January 2010

CBS Hates Babies. Pass It On.

January 31, 2010

I don’t know about you, but I think that my child makes a far slicker Horatio Caine than does David Caruso, who, let’s face it, is a hack. But CBS doesn’t care if my baby is an undiscovered Horatio Cane-impersonating genius, because CBS hates babies. Canadian babies, mostly, but also just babies, as a class, because they won’t let babies or Canadians – and certainly not Canadian babies – enter their Horatio Caine impersonation contest, which, seriously, is a crime against babies and also lovers of CSI Miami and anybody who writes baby-centric Horatio Caine fanfic. This is an outrage, you guys. Keep reading…

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I Love The Smell Of Activism In The Morning

January 29, 2010

Friday’s as good a good as any for promoting a cause, right? How about two? Cause #1: If you’re a Canadian woman, and you’ve had surgery, you might have been been given – while you were under anesthetic, without your knowledge, without your consent – a pelvic exam by medical students in training. It is, [...]

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What A Girl Wants

January 27, 2010

My husband had a vasectomy last year. There was a lot of discussion around it – another baby would not have been unwelcome, and so I wasn’t eager to close off the possibility – but we both knew that it would be madness for me to risk repeating the more or less pretty awfully terrible [...]

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Snot Is What Happens When Your Nose Cries*

January 26, 2010

Sick. Miserable. Nothing to see here, folks; move along. (Move along to this, maybe: this is something special that I’m trying to do even while I’m wiping my nose and quaffing flu meds. And then maybe consider throwing a vote at me for the Bloggies – I’m a finalist in the category of Best Canadian [...]

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If You Go Down To The Potty Today, You’re In For A Big Surprise

January 25, 2010

Text of e-mail: “What you can’t see is the epic turd. I spared you that. So the four year old sits on the John and reads Vanity Fair while dropping bombs.” This is what happens when I leave the house for the day. Everybody gets all up in the body art and then someone takes [...]

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Home Alone

January 21, 2010

When I saw the news that Anna Kournikova’s mom had been charged with neglect for leaving her little boy home alone for an hour while she ran errands, I thought, how terrible. And then I thought, there but for the grace of a little more restraint go I. I’ve left my daughter alone. Not for [...]

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Ceci N’est Pas Une Joke

January 19, 2010

This is what passes for humor in our house. You’ll be forgiven if you get confused and think you’ve stumbled onto rehearsals for a kindergarten performance of scenes from the works of Ionesco. Yeah. I didn’t get it either.

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A Good Birth

January 18, 2010

When I was pregnant with Jasper, I asked my doctor for a c-section. Can I have a c-section?, I asked. No, she said. I had been going through early labor for weeks. It was three weeks or so before my due date, but bio-physical ultrasounds were logging me at well over a week overdue based [...]

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What Is Love? (Baby, Don’t Hurt Me)

January 14, 2010

Emilia is in love. “Mommy, can I make a present for Josh? Because I love him.” – “You LOVE Josh?” “Yes. But it’s not love like getting-married love. And it’s not kissing-love. It’s FRIEND-love.” – “Oh, good. Wait… what do you know about kissing?” “That it makes your cheeks go red.” OY.

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Ghost Skaters In The Sky

January 13, 2010

I’m trying to figure out how to write my ghost story. It’s my solace, it’s what I cling to, it’s the closest thing that I have to proof – proof! as if there could be such a thing – that the love and the light that was my father did not just snuff out, did [...]

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