Him
I don’t say much about him, here. I wrote something about that, once:
I don’t say much about my husband here, on the blog. He appears, now and again, a peripheral character in the stories that I tell. Sometimes, rarely, he comes to centre stage, as an antagonist or foil, in some adventure or misadventure that I’m recounting, but even then the story is usually not about him but about our home or our neighborhood or – most often – our child, and his prominence in the story is merely a function of his indispensability to the scene.
I don’t say much about my husband here, nor about our marriage. I don’t, I feel, have enough propriety over those stories to assert myself as narrator of those stories. They are not mine to share. They are his stories – or, in the case of our marriage, our stories. So it is that you rarely read anything substantive about my husband.
Which is a shame, because you would like him, you really would. He’s a wonderful, wonderful man: one of those souls who is just genuinely good, genuinely concerned about the world around him and everyone in it, who is just naturally, effortlessly generous and kind and not in the cloying manner of someone who wants recognition or a place in the kingdom of God for their efforts but in the straightforward and authentic manner of someone who knows that we all just have to be good to one another if we’re going to get along. And he loves animals and children, all of them, except maybe the really unpleasant ones and the older ones with the silly pants dropped below their skinny asses (the kids, not the animals), and always has, even before we had our own. I’ve seen him moved, really moved, at the sight of young children at play. All of which might make him sound kind of wussy, but he’s not, he’s really not, and that’s the thing, probably the biggest thing, that I love about him: he is at once the kindest and gentlest human being that I know, and the strongest.
And then I said:
He’s not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination… But I’m not perfect either; contrary to all appearances, I am far from it. But I’m perfect for him and he’s perfect for me and that, my friends, my dear, dear friends, is probably all that you need to know.
It is all that you need to know. I struggled for a long time this morning, trying to figure out how to say more. He does, after all, sometimes ask why I don’t say more about him (Do you want me to say more? I reply. Would it be about me not putting my underwear away, or about my vasectomy? – Probably. – Then maybe not.) And I sometimes wish that I did say more about him, so that you could know him, because as I said above, you would love him, you really would. But as I said above: for that, I think, you need only know that I love him, more than I can ever put into words.
It’s his birthday today. Wish him a good one. He’d love that. Because although he doesn’t want you hearing about his underwear or his vasectomy, he likes to know that you know that he’s there, and that he’s awesome. Which he is. So.
(Happy birthday, doofus. Love you.)
Posted by Her Bad Mother on July 31, 2009
Filed under: Flamily, Mush, The Husband
Tags: birthday, her bad father, The Husband, their bad father
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."What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil." (Nietzsche, Aphorism 153, Beyond Good And Evil.) Not, unfortunately, beyond Dora dolls that shout 'WE DID IT!' when you step on them, but you learn to cope with that.
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© 2010 • Her Bad Mother • All Rights Reserved
Jul 31, 2009
So well said.
Plus he’s cute.
Happy Birthday, him.
CatrinkaS´s last blog ..Home. Work.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
July 31st, 2009 at 8:32 pm
He IS cute. AND he doesn’t even know it.
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday, Their Bad Father!
Miss Behavin Reply:
July 31st, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Yeah, what she said! I second that!
Miss Behavin´s last blog ..I’m an Event Chaser
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday to Their Bad Father, and Her Good Husband!
ciao,
rpm
red pen mama´s last blog ..Lack
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday Her Bad Dad!
We think we love them more than is possible until we see how much they love our children and that love grows even more. I love that about my husband.
Ann´s last blog ..Running Away
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday!
Jul 31, 2009
That is so sweet!
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
Jul 31, 2009
Hope you have an amazing day! Hey, it’s your one day where you won’t get yelled at if you don’t put your underwear away. Enjoy!
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday, have a good one. Enjoy your day, your children, and each other
Jul 31, 2009
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
ps. My husband doesn’t put away his underwear either.
Mrs. Wilson´s last blog ..braids and rockets
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday!! So, *you* are the husband behind the genius? heehee Hope your day is full of laughs and fun. Now go home and kiss your wife–she really, really loves you.
Martie´s last blog ..Oh, Cranberry, Please Cure Me…
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday, Him. I don’t have a husband so there’s no underwear issue in our house. mwah! MMJ
Melise´s last blog ..melisej: hopes the QoS makes it through the cats ‘n dogs through to the airport for her safe departure.
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday! I hope it’s wonderful!
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday!
I suddenly feel guilty for writing about my own husband – especially since those posts seem to be the biggest traffic drivers. Yikes.
Such a beautiful family.
julie´s last blog ..10 things about motherhood that rock.
Jul 31, 2009
Happy birthday!!
What an amazing, beautiful way to speak of your husband. It sounds as if you are one lucky woman and he, one lucky man.
Jul 31, 2009
He sounds like quite a man. The perfect man for you, too. What a great post. Happy Birthday to him!
Steph
Adventures In Babywearing´s last blog ..And the seasons, they go round and round
Jul 31, 2009
Happy birthday!!!
liz´s last blog ..I Added Some More Folks to the Blog Roll –>
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday! Hope you have a wonderful day together as a family!!
Jill´s last blog ..Take Us Back in Time Tuesday
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday, wishing you all the best!
Jul 31, 2009
My husband and I frequently tell each other and others that we are not perfect but we are perfect for each other…
Happy Real-lationship,
Happy Birthday!
Jul 31, 2009
That made me cry. Dammit. LOL
Very sweet and a wonderful tribute to Your Good Father.
Tell him Happy Birthday from Minnesota!
Jo´s last blog ..An Open Letter To Tavaris Jackson
Jul 31, 2009
what a sweet post – I can feel your love for him in your words!
Tiaras & Tatnrums´s last blog ..My Home Tour Cont
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday!
Busy Mom´s last blog ..Meet Edward and Bella
Jul 31, 2009
Happy birthday to your dear husband, a man who shares a name with the most beautiful boy I know, my son.
She Likes Purple´s last blog ..Before you came around
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday to TBF! I don’t know how you could give him a better gift than these wonderful words (well, at least not without talking about vasectomies and underwear).
Heather´s last blog ..A sandwich, A fruit roll-up, A juice box*
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birfday, Him!
Mama Snyder´s last blog ..Do I worry too much?
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday! We miss you guys!
Her Bad Mother Reply:
August 1st, 2009 at 10:31 am
Ditto
Jul 31, 2009
Very well said. It’s kind of how I feel about writing about my husband as well.
Happy Birthday!
C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Fruit Loops, Indeed
Jul 31, 2009
What a great photo. I do love seeing dads and their kids together, it’s really the best.
And a big happy birthday to Mr. Bad Mother. Hope it’s a great one.
Amber´s last blog ..Kids Are People Too
Jul 31, 2009
Happy birthday! I hope its a grand one!
Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..There really is a place called Pocahontas, IL or Why Chicken should never be given tasks first thing in the morning
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday to you Bad Dad!
Chantal´s last blog ..reboot in safe mode
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday!
I loved how you wrote about your husband I feel that my own hubby is a kind kind man but that I often don;t write enough about him.
We briefly passed each other at Blogher and I was hoping to chat in person well maybe next time
Cheers,
Anita
anita tedaldi ´s last blog ..Today I miss you
Her Bad Mother Reply:
August 1st, 2009 at 10:32 am
Next time for sure! I would have loved to have chatted!
Jul 31, 2009
Wishing you a happy birthday and the best year yet!
Jul 31, 2009
Happy happy birthday, TBD!
Sashalyn´s last blog ..how we play…
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday to HBF!
I don’t remember seeing a photo of him before, but E looks just like him!
~Angela
Angela´s last blog ..Puppies and Kitties and Piggies, Oh My!
Jul 31, 2009
happy birthday to their bad father!
And many more . . .
Jul 31, 2009
Happy birthday, Mr. Bad Father! I hope it’s a great one with your wonderful family.
Lara´s last blog ..This Post Really Needs Images, But I Couldn’t Find BlowHer or Xenophobes on Google Images
Jul 31, 2009
Happy birthday, Uncle K!
Mad´s last blog ..Archives Shortcode
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday DUDE!
katie ~ motherbumper´s last blog ..This isn’t a BlogHer Recap (alternate title: Viva La Siesta!)
Her Bad Mother Reply:
August 1st, 2009 at 9:23 pm
He likes it better when you call him OnKyle.
Jul 31, 2009
This was Beautiful
He’s not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination… But I’m not perfect either; contrary to all appearances, I am far from it. But I’m perfect for him and he’s perfect for me and that, my friends, my dear, dear friends, is probably all that you need to know.
Happy Birthday to your Hubby!
Jul 31, 2009
I think this is one of the nicest birthday tributes I’ve ever seen. Happy birthday to your husband!
Sprite’s Keeper´s last blog ..Spin Cycle: Digging for gold in the archives…
Jul 31, 2009
Muchas felicidades Su Papá Malo!
Paperfairies´s last blog ..A selfish email to my underwater husband
Jul 31, 2009
Happy birthday! Also, it’s my mom’s birthday – and Harry Potter’s! So happy shared birthday.
Enjoy your wife, because she rocks, and your kids, who are adorable (good job!). Happy, happy.
Della´s last blog ..Nearly Wordless Wednesday
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday! Love the photo above, you all look so good together.
Chelle´s last blog ..Wild Bird Rescue Center
Jul 31, 2009
I could have posted this very article for my husband’s birthday 2 days ago.
Happy Day, Him!
Headless Mom´s last blog ..
Jul 31, 2009
Happy birthday to the Bad Father!!!
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday! I hope it was great.
Momo Fali´s last blog ..Sugar, Sugar
Jul 31, 2009
Happy birthday to him.
I don’t write much about my wife either. I rarely put pictures of her online. And it’s for the reason that she never signed on for the life of being the wife of a blogger, so I’m careful about what I say about our relationship. I don’t want the internet giving me marriage advice, or taking my side in disputes. I have no cute pet/derogatory names for her that diminish her person.
She asked me once why I never talked about her online and I was surprised, because it sounded as though she’d prefer I said more. So I’ve opened up a bit more, posted a few pictures and told a few stories involving her feelings and thoughts, but I’m still not comfortable doing that. She’s got her own blog if she really wants to share it.
Backpacking Dad´s last blog ..BlogHer ‘09: Top Moments
Her Bad Mother Reply:
August 1st, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Giving advice and taking sides, yeah. You nailed it. I don’t want any assumptions made about him, and so I limit any basis for assumption-making.
But if HE starts his own blog, all bets may be off.
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday to Him. You don’t have to write much about him for us to know that he’s pretty awesome.
Jezer´s last blog ..State of the Mind: Today’s Edition
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday!
Ms. Mama´s last blog ..Day 29, Delayed Intensification
Jul 31, 2009
That was very sweet. What a lovely birthday wish to your hubby.
Mrs Chaos´s last blog ..An Anniversary, If You Will
Jul 31, 2009
Happy, Happy!
You guys make cuuuute babies.
xo
TNG
The New Girl´s last blog ..Fun(ish) Fact Friday!!
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday to your hubby.
Jul 31, 2009
Very sweet. Happy birthday!
Alicia´s last blog ..wordless wednesday: it’s thursday
Jul 31, 2009
I’d like to mention that he is also an amazing brother. Happy Birthday !!!!!! xo
Jul 31, 2009
Happy Birthday! I hope this is the best year yet.
(And really, why wouldn’t it be?)
daysgoby´s last blog ..summertime, summertime
Aug 1, 2009
Happy Birthday Pal
(my DH has a love/hate relationship with my blogging too)
Jo´s last blog ..A good cry…
Aug 1, 2009
Aw, happy birthday, HBF! You’re a fabulous dad and husband and make a mean barbeque dinner.
Assertagirl´s last blog ..24 weeks pregnant: The hell that is the baby registry.
Aug 1, 2009
Wishing you a happy birthday…and perhaps the kind of day that brings a story that can’t go unchronicled after the fact.
Amanda´s last blog ..H2Fun
Aug 1, 2009
Happy Birthday, Him!
Aug 1, 2009
Is there a husband on the planet who puts away his underwear? If so, I want him to come give my husband lessons.
Happy birthday, Their Bad Father. I hope you had a fabulous day.
Major Bedhead´s last blog ..When Life Gives You An Open Fire Hydrant….
Aug 1, 2009
Feliz Cumpleanos!!!! Happy Birthday!!! Have a great day celebrating….
Liz´s last blog ..Confession #2
Aug 1, 2009
Happy birthday, Mr. HBM!
I feel very strongly about not posting about my husband and when I do, I try to keep it light and tongue in cheek. Christ on toast, I married an Indian, the fodder potential is unbelievable. But I resist because I respect him too much.
Aug 1, 2009
Your husband is a good-looking guy.
Happy birthday, a day late, to your wonderful husband.
Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba)´s last blog ..Happy “Curves”iversary to me… 25 and counting…
Aug 1, 2009
When I met him in June he seemed like a wonderful man – and he actually made my husband feel comfortable in a sea of women and children, which is a pretty impressive feat. Happy Birthday!
Tatiana´s last blog ..10 things I love about breastfeeding
Aug 2, 2009
Happy Birthday Her Bad Dad!!! Hope you have a wonderful day
Aug 2, 2009
Happy belated birthday, good guy. I am new to this bloggy world, but I enjoy your honest and humble and honoring words about a man who sounds about as genuine and loving and kick-ass as my Husband. Hope the celebrations were major.
Aidan Donnelley Rowley´s last blog ..Look No Further
Aug 2, 2009
How very, very sweet. This gives me hope.
Diapers and Wine´s last blog ..This repetitous phase will be the death of me? The death of me?
Aug 3, 2009
I really loved this post. It actually made me feel a little warm and gushy inside. It’s a bit late but I still say “Happy Birthday!” to a guy who sounds like a great Dad and a nice guy.
Marilyn (A Lot of Loves)´s last blog ..Hyphen-lover
Aug 3, 2009
Happy belated birthday to your wonderful and kind husband.
Aug 3, 2009
Happy Birthday birthday to him!
Aug 4, 2009
Happy Birthday! Such a sweet post! I feel the same way about writing about Josh…. I do it very rarely, mostly because my blog is MY party.
Haley-O´s last blog ..Just Thought You Should Know….
Aug 5, 2009
This was beautiful. All spouses need to know how much they are appreciated and loved and it is so often assumed and not vocalized. I’m sure he was a happy man when he read what you wrote.
Aug 7, 2009
Hope HBF had a WONDERFUL birthday!!
Rusti´s last blog ..Labor & Delivery