I’m sick. Really sick. The kind of sick where your head aches so much that you can’t lift your head off the pillow and even though the toddler is bouncing on your chest with an overfull diaper that could at any moment burst right in your face you are so weighted down with ugh and sick that you just lay there with your eyes closed wondering why the hell your psychic SOS messages to your husband aren’t going through and hoping that whenever he does find his back up to your Chamber of Sickness and Fail that he comes prepared with towels and antiseptic wipes and also maybe brandy, with a straw.

So I’m crawling under the blankets where I shall moan and groan and sniffle and hope that if that diaper does explode, it won’t be too long before someone comes in to wipe me down, and then takes me out back and puts me out of my misery.