Emilia: “Mommy, I want to change my name.”

Me: “Oh?”

Emilia: “I want you to call me Hannah Montana Smarty Candygirl.”

Me: “Hannah Montana…?”

Emilia: “… Smarty Candygirl. That’s important.”

Me: “…?”

Emilia: “Candygirl because I like candy. Smarty because I’m smart. Not like the other Hannah Montanas. I’m the smart one, and I like candy. Hannah Montana. Smarty. Candygirl.”

Me: “… the other Hannah Montanas…?”

Emilia: “Actually, I don’t want to be called Hannah Montana.”

Me: “…?”

Emilia: “No, I don’t. So, Mommy. You can just call me Smarty Candygirl.”

Done and done, baby. Done and done.

Our household is still beset by the plague, but the children are greatly improved, my husband is no longer vomiting, and although I can still barely lift my head, I no longer feel that Charon is about to usher me across the River Acheron to Hades. Which, you know: WIN.