Almost

September 2, 2008

Further update below…

I have never been so emotionally exhausted in all my life.

Zachary is improved. Improved enough that we can say, now – our hearts in our mouths – he almost died. He almost died.

We can only say that, now, because there is every reason to remain hopeful that that ‘almost‘ will remain past tense. Expectantly hopeful. Positively hopeful.

But still: my heart is so tired.

I have been in hospital with Zachary – alongside my sister, who has been sleeping in a chair at his side for a week now – around the clock, cut off from the rest of the world. Soon it will be time to return. For the moment, my access to technology is limited. And that’s fine – my attention, my energies, my everything is needed here.

But still. I am so tired. I wish that I were not so tired, so that I could use my words, find solace in using my words, telling this story.

Soon.

Update: we’re still at hospital. Zachary has sustained such extensive nerve damage that they don’t know if he’ll be able to walk again. He’s trying so, so hard. It’s both heart-bursting and heart-breaking.

Me, I’m living in the dark ages – there’s no wireless here and my smartphone isn’t working properly and so I only have computer access when I stand in line for the one dial-up system on the ward. I’m limited to text and sporadic access to some machine that was built in 1983. But know that I am – and Zachary is, and my sister is – receiving all your warm wishes and hopes and prayers.

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    { 92 comments }

    Jenny, the Bloggess September 2, 2008 at 4:07 pm

    I can’t even imagine how exhausted you all must be.

    My thoughts are with you…

    egm September 2, 2008 at 4:21 pm

    I’m so happy and relieved for you and your family. Take care of yourself–we’ll still be here when you get back.

    PDX Mama September 2, 2008 at 4:45 pm

    So glad to hear he is improved. I can’t even imagine how frightening this has been for you and your family. My thoughts are with you.

    Brandy September 2, 2008 at 5:30 pm

    I’m so glad to hear he’s doing better. My prayers are still with him.

    Issas Crazy World September 2, 2008 at 5:42 pm

    I am so glad you got there okay and I’m thrilled that Zachary is awake and making progress towards getting better.

    The words will come when you’re ready for then. Until then, thanks for the update and hugs to you and your family.

    Jenifer September 2, 2008 at 5:42 pm

    That is wonderful. This has been in my heart since you left. I was almost afraid to check in on you. I am relieved, so relieved. Best wishes for his continued recovery.

    Bon September 2, 2008 at 7:08 pm

    i’m glad he’s getting better…and i wish i could i could banish all those almosts securely to the past tense for you, for your sister and her family.

    i will just keep hoping.

    Beck September 2, 2008 at 8:04 pm

    Someday soon, this will be a great story for him – the one time he almost died. People will high-five him and buy him beer.
    And I hope that by the time that day comes, your heart – and your sister’s – will feel back to normal, will no longer have that ache of terror. I hope so.

    Sugar September 2, 2008 at 8:19 pm

    Yay for Zachary! AND for your family!

    I can’t wait to read more of your beautiful words.

    Michelle September 2, 2008 at 8:29 pm

    I am glad to hear things are getting better. I will continue praying for your family.

    HollowSquirrel September 2, 2008 at 9:02 pm

    oh how I love “postively hopeful.” thank the stars. Ginormous hugs to everyone and may you be able to get some rest soon.

    Annie, The Evil Queen September 2, 2008 at 9:46 pm

    I’m praying for all of you.

    Tricia September 2, 2008 at 11:25 pm

    Sending you and yours- Peace.

    fruitlady September 3, 2008 at 12:02 am

    There are no words to express the relief at reading this post. I can only imagine that your feelings on it are thousands fold compared to your readers. I have thought of Zachary often in the last few days and kept hoping for this post to come.

    Nina September 3, 2008 at 1:27 am

    Breathing a sigh of relief for you and your sister and family and esp. for Zach.

    (((Hugs))) and all that corny internet love shtuff.

    BreezieGirl September 3, 2008 at 1:43 am

    So glad to hear Zachary is improving… my prayers and thoughts continue to be with you.

    Minnie September 3, 2008 at 9:17 am

    You’ve got to be drained. I’m glad to hear that he’s begining his recovery.
    Sending warm wishes and prayers your way.

    Ali September 3, 2008 at 9:31 am

    I have been there…done that with the meningitis. I had it myself when I was in my 20′s….as a matter a fact I was admitted into the hospital with it on my 30th birthday! I went to that “almost ” point too, but thank goodness pulled through. I may not know how you as a family member are feeling, but I do know exactly how Zachary is feeling. I’m glad he is doing better. Tell him to take it easy and don’t rush getting back out and about.

    ChurchPunkMom September 3, 2008 at 10:25 am

    Praise God that he’s improving!! Continuing to cover you in prayer… God bless you.

    lavandula September 3, 2008 at 11:15 am

    oh catherine thats so great to hear. will keep praying for a speedy recovery for zachary.hugs to you

    mek September 3, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    oh – just now catching up on the last week, and so glad to read first the news that Zachary is getting better – I’ll keep him and your family (flamily) in my thoughts.

    gururkarm September 3, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    So glad you’re able to check in. And, like everyone else, so happy to hear improvement is happening, and it appears he’s past the worst. Now get some sleep! :-)

    Vicki September 3, 2008 at 2:41 pm

    I will pray that he gets his legs back beneath him to carry him anywhere he wants to go. I’m so sorry that this happened and I wish I could make it all better for you and your family. Please let him walk again and be well again, Lord??

    Kimberly September 3, 2008 at 3:24 pm

    Prayers to Zachary.

    Jessica September 3, 2008 at 4:42 pm

    I will continue to pray for Zachary and your family.

    kittenpie September 3, 2008 at 4:42 pm

    Hoping so hard that the body’s mircaulous nature rears it’s head here and puts things to rights, C. Hugs all around.

    Mommato2 September 3, 2008 at 5:25 pm

    Oh, what you have all been through…I am so sorry for it. Yet, so pleased that he is on the mend…sending lots of love, prayers and hugs across the country to all of you.

    Shannon September 3, 2008 at 7:11 pm

    Oh God, Catherine, my prayers are with you all. I’m sorry Zachary is going through this….

    Anissa Mayhew September 3, 2008 at 7:46 pm

    Catherine,

    My prayers are with your sister, Zackary and your whole family. Hope is what keeps you all from running away into the night in fear. Trust me, I get that. Stay strong and focused.

    Tracey September 3, 2008 at 7:50 pm

    Sending you more love and strength. For Zachary, his mother, father and family…

    tif September 3, 2008 at 7:53 pm

    omg, i am so sorry for all the trouble ya’ll are having. i will continue to pray so hard for you all. i am a pediatric nurse and see stuff like this frequently and it’s always heartbreaking. it sounds though, like he’s on the mend (fingers crossed), and i wish you all the luck and health in the world.

    The Queen of Hyperbole September 4, 2008 at 2:12 am

    Healthy, healthy wishes.

    THopgood September 4, 2008 at 7:33 am

    Thinking about you and praying for your nephew’s full recovery.

    coopkeeper September 4, 2008 at 9:48 am

    You have been in my prayers all week. It is so hard to just sit there and wait for the doctors to tell you something…ANYTHING.

    lavandula September 4, 2008 at 11:06 am

    oh catherine i believe in miracles… i believe he will make a full recovery and will continue to pray for him…

    Haley-O September 4, 2008 at 4:32 pm

    thinking of you, and your family. Praying…. ((hug))

    Manager Mom September 4, 2008 at 10:31 pm

    All of my thoughts, and prayers, for continued improvement and the possibility of every day bringing better news.

    the new girl September 5, 2008 at 12:38 pm

    Oh God. Just. God.

    I hope that you’re taking care of you as you take care of them. I hope that you’re all able to draw some measure of strength from each other.
    xo

    Rusti September 5, 2008 at 3:27 pm

    I’m still thinking of, and praying for, all of you HBM… my fingers are also crossed… so sorry for what you are having to deal with right now, and wishing I could do something to help, and make it better…

    {HUGS}

    Mom101 September 5, 2008 at 8:15 pm

    Am still thinking of you all often. Sending love and love and more love.

    Karen MEG September 6, 2008 at 8:36 pm

    This is good news… my heart it still breaking that Zachary is struggling so, but glad that he is on the road to recovery. What a strong boy.

    And I am so glad that you were able to be there for your sister. What a nightmare for you all.

    Sending good thoughts your way…

    Kate September 7, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    thank you for the update on zachary… can’t imagine how tired you must be. Your online friends send you many thoughts and good wishes your way!

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