Him

July 31, 2009

I don’t say much about him, here. I wrote something about that, once:

I don’t say much about my husband here, on the blog. He appears, now and again, a peripheral character in the stories that I tell. Sometimes, rarely, he comes to centre stage, as an antagonist or foil, in some adventure or misadventure that I’m recounting, but even then the story is usually not about him but about our home or our neighborhood or – most often – our child, and his prominence in the story is merely a function of his indispensability to the scene.

I don’t say much about my husband here, nor about our marriage. I don’t, I feel, have enough propriety over those stories to assert myself as narrator of those stories. They are not mine to share. They are his stories – or, in the case of our marriage, our stories. So it is that you rarely read anything substantive about my husband.

Which is a shame, because you would like him, you really would. He’s a wonderful, wonderful man: one of those souls who is just genuinely good, genuinely concerned about the world around him and everyone in it, who is just naturally, effortlessly generous and kind and not in the cloying manner of someone who wants recognition or a place in the kingdom of God for their efforts but in the straightforward and authentic manner of someone who knows that we all just have to be good to one another if we’re going to get along. And he loves animals and children, all of them, except maybe the really unpleasant ones and the older ones with the silly pants dropped below their skinny asses (the kids, not the animals), and always has, even before we had our own. I’ve seen him moved, really moved, at the sight of young children at play. All of which might make him sound kind of wussy, but he’s not, he’s really not, and that’s the thing, probably the biggest thing, that I love about him: he is at once the kindest and gentlest human being that I know, and the strongest.

And then I said:

He’s not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination… But I’m not perfect either; contrary to all appearances, I am far from it. But I’m perfect for him and he’s perfect for me and that, my friends, my dear, dear friends, is probably all that you need to know.

It is all that you need to know. I struggled for a long time this morning, trying to figure out how to say more. He does, after all, sometimes ask why I don’t say more about him (Do you want me to say more? I reply. Would it be about me not putting my underwear away, or about my vasectomy? – Probably. – Then maybe not.) And I sometimes wish that I did say more about him, so that you could know him, because as I said above, you would love him, you really would. But as I said above: for that, I think, you need only know that I love him, more than I can ever put into words.

their bad father

It’s his birthday today. Wish him a good one. He’d love that. Because although he doesn’t want you hearing about his underwear or his vasectomy, he likes to know that you know that he’s there, and that he’s awesome. Which he is. So.

(Happy birthday, doofus. Love you.)

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    { 79 comments }

    The New Girl July 31, 2009 at 8:18 pm

    Happy, Happy!

    You guys make cuuuute babies.

    xo
    TNG
    .-= The New Girl´s last blog ..Fun(ish) Fact Friday!! =-.

    Julie July 31, 2009 at 8:24 pm

    Happy Birthday to your hubby.

    Alicia July 31, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    Very sweet. Happy birthday!
    .-= Alicia´s last blog ..wordless wednesday: it’s thursday =-.

    Heather July 31, 2009 at 8:45 pm

    I’d like to mention that he is also an amazing brother. Happy Birthday !!!!!! xo

    daysgoby July 31, 2009 at 9:56 pm

    Happy Birthday! I hope this is the best year yet.

    (And really, why wouldn’t it be?)
    .-= daysgoby´s last blog ..summertime, summertime =-.

    Jo August 1, 2009 at 5:55 am

    Happy Birthday Pal

    (my DH has a love/hate relationship with my blogging too)
    .-= Jo´s last blog ..A good cry… =-.

    Assertagirl August 1, 2009 at 10:01 am

    Aw, happy birthday, HBF! You’re a fabulous dad and husband and make a mean barbeque dinner.
    .-= Assertagirl´s last blog ..24 weeks pregnant: The hell that is the baby registry. =-.

    Amanda August 1, 2009 at 10:37 am

    Wishing you a happy birthday…and perhaps the kind of day that brings a story that can’t go unchronicled after the fact.
    .-= Amanda´s last blog ..H2Fun =-.

    Andrea's Sweet Life August 1, 2009 at 10:39 am

    Happy Birthday, Him!

    Major Bedhead August 1, 2009 at 10:45 am

    Is there a husband on the planet who puts away his underwear? If so, I want him to come give my husband lessons.

    Happy birthday, Their Bad Father. I hope you had a fabulous day.
    .-= Major Bedhead´s last blog ..When Life Gives You An Open Fire Hydrant…. =-.

    Liz August 1, 2009 at 11:22 am

    Feliz Cumpleanos!!!! Happy Birthday!!! Have a great day celebrating….
    .-= Liz´s last blog ..Confession #2 =-.

    cagey August 1, 2009 at 11:59 am

    Happy birthday, Mr. HBM!

    I feel very strongly about not posting about my husband and when I do, I try to keep it light and tongue in cheek. Christ on toast, I married an Indian, the fodder potential is unbelievable. But I resist because I respect him too much.

    Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba) August 1, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    Your husband is a good-looking guy. :)

    Happy birthday, a day late, to your wonderful husband.
    .-= Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba)´s last blog ..Happy “Curves”iversary to me… 25 and counting… =-.

    Tatiana August 1, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    When I met him in June he seemed like a wonderful man – and he actually made my husband feel comfortable in a sea of women and children, which is a pretty impressive feat. Happy Birthday!
    .-= Tatiana´s last blog ..10 things I love about breastfeeding =-.

    MommyNamedApril August 2, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    Happy Birthday Her Bad Dad!!! Hope you have a wonderful day :-)

    Aidan Donnelley Rowley August 2, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    Happy belated birthday, good guy. I am new to this bloggy world, but I enjoy your honest and humble and honoring words about a man who sounds about as genuine and loving and kick-ass as my Husband. Hope the celebrations were major.
    .-= Aidan Donnelley Rowley´s last blog ..Look No Further =-.

    Diapers and Wine August 2, 2009 at 8:36 pm

    How very, very sweet. This gives me hope.
    .-= Diapers and Wine´s last blog ..This repetitous phase will be the death of me? The death of me? =-.

    Marilyn (A Lot of Loves) August 3, 2009 at 1:19 am

    I really loved this post. It actually made me feel a little warm and gushy inside. It’s a bit late but I still say “Happy Birthday!” to a guy who sounds like a great Dad and a nice guy.
    .-= Marilyn (A Lot of Loves)´s last blog ..Hyphen-lover =-.

    Debbie August 3, 2009 at 9:08 am

    Happy belated birthday to your wonderful and kind husband.

    Ginny August 3, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    Happy Birthday birthday to him!

    Haley-O August 4, 2009 at 8:15 pm

    Happy Birthday! Such a sweet post! I feel the same way about writing about Josh…. I do it very rarely, mostly because my blog is MY party. ;)
    .-= Haley-O´s last blog ..Just Thought You Should Know…. =-.

    Carol-Leah August 5, 2009 at 1:45 am

    This was beautiful. All spouses need to know how much they are appreciated and loved and it is so often assumed and not vocalized. I’m sure he was a happy man when he read what you wrote.

    Rusti August 7, 2009 at 9:16 am

    Hope HBF had a WONDERFUL birthday!!
    .-= Rusti´s last blog ..Labor & Delivery =-.

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