This man? I love this man. He’s a big ol’ doofus, and sometimes a bit of an ass, but he’s my hero, my heart, the love of my life. And it’s his birthday.
And seeing as he’s always asking me why he doesn’t get more love on this here blog (“Why don’t you write about me more?” I didn’t think you’d want me to. “I wouldn’t mind.” Okay. —silence— “Are you going to?” Maybe. —silence— “You could explain to everyone that I’m really an ass.” DONE.) I thought, why not make this all about him? Which is to say, why not ask you to make this all about him. I’m tired today, and besides, I need to go out and get him cake. You all should do the work. Leave him some love in the comments, and then I’ll take all the credit. (See, honey? I got the intarwebs to make love to you on my blog! Happy now?)
He likes puns, dirty jokes, music and links to stupid things on the Internet. He’s been known to laugh at pictures of meerkats. If you have any tips for making the perfect espresso, catching fish, or dealing with moody wives, then I’m sure he’d like to hear about that, too.
Dispense your gifts in the comments. I’ll get the cake.
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Dealing with moody wives: Bring home a freshly-caught fish and let her know that you’ve provided dinner and will gladly allow her to clean it for you.
Hey HBF, you is one lucky dude with that sweet little family of your so Happy Birthday BadDad, and many happy returns.
Sorry, no advice on the moody wife tho’ b/c I have issues with thinking outside the box.
Okay I can’t just leave tips on catching fish without some details. What kind of fishing does he do? Ocean? Lakes? Rivers?
I think you should buy him the Mighty Lure system. I hear it totally R0XX0rs. I would know because mine hasn’t arrived yet.
But happy birthday!!
Our tip for catching fish: Put a piece of corn (from a can works just fine) at the end of the hook. No kidding. Every kid who tried (and we’re talking at least 10) caught a fish within minutes.
And, Happy Birthday!
I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger….
and then it hit me.
My favorite.
Happy birthday!
TSM – lakes. But recently, mostly in his imagination.
Happy Birthday HBF! Look, HBM got you a beautiful new baby
Happy b-day HBF!! The perfect espresso starts with the perfect bean, so start roasting your own coffee. You can use this roaster http://www.sweetmarias.com/prod.freshroast.shtml to get started. It’s quick and easy and probably won’t burn the house down.
Sweet Maria’s ships to Canada but you can also get green beans in Canada here http://www.greenbeanery.ca/bean/catalog/index.php?cPath=21_26
We started roasting our own beans a few weeks ago and we won’t ever go back to buying pre-roasted coffee-seriously, it’s that good.
As for the moody wife, chocolate-the darker the better. And take the kids for a walk while she takes a nice hot bath. Seems to work for my moody wife.
Happy Birthday, Their Bad Father! None of us even know your name, but we love you anyway, for your good fatherhood, good husbandness, and of course your handsome appearance. Enjoy this birthday, and many many more!
He’s cute!
(It’s OK to say it, right??)
Happy birthday.
I said, “You should know that this is my fourth baby and I feel entitled to get mad at you.” He said, “You should know that this is MY fourth baby and I feel entitled to fight back.”
Happy Birthday, HBF. Feel entitled.
Also, funny links:
http://despair.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGDndcxH-O4
happy birthday!
fishing: on the last trip, we learned that cut, live bait worked substantially better than anything previously frozen.
the senor and i were rewarded with two (cough) prizes: a shark and a stingray.
Happy birthday! This is the second Internet birthday wish I have extended today. I’m exhausted.
Someone sent me a link to 161 Condom Slogans. It’s a bit of overkill but there are some funny ones:
- Especially in December, giftwrap your member
- Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool
and, my personal favourite:
- Cover your pipe, you dumb ass wipe
Want to read more? No? Shocking.
Happy birthday HBF!!
Likes puns? He’s a keeper. (no really, I love puns)
Happy Birthday Mr Bad.
Moody wives respond well to chocolate and you taking the kids away.
just sayin…
This is the current #1 joke in our house and I offer it up because I dig me some birthday cake:
What do you say when you see a brown chicken and a brown cow?
Brown chicken brown cow.
(Go ahead; say it. Out loud.)
Happy Birthday HBF.
If you ever need a break from that wife of yours and your kids, send them my way.
I’d be more than happy to take them off your hands for a few days. Or weeks.
Consider it a standing invitation. My birthday gift to you.
Smooches.
Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday Ass. Hope you get lots of love like this: http://www.cuteaddict.com/images/2007/04/19/meercats.jpg
Happy Birthday HBF!!!!
Happy Birthday Her(Their) Bad Father!
This is the cutest picture ever, with you and those two little creatures. You are very lucky, just for that moment, if nothing else.
Happy birthday!!
wow, your hubby is HAWT!
happy birthday!
Here’a a link to silly stuffs on the interwebs: http://noiamnotclairemartin.blogspot.com/ and Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday!
What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.
(ba-dump-chink)
Happy Birthday, HBF. I share our best joke with you, which has been passed down from generation to generation. It was my father’s (RIP) and now I’ve given it to my son. (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it).
http://www.assortednutz.com/blog/Images/Ethan3yrsKnockKnock1.MOV
My husband swears by green (although they look yellow to me) Power Bait. The worms. Also spinner bait for casting. Keep switching lures with different colors and blades until you find the one that works.
My husband does all the lure switching. I just throw out the casts and catch the fish.
Happy birthday HBF!
Dumb internet trick that everyone probably knows already:
Go to google, type in “find chuck norris” end.
Also entertaining and kind of frightening? Google your landline phone number. OOOOOOH! Scary.
Happy Birthday to His/Her Bad Father, and Her Bad Husband:)
Happy Birthday, HBF!
Trillian mentioned she’d left a comment on coffee, but left out the dealing-with-a-moody-wife bit. All I can say is that I was the last one to buy the dark chocolate!
I’d leave you with a joke, but the only ones I can think of right now are my son’s, and they lack a little something, i.e. a punchline that makes sense.
Happy Birthday!
No help on the distractions (either for moody women or catching fish), but I’ve always found the best espresso is found on a Saturday morning alone in a coffee shop with comfy chairs, the newspaper and a scone on the side.
Aw! Happy Birthday HBF! As far as moody wives go, just do the dishes (with a smile) and clean the poopy butts and all w/out a single grumble and all should be pretty dang good.
Or, at least just a little!
Enjoy your day.
Happy Birthday!
Here’s your horoscope for today:
Happy Birthday: Keep things a little secretive this year and you will prosper. You will have some unique, profitable ideas. A relationship may need some fixing and a choice must be made. Don’t give in or sell out because you are afraid to go it alone. Believe in yourself, your abilities and your future. Your numbers are 10, 14, 23, 35, 40, 47.
Birthday Baby: You are exciting, dynamic and a born leader. You are sensitive, changeable and always ready to take action. You demand loyalty and freedom and need to follow your own path.
BORN ON THIS DAY: Eric Lively, 27; Dean Cain, 42; J.K.Rowling, 43; Wesley Snipes, 46
I’ll publish this anonymously because my favorite joke is not always everyone else’s favorite joke. But it shows, as my therapist says, my “dark humor.” Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.
Happy HBF!
Here’s my joke:
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says,“’Honey, my hands are freezing!” She says, “Well put them between my thighs and that will warm them up.”
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, “Man! My hands are really freezing!” She says again, “Well. put them between my thighs and warm them up again.” He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood to get them through the night. When he returns to the cabin, he states once again, “Honey, my hands are really, really freezing.” She looks at him and says, “For crying out loud, don’t your ears ever get cold?”
Happy Birthday!
I’m sure this is old news to you, but my husband and I love Flight of the Conchords’ “Business Time”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU
Well, I don’t know either of you, but I do write about my husband at great length.
Just found your blog, thought I would say hi, and, well, I guess… Happy Brithday.
Here’s a joke for you hubby that I’m sure (at least I hope) both of you can appreciate:
Q:How do you get the Canadians out of the pool?
A: Say, “Will the Canadians please get out of the pool…”
Cheers
Aw happy birthday bad guy. I mean…big guy.
Dirty Joke:
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
See you next month!!
Hahahahahahahaha!
Here’s a link to some manly candles, for those times when you want to enhance the ambience of the house without incurring the scorn of the guys:
http://www.buymandles.com/
And now, a joke.
A rancher goes into a tiny cafe, where there is nobody seated and nobody around. He sits at the counter waiting for someone to wait on him. Looking at the menu board, he sees only two items. “Cheese Sandwich: $5. Hand Job: $4.” While pondering this, he sees a sleazy waitress come out of the kitchen, hair piled on her head, an order pad in her hand.
“You the ol’ gal that gives the handjobs?” he aska her.
“Yep,” she says.
“Alright then,” he replied. “Go wash yer hands and make me a cheese sandwich.”
happy birthday, her bad father! (heh)
i hope to meet you someday very very soon… your wife may have informed you of the nascent joint family vacation planning (or not) (don’t feel bad, my husband doesn’t know yet either).
Happy Birthday!
I came unprepared. I apologize. I think your wife is hot. Does that count as a compliment to you too? I mean you great taste. And your kids are adorable – so you’ve got great genes too.
Sufficient? No?
Damnitt.
Tip: the best pizza in the whole world can be found in Leadville, CO at High Mountain Pies. http://www.highmountainpies.com
If you ever get to Colorado, it’s worth the 2-2.5 hours to Leadville. I’m on vacation there now and don’t think I’ll ever be able to leave because there is no pizza this good anywhere else.
Sorry, pizza advice wasn’t on the list, but that’s all I’m thinking about right now. Oh yeah, and they make a pizza with shrimp (similar to fish) and bacon and cream cheese chunks. You have to try it to believe it.
Happy birthday, HBF!
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
http://www.maniacworld.com/how-to-sing-puppies-to-sleep.html
http://www.boingboing.net/2008/07/30/burlesque-chicken-co.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpcUxwpOQ_A
Happy birthday!
OK.
Open this one first:
http://tinyurl.com/5eroz2
And then, this one:
http://tinyurl.com/658vsc
You said he liked puns….
Happy birthday, HBF.
I wish you lots of unbroken sleep, much like the last fairy in Sleeping Beauty. Because, meerkat madness aside, with a new baby I’m sure that’s all you and HBM really want right now?
Meercats? Seriously?
I took this picture last month at the Pittsburgh Zoo.
(Note: Not G-rated)
http://flickr.com/photos/88704324@N00/2720654795/?eOrig=2720644145
Happy Birthday HBF. Best way to deal with a moody wife? Hand her the keys and tell her to go do whatever she wants for a few hours while you watch the kids. Oh, and chocolate.
Everyone who is recommending birthday chocolate for wife: THANK YOU. You get extra cake.
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