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9 May

Bad Toyz, Bad Toyz: What’cha Gonna Do?

Edits! Now with more Bad!
Amidst all of the discussion the other day about Bratz Dolls and whether Smurfette could take any one of them in a Doll-On-Ho-Doll Smackdown, there were a few gentle inquiries about WonderBaby’s lovey, the object that accompanies her on all sleeps and all journeys to Buffalo Containment Facilities and which bears an unfortunate resemblance to a certain nether appendage of the male anatomy in its tumescent state:
Still Life with Phallic Lovey.

Still Life with Phallic Lovey, Flaccid.
For the record, the Phallic Lovey is only accidentally phallic. It began life as a Pottery Barn Plush Stacking Ring Set, but the Plush Rings are long disappeared, very possibly purloined by feral cats. So it is that the Lovey Ring-Stand, sans Rings, is now just a Lovey Stand, and a disturbingly phallic one at that.
We tried, we really did, to imagine it as other things:

Still Life with Mushroom Cloud, mixed media (or ‘How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Paper-Cuts’)

But it didn’t quite work – turn that picture sideways, and you’re right back to phallus, only this time dipped in Philadelphia Whipped Cream Cheese with creepy stick figures stuck to the side. You’re really no better off, then, are you? And in any case, is a story about thermonuclear war in an alternate paper universe really a more appropriate biography for a lovey than Priapus-Gone-Plushy?

There’s just no escaping it: it’s phallic, and more than a little bit disturbing. (As evidenced by my experiences taking it through airport security during our recent travels: And what is that, ma’am? It’s a lovey. A lovey for who, ma’am? For my daughter? Please step to the side, ma’am.)

But however disturbing, it is much-loved, and we haven’t the heart – or the nerve – to take it away from WonderBaby, who keeps it with her at all times.

Except, of course, when Kermie has it:

Portrait of Priapic Muppet.
I may not really be a bad mother, but there seems to be no question that I am, after all is said and done, a filthy-minded one.
Oooh, baby, you want more Bad? Moremoremoremore?
You can listen to me wax Bad with the delicious Rebecca and Romi of TrueMomConfessions this afternoon (Thursday, May 10, 2pmPST/5pmEST – I’ll be on around 5:30, I’m told – you can click through HERE) about why it is that we all like so much to say that we’re badbadbad and resist admitting that we’re actually goodgoodgood. You know, that thing we were all talking about last week, while we were all sitting around, blogging, drunk and naked?
It’ll be some good bad fun.