Because you can’t get online to scream (that is, you can’t get online comfortably, from your usual happy perch on the sofa or at the dining table, because you have to sit in the hot room with the uncomfortable chair and use the stupid desktop).

Because you’ve lost all of your document files of haikus on the theme of screaming.

Because you’ve lost all of your image files, and in any case can’t get into your Photoshop to make new ones that rip off Edvard Munch.

Because you’re alone with the child for the weekend and can’t risk disturbing her sleep with your manic screaming.

Because you’re alone with the child for the weekend and can’t get to a computer shop to see if they can perfrom emergency laptop CPR.

Because even if you could access your files and get online (at least with something more efficient than the cloddish desktop in the den, which has an old version of Windows and none of your preshus files) you don’t know how you would express your scream, because if you could get to those things you wouldn’t have this guttural howl burbling at the bottom of your throat.

Because you feel really stupid, actually, for not backing all of that shit up, and screaming feels like it would be more stupid piled on stupid.

This image would be much, much better with some Photoshop interefence. Like, say, a blond bob and some graffiti text proclaiming Bill Gates’ future in hell.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.