Bad Toyz, Bad Toyz: What’cha Gonna Do?
Still Life with Phallic Lovey, Flaccid.
Still Life with Mushroom Cloud, mixed media (or ‘How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Paper-Cuts’)
But it didn’t quite work – turn that picture sideways, and you’re right back to phallus, only this time dipped in Philadelphia Whipped Cream Cheese with creepy stick figures stuck to the side. You’re really no better off, then, are you? And in any case, is a story about thermonuclear war in an alternate paper universe really a more appropriate biography for a lovey than Priapus-Gone-Plushy?
There’s just no escaping it: it’s phallic, and more than a little bit disturbing. (As evidenced by my experiences taking it through airport security during our recent travels: And what is that, ma’am? It’s a lovey. A lovey for who, ma’am? For my daughter? Please step to the side, ma’am.)
But however disturbing, it is much-loved, and we haven’t the heart – or the nerve – to take it away from WonderBaby, who keeps it with her at all times.
Except, of course, when Kermie has it:
Posted by Her Bad Mother on May 9, 2007
Filed under: Uncategorized
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."What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil." (Nietzsche, Aphorism 153, Beyond Good And Evil.) Not, unfortunately, beyond Dora dolls that shout 'WE DID IT!' when you step on them, but you learn to cope with that.
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© 2010 • Her Bad Mother • All Rights Reserved
May 9, 2007
OMG, thank you for the laughs today!
May 9, 2007
So funny!!! I just about busted a gut reading that one. Love it, love ya, and love the lovey.
May 9, 2007
I almost peed my pants at the Kermit one!
May 9, 2007
Do you actually call it “lovey”? I was feeling a bit shamed that my son’s lovey is actually a cloth diaper, but you my dear? That’s the cherry on top.
Hmmmm….whip cream, cherries, plush phallics…good times.
May 9, 2007
Bahahaha! You are hilarious, HBM.
May 9, 2007
I am dying!
My son has a similar plush ring stacker which has also suffered the loss of rings. He seems to really enjoy walking around with the ring stand in his mouth. So far I’ve resisted taking a picture, but it’s only a matter of time!
Thank you a million times over for the hilarity!
May 9, 2007
I was feeling kind of bad yesterday, because the lovey was the thing that I immediately focused on in your beautiful zoo picture. Glad to know I’m not the only one with the dirty mind, at least.
May 9, 2007
Holy crap the mushroom cloud killed me.
May 9, 2007
I think I just peed in my panties a little.
May 9, 2007
That’s freaking hilarious.
May 9, 2007
Hahahaha.
Genius.
May 9, 2007
This made me happy. Really, really happy.
May 9, 2007
i am beyond horrified by that last picture. scarred for life, in fact. thanks for that.
May 9, 2007
Flaccid lovey is impressive, to say the least.
Now stay out of my top drawer.
May 9, 2007
Aren’t we all?
I am, however, not envious of the hits you’re going to get with repeated mentions of priapus, muppets and cream cheese in this post (not to mention the naked dancing boys in your corner of heaven). Get ready for your stats to skyrocket! Just can’t get away from that phallic imagery…
May 9, 2007
Now that’s a Dirty Wow Wow.
May 9, 2007
Hilarious…
and to think I though it was an object made out of cement…
May 9, 2007
OMG! Thanks so much for the laughs…this is abso-freakin’-lutely hysterical. And thanks to my friend for turning me on to this blog! (no pun intended…lol)
May 9, 2007
I’ll never feel the same about Kermit again.
May 9, 2007
Nothin’ wrong with a little filth!
May 9, 2007
This is by far the funniest post I’ve read today! I needed the laughs! Thank you
May 9, 2007
Seriously, you know some freak at PBK was like — “Dude, look what happens when you take all the rings off” *laughing heartily*
But that flaccid penis just looks more like a really tired out post-sex wanger.
Or Whiskey dick.
NOT that I know anything about either of those.
May 9, 2007
Oh gosh… after a terrible day (passport office + 6 month old = bad bad day) thanks for an incredible laugh!
I will *never* look at Kermit in quite the same way…
May 9, 2007
I have bought one of these for a gift…I hope they have forgiven me!
Thanks for a much needed laugh. I think there should be a coming out lovey post day…this can’t be the only uh interesting lovey out there.
May 9, 2007
Who needs Ron Jeremy when you have Kermie, the wonder-schlong?
May 9, 2007
LOL, that’s awesome. Some days I’m glad Cordy got attached to a pink and white puppy. I’d hate to have to explain that one everywhere I went. But at least you’ve thought it over and have some great comebacks for anything people could say to you.
May 9, 2007
you have outdone yourself. Brilliant. Sick. Twisted. But brilliant.
May 9, 2007
Ummm…where can we get one of these? Bah-hahahahah! Thanks. Now I feel better. Snort.
May 9, 2007
I am laughing, I am blushing… oh sweet juju, am I turned on? Kidding… or am I? When is my hubby getting home from work?…
May 9, 2007
I always knew that there was *something* about Kermit.
I’m too pregnant to laugh that hard.
Ouch.
May 9, 2007
That is the BEST LOVEY ever….What a great thing to have….I can’t wait for WonderBaby’s teenage years…are ya gonna torment her??? I totally would!!! tee hee
May 9, 2007
That is spectacular! Thanks.
May 9, 2007
No wonder why Miss Piggy had such a thing for Kermie. Smart pig, that one.
May 9, 2007
I can only imagine Freud’s take on all of this funny business! hehehehe!
May 9, 2007
I just absolutely love that you actually created a paper diorama for the Mushroom Cloud Lovey.
May 9, 2007
I can’t wait until Wonderbaby is about 16 and you show her the photos of her ‘lovey’.
That photo of it with Kermit is awesome.
May 9, 2007
I always wondered what Kermie’s weenie looked like.
May 9, 2007
Gawd…it’s the colour!!!
What else can you think!!!
May 9, 2007
ohmygod. I was having a good giggle and then I got to The Kermit Photo…I think I just woke the Magpie up with my laughing
It’s about the look on his little green face…
May 10, 2007
Oh you are baaaaad! I’m cracking up.
May 10, 2007
OMGoodness. Thank you for the laugh today on this weird cold Parisian morning. As I sit in the office and pretend to be busy…
I guess pretending it’s a toadstool wouldn’t help either.
May 10, 2007
Jchevais – we actually refer to it as The Toadstool in mixed company. At home (and this is why we’re going to hell) we call it The Phallus; in public, it’s The Toadstool (’oh, yeah, THAT – that’s her toadstool. No, really, it’s a toadstool.’)
Problem is, once you’ve seen Kermie with it, TOAD-STOOL starts to sound like toads-TOOL…
May 10, 2007
We had one of those, but from Lamaze, which was not quite so plushy, more definitely cylindrical and with fabric that was not fluffy, but oddle patterned with things like zebra… Which, somehow, did not stop the joking and waving it about much.
May 10, 2007
I’m laughing so hard I can’t come up with anything other than LOLOLOLOL.
May 10, 2007
Holy crap! This is so funny. My son has a toy that features what is supposed to be a purple microphone. Similar embarrassing situation. Oh, to simply turn it into a mushroom cloud! Thanks for the fits of hysterical laughter!!!
May 10, 2007
Oh.
My.
God.
The Kermie pic made me snarf my coffee. Thanks for the laughs, and the coffee stains.
May 10, 2007
ROTFLMAO!!! * seriously– I fell off my chair!!
May 10, 2007
MU’s Whiskey Dick made me snort.
AMEN to Bad Toyz!
Remember these:
http://www.troll-baby.com/2006/06/14/the-frikken-wegos/
Baaaad toys! Mouthy too!
May 10, 2007
hahaha good gosh i snorted juice up my nose.you are too funny for words sometimes HBM.that pic of kermie is too funny!toads tool.good one my friend.i will be laughing all day.so thanks.we all know laughing is good for the soul.LAVENDULA
May 10, 2007
Ahahaha! Omg. That is the funniest thing I’ve read all week. I love how your mind works… You know, in the gutter, right next to mine.
May 10, 2007
I’m trying to eat lunch here & you keep making me snort diet coke up my nose!
May 10, 2007
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh I LOVE living in the gutter.
I pretend to be confused by my children’s scataogical humor obsession but I’m not really. They come by it honestly.
May 10, 2007
Oh dear god I laughed until I had to stop reading because of the tears. You SO rock.
I’m terribly disappointed that neither of my girls has a phallic lovey.
Clearly I’M the Bad Mother here.
May 10, 2007
that picture of kermie is just wrong wrong wrong
…
I heard he takes it from behind.
May 10, 2007
That was just way funnier than what is normally legal.
May 10, 2007
I must need to get laid b/c i knew what it was from the get go. Kermit is priceless.
May 10, 2007
Can’t. Stop. Laughing. You evil bitch. It HURTS.
May 10, 2007
OH. MY. GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t catch my breath, I’m laughing so hard …must not wake children….
ROLFMAO. Thanks.
May 10, 2007
“And what is that, ma’am? It’s a lovey. A lovey for who, ma’am? For my daughter? Please step to the side, ma’am.”
O M G ! Funniest thing I’ve read all day!! You always crack me up whether it’s on Twitter or your blog! Thank you, Sweetie!
Hugs,
Lori
a.k.a. kcgirlgeek
May 10, 2007
Ah, all… if I have made just one person laugh today, I will have made the world a better place. However, I have also pornified the Muppets and so have shat, just a little bit, upon everyone’s childhood, and so am probably going to hell anyway.
May 10, 2007
OMG, phallic lovey rules all! Oh, and I think Ginga is right – Kermie most definitely takes it from behind.
May 10, 2007
Aaackk! OMG, too damn funny.
Who’d have thought Kermie was so well-endowed? No wonder Miss Piggy was so … well… enamoured.
May 10, 2007
Sometimes a lovey is just a lovey.
Bad, you have conquered the blogging world today. May I suggest you take a turn at slasher fiction tomorrow. I can see a Kermie SLASH Fozzie forbidden passion story in all of this.
May 11, 2007
This is absolutely brilliant! Thanks for making my day.
May 11, 2007
Hysterical–especially the mushroom cloud one! I needed the laugh.
May 11, 2007
There I sat, innocently scrolling down through the phallic post when I reached….
The.Frog.
I’m still laughing hysterically over here.
Jul 11, 2007
Oh. My. God. Halarious!!!
Oh Kermie! I always knew you were a little raunchy!!
Jul 11, 2007
Oh, yes, the mushroom cloud was brilliant..
May 15, 2008
I just sent the link to this page to everyone I know! Plus a few random’s that just need the stifled gurgle at work as they desperately check over their shoulder to see who’s watching. Absolutely fabulous!
May 23, 2008
That Kermit picture is the funniest thing ever!! Thanks for the laughs!