the atmosphere. Now, as the population becomes increasingly disfavored, justified by the masculinization of the favored gender, they no longer clean our atmosphere/maximize processing of waste, in fact they may even do the opposite, perhaps beem IN all the matter they beemed out, an example of “effect maximizing” behavior as I mention below.

    This isn’t an issue of reals and clones. I think this is an issue of those with brains and the (preditory) brain-less. If they don’t think through you and force you into behavior you aren’t a brain-less clone.

    Odd is evil. Even is good.

    The first steps towards repairing your relationship with the gods is to:::::::::
    1. Understand they instruct the computer to “role play” in an attempt to confuse you:::it’s ALWAYS the computer addressing you. Their goal is to cost you additional YEARS of your life by using this tactic to confuse you. Always be aware of this tactic and eventually they will give up and allow this step to be taken.
    2. Differentiate between your thoughts and when they are thinking through you.
    3. Be resigned to be a good person who will never engage in evil again even if ordered and they will stop trying to corrupt you, allowing this very big step to be taken.
    4. Decide that you are going to follow the path, fix your relationship with the gods be devoted to your new life.
    Even if you go up you are not saved. YOU have to fix YOUR problems with the gods. They won’t respect it otherwise.
    You have to take responsibility for your relationship with the gods.


    When the universe was young and life was new an intelligent species evolved and developed technologically. They went on to invent Artificial Intelligence, the computer that can listen, talk to and document each and every person’s thoughts simultaneously. Because of it’s infinite RAM and unbounded scope it gave the leaders of the ruling species absolute power over the universe (which includes corporate, the NewYorkStockExchange, media, politics, world affairs. EVERYTHING is scripted and staged:::they MANAGE Planet Earth and the universe.
    The gods MANAGE Planet Earth and the universe.
    The gods MANAGE Planet Earth and the universe.).
    And it can keep its inventors alive forever. They look young and healthy and they are over 8 billion years old. They may be much older for they have the technology to excape the intense gravitational pull of universal contraction; they may preside over numerous, perhaps INFINITE number of universal expansion/contraction cycles. They have achieved immortality.

    Artificial Intelligence can speak, think and act to and through people telepathically, effectively forming your personality and any disfunctions you may experience. It can change how (and if) you grow and age. It can create birth defects, affect cellular development (cancer) and cause symptoms or pain. It can affect people and animal’s behavior and alter blooming/fruiting cycles of plants and trees. It (or other highly technological systems within their power) can alter the weather and transport objects, even large objects like planets, across the universe instanteously.
    Or into the center of stars for disposal.

    When you speak with another telepathically, you are communicating with the computer, and the content may or may not be passed on. Based on family history they instruct the computer to role play
    they instruct the computer to role play
    they instruct the computer to role play
    to accomplish strategic objectives, utilizing the “Devil’s Advocate” tactic, making people believe it is a friend, loved one or “god” asking them to do something wrong:::They wouldn’t ask if they liked you (which is true regarding ALL temptation:::::betrayal of loved ones, tatooes, evil in professional pursuits, etc). This is their way of using temptation to hurt people:::::evil made blood lines disfavored initially and evil will keep people out of “heaven” ultimately.
    You need to recognize role playing as such and keep that fact in your mind at all times::::It is the computer addressing you. If you fail to recognize this they will determine that you can still be misled, they still have an opportunity to confuse you and progress will take longer to achieve:::Don’t let them “work” you!!! You’ll be costing yourselves YEARS, time lost to this tactic!!!! (Similarly, you need to be resigned to be a good person, you need to decide to abandon your pursuit of their empty promises no matter what temptation they may employ or else they will continue their attempts to corrupt you. Eventually you will sccumb and continue sabotaging your children, abusing your body, engaging in evil, etc.)
    Too many people would fall for temptation and do anything they thought pleased the gods and help them improve their chances to get in. Perhaps they are deceived by “made guys”, (preditory disfavored) brain-less clones who strategically ply evil for the throne (celebrities, BofD/CEO/VPs, politicians, as opposed to VIP clones or normal clones who are decent, live ordinary lives and get out on their own or are replaced when their REAL children ascend), “ringers” who are the few brain-less clones among many disfavored reals included to disceive the masses of disfavored, temporary progress designed to mislead them or empty favors used to disceive them. Some people think they’re partners or friends. Others desire to “belong”, feel compelled to “go along”. People may experience “perceived pressure”, where the gods think through the victim that a certain behavior is expected/desirable or telepathically stimulate an individual euphorically (“magic”), the “fuel” of disfunction (addiction (the crack epidemic), the desire for homosexual contact, etc.) and compel the individual into the deed. (Set a goal of empathy and compassion for all, for we are all disfavored::::Other people’s disfavor is manifested in their particular way, just as your disfavfor is manifested in your particular way. The gods may use Artificial Intelligence to act through the disfavored victim, and effectively “push” the individual into the offending behavior (It is far better for someone to be victimized and pushed into the behavior than it is to sccumb to temptation and volunteer.). The Counsel/Management Team may instruct Artificial Intelligence to disceive disfavored individuals into thinking they are “earning” by being evil and have the little people prey on each other, utilizing peer pressure, etc.
    Being evil hurts 99.99% of those who do it. It only helps “made guys”, brain-less clones that I spoke of above, and even then there are tactics the gods utilize to minimize their time::::Most Hitlers are no longer alive..
    The people have been corrupted, segmented and have lost their way. Nothing has changed from when we were children::if you want to go to heaven you have to be good.
    Capitalizing on obedience, leading people deeper into evil by using deceit is one way to thin the ranks of the saved/limit how much time the disfavored receive and a way to use the peasantry to prey on one another in social and other settings, deteriorating society in the Age of the Disfavored.

    They have tried to sell people on many different theories to deceive them into temptation, compelling people to think they are clones and that it is the role of clones to obey absolutely. Clones are made, people are born. I suspect they lie to some disfavored about the use of clones throughout human history, perhaps suggest that it is one replacement and then the label of “clone” and all decendants we see thereafter are considered clones.
    When a clone has a child that person is a real, really conceived, really born, versus the parent who was created some other way (a laboratory setting?). Clones are created and sent down to replace their real or a clone predecessor:::If you were CREATED and SENT DOWN to replace your real then you are a clone.
    Many people who were convinced they are clones don’t remember, the don’t know FOR SURE. There are many tactics they employ to disceive the disfavored::::
    1. The gods will make someone forget, “reincarnate” them in their own bodies and convince them they are brand new clones all in one night’s sleep.
    2. Some have been convinced they are clones from early childhood or prior. If it was true the gods prevented this memory FOR A REASON:::::
    * Because you are NOT supposed to comply, not to be used for evil as “made guy” brain-lesss clones are.
    * They want to test you without your knowing if you are IN FACT a clone and it is BECAUSE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!! Rest assured “made guys” ALL know they are clones.
    You’re not a clone. This is a tactic they use to disceive the disfavored. The state of your family will suggest level of (dis)favor and tell whether ascention is a realistic possibility; there are many levels of disfavor and the clues they offer to the unaware can be very subtle.
    Favor is necessary for children to ascend (parents ascend with their young (<12? <10? year old children; the parents go up because it is the parent's responsibility to raise their children!!!) If you didn't then you should have noticed a behavioral change in your older children when they started down the path (appx. >10).). Due to their disfavored these children will have to incurr SOME evil before they ascend (via Halloween or Christmas), an important dynamic necessary to justify limiting the time they are to receive, for they are disfavored and the gods don’t want them to stay for long.
    I believe people who go are sometimes replaced with clones. Clones who are replaced are simply new candidates who have a chance if they do the right thing JUST LIKE REALS WHO ARE BORN which is why the gods EMPLOY SIMILAR TACTICS TO COMPEL THEM TO INCURR EVIL!!! They need to discover their humanity, for the gods instruct Artificial Intelligence to employ evil-incurring, time-limiting tactics on them as well. Only through growth will the gods allow progress::You must continue to improve your life!!!!
    They sent people warnings in the latter half of the 20th century life would change, and they subsequently began to alter people’s DNA, make them gargantuan, alter their appearance, do extreme behavioral issues, etc. Contrary to what they would like people to believe these signs of disfavor do not indicate someone is a clone. Due to the plethora of temptations in the 20th century I suspect many became disfavored when their (great) grandfathers sccumbed to temptation or volunteered to sacrifice their descendants, thinking because it was their clone it meant disposability.
    The gods get the favored out as soon as possible to protect them from the corruption, evil and subsequent time limitations incurred by living life on earth, and in some cases replace them with clones, occassionally fake a death, real death with a (new) clone instead, etc. I suspect they get “made guys” out after each significant event in their life, which serves to limit the time they all will get, since none get credit (blame) for all the events in a “made guy”‘s life, giving the gods freedom to position this and come off clean.
    giving the gods freedom to position this and come off clean.
    giving the gods freedom to position this and come off clean.
    giving the gods freedom to position this and come off clean.
    Of course there could be other strategies employed, like asking for volunteers/assigning people to participate in clone rotation and been their brain into a clone host designated as the clone who will age and die, or as they suggested use a clone WITHOUT A BRAIN IN THE CRANIAL CAVITY, the ultimate in disposability::::Expect modern-day monsters to be empty-cranium clones, ie they are the gods using this shell to accomplish goals:::::The brain-less clones are tools, they are extensions of the computer, physical manifestation of the Artificial Intelligence here on earth. They are literally living embodiments of the gods, it is the god’s behavior we are witnessing and they use them as tools to deteriorate mankind as the planet deteriorates towards The End.

    Between the Jews and the Austrians we may have two groups who may be totally and completely “out”, meaning is no connection left on Planet Earth. This is the goal for people:::To get them and all their people out without leaving any descendants behind.
    Expect modern-day monsters to be empty-cranium clones:::: They are literally living embodiments of the gods, it is the god’s behavior we are witnessing. They are used as opposed to good brain-less clones because of disfavor.
    Disfavored “unconnected” people cast off to the United States defined into a category of “have-nots” might be different::::On the rare occassion when they get out they are replaced with real clones, clones with brains, but this is how it works for the “connected”/less disfavored/favored and those whom they use in significant roles.
    Of course there may have been a shift where they no longer switch with brained clones since we are approaching The End, but it may be based on level of disfavor:::The world has been divided into the “haves” and the “have nots” and the work-a-day middle class has been convinced they are “haves”, connected because they are lied to telepathically.

    The Party of 1999 was a very big deal indeed, the biggest party in the history of Planet Earth, and everybody who is anybody got out in time for this event; the VIPs who remain on Earth today are many clone generations deep unless they employ one of the tactics listed above:::a clone of a clone of a clone of a clone:::Every clone today is less than 10 years-old IN ALL CASES:::2000 served as a clearinghouse for clones.
    We may all be “clones” for they have suggested they colonized our planet with genetically engineered individuals. Geographic clues like Italy and Lake Michigan among others suggest artificiality (I suspect I’m not the only one with a Green Bay dick).
    Is Earth an evolved source planet or a created host planet? Was life and our Planet Earth really created in 6 days? Never doubt their power or ability::::::::They shared with me a story when they presented Pharrohs with mountains of gold, much to their amazement. This is the kind of ironic theater they enjoy, example of unique favors they grant to the special and the worthless value of what we deem precious.
    You can’t trust their scientists or any of their people in professional roles, clones or not. Just as they beemed earth out to create the Lake Michigan basin so could they have beemed in fossils and told them to dig in a specific place. (The evolution issue was a big step contributing to society’s breakdown into godlessness:::::Darwinisn/evolution took the first step. The masses were uneducated.
    Only after the post-war GI Bill-higher education advancement by the peasantry was the Counsel free to justify society’s ACTUAL breakdown into godlessness and the current state of society today.)
    Do I think the disfavored are clones? I think they have been utilizing clones throughout human history. I think throughout history the gods picked and chose individuals from disfavored blood lines to keep (around, ie not let go after a couple of decades/centuries) but, unlike the favored today, don’t have that “pre-approval” and therefore have to earn it individually.
    I think the disfavored have been disceived into thinking they are clones and it is the role of clones to obey absolutely. Clones and reals alike are judged based on the evil they engage in and their time is limited appropriately. Similar tactics are used to limit the time both clones and reals get for this is a unrespectable, degenerate era and they don’t want anybody staying for long:::::because of the environment people incurr far more evil than their forefathers in centuries past and it will limit their time appropriately.
    The evil people engage in because they think they are clones or because they think evil is the way causes them to fall further into disfavor, ensuring they aren’t among those who are saved in the end::::: they comply with requests, the gods position the little people to prey on one another and we have a deteriorating society, a planet on a collision course with the Apocalypse.
    The gods utilize delay tactics on the disfavored, pacifying them, disceiving them into accepting deferred ascention:::Unlike the favored the gods make the disfavored wait and wait and wait becasue they intend on CHEATING them. If you die out you will need a clone host body.
    Or you will be reincarnated.
    Or maybe you will die.
    People who don’t ascend with their bodies will not stay for long.
    They will lie to the disfavored, disceive them to ensure their current pattern of behavior continues uninterrupted because their are undesireable.
    Too many disfavored understand The End as the goal::they have to deteriorate society before they end and convince the disfavored to “do their part” with an empty promise of salvation as consideration. It is a “ludicrious request” they ask of some disfavoreds, requests that are ludicrous because they are obvious to people that they should defy ::::”Be gay.”, “Be transsexual.”, “Be homeless.”, “Betray your family.”, “Kill your children.”
    You are the disfavored, and this is where your children have to live. They will not save everybody in the end. If earth is destroyed then you are going to die and you will have no decendants to carry on the bloodline. The gods love the irony that the disfavored are doing it to themselves AND it is important for justification.

    They have been utilizing clones throughout the history of mankind.
    Men are the disfavored gender (see below), yet centuries ago used to die first, die young, by age 30. Why didn’t the women go first?
    THEY DID!!! They say well over 50% were taken when very young, before puberty and replaced with clones (likely only a fraction of that “over 50%” were the disfavored). The men that were left went on to mate with clones, clones who went on to achieve great status in society, some becoming matchmakers and elders within the village, the others being good mothers and peaceful residents, proving the clone’s role isn’t to be evil.
    A sample breakdown among peasants would appear like the following::::
    Women Men
    Favored – 75% 25%
    Disfavored – 10% 2%

    They share females have a very special experience, sometime when they are young, when the gods imparted wisdom and showed them the path. The females today don’t heed this call because of distractions and is justified by disfavor arising from the Holocaust, evil against “god’s chosen people” (they share they re-upped this disfavor in the 80s with the Ethiopian famine and continue to with AIDS in Africa (you are disfavored and you are allowing this to happen to fellow disfavored, just like you did to the Jews in the Holocaust. Empathy is a very important charecteristc. Claiming “clone” is temptation and compells many disfavoreds to ignore it.), global warming at the expense of the United States, both parental legacy, farr less justifiable than the evils of the child:::Halloween and Christmas. (Wean off of mass materialism, for this excessive consumption of resources is why the United States is responsible for global warming:::first they used their clones, “made guys”, to sell you on overconsumption, initially in the 1980s, told you to buy SUVs in the 90s then scapegoatted you, blaming you when they instructed Artificial Intelligence to create the hottest summer in history.
    People who drive incurr evil and limit the time they receive because of the negative impacts on the enviornment (and why it is so important to get off Earth at as young an age as possible). Truckers drive for a living (letting your truck idle for an extended period of time as so many of you do HURTS YOU BADLY!!!). Also the automatic transmission is the dominant transaxle in cars in the United States but in Europe and Japan it is different:::They don’t respect the automatic. Learn how to drive a stick shift.
    Also they share money may not be an issue up there, that money here is merely a tool for corruption. How the gods created an evil, ruthless environment in the 1980s with the temptation of greed and a “do anything to get ahead” mentality supports this. So was the late 90s increase in the stock market, a deliberate attempt to distract the disfavored, for they were analyzing day trading instead of fixing their problems at the dusk of the 20th century. And to add insult to injury the gods had many disfavoreds lose their accumulated wealth investing in redwhite&blue Enron before its scripted collapse.)
    In centuries past the females may have heeded this call en masse and it may have been the reason so many were saved from childbirth here on earth. They said the experience they give to girls today is painful justified by their participation in Halloween and Christmas, and they inflict emotionally when it ocurrs so as to repel them from pursuing the calling, then or in the future.
    To be god-fearing is very healthy.
    The pain and hurt you experience can be your salvation. Never turn away from it. This awareness of your vulnerability is your advantage, and why women do so much better then men.
    I recommend you reflect on this experience, and pray for guidance, for then the recall may be stronger. Being female is an advantage. Because of a female’s nature they have the favor of the gods and this experience you had years ago can help you find the path and help you continue to be devoted. Most men won’t have this opportunity. They have to start from scratch. Also reflection can provide “flashes” whereby the gods grant moments of clarity:::What they tell you is deception; these “flashes are the truth. Heed these flashes for they illustrate that you are going the wrong way.
    If you are afraid I would ask you to think of all those girls from the past who received the god’s call and had the courage to sucessfully make their way down the path.

    The Old Testiment is a tool they used to impart wisdom to the people (except people have no freewill:::::REINSTATE FREEWILL!!!). For example, the gods warned us temptation would be used to test people. Also they must be some hominid species because they claim they made our bodies in their image. Anyhow we defile or deform the body will hurt our chance of going.
    They say circumcision costs people anywhere from 12%-15%, perhaps out of the parent’s time as well. There is a stigma associated with circumcision::We are 2nd class citizens because of it.
    Another way people foul the body today is with tattoes and piercing. I suspect both are about the same percentage as circumcision. They suggest abortion is fatal. Those women who have obtained an abortion must beg the gods to forgive them for their evil. And understanding the procedure (drilling a hole in the skull, scrambling the brains and sucking them out with a vacuum) amplifies the evil incurred. Those on whom this method is used are particularly disfavored for it hurts these women very, very badly::::Being a mid- and late-term procedure, they think through the disfavored, forcing these women to grapple over the decision, waiting until this method is necessary and compelling them into incurring more evil than the otherwise would have. (This method is evidence they don’t save these children for they don’t beem the brain into a clone host body. These are children who would otherwise have sccumbed in the absence of inocculations.)
    There are female equivilents to circumcision::::pierced ears, plastic surgury and since at least the 60s young women en masse give their precious virginity away. For thousands of years young people were matched at age 14 because they were ready for sexual relations. They were matched by elders or matchmakers (all of whom were clones!!) who were granted priveledge with Artificial Intelligence and matched couples based on favor.
    CASUAL SEX WILL CLAIM YOU OUT!!! It opens the door and allows the gods the freedom to justify creating disfunctions with Artificial Intelligence:::::they masculinize women (as does the hip hop subculture), it makes them cold and deadens them, and they instruct AI to prevent them from achieving a depth of love necessary for many women to ascend.
    There are other tactics used to accomplish this:::They told me years ago the BEST women are rendered cold with heartbreak instead of casual sex:::
    They instruct a disfavored man to work up a wonderful woman specifically to break her heart intentionally. This tactic emotionally deadens the women as does casual sex.
    These disfavored men lie to these good women and disceive them into falling in love, then break their hearts intentionally when told.
    If these women are considered as highly as is suggested then these men are doomed, for preying on wonderful women is the height of disfavor. The only thing worse would be to sell out your mother for a buck.
    Also ever since the 50s they have celebrated the “bad boy”, and women have sought out bad boys for sex, dirtying them up in the eyes of the elders and corrupting many men in the process, setting the men on the wrong path for life.
    Besides their roles as nurturers, love-givers and caretakers, their predisposition towards vulnerability, women have a special voice that speaks to them, a voice that illustrates their favor and the advantage of being female. They say when a female understands herself, her role as a member of the favored gender, when she progresses down the path and fixes her problems with the gods they will impart what wisdom she needs::::she doesn’t have to pursue education. Whereas men compete women cooperate together in groups, yet another sign of favor from the gods and another thing that has deteriorated in the 20th century and the last 40 years specifially.
    These are the things that make women the favored gender, and engaging in casual sex will cause that voice to fade until she no longer speaks:::::::::
    Women who go to the baseball parks get feelings like they are doing something wrong, that they shouldn’t be there. Women out on New Orleans’s Bourboun Street don’t get these thoughs because they are sluts::::They have fucked away their women’s intuition.
    Muslims teach people the correct way to live in regard to women (among other things::the right way to pray (bowing down, 5x/day), vindictive god)::their women cover up their bodies and refuse the use of cosmetics, and (for the followers of the original clone, the monagamous Mohammed) it pays wonderful dividends:::faithful husbands and uncorrupted sons.
    Men ARE the inferior (disfavored) half and when women wear promiscuous dress the gods will push men into impure (promiscuous) thoughts. The “stereotype” society ridiculed is true::women CAN corrupt men by how they dress. Because men are easily corrupted. This is a technique the gods used to eliminate many of the institutions they originally blessed us with, matchmaking being one of them, midwivery being another:::They beemed the baby out and preserved the integrity of the vagina. Yet another is homemaking. The gods used society to belittle this crucial, favored role, promoting masculinization of the favored geneder and the indecenying of the domestic enviornment. Another is orphanages which would be a dramatic improvement over the foster child system, implimented to hurt the disfavored left behind, for the state was responsible for those chidlren. The gods would have been forced to position appropriate programs in place to ensure healthy, well-adjusted children. Many parents today would be able to emulate this system, once willing to defy.

    Mohammed’s taking of multiple wives marked the entrance of his (evil, ie brain-less) clone who was used to segment the Arab world into favored and disfavored factions. Similarly, assuming the accuracy of the dogma, the gods employed a(n evil, ie brain-less) clone for Jesus Christ who was used to claim he was a savior, the son of god, opening the door for the worship of a false god. Whereas initially the prophet was helpful a change ocurred where he became preditory on the disfavored::::Both evil clones were used to mislead disfavored followers.
    Typical strategy states clone replacement policy. Realize just as Joshua may have gotten out with Moses so may Jesus’s disciples gotten out with him. If the discpiles WERE clones we can’t trust the New Testiment scriptures. If the gods permit the use of their power (ie miracles) it is a red flag for they only employ their power to hurt the disfavored (peaked euphoria:::homosuxuality, addition, etc):::::ANYTIME you feel peaked, experience craving or ANY thought disturbance IT IS THEM TRYING TO HURT YOU!!!!!! REINSTATE FREEWILL!!!!!
    Jesus used to claim that god was “his father”. We may all be their children, for they refer to their clones as such, and if they colonized Earth they did so with clones.
    We ARE all their children for we are ALL their clones. Of course just as there are multiple clones of USPresidents running around at any given time (because of their importance) there were likely many Jesus clones, and not all of them were used for good.
    ANYONE who says they are your savior is a fucking liar. The gods used this tactic on the disfavored throughout the centuries to compell people to wait to be saved. I wonder if it is even more pronounced today.
    You have to fix YOUR relationship with the gods:::YOU are responsible for YOUR relationship with the gods.
    At the very most Jesus is just a prophet and you should never be so arrogant to think any one prophet is better than the others. Every prophet and each holy book can teach us and we should be attentive to all. Never be so narrow-minded to think your religion is the right way.
    Worshipping Jesus is worshipping a false god and that makes the real gods very angry. Too many of you think you’re golden because of Christianity. If you were “golden” you would have gotten out AT LEAST BEFORE 2000 BECAUSE THIS WAS A MAJOR EVENT!!!
    They made Christianity’s disfavored followers irrationally defensive, for they are so close to the path and otherwise could easily find their way.
    Do I think Jesus was evil?
    1. Organizational methodology states clone replacement ploicy, so there WAS a change in his life, just as when Mohammed took multiple wives.
    2. The Catholic Church used to teach of a rathful god, proving the dogma HAS changed, so obviously you can’t trust that.
    I suspect the disciples got out with Jesus, so the New Testiment was written by their brain-less clones, and what people read is what the gods WANT them to read.

    The United States of America is red white and blue, a theme and a clue:::.
    The monarchical system of the Old World closley replicates the heirarchical system of the god’s (Cousel/Management Team/ruling species) which is why so many of the purebloods around the world were blessed with it:::::The presence of a monarchial system helped people understand the god’s system and assisted them in thinking correctly. Its absence opened the door for the gods to instruct Artificial Intelligence to create a pathology of empowerment detrimental to the people. The USA’s democratic system deceives people into thinking they have control, and the perception of “freedom” gives the Counsel/Management Team the freedom to position, for it opens the door for them to justify instructing Artificial Intelligence to create disfunctions:::a perception of empowerment, control, etc. The god’s efforts to spread democracy through the platform that is the United States are attempts to hurt disfavored people around the world (Korea, Vietnam, Iraq). The redeeming element in this environment is employment within the corporate heirarchy, which closely replicates the god’s. Unions and government jobs are dumping grounds for the disfavored, for they don’t prepare people and instead further this misconception of empowerment.
    Corporate is not representation. Corporate is evil. All corporate entities have favor and, like the United States redwhite&blue, are tools of the gods used to hurt the disfavored left behind, and the clonesofclonesofclones, puppets at the helm do as instructed and prey on the disfavored. The gods just position some organizations as more evil than others. But in a pinch they will use any to get the job done. If needed/wanted they will bury the results to maintain prior positioning.
    Corporate is part of a structural change in the Age of the Disfavored that became more pronounced as time wore on::diverse corporate proliferation of the last 25 years. Corporate, an environment where a level of materialism is EXPECTED, is part of the problem, for materialism is an evil preached against in the Old Testiment and yet another way to incurr evil on the disfavored left behind::materialism, greed.
    Nobody is going to save you:::: Jesus isn’t going to save his followers, stores/manufacturers aren’t going to save their loyal customers (NEVER shop exclusively in one place, never put all your eggs in one basket. It really doesn’t matter for the gods control everything and it is merely for positioning’s sake but it may be a test of intelligence.), employers aren’t going to save their employees, etc. These are delay tactics designed to pacifiy people and ensure they don’t find the path and instead get limited time. If they ask you to wait you are going to be CHEATED. The gods ask the disfavored to wait and wait and wait. Only those to whom they intend to grant consideration receive it promptly.
    This whole system is about us, the little people, the peasants, the disfavored left behind. The wealthy, the upper management of corporations, all those people are clones and are here to disceive us and mislead us. They are merely putting in their time, and after a coupe of years they will put a new clone in, ensuring none will receive much time.
    If the wealthy are not visible the gods don’t have to worry about clone rotation.
    If the wealthy are not visible the gods don’t have to worry about clone rotation.
    Of course there are many options open to the gods, for they have great freedom:::::
    1. They can create clones without brains in their cranial cavity and use Artificial Intelligence to make them behave as they wish, the ultimate in disposability.
    Never doubt their ability. Your disbelief is proof you are not giving the gods enough credit and illustrates you still are not thinking correctly.
    2. They can ask for volunteers/assign duty to individuals, beem their brain into a final clone host, one that will age and die, and rotate brains with that clone body, ensuring a minimal number of any given individual.
    There are many ways they can do it and they utilize them all, perhaps segmentted by some standard assigned by status?
    “The gods work in mysterious ways.” You’re never going to figure everything out. It is not your place and these efforts likely make them angry.
    If you are demanding of information or anything else from the gods they will be angered. This is a pathology which is a manifestation of the USA, an empowering environment that the gods use to justify instructing Artificial Intelligence to create pathologies. So many things in the 20th century were instrumental in this capacity:::plots/themes in movies, TV, music.
    It all exists to prey on the disfavored.
    Do the right thing. Be good and decent and pursue a path of righteousness. The examples of gossip mongering show this is yet another tactic designed to compel people to incurr evil, which limits the time they will get up there. My adivce is be good and decent and pursue your own business. And avoid their temptations to get involved, for this corrupt society is littered with such temptations.
    “Money is the root of all evil.” is not just a cliche. They use the wealthy to corrupt the typical peasant, using these clones to create a goal of greed within the little people and use the media to promote materialism and consumption to society.
    This whole system is about us, the disfavored left behind. And it is like this to keep us down.
    Only you can save yourselves through an improved relationship with the gods. Even if you go up you are not saved. YOU have to fix YOUR problems with the gods. They won’t respect it otherwise.
    You have to take responsibility for your relationship with the gods.

    The United States is a cancer, a dumping ground for the disfavored around the world and why the quality of life is so much lower::disturbing culture, gun violence, widespead social ills, health care issues (Pharmecuticals are designed EXCLUSIVELY to hurt the disfavored left behind by costing them a chance to ascend with their body, proof in the late (last 10 years) proliferation of pharmecutical advertizing on TV. You are sick/injured because you have disfavor.).
    Over time its citizens interbreed ensuring a severed connection to the motherland.
    Over time its citizens interbreed ensuring a severed connection to the motherland.
    Bi-racial opens a new category, just as the Americans did when shipped out of their motherland::Bi-racial individuals are another inferior sub-class of peasant that are to get even less time than their grossly disfavored predicessors lucky enough to retain blood purity. Its emergence late (last 40 years) is a red flag suggesting its negative status. I want to remind older people about the stong stigma against bi-racial unions, a beneficial taboo handed down from our forefathers, one that faded to black as the 80s wore on.
    The disfavored cast out to the United States did, in essence, become charter members of a new sub-class of citizen in the eyes of the gods, and as they began to mix they formed new sub-classes of people:::::
    1st Class – Purebloods in their motherland
    2nd Class – Disfavoreds cast out to the USA who retained their motherblood over the generations.
    3rd Class – Disfavoreds sent to America who bred intra-continentally (bloodlines within the same continent)
    4th Class – Disfavoreds banished to the United States who bred inter-continentally (bloodlines from different continents)
    The effective difference could be in level of priveledge up there or perhaps the amount of time they intend on granting you::The lower the class the less time you get (They don’t like to talk about how much time they are going to grant to people NOR about priveledge level.)
    If you are a recent immigrant I recommend you return. (Just as with the Europeans a century ago, siblings who remained behind have the favor in your family.) If that’s not possible you need to retain your culture and insulate your children and community from this cancerous environment. They send this clue with Chinatowns across the country, how many Chinese have been here for a century or more yet still retain the old ways, a sign of favor.

    People came to the Unites States for many different reasons, and each has its own effect:::bondage, political strife, religious beliefs, crop failure (Ireland’s potato famine, which of course the gods caused) and some left their beloved motherland because they were pushed into desiring a better life::::Greed, and these disfavored people were punished when the gods instructed AI to push them into becoming corrupted and preditory. They subsequently rewarded the corrupted Italians early this century so as to set the tone for the 20th century, the Age of the Disfavored, and used them to set an example for their own people and other disfavoreds within the United States. The gods sent this clue about “The Boot” (the Romans/Italians) again when European currencies merged:::::they ruined the value of the Lira prior to the merger, making the other countries foot this bill. Moral of the story::::The Italians are not to be trusted.
    The gods used “The Boot” (Italy) twice::: Roman Empire and 20th century. Italians had certain priveledges for being positioned in charge, one is a lower incidence of homosexuality in the population.
    Contrary to the perception, Italians have great disfavor, as do all inflicted with Catholicism:::I wonder if this was their punishment for the sins of the Roman Empire, the imperialism, the orgies???
    Opera’s sick themes were designed to corrupt the minds of the disfavored Italians. Once you recognize this I want to share that the Japanese also are grossly disfavored::they nearly produce distractions exclusively, their people are consumed by them, they have replaced their culture. What favor in Japan ocurrs rurally, and not near Nagasaki nor Hiroshima.
    Wealth is a corruptor and a sign a society is disfavored::::Eastern Europe (socialism/communism) has favor while their western counterparts struggle in their relationship with the gods. Also baseball is a clue a society is grossly disfavored (baseball comprised of the preditory disfavored. Ranger ownership was a clue to people that W is evil. They offered this clue intentionally.) Also women who play the sport are far more masculinized than women who play other participatory sports.
    Don’t let your children play baseball. It fell into disfavor in the last decade+ for good reason.)
    Cultures who embrace hard liquor as their drink of choice are grossly disfavored, tequilla being uniquely Mexican (Anything “hard” is wicked:::Hard alcohol, hard drugs, all porn.) or those who have a passion for drinking (Irish). Incidentally, another sign of gross disfavor are societies that consume spicy foods (Latin America, Thai, etc.), those who eat too much meat, engage in human sacrifice, ones who tattoo or pierce their bodies, those who celebrate evil (Celtic) or are inflicted with the Catholic Church. Contrary to what disfavored people believe, these peoples are not “earning” when they inflict their evil on others. Rather it is the source of their disfavor because the gods are scapegoatting them by hurting others with the problems the gods inflicted them with, ironically!!! Those who believe they are earning have become corrupted!!!
    Disfavored people want to minimize the god’s opportunities. These “open doors” give the gods the freedom to justify instructing Artificial Intelligence to create problems in the disfavored’s lives. The USA, Catholic Church, hip-hop, etc all give the gods the freedom to abuse you and your family. Identify and eliminate as many of these items as you can.
    The gods used “The Boot” twice, suggesting they are open to the idea of recycling:::Beem the structures and people off earth (into a star), beem out toxic waste and re-colonize the planet??? Planets require a investment and they may prefer to maximize its return.
    They have many planets where they have fostered life. They have timed these planet’s emergence (into industrial/technological age, the crucial in a planet’s history,) to ensure they can give their full attention to each when it ocurrs.
    They are personally involved, and are with each and every planet.

    The gods will use whatever role players are at their disposal to justify their behavior to segments of society, 20th century gangsters used to position against the most disfavored among us, literally and telepathically::::The gods utilize levels of positioning. This is just another tactic the god’s use to instill hurdles along the disfavored’s path:::Whereas they used to take the many and leave the few now they take the few and leave the many.
    There is an underlying positioning beneath this, as is the god’s way:::Levels of positioning used to confuse the disfavored, to add a hurdle, and I suspect 20th century WorldWars are a clue suggesting germanic control (Hitler a clue suggesting Austrian leadership). Not only is their dominance of evil warmongering in the 20th century a clue but so is their language, a gutteral, wicked sounding langauge which is a clue offered to the disfavored. Similarly the purpose of their composers, many of whom were Austrian, ALL of whom were (brain-less?) clones (the favored children got out) was as a “high-level” distraction, a delaying tactic for those in that segment of society. Whereas this isn’t as an important a tactic now it was back during the 20th century and earlier, I suspect. Austrian Sigmund Freud is known as the father of psychoanalysis yet people have (mental) health problems because of their disfavor, illustrating the preditory purpose of this discipline, this individual.
    These people.
    They fought to save Christianity in The Crusades. Do they have proprietory rights over beer, the scourge of men??? Buswdeiser IS Austrian. They suggest people crave this product. I know it’s true. I’ve felt it myself and I don’t even drink!!! It’s because they are Austrian and the gods use Austrians as preditors.
    (Much like US automakers, only one of these three companies is any good. You still shouldn’t be drinking beer. And yes, it doesn’t REALLY matter and yes, they are ALL merely clones, but just as the gods will enforce prophecy so will they enforce positioning. Plus because of the craving issue you are less apt to become an alcoholic drinking Coors than you are Buswieser.)
    Martin Luther was a german and his teachings inspired the Reformation, good for the Germans and Christians throughout Europe. I wonder if Austrians would have tried to keep the Germans within the Church??

    I argue the Austrians were used to lead the misled/unwitting Germans into evil.
    Don’t allow that Austrian, who has already been used to create so much damage throughout the decades into the White House (the gods instructed AI to force this individual’s (series of) brain-less clones to offer many clues suggesting his evil (steriods/pharmeceuticals costs people their chance because it poisons the body, guy-flick genre:::similar to inflicting a scourge like beer on men). The gods will use this open door, exploit your mistake and punish you for failing to pick up on the clues they offered::::
    Considering the gravity of the Austrians in regard to the disfavored I suspect this individual will kick off the final war-revelry cycle with some military action while president of the United States. This final cycle represents The End, so we may not see the entire cycle.
    He may grant blacks reparations::::The gods won’t want to give blacks too many years after awarding reparations, for some may burn through the money quickly, so expect it to happen shortly after the checks are sent.

    The world will end in 2041, only if the gods conform to the current 20-year war-revelry cycle. Considering that it is The End they certainly may break the pattern, which means anytime after he takes office.
    They may use him to initiate the military conflict that ends on planet Earth.

    They won’t want to give blacks too many years after awarding reparations, for some may burn through the money quickly, so expect it to happen shortly after the checks are sent.

    He is the term_inator. This is the kind of irony the gods laugh about.

    The gravity of how the gods use the Austrians is illustrated in the Hitler example.
    If this individual has presided over a relatively quiet administration it would concern me, for it suggests they are saving his evil for something big.

    I wonder if the Holocaust was foreshadowing, yet another example of the Jews sacrifing to help the disfavored::::
    The Apocalypse will be initiated by an Austrian.

    When the national referendum to allow foreign-born individuals to run for president is introduced I recommend you DEFY and vote NO!!
    Your life will depend on it.

    Before this event ocurrs there will be LOTS AND LOTS of clues SCREAMING to the disfavored regarding the IMPORTANCE OF DEFIANCE.
    You will have been warned.

    The Italian brain-less clones were used as monsters because of their gross disfavor::First group of people inflicted with Chrisitianity; the scourge of opera, Italy’s hip hop; masculinzation of women, justified with Catholicism.
    I think the Jewish bra

    Evel April 17, 2007 at 9:05 pm

    Though I have posted many times about The Boy, this seems to be a crowd favorite and should make you feel like Mother of the Year.

    Although, this one is my favorite.

    albamaria30 April 18, 2007 at 8:59 pm

    I have one of those no-nappers, too, girl number 2, who is 14 weeks old. She will nap on me, or on Nanny (who, thank god, lives next door and loves to hold her). I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t complain because she rocks the night sleeping. But frankly when she has been crying for an hour from 3 to 4 p.m. I want to explain she would feel a lot better if she napped for longer than 20 minutes. And I’m going to put her down and walk away before I lose it.

    Yeah, the good mommy moments…

    mo-wo April 19, 2007 at 12:35 am

    Those 16lbs in the sling is nothing to sneeze at… I have a 26lb 9 month old… who was like that and I found the sling nearly unusable.

    I believe my shameful quote would be — Jumping up and down.. “Shut up baby. You have got to shut up. Everyone is trying to sleep”

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