Posted by Her Bad Mother on October 1, 2009 2:10 pm • Feminismz, Rants, Uncategorized, anger • 129 comments
Snips And Snails And The Unbearable Heaviness Of Roman Polanski
When I was thirteen, a boy named Donald approached me in the schoolyard and told me that I looked like a boy. “I bet you are a boy,” he said. “You have no boobs.” I flushed and moved to walk away, but he clutched my arm and held me there. “I’m going to feel them to see if there’s anything there,” he said, grinning, and then he grabbed at my chest and squeezed, hard. I pushed him, turned on my heel, and ran while his laughter rang in my ears. It still rings, even now, when I think back on it. I can still remember exactly what it felt like, that day; I can still feel my chest stinging, and the hot flush of humiliation on my cheeks, the tears burning a trail down my face and dripping off my chin, the lump in my throat choking me, making it hard to breath. Boys are terrible, I thought at the time. Boys are terrible, awful, horrible things and I will never let one touch me again.
I was thirteen years old. I got over it, sort of, just as I kinda sorta mostly got over being grabbed and touched and groped by other boys and men in the ensuing years of my girlhood and young womanhood and not-so-young womanhood. How many times did some guy get too aggressive? How many times did a stray male hand wander across my chest or my ass or my thigh? How many times did I have to shove some man away? How many times did my cheeks flush and throat constrict and heart pound as I shouted or croaked or whispered, no? Too many times. This, too, for almost every woman I know: too, too many times. But the worst still remains that first time, in the schoolyard, when I was thirteen, when I didn’t know, yet, what attention from the opposite sex was supposed to feel like. When I was still a child. When it had the power to ensure that I would forever be made just a little bit uncomfortable by any but the most welcome male attention. When I was still a child.
When Samantha Geimer was thirteen years old, Roman Polanski drugged her and anally raped her. He did this when she was thirteen years old, when she didn’t know, yet, what attention from the opposite sex was supposed to feel like. When it had the power to ensure that she would forever be scarred, forever terrified by any but – maybe – the most obviously benevolent or harmless male attention. When she was still a child.
She did not, I imagine, get over it.
Roman Polanski, however, did get over it. He evaded full punishment for his crime by fleeing to Europe, where he continued to make films and live the life of a celebrated filmmaker and never express regret or remorse for his crimes, because, after all, “everyone loves to f— young girls!”
One would think, then, that Polanski’s apprehension, after all these years, would lead to wild applause and widespread gratitude toward anyone that anything to do with ensuring that he was brought to justice. One would think, but one would be wrong. Because for many people, what Roman Polanski did wasn’t a crime. Or if it was, it wasn’t a very bad crime. Or even if it was a bad crime, maybe, it’s not really important, right? Because he’s a brilliant man, and brilliant men shouldn’t be held responsible for things like, oh, say, child rape. So they – he – shouldn’t be punished.
This, I think, is a moral outrage of the most despicable order. It is a moral outrage of the most despicable order not (that is, not only) because the raping of children – the raping of anyone – is absolutely repugnant and indefensible on any grounds whatsoever (and it is that), but because such a defense of rapists sends the message that, oh hey, the sexual exploitation and abuse of women and children? Is not so bad! Not for everybody! Not all the time! Its badness is RELATIVE!
I have a daughter, and the idea that she might someday be sexually assualted in even the most minor, schoolyard-boob-grabbing kind of way sickens me. But I also have a son, and this whole issue sickens me even further on his behalf: what message does it send to boys when leading figures in popular culture and entertainment publicly proclaim their belief that what Roman Polanski did was, simply, not so very terrible? That he doesn’t deserve punishment for what he did? That there are distinctions to be made between rape and rape-rape and not really so much rape as just some guy making a wee mistake and oh, hey, also, he’s an ARTIST and BRILLIANT and RICH, so, you know, it’s different for him? That sexual assault – sexual abuse, sexual exploitation, rape – is ever, EVER, anything other than criminal, and morally repugnant?
What message does it send to our sons when the rape of a young girl is dismissed as something that is not that bad? What message does it send to the would-be Donalds of the world? To the would-be Roman Polanskis? To all the boys and men (and, yes, perhaps, women) who would grab and grope and hurt and rape, and to all the boys and men who wouldn’t? That sometimes, it’s okay? And that even if you wouldn’t do it, you shouldn’t necessarily condemn someone who does grab or grope or rape… who? Your sister, your mother, your wife, your lover, your daughter, your child?
Our sons deserve better, because our daughters deserve better. Our community deserves better. We owe it to our children, to the future husbands and wives and partners and lovers and employers and colleagues and teachers and neighbors and schoolyard knuckleheads of our community, to teach and preach and proclaim loudly, insistently, that it is never, never okay to interfere physically – sexually or otherwise – with another person without their meaningful consent. That, especially, imposing one’s self sexually upon another human being causes irreparable harm, that it is destructive and terrible and deserves every kind of legal and moral censure. That it is shameful, criminal, wrong. And that a good community, that good people, do not tolerate it.
Anything less is deplorable. It just is. And if the giant mutant puppets of Yo Gabba Gabba can grasp this while Bernard Henri-Levy and Peter Fonda and Debra Winger and MILAN FUCKING KUNDERA cannot? Then my faith in the good sense of thinking human beings is well and truly rattled.
And that just sucks.
9q74ptdmbv
Posted by Her Bad Mother on October 1, 2009 2:10 pm • Feminismz, Rants, Uncategorized, anger • 129 comments
Susan (woo222) Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:24 pm
This sickens me too. Thank you for writing about it! It is amazing the extent to which people will go to minimize rape. Susan
Susan (woo222)´s last blog ..Instructions are for Schmucks
Kat Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:24 pm
Thank you for putting into words exactly how I feel. Bravo.
Kat´s last blog ..It’s 7PM…What is Your Child Doing?
Issa Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:24 pm
Crying as I read this. But I am applauding you.
Issa´s last blog ..Struggling
Annie @ PhD in Parenting Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:25 pm
Thank you for this post. The way that some communities are rallying to support him and prop him up is disgusting.
Annie @ PhD in Parenting´s last blog ..An open letter to the attendees of the Nestle Family blogger event
After Words Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:26 pm
Amen. It’s appalling how many people who seem to otherwise possess good sense are lining up to defend a child rapist. It’s bizarro world.
After Words´s last blog ..I Am Trying to Break Your Heart
KBO Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:26 pm
I have nothing to say other than Amen.
KBO´s last blog ..Buck Up
BusyDad Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:26 pm
When I heard on the radio that there were actually people who we against bringing him to justice, I could not fathom it. It did not compute. This is what I hate about our society. Celebrities are held to different standards just because they are “gifted” or “brilliant” or “enriching” in some way to the general population of commoners. Screw that. Roman needs to be anally raped by Tuan in cell block 4. That’s what I think.
BusyDad´s last blog ..Cyborg. Now that’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time…
Cinthia Reply:
October 3rd, 2009 at 6:42 am
LOL, Busydad. But I totally agree.
Cinthia Reply:
October 3rd, 2009 at 6:42 am
LOL, Busydad. But I totally agree.
Megs Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
I believe Polanski should be brought to justice. That he should serve a full sentence, appropriate to his (clear, inexcusable) crime, without any consideration for his age, status, “brilliance,” etc.
That said, we as a nation, as a culture, as a world even (though I think this is a particularly American issue) have GOT to stop laughing at anal rape.
ANY FORM of anal rape. Whether done to a girl or a man. An innocent or a criminal. I’m sick of seeing rape, of any kind, made light of on television, in print, and, most often: in the same breath as the rape of a child is condemned, the rape of another is made a joke, condoned.
I don’t get it. “Poetic” justice is not for us to dole out. And this fantasy–of the molester/rapist raped–leads us to turn a blind eye to the rape of prisoners, incarcerated for any offense. Do we as a culture think that a crime (any crime) warrants the loss of the basic human right to keep safe one’s body?
Megs´s last blog ..Tired Updates.
anymommy Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:27 pm
Exactly. Shame on them all. I hope they want better for their own children.
anymommy´s last blog ..Tread Kindly
Amo Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:27 pm
AMEN!
Thank you for posting this.
Viv Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:29 pm
Moving post, and I absolutely agree with you. Thanks for addressing this.
Jo Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:29 pm
I have no words. Wait…I do have a word. DISGUSTED.
If what happened to that girl happened to ANY ONE of the people who are defending him then you can BET they’d be screaming from the rooftops for him to fry.
Jo´s last blog ..Last post was HOW long ago???
Mamacita Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:31 pm
Thank you for putting this in just the right words. I’m so angry, I could never have done it as well as you did.
The man is a child molester. He’s an unrepentant rapist. He is scum. SCUM.
And so is anyone who would excuse his behavior. Bah. I’ll go away now before I say anything else.
Mamacita´s last blog ..Ten Things Tuesday
Carrie Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:31 pm
Well said.
Carrie´s last blog ..Fish Food
Maternal Mirth Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:31 pm
Sick, sick, sick … just another divide between Hollywood and the general public, you know, aside from the millions of dollars and luxury lifestyle, Hollywood also doesn’t understand that they are not above the law.
This is appalling and Hollywood should suck it up and realize, CRIME IS CRIME regardless of your supposed “genius” or alleged “talent”. And fame and fortune cannot absolve you from paying restitution.
Maternal Mirth´s last blog ..I Like Frogs
Erica Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:33 pm
I was young when he was first charged, so I must admit that I never really paid much attention to Polanski or and didn’t really know what happened. So I didn’t really pay much attention to his recent arrest. Thank you for waking me up, thank you for making me outraged. He doesn’t deserve anyone’s support.
Erica´s last blog ..1 year, 32 weeks
red pen mama Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:35 pm
It’s not just the issues you list here (he’s an artist, he’s rich, etc.) that make this so reprehensible. It’s other people going out of their way to point out that “the judge reneged on his word (regarding sentencing)”, the victim “wants it all to go away”, “why did they wait so long”. Yadda yadda yadda.
If someone did that to one of my little girls, I can’t even imagine what I would’ve done. And you know, the U.S. doesn’t extradite to France.
It is infuriating. Thanks for writing about it so passionately and well.
ciao,
rpm
red pen mama´s last blog ..Progress
Karen Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:39 pm
Brilliantly said. I’m still stunned and disgusted that he has so many supporters. Don’t people understand that tolerance and blatant disregard for his actions has the power to put victims right back into feeling shame and fear. Injustice is an understatement.
Karen´s last blog ..I Wasn’t Raped Once.
Rhia Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:44 pm
Yes. Exactly. Thank you.
Rhia´s last blog ..Totally Crap at Blogging
jen Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:44 pm
I unequivocaly agree with you.
But is anyone else confused by this case? I mean if he did what did, then how did he get the plea bargain? I think he was going to essentially be released for time served? It is horrifying to think anyone could do what he did and could get that sentence in return.
Beyond that, he should still have to face the consequences of fleeing. He broke the law. Period.
Tanya Dennis Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:44 pm
AMEN and AMEN!!!!! I agree with you 100% and am just as outraged.
Tanya Dennis´s last blog ..Ellie-isms & Zach Attacks
habanerogal Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:47 pm
Two justice systems one for rich & famous one for the rest of us. Seems a little late to be “catching” him. Perhaps he feels this is Charles Manson’s fault that he allegedly commited these acts on this girl.
habanerogal´s last blog ..It’s been a month now
Erin Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:49 pm
Thank you for this post. I completely agree and feel appalled that there is so little outrage on this issue. Have you also noted how the media has colluded with the whitewashing of Polanski’s crime by refusing to refer to it as rape (which he plead GUILTY to) – they keep saying “had sex with” her. I’m sorry, on no PLANET does anybody have sex with a 13 year old. It’s called rape. And he’s a criminal. And I don’t care how brilliant he is or how tragic his life. I bet many child molesters out there had terrible lives.
Judy Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:51 pm
It sickens me too, because I have lived for years with the result of this sort of crime. I was divorced when my son was 7. When he was 10, after my efforts to get his father involved in his life failed, I went to Big Brothers/Big Sisters, and my son was matched with a man who we believed was the answer to our prayers. A Marine! Lived nearby! Became a member of our family, went on family outings with us, ate at our house as often as at his, teased my teen daughters…and then got my son alone and forced him to perform sexual acts with him. This man who was my friend, who was screened by the organization which matched him with my son, stole the innocence from my little freckle faced blonde haired boy. The boy who never told his mama until 20 years later, after his horrendous teen years, his involvement with drugs, minor crime, estrangement… Today my son is 38 years old and emotionally, maturity-wise, he is 18. He’s off the drugs, he’s seeing a counselor, he’s taking anti-depressants, I’m hoping to get him on track because I am 67 years old and damned tired of working a full time, high stress job to take care of him.
There is never an excuse for any sort of unwanted sexual activity on the part of anyone. Consenting adults only, please.
Phoebe @ Cents to Get Debt Free Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:54 pm
Amen!! Very well put.
It just sickens me. Our world is falling apart..our morals are gone.
Phoebe @ Cents to Get Debt Free´s last blog ..Making Hair Bows
Saisquoi Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:56 pm
Yes. What you said. Being creative does not give one carte blanche in civil society. Or it shouldn’t. We all have to play in this sandbox together, and I’d prefer to keep the Hobbesian state of nature outside. If it’s OK for one of us it’s OK for all of us and what that man did to that little girl is by no means OK. Ever.
Saisquoi´s last blog ..Sweet Pea for my Sweet Pea
Jaelithe Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 2:56 pm
A++ I endorse this post.
One thing I find interesting about this case is an aspect of the argument to absolve him that you did not cover here: some people argue that his actions can be excused because of the terrible things that happened to him. He survived a Nazi ghetto in Poland and his mother died in a concentration camp. His pregnant wife was brutally murdered by a gang of insane killers.
I understand why such things might DRIVE a person to change into the sort of person who would do crazy and harmful things to others, but I don’t understand the argument that a history of suffering excuses crimes against innocent people. That thirteen-year-old girl didn’t imprison Roman Polanski in a ghetto or kill his wife. How do the terrible things that were done to him excuse the terrible things he did to someone else? In my mind they do not. They just make the whole story all the more tragic.
BTW Jen, Roman Polanski got away with a plea bargain to a lesser charge only because the girl in the case did not wish to testify in a lengthy, highly publicized criminal trial. I think that’s quite understandable, given her age at the time.
jen Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:02 pm
@Jaelithe: Thank you for the info. It made no sense to me how easily someone could get away with something so atrocious. None of the articles I’ve come across really explained the case. I don’t understand how anyone could “back” him.
jen´s last blog ..veiled
Amy Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:03 pm
I know many people just love love love “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” – but having read it, I personally don’t find it surprising at all that Kundera wouldn’t get this. I found that book to be repellent and morally bankrupt. But what do I know?
Anyway, why should be we surprised at all this when we live in a culture where morality absolutely IS relative? When it is often argued and accepted that the fact that you sicken at the thought of your daughter being abused really just describes your personal preferences rather than any inherent wrongness in the action itself.
It all makes me so sad and sick
Excellent post with important things to ponder.
Amy´s last blog ..Everyone should start their day with high fives.
Michelle Pixie Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:09 pm
My stomach turns every time I think of this. I cannot get over that people “Hollywood” people would actually defend his actions because he is some kind of great artist. I have even heard some say “Well it happened in Jack Nicholson’s hot tub” as if to further excuse his actions. Like everyone should just assume that if your there you know something is bound to happen even if you are only a 13 year old child. And I would have to say Sharon Tate’s sister’s comments bother me the most calling this child a young woman as if to paint a prettier picture. It is morally reprehensible and will never be accepted in my book no matter how many ways these people try to spin it!
Michelle Pixie´s last blog ..Cold Front
Scattered Mom Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:14 pm
Society is bizarre. They act as judge and jury, destroying Michael Jackson, who is found NOT GUILTY of child molestation, and here is someone who has actually admitted to it and they don’t think it’s a crime. In fact, we have to define “rape-rape” and just “rape”.
Rape is rape. Period. Makes me sick.
Sickened « Ranting and Raving Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:15 pm
[...] Posted by Nikita in Ranting. Tagged: herbadmother, Rape, roman polanski. Leave a Comment Sickened is how I felt when I first heard about the Roman Polanski disaster and the feeling continued. I wanted to write about it but didn’t have the words… thankfully HerBadMother found the words and you should read them. [...]
james betz Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:26 pm
Your article is sensible, thoughtful and honest. I am astonished at the support being shown to this despicable criminal. If he believes that he has a credible defense he should return to present it to the courts. America may suffer from a lack of ethical political leadership but the American judicial system is probably one of the most respected and fair in the developed world.
Kat Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:27 pm
So well written yet I still feel sick to my stomach about it.
ClassyFabSarah Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:28 pm
Well said. Bravo.
ClassyFabSarah´s last blog ..Happy October 1st!
domestic extraordinaire Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:30 pm
too many people, don’t advocate for the children who deserve it, instead they sweep things under the rug. I know, I wish I didn’t, but I know.
domestic extraordinaire´s last blog ..Happy Birthday Renee
domestic extraordinaire Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:31 pm
oh and p.s. Thank you for writing this. Thank you for being a voice that needs to be heard. Thank you.
domestic extraordinaire´s last blog ..Happy Birthday Renee
Megan Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:37 pm
Ugh. This makes me sick. Why is it that celebrities get special treatment. When something is wrong, it is wrong. There are no shades of gray when it comes to rape.
And I swear, if anyone ever sexually abuses my daughter (or my son), the police will not have to worry about whether or not it should be considered rape or rape-rape. Because that person will be dead.
Megan´s last blog ..I’m In Shape. Round Is A Shape.
Jennifer Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:43 pm
Thank you. The more people speak out against the loss of childhood and innocence, the better chances our children have of keeping theirs. The world needs more women like you.
Jennifer´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – oh hell edition
all things BD Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:47 pm
I get paralyzed with anger every time I read about this. I literally cannot comprehend the logic being used by Hollywood elite to excuse and forgive Polanski’s behavior.
Thank you for writing this post and giving voice to our rage.
all things BD´s last blog ..Yet Another Reason To Love Texas
StacyG Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:47 pm
I have yet to find a blog post in any of the 100 plus blog that I follow that supports him. Yet, many of the richest people and some of the most influential do support him. It leads me to believe that those with the most are very out of touch and unaware of the real world. The whole thing makes me sick to my stomach. Personally, I think he should be put away in jail for the rest of his life.
Jaden Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:50 pm
This post is incredible. I’m sharing it on facebook, I hope you don’t mind. I just would like my friends to be able to think about this through the lens you paint here… Which is so true. What he did was simply deplorable, and the messages that people are sending regarding it make me shudder.
Jaden´s last blog ..Three Generations of Spunk
Melissa Wardy Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 3:52 pm
My children are the same ages as yours, and my thoughts about this mirror yours exactly. I’ve had similar experiences with unwanted male attention. Girls are not part of our world to serve as eye candy or sexual playthings…they are children, and should be allowed to have a childhood. Polanski’s victim was forced, let’s just say that again – FORCED – into adulthood when she was 13.
You also bring up the concept of what this teaches our sons. Mine is just a toddler now, but will be raised to respect women. I think that will be an uphill battle in a society that allows members to drug, rape and sodomize its children.
Angela Giles Klocke Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 4:00 pm
Amen. Amen. Amen!
Angela Giles Klocke´s last blog ..Things aren’t always what they seem
kelly Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 4:02 pm
Well fucking said.
There’s lots more I could say, but I’ll just leave it at that.
Thank you for writing this.
Peggy Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 4:05 pm
Excellent post. It angers and saddens me to no end that people think this issue is anything other than black and white. Thank you for writing this.
thatgirlblogs Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 4:13 pm
standing on chair, clapping, cheering madly, and a great “here-here!” so true.
elaine Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 4:17 pm
word.
Melly Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 5:00 pm
Amen. I also linked to this in FB.
a Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 5:01 pm
While I do not agree with all the changes that have occurred in society over the last 30 years (the overbearing pressure to be PC, for example), I am certainly glad that in today’s society, Polanski would be labeled a child molester, would be a lifelong registered sex offender, and probably would be prevented from making any more movies that might have any child actors.
Having read the trial testimony of the victim on The Smoking Gun, I can’t believe anyone would minimize his actions. I guess deliberate blindness is a luxury that we common folk just can’t afford.
a´s last blog ..Travels
Kimberley Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 5:01 pm
Great post. I agree 100% with everything you said. What Roman Polanski did was wrong. No matter what he went through (he wife who was 8 months pregnant was murdered by the Manson Cult years earlier).
However, there is another layer to this case. There was a good deal of judicial misconduct with the case. That judge has often been compared to the spotlight seeking judge that over saw the Anna Nicole Smith case. Apparently he treated his job as a forum for self promotion and over saw many celebrity cases and enjoyed the attention.
Polanski deserved and still deserves to be punished for his crime. I think it is wrong for people to speak out and say what he did was not that bad. It was terrible. But, from what I have read, it seems like many people are speaking out against the way his case was originally handled and the extradition from Switzerland.
Thank you for writing this post. Let’s hope the American Justice system deals with this case properly this time around.
Kimberley ´s last blog ..WTF… That Was a Total Waste of Time
Lianne Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 5:04 pm
Well said.
NanciElizabeth Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 5:07 pm
Maybe I taught my daughters the wrong way. When I was 13 and boys were “bra snapping” one boy tried it on me–felt nothing (there wasn’t anything there anyway)and I turned around and punched him hard in the face, while showing my little girl undershit strap.
Fast forward 40 years later, some guy makes a crack about how “hot” my youngest is, and her sister (14 months older and teeny weeny) grabbed him by his shirt and said, “You’re talking about my sister,” then she punched. him. hard. in the face.
Her Bad Mother Reply:
October 1st, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Nope, Nancy: that, I think, is exactly the RIGHT way.
Awesome.
Lacey Reply:
October 2nd, 2009 at 10:45 am
Nope, Nancy you have taught those girls right.
Julie @ The Mom Slant Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 5:27 pm
I’m still so angry. Thank you for taking it to the personal level (which I could not face doing).
Julie @ The Mom Slant´s last blog ..Better late than never
Her Bad Mother Reply:
October 1st, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Your bravery in writing about it at all inspired me, lady. I thought I was too angry to be coherent. Which, maybe I wasn’t coherent, but still. You reminded me that it was still worth hollering about.
StacyG Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 5:31 pm
Have you seen this CNN article? I think (hope) the tide is turning.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/10/01/polanski.support.backlash/index.html?eref=igoogle_cnn
I was never a bg fan of Kirstie Alley but I think I might just lurve her after she tweeted.
Actress Kirstie Alley wrote on Twitter “JUST FOR THE RECORD….RAPE IS RAPE…this is one HOLLYWOOD STAR who does not CELEBRATE or DEFEND Roman Polanski..his ART did not RAPE her.”
pixielation Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 5:55 pm
Time passing doesn’t make the crime any less. The fact that the child he raped is no longer a child has no bearing on it. Justice should be served, and celebrity is no buffer. I have two little girls too. If anyone harms them like this I would kil them
This article I like: http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/feature/2009/09/28/polanski_arrest/
And yours of course.
pixielation´s last blog ..Things you don’t mention in church
karen Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 5:56 pm
Thank you. Amen. applause.
I’m so p’d off that all I could write is: WTF is wrong with these f*ing a*holes minimizing RAPE?
Jennifer Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 6:26 pm
Exactly.
Baby in Broad Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 6:28 pm
Someone’s brilliance as a filmmaker (or a musician or an athlete or teacher or politician or religious leader…) does not EXCUSE that person from doing something horrible to another person.
Brilliant people do fucked-up shit ALL THE TIME! Making movies that people regard as brilliant and influential and important doesn’t make someone NOT a rapist.
Ugh.
Baby in Broad´s last blog ..22 Months, 1,000 Words
Sashalyn Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 6:29 pm
So well put. Thank you for writing this.
As someone who served as a rape crisis counselor for 8 years, I know that you are right on about the shame associated with being victimized by any type of unwanted sexual aggression. There is no gradation there.
The thing that makes me saddest about this, though, is that it isn’t just a “Hollywood” thing to excuse this type of behavior. Survivors of sexual violence rarely see their attackers held accountable for their actions- and because of that, we continue to allow it.
Breaking the silence and expressing our outrage is the only way to even begin to make a change. Bravo for your part in that.
Sashalyn´s last blog ..it’s easier than you think it is…
b Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 6:30 pm
Is it any wonder you see so many stories about pre-teens and young teens on Violence Unsilenced? When this kind of inhumanity is OK’d and, frankly, supported?
Susan Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 6:32 pm
I am so disgusted with people that I formerly admired, such as (cringe) Whoopi Goldberg, Debra Winger, and Martin Scorcese. I don’t think I will ever be able to enjoy any of their work again. Thank you, Stacy G., for sharing Kristie Alley’s comment. Thank God there is one Hollywood star with common decency.
Erin Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 6:35 pm
I fought with my mother about this, because she defended Whoopi Goldberg’s “it wasn’t rape-rape” statement to me.
It is impossible to explain the anger, the humiliation, and the lifelong shame caused by sexual assault. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even try. I just cry.
Thank you.
Erin´s last blog ..Fall
Kaye Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 6:35 pm
Amen! As a rape survivor, I can’t even find the words to express my outrage because I’m so angry. Thank you for writing this post.
Jennifer Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 6:41 pm
your post inspired me to write publicly about my own abuse for the first time ever. I am just so angry about the so called justice system in this country.
Jennifer´s last blog ..Roman Polanski and Me
Carol Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 6:41 pm
I agree with you. We have to get this right, do something better for our children, and their children and all the ones to follow. I read that the girl- now a woman- who was raped, wants this to stop, she doesn’t want him punished. How many times was she told that what was done to her was just not that bad? How can she ever hope to heal when the very people who are supposed to protect her turn a blind eye because of who he was? What about who she could have been had she not been violated.
Carol´s last blog ..Happily ever after…..NOT!
Brenna Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 6:50 pm
Thank you for that. I am truly disgusted by the reaction to the apprehension of a child rapist, an admitted child rapist. There are no words… just sick.
Brenna´s last blog ..Halloween BabyLegs Giveaway!!
Kelly Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 6:55 pm
Fuck Yes! Thank you for writing this.
Michelle Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 7:42 pm
Could not agree with you more!
Michelle´s last blog ..Words of David
Elizabeth Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 8:00 pm
Thank you. Perfectly said.
Katherine Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 8:17 pm
Thank you! I have been dumbfounded by this for days. I have two little girls. The thought of something like that happening to one of them is sickening. I would want whomever did it in jail forever. Polanski deserves the same.
kimberly/tippytoes Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 8:35 pm
Well said! While not as disgusting as what he did, the support he’s receiving is baffling.
kimberly/tippytoes´s last blog ..Scheduled Unscheduled Time
Carrie Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 8:39 pm
I absolutely agree with you. Thank you for posting this.
Amber Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 8:41 pm
Until I read this, I didn’t actually know what was going on. I sort of live under a rock, actually, because I have no TV and I can’t listen to the radio in the presence of my children. Because, you know, I don’t want to have to explain stories like this to my 4-year-old. So I am always out of the loop.
Anyways, I am flabbergasted that Roman Polanski was able to evade justice for 30 years, and that so many others are rushing to his defense. It’s not like we don’t know who he is or what he did. The fact that it’s taken this long and that people seem to feel it was OK is completely and totally sickening.
Amber´s last blog ..The Pitfalls of Behaving
Taylor Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 9:13 pm
thank you for this. and for inspiring me to write about my own experience trying to change our “rape culture.”
Taylor´s last blog ..let’s talk.
Boy Crazy Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 10:37 pm
As a mother of three boys, I just want to acknowledge what a commenter ‘Judy’ said way up top about her son being sexually abused and emphasize that boys can be victims, too. We need to raise our boys and girls alike with the knowledge that it is never ok for someone to hurt them, and that abuse can not be tolerated no matter how popular the abuser.
Thank you for this intelligent, heartfelt post. I am a big admirer of your writing, Catherine.
Boy Crazy´s last blog ..fall(ing)
miss. chief Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 11:15 pm
oh my gosh, that’s fucked. i didn’t know about that.
i also remember clearly experiencing my first sexual harassment. david. it was a lot like yours except he said my boobs were big.
hm.
Bee Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 11:31 pm
Yes. To everything you have written. It is absolutely crazy to me that the celebrity world seems to be more outraged by what Kanye did at the MVA’s than by the FACT that Roman Polanski RAPED a 13 year old girl. Seriously. And apparently you’re a philistine if you disagree with them. I am SO shocked by the overwhelming support of this man.
sherry Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 11:43 pm
It makes me want to VOMIT when I read about people defending him, especially when they throw in what a great director he is. So… what? If you’re talented enough you can destroy young girls as you see fit?
Thank you for this.
sherry ´s last blog ..What’s been up around here
Ann Douglas Said,
October 1, 2009 @ 11:48 pm
Thank you for writing a post about this issue. It seems that every day, what we’ll put up with as a society nose dives lower and lower. It’s easy to become morally numb to outrages such as this. But we can’t allow ourselves to do that. We have to speak out and raise our voices: to let our kids know it’s unacceptable, to let our community know it’s unacceptable, and to support others who share our commitment to redefining what we’re willing to allow to pass for justice in our society.
Thanks again for a great post.
Ann Douglas´s last blog ..The Parenting Community Will Hold Your Company Accountable if You Pull a Stunt Like Nestle Family
Aimee Greeblemonkey Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 1:00 am
You can extrapolate from my coincidental emotional upheaval on my own blog today that I completely concur with you.
Al_Pal Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 1:04 am
He is so disgusting.
This is so brilliantly written.
Blech. Our culture needs SERIOUS change, for sure.
flutter Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 1:47 am
amen, catherine.
flutter´s last blog ..Forgiveness
flowy dress waitress Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 8:53 am
amen.
Loural Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 9:40 am
That is absolutely sickening. I don’t understand those who try to make it out like it wasn’t a big deal, that is happened so long ago it doesn’t matter. He violated a young girl and he expects to go free?! What is this world coming to?
Angela Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 9:41 am
Bravo! Exactly what I have been thinking, what is wrong with society, where just because someone is a famous “artist” they get a freepass for their actions, and don’t even get me started on the topic of Woody Allen.
Angela Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 9:59 am
I’ve been so upset about this story all week. It just slays me, not even that he did it, but that people are backing him up!! WTF kind of screwed up world is this?
My first time was when I was raped at 17 by some 28 year old friend of the family next door. And even though it wasn’t nearly as traumatic as what this 13 year old girl went through, it seriously screwed me up for a long time.
If what she had done to her wasn’t “rape-rape” (which is just the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard) then what was done to me must have been a walk in the park with a side of rape-lite?
My mind is just blown. Obviously he’s a criminal and in my mind a pedophile. Who gives a shit how brilliant or rich he is? Why is that even mentioned? It doesn’t matter! But any respect I may have had for these celebs who are saying it’s not “rape-rape” or he’s a great guy and this wasn’t really that bad… is just gone. Gone. Poof.
Damnit. I’m just too mad to even make sense. Splutteringly outraged.
Thank you for posting this in a coherent way so I can send people here.
Angela´s last blog ..And the merry go round goes round
Sarah Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 10:00 am
Standing ovation!! Well said!
gurukarm (@karma_musings) Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 10:56 am
And, how easy is it to jump from this “not-so-bad” rape to all the horrific and devastating sexual violence going on daily in, say, the Congo, Darfur, the refugee camps of Chad (which I’m sure that whole list of defenders of Polanski ABHOR. ABHOR I tell you!)
Excuse one, excuse the other, right? ()
gurukarm (@karma_musings)´s last blog ..How will we ever get past this?
Her Bad Mother Reply:
October 3rd, 2009 at 9:38 am
Too easy. CLASSIC slippery slope.
Catootes Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 10:57 am
Excellent, Excellent post.
Roman Polanski should be strung up by his balls and left to hang there for all eternity. Fuckwad that he is.
That anyone can defend his actions, that his work should outshine the wrongness of what he did to a young girl, is reprehensible.
Catootes´s last blog ..drowning the high school mean girl or Corey, you can suck it
Gaby Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 11:09 am
Yes,what you said, absolutely. This is what I have as my facebook status currently: Kanye interrupts an acceptance speech at the VMAs, and the media/famous people rail against him. Chris Brown beats Rhianna, and Roman Polanski rapes a 13-year-old and flees the country to avoid full prosecution, and many of the same media/famous people publicly support these men. WTF is wrong with this picture?
I just don’t understand it, and it all makes me sick.
Why Roman Polanski can rot in jail for all I care Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 11:28 am
[...] wasn’t going to bother writing about this since other people have done it so well already, but honestly it’s been on my mind a lot and I can only rant [...]
Ali Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 12:40 pm
There’s a petition for people to sign who WANT Polanski to face justice — just so those in the entertainment industry know what people in the real world think.
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/art-does-not-excuse-rape-polanski-must-face-justice#
Her Bad Mother Reply:
October 3rd, 2009 at 9:39 am
THANK YOU.
Will sign it, and tweet and tweet and tweet.
Lisa Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 1:35 pm
Well said. Thank you for taking the time to write that – especially with all of the links. I think it is horrible how so many celebrities are dismissing this and wanting it to ‘go away’. I truly hope justice is done and America’s morality improves.
annasamantha Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 2:20 pm
I know!!!!!!!Right? When I took the time to actually read the petition that so many celebrities have put their name to I was stuck by the word that even they used: “He risks extradition to the United States for an episode that happened years ago and whose principal plaintiff repeatedly and emphatically declares she has put it behind her and abandoned any wish for legal proceedings.”
ABANDONED…Doesn’t that suggest a sense hopelessness and perhaps an unwilling surrender of something that had once been desired? Ugh!!!!The whole thing makes me queasy.
Thank you.
Friday Faves – Good stuff I found this week, that is, good stuff I found this week according to ME! « Mother Musing Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 2:40 pm
[...] just threw up in my mouth. What he did was absolutely unacceptable. And thanks to Herbadmother for writing this post and also summing up my feelings on the [...]
Bonne Vie - Wholestyle on the Web: Week of 10/02/2009 Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 2:58 pm
[...] Her Bad Mother: Snips And Snails And The Unbearable Heaviness Of Roman Polanski [...]
schmutzie Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 3:01 pm
This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday – http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/10/five-star-fridays-edition-73.html
blognut Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 4:12 pm
Thank you for writing this – I posted on this topic, too. I think it’s ridiculous to excuse this rape because Roman Polanski is famous, or because 32 years have passed since he committed the crime.
blognut´s last blog ..Is This Really Happening?
georgie Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 5:21 pm
You just summed up exactly how I feel about this whole situation-I could never have written it as well as you…everytime I hear about it I get sick! what is our society coming to that they think any part of this is okay?
georgie´s last blog ..Friday Fragments
Cam Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 5:42 pm
Delurking for the first time to say THANK YOU for writing this post.
I
Amira @ DefineMature.com Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 5:49 pm
Thank you for expressing my thoughts so eloquently. I don’t know who in their right minds, could defend such scum, yet people do not cease to amaze me.
Actually he’s lower than scum, but I wouldn’t know what to call that.
kootnygirl Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 7:28 pm
Bravo, Catherine! A brilliant post. What is happening right now is mind-staggeringly ridiculous.
kootnygirl´s last blog ..49 years
kim Said,
October 2, 2009 @ 11:55 pm
Thank you for saying this. I’m going to retweet this; I hope that’s alright.
-kim
Marie Said,
October 3, 2009 @ 1:12 am
Amen, amen, and amen.
Taya Said,
October 3, 2009 @ 2:09 am
Thank you for writing about this! I have been so truly sickened by this, and by all of the people that have petitioned to have the charges dropped against Roman Polanski. Why is it, that because he has fame and wealth, that it is okay for him to be above the law?
It does not matter that the woman has forgiven him and wants to move on. She probably had to, in order to deal with what had happened to her when she was a child.
He hurt a child. He damaged a child. And then he skipped the country, breaking a few more laws, and all of these so-called “Hollywood elite” think that he is above the law, and above justice, because of who he is.
I wonder, would they let their children be around him? I seriously doubt it.
Taya´s last blog ..That girl again…
Terrie Said,
October 3, 2009 @ 3:20 pm
Thank you for stating this so clearly and plainly. I agree totally. You said exactly what I wanted to.
AmyAnne Said,
October 3, 2009 @ 7:12 pm
I just happened to have on the View when W. Goldberg started spouting about this. I almost threw up. I will never watch that show again.
Prosecute the imbeciles that ran the investigation? Yes. Dump the prosecution for the douche that committed the crime? NO.
Thanks for this piece. It needs to be said over and over again.
AmyAnne´s last blog ..Carpool Mafia
Momo Fali Said,
October 3, 2009 @ 8:43 pm
A-freaking-men.
Mom101 Said,
October 3, 2009 @ 9:15 pm
Raising fist in solidarity, mama. The YGG reference clinched it.
Mom101´s last blog ..The story of mommy and daddy (or, the most boring bedtime story ever told)
Karina in T.O Said,
October 3, 2009 @ 11:45 pm
Thank you,Catherine. While I was reading this the whisper coming from my lips and thought running through my head was AMEN SISTER, A-FUCKING MEN!
Karina in T.O´s last blog ..KarinaInTO: @QueenofSpain have you checked out ice.com? They have some fun, gorg jewels + videos, it’s like Jewel porn LOL! http://tinyurl.com/ydtyfab
Moses Wuggenig Said,
October 4, 2009 @ 12:22 am
I can’t fathom his apologists either. What possesses some to equivocate about the most loathesome crimes committed by some people and to suggest, as some nattering nabobs have, that he is a persecuted artist in the United States verges on the truly pornographic. By extension would we exonerate Hitler, the failed artist, for his crimes against humanity?
watercolor Said,
October 4, 2009 @ 12:28 pm
amen. You don’t ever get over it.
watercolor´s last blog ..Hope and Risk
Scrappy Girl Said,
October 4, 2009 @ 7:38 pm
I had heard a few snippets about Polanski but didn’t know the full story. Very sad what they let someone get away with.
Scrappy Girl´s last blog ..Not Exactly The Day I Had Planned
Sarah Said,
October 4, 2009 @ 8:40 pm
PREACH IT. Those assholes should burn.
Sarah´s last blog ..Happy Moonlight
Belle Said,
October 4, 2009 @ 9:28 pm
Amen. That’s all.
Belle´s last blog ..Of Surgery and Swooning
6512 and growing Said,
October 5, 2009 @ 4:51 pm
Clearly this is still a very sexist world.
Thank you for your strong, honest words.
6512 and growing´s last blog ..Nostalgia rains like autumn apples
SAHM-I-AM Said,
October 5, 2009 @ 4:58 pm
Wow, what a fantastic post. I just stumbled upon your blog this afternoon and am in awe of your eloquence and (at the risk of sounding silly) ability to tie your thoughts back to a Yo Gabba Gabba clip. I have 2 boys (2 and 3 1/2-yrs-old) and watch that show with them too. I also have a profound fear of losing them to the atrocities of rape one day. The thought sickens me and can’t imagine (as you said) anyone justifying rape committed by anyone. I’m glad I found you.
SAHM-I-AM´s last blog ..don’t go
Worthwhile reading from people who can say it better than me « Nothing Witty Said,
October 6, 2009 @ 10:50 am
[...] said it better than I could, Catherine said it better than I could, but I still feel the need to say [...]
DeepKickGirl Said,
October 6, 2009 @ 8:04 pm
Beautifully said. I’ve been wanting to write about this but now I’ll just borrow your words. Thanks so much!
DeepKickGirl´s last blog ..
Trista Said,
October 6, 2009 @ 10:00 pm
So well said – as sick as Polanski’s crime was, it has been compounded by the defence of his actions that has been mounted by some people in the international arts community. His crime (and it was a crime, not a mistake, not a folly, not anything less than an abhorrent, illegal act)cannot be – or should not be – excused or cancelled out by any amount of fame, talent, or money. I don’t want my daughter to be victimized by a man like him, but I also wouldn’t want a son of mine to emulate him, to think that this sort of act is acceptable in some circumstances.
Trista´s last blog ..An infinite number of monkeys
Anne Said,
October 8, 2009 @ 4:14 pm
Well said. And yet, she apparently now wants the charges dropped: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/celebritynews/6237442/Roman-Polanskis-victim-is-mother-who-wants-charges-dropped.html
Anne´s last blog ..And my husband thought I took too many photos of my nephew…