Cry Baby, Redux

January 18, 2008

Sometimes, you write something, and believe it to be, like, one-hundred and ten percent true – like, say, I cry so much because I am hormonal, and happy - and then, just hours later, you find yourself standing in the kitchenwares aisle at Zellers sobbing and whimpering, to no-one in particular, I am crying because I CANNOT HANDLE THIS SHIT, I CANNOT HANDLE THIS SHIT, I CANNOT DO THIS, as your toddler disappears around another corner with a fistful of lifted lollipops in her tiny hands, cackling with the maniacal glee that only a shoplifting toddler can summon.

And you seriously consider going home and deleting every reference to happiness from your blog and very possibly removing every single happiness signifier in your household – beginning with that stupid grin on that stupid stuffed Dora doll that Wonderbaby received for Christmas, which, you think, could be quite effectively dealt with by means of black Sharpie – because how can one be happy when one simply cannot cope with the quotidien requirements of being a mother while also being pregnant and having run out of chocolate?

And although you don’t make the tempting deletions, and you resist defacing the nauseatingly cheerful Dora doll with a Sharpie pen, and you do, thankfully, wake up the next day feeling a little more balanced, you decide that you need to be a lot more careful about your declarations about happiness, because the gods are bitches, and they will fuck with you if you get cocky.

And then you go buy more chocolate.

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    Someone Being Me January 18, 2008 at 11:33 am

    So very, very true. You must have forgotten to knock on wood. I hope things continue to stay balanced for you and that you keep an endless supply of chocolate in the pantry.

    Melody January 18, 2008 at 11:41 am

    Ugh – Sorry. No advice there, except defintely DO NOT run out of chocolate.

    I love the pregnancy horemones. But… what’s MY excuse?

    New reader, love you blog.

    Mouse January 18, 2008 at 11:54 am

    Always buy more chocolate. If you are in a store and a chocolate bar catches your eye, buy it. Do not ask questions.

    I find that when I live by this rule, things go much better.

    Maddy January 18, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    Everyone has bad days sometimes, hope that yours are few and far between.

    Hannah January 18, 2008 at 12:41 pm

    You know it’s a bad day when the Dora doll is silently mocking you.

    This too shall pass.

    Beck January 18, 2008 at 1:02 pm

    I think I spent all three pregnancies bawling my eyes out and telling people off. It kind of sucked.

    Awesome Mom January 18, 2008 at 1:02 pm

    I try to be careful about saying things like that just for the very reason you mentioned. Hang in there! Before you know it you will have a newborn and a toddler and your life will get even crazier (but in a good way)

    bubandpie January 18, 2008 at 1:04 pm

    It’s the hardest part, being pregnant with #2. Having the actual baby is nothing in comparison.

    mothergoosemouse January 18, 2008 at 1:07 pm

    I returned from my doctor’s appointment this morning to Kyle telling me that he was headed out (as in, right at that very moment) to help his old boss move and that both girls were in the bathtub.

    I immediately burst into tears.

    And even though he got the girls out of the tub before he left, I’m still going to make a batch of brownies. Like, NOW.


    Heather January 18, 2008 at 1:21 pm

    I love me the pregnancy moodiness. I’m sure all those around me do too. Ha. Ha. Ha. Or something like that.

    jchevais January 18, 2008 at 1:30 pm

    pregnancy n2 with toddler underfoot = living hell.


    Mimi January 18, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    What was that whooshing sound? OMG, I almost got cracked on the head by a fast-moving mood swing!


    Dude, I’d bake you some cookies, with plenty of chocolate, if you were nearby …

    Liz January 18, 2008 at 1:35 pm

    I’m no longer writing my own blog entries. I’m just going to link to yours, because you’re stealing the thoughts out of my head.

    [[also, it's not like I've been, you know, WRITING, lately. Oops]]

    Janet January 18, 2008 at 2:18 pm

    I still do the “I cannot handle this shit,” with all my kids on the outside. I don’t know if I will ever feel like I’m completely competent at this mothering thing.

    I made some cookies with three kinds of chocolate chips this morning. I would share, if you were my neighbour.

    Ali January 18, 2008 at 2:28 pm

    chocolate = perfection

    Robbin January 18, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    I have those days now. And my son is two and a half. And I am not pregnant.

    In fact, I can’t handle ANY of this shit.

    I am going for chocolate.

    mamatulip January 18, 2008 at 3:17 pm

    God, do I ever get this post.

    Julie Pippert January 18, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    I see your angst, and will raise you one whine and 12 moans (don’t worry—keeping it all on my own blog).

    I have been known to resort to talking through my teeth lately, usually saying, “Not one more thing, seriously, I cannot take one more thing today.”

    And I’m not even pregnant.

    So hang in there.

    I highly recommend homeschooling teen girls as mother’s helpers. Actually, cannot recommend this highly enough.


    nomotherearth January 18, 2008 at 4:04 pm

    Hey – I just posted about my very own “kiss of death” experience. I feel your pain.

    And now I’m going to look for some chocolate.

    ewe are here January 18, 2008 at 4:46 pm

    Heck, I’m eating chocolate as I read this, and I’m not even pregnant!

    Hang in there.

    The Domesticator January 18, 2008 at 6:52 pm

    Oh, dear…
    I think most women who were/are pregnant can relate to this post. E- gads…..Sorry. Yes, I guess more chocolate is in order. Can’t have liquor….yet. So, yes, chocolate..lots of it….hopefully helps to balance the hormones. At least that is what I tell myself every month! You know what? It WORKS ;-)

    Crystal January 18, 2008 at 7:41 pm

    I think maybe a chocolate milkshake is in order. Or more of a direct to your brain form of chocolate like a bottle of Hershey syrup.

    Kate January 18, 2008 at 8:34 pm

    I hate to ruin the thread here but chocolate may be your enemy!!
    I have had to quit chocolate (not completely sometimes I still give in), I have spent the last three weeks of this pregnancy bawling and then I gave up the chocolate that was fuelling me everyday. First day was horrific but next one was much easier, haven’t cried since (yes I lie I cried when I watched “Bridge to Terabithia”).

    Lisa January 18, 2008 at 8:41 pm

    YOu know (as she thoughtfully eats a piece of chocolate) I really wish there was a service where you could get emergency chocolate delivered to your door STAT. The delivery service could use an old ambulance and stock it with any chocolate imagined. YOu’d call a number and they’d be on their way. Chocolate ice cream or cheesecake? No problem! Truffles, candies or cookies? Sure thing! And if you needed to, there’s be a massage chair there too in the back so you could sit in silence, sweet, sweet silence, all by yourself, eat your candy, and then order a big ole bag to hide for later.

    Someone needs to get on that. But not me. I’d eat too much of my inventory.

    Glad to hear you are feeling much better today.

    Rachel January 18, 2008 at 10:13 pm

    pregnancy hormones bite.

    and it was after pregnancy #3 that I agreed with my husband’s desire for a vasectomy!

    you deserve all the chocolate you can get. Hey, there’s still some christmas chocolate on sale around here!

    Elizabeth January 18, 2008 at 10:26 pm

    I hear ya, sweetie. The boys are only two years apart, and I definitely had days where there just wasn’t enough chocolate to hold the hormones in check. Also? I sobbed constantly while pregnant with Kaitlyn.

    I second Lisa’s idea about a chocolate delivery service. Whoever makes that a reality would be an instant bazillionaire. Hang in there.

    Karen MEG January 18, 2008 at 10:32 pm

    Oh, one of those days. Hope tomorrow’s better. Pregnancy can suck sometimes…but then you think about the bigger picture. And you get through it. Chocolate is a great cure-all, hope you see lots of it soon.
    Have a great weekend.

    zellmer January 18, 2008 at 10:41 pm

    You so remind me of myself when I was pregnant, also with a toddler. It is just so, so hard.

    flutter January 18, 2008 at 11:59 pm

    Yeow. Smite those gods!

    Clearly there was a chocolate shortage, and you know what? That is unacceptable.

    Marymurtz January 19, 2008 at 12:21 am

    I thanked the Gods that I’m not pregnant, and came home to immediately take a double dose of xanax so I would stop feeling crippling anxiety.

    I’m in a fog, but will eat two Godiva chocolates and drift off to my iPod playing.

    Some days, life sucks so much for the little reasons that it’s mortifying. You just have to roll with it.

    Get thee some chocolate. Frickin’ January. It’s EVIL.

    kgirl January 19, 2008 at 12:45 am

    Just in case you are considering not getting a double stroller, GET A DOUBLE STROLLER! You will want that toddler (s)trapped in when you go out.

    Not Afraid to Use It January 19, 2008 at 1:27 am

    Get a stash of chocolate for yourself, and an additional stash as offerings to the pregnancy gods. It helps, honest.

    Christina January 19, 2008 at 11:06 am

    Oh, I remember those mood swings of pregnancy. I spent many a day freaking out about how I would deal with two kids, especially when I was having a bad day just parenting one.

    Yeah, chocolate and maybe a few hours of “you” time can fix a lot. Ask HBF to give you some alone time this weekend.

    AliBlahBlah January 19, 2008 at 1:02 pm

    Hormones are rather like the difference between hallucinating and being delusional. When you hallucinate you are completely aware that what you are seeing is ‘false’ – this is what most people believe you have the capability of when you’re hormonal, to distance yourself from your feelings and be objective, whereas, it’s more like being delusional, you’re whacked out but you don’t have the perspective to realise you’re being loopy. Same with hormones, you know you’re pregnant/PMS’ing, etc but that knowledge doesn’t affect how you feel, you can’t distance yourself from it, you really are feeling overwhelmed/weepy/stressed for no good reason!!

    Wright January 19, 2008 at 3:17 pm

    Hope you start feeling better soon. You only have a few more months of pregnancy and then you’ll have a brand new baby and a toddler . . . Umm, that was supposed to make you feel better. Oh well!

    Minnesota Matron January 19, 2008 at 7:48 pm

    Ah – happiness relies on the dark side for its existence at all, sorry. You know how when you’re sick, you SOOOOO remember how great normal felt and you vow to be happy and grateful, and then the flu’s gone and you’re well again and you’re grateful for a nanosecond and you forget the misery. It’s all one big cycle and utterly unavoidable. Just gets more intense when you’re cycling with/through a family. . . .

    deb January 19, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    I’m laughing but only because I know how that feels. I remember.

    Jaelithe January 19, 2008 at 10:51 pm

    If it makes you feel any better, I can’t handle it all half the time and I’m not even pregnant.

    Anonymous January 20, 2008 at 11:28 am

    MinnesotaMatron, yours is the nearest to my comprehension. Anything outside the present moment is too broad and too protean. I recall Joan Didion’s words: “Life changes fast. Life changes in a instant. You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends.”

    Or, the Reverend Sidney Smith’s advice, as quoted in John Bayley’s memoir of his wife Iris Murdoch: “Take short views of human life – never further than dinner or tea.”

    What make moments wonderful are the inverse possibilities, the inevitable flip sides.

    Mitzi Green January 20, 2008 at 12:08 pm

    some advice for you–when it comes to containing toddlers (or overly mobile children of any age, really), you simply cannot beat duct tape. the more heavy-duty, the better.

    Stacie January 21, 2008 at 11:24 am


    Hope today is a better day!

    Roz January 21, 2008 at 8:46 pm

    It’s not just the hormones- it’s the tiredness. There’s no way lugging a medicine ball about while chasing a two yr old is gonna improve anyone’s mood. My daughter has discovered the joy of bolting and laughs hysterically when I catch her and use the “I’m really mad and this is really serious” voice on her. I can still catch her, but at week 23, I’m looking ahead with just a teensy bit of concern. In other words, it’s sooo not just you.

    Staci Schoff January 22, 2008 at 2:46 am

    I had a day like that the other day and I can’t blame being pregnant or having a toddler.

    AnotherMomCreation January 22, 2008 at 11:05 am

    You do know that chocolate is a sanity saver right? And that it is completely calorie free.

    Well that is my mantra and I am sticking with it.

    Dont worry, this too shall pass.

    AdventureDad January 22, 2008 at 6:05 pm

    Chocolate or/and sex, always needed:-))


    Anonymous January 24, 2008 at 4:25 pm

    I do so love it when my favorite Mom writers write something close to my blog…I was beginning to think I was a cold-hearted freak! Hope today is better!!



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