Lost Boy

His name was William Frederick Hunter, and she only saw him once.

Once, from behind the window of the nursery. He was wrapped in a blue blanket, and he was oh so small. They asked her if she wanted to hold him, and she said no. Just as she had in the delivery room, right after he was born, when she had squeezed her eyes shut so that she wouldn’t see him, her heart, the heart that she was giving away. She said no.

No.

It would have killed me, she said. It would have killed me. I couldn’t have gone on. I loved him.

She had loved his father. They had planned to marry, as soon as he divorced his wife. Nobody had believed her, but it was true. It seemed true. They’d run off together twice. They both went AWOL from the Air Force, running off into the night to be together. Her family pursued them, his wife’s family sent private detectives after them, the Air Force searched for them. They were wanted. They ran. They were found, and they ran again. He left his family for her, risked his career for her. He was happy that they were going to have a baby. They hid out in motels.

At the time, she said, I thought it was romantic. She shakes her head.

She was nineteen years old. He was nearly twice her age. When her family found her the second time, they didn’t bother to reason with her. They just took her. They took her and put her in a home for unwed mothers. She stayed there. She doesn’t know what happened to her lover. She never saw or heard from him again. She thinks that he probably went back to the Air Force, and to his wife.

I would have liked for him to know that he had a son, she said. I think that would have made him happy. She paused. Or maybe not.

When she went into labor, the nurses at the home for unwed mothers gave her some money and put her in a taxi. She arrived at the hospital alone, labored alone, gave birth alone. Gave up her child alone.

She was alone when the social worker came into her room and asked her if she knew anything about the parents who would adopt her child. It’s a private adoption, she told the worker. My doctor arranged it. The social worker nodded. But did she know that those parents were in their 60’s? That they were old? That the province would never approve it if it were a public adoption? She didn’t know. She didn’t want that. She wasn’t giving up her son to new parents, only for him to lose them in a few years. Like he was losing her, now. She wanted the best for him. That was the only way she could do this. She had to know that she was giving him a better life.

She called her doctor in. She told her that she wouldn’t do it. She wanted her son to go to a young family, to parents who had their whole lives ahead of them, to parents who had years and years and years to love him. Her doctor was furious.

I was terrified, she said. I’d never spoken up to anyone older than me, not to anyone with any authority. But I had to do it. For him.

Her baby went into foster care while adoption services sought new parents. She didn’t go to see him.

My parents went to see him, I think, she said. They never talked about it, but I’m sure they did. My mother put him in her will, and kept him there. Through revisions and revisions until the end of her life, she kept him there, always a member of the family, in her heart.

The man that she would some day marry came to her side during that time. They were friends. He held her hand, a lot. She grieved for her lost love and her lost baby, and he held her hand. He said, I’ll marry you. We can get your baby back. I will love that baby. With you. We will love that baby, together.

But it was too late.

William Frederick Hunter was adopted by a Vancouver couple. Professors at UBC, I think, she said. It was too late for me, she said. For us. Or so we thought. We didn’t know any better. We were so young. We might have been able to get him back. But we didn’t try. We didn’t know to try. We thought he was gone.

She grieved for years. Her husband held her hand. She couldn’t bear the idea of having children. Just the thought of seeing another baby in another blanket… it was too much.

The grief became less acute, as time passed. One day, she realized that she could have another baby, and bear the pain. She could imagine not transposing her lost boy upon a new child. She could love again.

It took seven years, she said. Seven years before I knew that I would be okay. And then I had – then we had – you.

And I loved again.

I squeeze my own baby boy, pulling him tightly against my chest, wondering how it would feel to let him go. Even if I thought it best, for him – could I let him go? My heart screams.

I understand why she couldn’t hold him, her lost boy.

I’ve thought about him every single day of my life, she says. Every single day. Every single day I see that little baby in that blue blanket, and I wonder.

I wonder.

She pauses. I imagine that her hand trembles as she lifts her wine to her lips, but I can’t see in the dim light of the late summer evening. I’m glad that I can’t see, and that she can’t see me. Tears are streaming down my face and wetting my baby’s head.

I’ve never looked for him. I couldn’t. What if something had happened to him? What if he hated me? What if he didn’t want to know anything of me? What if he never forgave me? Her voice cracks. I couldn’t stand knowing.

We sit quietly. I reach for the wine bottle between us and fill her emptied glass.

Still, she says. Still. I’ve often wondered whether you or your sister would ever look for him.

Would you want me to?

She takes a sip of her wine. She doesn’t look at me.

Yes.

Then I will.

Thank you.

We sit.

I just want him to know how much I loved him. How much I love him still.

I know.

Thank you.

His name was William Frederick Hunter, and he’s my brother. I’m going to find him.

*********

PS: Because you are asking: he was born in July of 1963, at Grace Hospital in Vancouver. William Frederick Hunter was the name given to him to at birth. One or both of his parents were – we think – professors at UBC. That’s all I know.

PPS: Those of you who are offering to help – oh god the tears – your generosity makes my heart ache – please e-mail me, if you haven’t already. And, all of you, with all of your tremendous words of support: THANK YOU. Going off to weep now.

Posted by Her Bad Mother on August 20, 2008 12:02 pm • adoption, fearless, lost boy, william frederick hunter • 287 comments

287 Comments

Karen Sugarpants Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:35 pm

Wow Catherine. I hope you do find him and that he and your mother can find peace in knowing each other. I really hope it works out well.
nic Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:36 pm

An amazingly good story, and post. I wish you luck. What a brave mother you have.
Issas Crazy World Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:37 pm

You are amazing Catherine and she’s lucky to have you. I wish you luck in finding him. Hopefully he’s always wanted to find her and just needed someone to do it for him.
kdiddy Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:40 pm

*hugs* for you, mama. and your mama.
Anonymous Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:40 pm

Amazing story. The strength your mother must have…. Good luck in your search.
CP Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:41 pm

Wow. That is an amazing post and written so that it went straight to my heart. I am still covered in goosebumps and have tears in my eyes.

I wish you much luck and success in your quest to find him and let him know how much love your mother carried for him all these years.
ChurchPunkMom Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:41 pm

wow.. no words. just.. wow.
anne Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:42 pm

i wish you the best of luck. your post brought tears to my eyes. at work.
Ali Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:42 pm

wow. wow. wow.
just wow.
i hope you find him.
for your mother.
for you.
for him.

HUGS
Loralee Choate Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:44 pm

Right now I am in a torrent of tears for your mother. Sure, people write that ALL the time in comments, but really…they are pouring from my eyes.

There is no loss like that of a child. None.

I hope beyond everything that you find him and that she can have some peace and joy come from it.
Anonymous Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:46 pm

I am so completely blown away by this. I wish you luck, though that doesn’t realyl convey the right feelings for the magnitude of this. It’s an incredibly courageous thing you’re doing.
Hip Mom's Guide Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:49 pm

My heart is broken for your mom and I am completely and utterly choked up by this story. I wish you all of the best in your search.
Her Bad Mother Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:52 pm

oh, my effing god: SOBBING. Hard to write, and now that I’m seeing your comments… GAH.
Must Be Motherhood Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:56 pm

Wow. Just ditto/wow to the previous comments.

If you have not held your own infant in your arms you cannot imagine this kind of distress–so painful. This post gives power to an altogether too common situation. I think you should be proud of it, as difficult as it must have been to write.

And so is this is a new revelation in your family?
She Likes Purple Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:57 pm

This is incredible. I too am sitting in my own tears.

I hope you find each other. Oh, I hope.
Mandee - I Think You Should Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 2:58 pm

Wow really seems to be the only way to sum it up. What an amazing woman your mother is. You’ll find him. I know it.
Elisa Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:01 pm

I am amazed and touched at the strength your mother showed through this ordeal – and then she had you and your sister, and only now told you about it? That’s amazing. I hope you find him.
Her Bad Mother Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:02 pm

Must Be Motherhood: it’s sort of new. She had told me – under some very trying circumstances, when I was twenty or so – that she had given a child up for adoption. She did not give any details, and said that she never wanted to discuss it. So we never, ever did. That’s another whole story in itself.

This was the first time she’d told me the story. It was just a couple of weeks ago. I’ve been processing it, with difficulty.
ComfyMom~Stacey Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:03 pm

Your mom is an amazing woman. Hugs to you both. I wish you the best of luck finding him.
gurukarm Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:03 pm

An adoption story that may resonate with you and your mom: http://gkkk04.wordpress.com/2006/03/28/adoption/

(I don’t keep this blog up anymore, but would be glad to share more details with you if it would help.)

Love and hugs to you both.
gurukarm Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:04 pm

Oh, and I think I still have the contact info for the wonderful woman in Tennessee who helped me. If you want it. email at gk.lists@gmail.com
'That Girl' Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:05 pm

WOW you just made the ice queen tear up.

Find him and let him read this. Wow.
mommymae Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:06 pm

this made this new mommy cry. tears of love spring forth in hopes that you can find him. william frederick hunter, you are so very loved.
Mary Beth Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:06 pm

Thank god I have an office at work – as I surreptitiously wipe tears. Good luck with your search for you … and for your mother.
sparkle Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:08 pm

wow. i was given up for adoption when i was born and i found my bio mom a few years back. we found each other through a national registry in the US. but, i was hot on her trail via other means. the online adoptee search community is strong and there is a lot of help out there.

i also learned that there were a number of lies told to both my adoptive and biological parents when i was adopted which could have made finding her difficult if we hadn’t both registered.

good luck!!
Minnie Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:09 pm

I’m without words.

I wish you well on your search and thank you for sharing your story.
boomama Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:12 pm

This is absolutely beautifully written. Thank you – and thank your mother – for sharing this part of your family’s story.
Gemini Girl Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:12 pm

I just got chills.

Please find him… for all of you. Good luck with your journey.
Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:12 pm

Catherine, this post gave me chills. The heartache your mother must have felt at the time and for all these years.

I hope your search finds your brother.
HeatherK Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:12 pm

I can feel your exhale from here. As a mom of two girls and a boy….well I hope you all can be three one day. No love like a mother’s love, is there?
Dee Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:12 pm

Wow. Best of luck to you in your search. I was there when my ex-husband and his mom were reunited with the daughter she had given up for adoption. It was amazing. I hope it happens for you someday.
T with Honey Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:12 pm

I am in tears. Good luck with your search.

Oh, I wish I could come up with something better to say but the story just blew me away.
Immoral Matriarch Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:14 pm

(((Your Mom))) <–I got that from you.

I hope you can find him, and I appreciate you writing this, even though I know it must have been difficult. Who knows? Maybe he'll Google himself and find YOU!

♥ ♥ ♥
Badness Jones Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:14 pm

I’m crying as I read your words. My maternal grandfather got married when he was stationed in England during the war. His wife died giving birth to their son. My grandfather left the baby with his wife’s parents and came home to Canada. He married my grandmother, who refused to let anyone talk about his first wife or his baby. He never contacted his son. My mom found out about his first wife, and her older brother, as a teenager – but has never been able to find him. It’s like a missing piece. I wish you luck Catherine, and I hope, when you find him, that it will give your mom a sense of peace.
HeatherPride Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:15 pm

I can relate to how you feel. My mother had a baby who died before I was born, and as a child I lived in the shadow of her grief over the loss of her firstborn. When I became a mother, I had new understanding of that loss and how it must have affected my poor mom.

Good luck in your search. Please keep us all posted.
secret agent mama Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:15 pm

Speechless.

I hope you find him.
MissAnna Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:17 pm

Wow. Heartbreaking, yet beautifully written. May you find him and your mum find peace.
Diane Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:18 pm

Good luck.

I have no other words.
Fiesty Charlie Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:18 pm

It is utterly amazing what women have gone through over the years. My heart aches for your mom. I am sending lots of prayers for her to have some peace in her heart.

Your tweet sent me here to check on you, know I know why you are crying all day. Let the tears flow, and feel loved here.

Your family is lucky to have you and your heart working on this. I hope it all works out.

Peace,
CJ
Chicky Chicky Baby Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:20 pm

Wow.

Wow.

There are tears in my eyes. I hope you find him. With all my heart I hope you do.
Mayberry Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:20 pm

My heart is aching for all of you. We had something sort of similar happen in our family and it is working out, now. I very much hope the same for you.
Backpacking Dad Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:20 pm

I have a half-brother who would be about 11 now. I know one day we’ll meet.
Momish Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:20 pm

I’m still crying over this. I hope you find him. It is never too late to try. best of luck to you on your search. Love to your mom.
Angella Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:20 pm

My Mom gave up a son long before she was ever married and had me, and she does not know that I know about it. I often wonder who he is and where he is.

I am praying that you find William.
Crystal D Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:20 pm

Oh my god that is so beautiful, painful beautiful. I can only imagine how her heart still breaks. I hope it doesn’t take years and I hope you mom will get to know him.
Miss Britt Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:21 pm

Oh my God I hope you find him.
pkzcass Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:22 pm

Your story gave me goosebumps, and that doesn’t happen often.

This WILL have a happy ending. When you find your brother, he will know how much your mother loved him to make the sacrifice.

Oh, my heart breaks for her…
Designher Momma Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:23 pm

simply amazing post, and I know you will find him. Thank you so much for such an honest, heartfelt, beautifully written post.
Undomestic Diva Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:25 pm

Really heavy, obviously. Best wishes on your journey. I have extremely high hopes for you being that you’ve got amazing readers and a blog to boost your chances of getting the word out.
Anonymous Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:27 pm

I have 8 adopted siblings, some of which haved tried to find their birth parents and others who do not wish to have anything to do with their birth parents. I also have a sister who gave a child up for adoption without any of us knowing she was pregnant. Most people do the best they can do, or at least what they think is best. It is not always easy for an adopted child to understand that though.

I wish you all the best in your search for your brother. Reading this post will mean alot to him, I am sure. Thank you for sharing it.
Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:28 pm

Wow. What a hard story to tell, and retell. I wish you the best in finding your brother.
TSM-Oregon Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:29 pm

My already soft heart has burst at the seams. Thank you. I think some days we just need to cry all day, you know?

And when you’re done, you’ll have a renewed determination to find him. And find him, you will.
Tuesday Girl Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:29 pm

I hope you can find him and make your mother complete again.
Shannon Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:29 pm

Wonderful post. Learning about something like this that’s been avoided for so many years must be shocking, exciting, scary, amazing, thrilling.

Best of luck in your quest.
Auds at Barking Mad Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:29 pm

My dear God, I cannot imagine. Yet I can. As “That” mother who has laid one of her own to rest, I think perhaps it would be almost harder to know that he was still out there…alive, yet gone.

I wish you the greatest of luck in finding your brother.

Audrey
Heather.PNR Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:30 pm

What a powerful, heartbreaking piece.

I so very hope you find him.
Magpie Girl Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:30 pm

This was so beautifully written…and full of bravery on so many fronts.

A dear friend of mine found his birth family after many years of searching. It is a mixed bag of emotions to be sure, but this once only-child now has sisters and nieces and nephews.

May your journey be blessed and hopeful.

Shalom,

Rachelle
Alli {Mrs. Fussypants} Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:30 pm

Speechless.
Tears.
Prayers.
Hope.

Love.
moosh in indy. Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:31 pm

Whoa.
Amalah Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:38 pm

I’m commenting even before I’ve gotten my breathing back to normal, and I can’t even see the keyboard clearly yet.
Kat Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:38 pm

There is so much I could say but I have no words. Prayers for you, your mother, and your brother.
Schmutzie Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:38 pm

I don’t even know what to say. You are starting an amazing journey that so many never get to make. My heart goes with you.
mek Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:39 pm

Beautifully written – all the love and grief right there – good luck in your search!
wherewiller Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:39 pm

I know a little bit about adoption searches now, because of working for the province – the good news is it’s a lot easier these days to make these connections, and they are supported a lot more than they used to be.

Good luck – I really hope you can find him.
Mary Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:40 pm

wow. very very powerful. best of luck on your search.
Manager Mom Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:43 pm

just, wow.
hello haha narf Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:43 pm

chills. i have every hair on my neck and arms standing at attention.

what a moving and powerful piece you wrote. many prayers coming your way.

all the best,

becky
palinode Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:43 pm

By the time I realized how this post was going to end, that it would close on my heart like a trap and squeeze, it was too late and I couldn’t stop reading. Good luck to you and your family.
Darla @ UltraBeautyBoutique Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:45 pm

From someone who was adopted in the late 60’s at the age of 6 hours old to a dad who was 51 (my dad loved me, he died when I was 22) and a mom who was 28 at the time (who left me when I was 10 in the middle of the night), I have to say GOD BLESS YOU for doing what you KNEW was right.

And let me say, I have a very strong feeling he WILL want to know you and your mom.

Praying for you.
Rock and Roll Mama Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:46 pm

YES. At the end, I just wanted to stand up and pump my fist in the air for you. That’s what it takes, that decision, that sea change that makes inaction impossible.

My birth mother was 15 when she relinquished me, and I was 26 when I found her. On my birthday last week, 8 years into ur relationship, I could just call her and we could chat. I had to marvel at the fact that we can just-DO that now. I just call her. It’s changed my life in such a fundamental way…the pieces are not missing.

I hope you find him, for you, for him, for your mom. All the best.
JanMary Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:48 pm

Praying you find eachother.
ScientistMother Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:49 pm

Wow. Life changing. Life altering. Wow. You grew up in Vancouver? I hope you find him and it all turn out well. Take the time to process it as you have alot going on. Hugs, Hugs and more HUGS!
TaraLyn Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:49 pm

Wow…I am near tears here. I can’t imagine having to make the decision she made.

Good luck with your search. I’ll keep you all in my thoughts.
hello haha narf Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:50 pm

how old would your brother be?
Christine Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:50 pm

Oh, my.

Sobbing. And I am not an easy crier.

Your mom is such an incredibly strong woman. I can’t imagine the weight of that emotional burden she carried for all of those years.

I love that you two are close enough for her to share this with you, and to ask for your help.

I can’t stop crying.

I wish you luck.
SUEB0B Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:52 pm

Gulp. You made me cry. I hope you find him.
Major Bedhead Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:52 pm

Wow. Incredible. I hope that she, that you, find him.
Amy Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:55 pm

That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve read in a long time. Good luck on your search! How amazing…
Kimberly Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:56 pm

OMG, I have tears rolling down my face. What a brave, beautiful mother you have.

I’m praying that you find him and that doing so brings your mother peace.
Babybloomr Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:57 pm

Godspeed on your journey.
I just have this weird feeling that this is going to be resolved– I have no idea why. Maybe because I have several friends who have searched and found.
You are stronger than you even know.
Delilah Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:58 pm

Wow. I’m crying big, fat tears for you and your mom. Praying you find him.
lattemommy Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 3:58 pm

That was a heartwrenchingly beautiful story, wonderfully told. I hope you find him. I hope your mother gets to say the things to him that her heart yearns to say.

I live in the Vancouver area, and if you need someone to do legwork for you here, I’d be glad to help. Good luck.
Beck Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:00 pm

GEEZ. My heart.
FIND him and Godspeed.
WaltzInExile Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:04 pm

That was beautiful. That IS beautiful. It’s no wonder you’re so amazing — look at your amazing mother. Hugs and strength and best wishes and good luck from Exile.
Maman Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:04 pm

If you want help from a geek with good search skills, a computer and time on her hands… let me know. Good luck.

Now I need to go back to crying.
Anonymous Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:05 pm

my sister and i have a missing brother too- a few times we’ve tried to find him, but our family just shuts it down and our mother died 30 years ago- and would he want us to find him? it is so hard…missing pieces indeed.
LinLos Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:10 pm

Your mother is brave. I was adopted, by two wonderful people who gave me a life and opportunities my birthmother couldn’t have. But I will always wonder about her, my unknown mother who gave me life in a time when she didn’t have to. Who she was, who she is, if I look like her, if she loves peanut butter, is allergic to chocolate, has a soft spot for ugly stray dogs, and a thousand and one other things. Good luck.
Hairline Fracture Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:16 pm

Wow wow wow. This is so heartbreaking and lovely and hopeful all at the same time.

I hope with all my heart that you find him.
Des Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:16 pm

That is beautiful. God speed.
imaginary binky Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:21 pm

Wiping the tears from my eyes. Go find him. He is part of you, and your mother needs to be complete again.
Juggling Frogs Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:22 pm

Oh my word! This is wrenching. Whatever the outcome, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

You can bet we’ll all be here, waiting for updates, hoping for the best.
Charming Driver Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:24 pm

Christ on a cracker give your mom a hug from me. Not the same, at all, but having lost a son I know that ache, it’s bone and soul deep and I’m so sorry she has carried that for so long.

I hope you find him for your family but especially for your mom so she can finally exhale.
Anonymous Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:26 pm

wow, you don’t understand what your post really did for me today…I am right now in the middle of an adoption plan gone wrong…my baby was just released from the hospital, she was a preemie…the adoptive parents should be on a plane now coming to get her…but I backed out, and I don’t know why…I am sittin ghere right now regretting my decision..am I short changing my baby girls life here?! i have so many emotions going through my mind…Its hard for me to look at her sometimes because I know what I should do, but why can’t I do it?! Sorry I just kinda went off there…but thats whats going on with me right now…just got word the adoptive couple just wants to back out completely…is this a sign? do I keep my baby girl even though if I do I will be sacrificing the lives of all my children..this baby is #3…I would love to have your opinion…please..
Marie
Adrienne Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:27 pm

As a birth mother too afraid to face him, I would like to help you, I have submitted your post to Digg hoping to get the name out there.
TheMama Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:32 pm

Crying. That’s all I’ve got.

I’m crying.

My MIL was adopted and until the day she died, she was grateful for the life her birth mother had provided for her by letting her go, but it never stopped her from wondering.

I hope with every fiber of my being that you will find him.
Vicki Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:34 pm

I truly hope that you find him because that is heartbreaking. I’ll pray for you.
scarbie doll Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:41 pm

You know how I hate to comment after 96 other people. But this merits a comment. Whoa and wow.
VDog Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:43 pm

Dayum, it’s a good thing I didn’t put mascara on today! SNAP!

I hope you can find him. What a story. What a time.

Good luck.
whensheworeponytails Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:44 pm

This mirrors my “Aunt Mom’s” story almost perfectly. She passed away before she ever found him, though. I’ve thought of looking for him just to tell him about her. But, to be honest, I’m afraid of doing that. What if…What if he doesn’t care? What if he’s angry? You know? I don’t know if I could handle her memory not being honored but I could understand if he doesn’t appreciate her. But knowing it would break my heart. I guess you never know. And the never know is what scares me so I do nothing.

I hope you find him! I’m in tears at your description. Your strength that I admire you so much for since finding you and reading your site obviously came from her.
The Queen of Hyperbole Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:51 pm

Amazing.
Frankie Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:51 pm

What a beautifully told story. Best of luck to you and your family. I wish I knew how to help but I like you have a brother and sister (twins) that have been lost in the adoption process.

They were born in 1972, my mother was only 14. I found out when I was 21 and haven’t been able to get any farther than that in 6 years.

But you, You have a name, a beginning, a start. I will keep you in my thoughts. I can truly say I know how you feel.
Kyla Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:51 pm

Oh Cath. Do it, find him. I can never imagine you regretting finding him, but not looking, that you might regret.

What a lot to process. Hugs, you.
Design Mom Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:52 pm

Wow. I’m crying. With a start this beautiful, how can the resolution to this story be anything but positive.
nic Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:52 pm

@Marie: Talk to a hospital social worker or someone you trust who will be honest with you about your resources, the commitment required, your options. Do not make any hasty decisions either way.
crunchycarpets Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:55 pm

big big stuff…if you want to find him there are some websites..I can look em up for you.

I was told by my mom that I have a half sister out there somewhere…dad had an affair and they put the girl up for adoption right away….

It was a huge deal for her to tell me….

she gave me all the info in case I want to try and find her someday
flutter Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:56 pm

I love you. I have been there, not able to hold her but at least I knew where she went, for my heart it keeps me sane.

I will help you find him, having been on the birth mother side of things I know a few tricks.

You know where to find me if you want me to walk with you.
Ree Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:57 pm

Catherine – you are truly amazing and fearless….
West Coast Grrlie Blather Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:57 pm

My mother gave up her first baby too. That baby grew up & found my mom, so now I have an older half sister. It was a long search (in the dark ages before the internet too) but worth it. I wish you all the best, and trust that healing will come.
heels Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 4:59 pm

Marie- You probably have some time. Take it. Don’t rush to a decision like this. The adoptive parents backing out just bought you a little more wiggle room. Try to maybe think past keeping or not keeping into other options. Is an open adoption a possibility?

Stay strong, for yourself, that baby, and your other 2 children. Best wishes.
Listen Up, MoFos! Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:00 pm

You’ll find him, I just know you will!!! You made me cry. So much I could say, yet I can’t say a word… Thanks so much for sharing!
Jessica Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:00 pm

A very amazing story. My Aunt gave up a baby when she was 16. 30 yrs later he found her. He expressed to her how grateful he was that she choose to give him up for adoption. He had an amazing childhood and wonderful adoptive parents. He and my Aunt are very close now and he has welcomed her and the rest of us into his family. It was truly a blessing all around.

Good luck in finding your brother. I will keep you in my prayers.
Keely Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:00 pm

Wow. My husband has a sister out there and I often wonder if we could find her… but we’d need his mother’s blessing for that. Reading this makes me realize how hard that must have been for my mother in law and especially after having my own child – and another on the way – I feel like I understand her even more.

I hope that you find your brother. Best of luck to you!
Carolyn...Online Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:00 pm

Oh my. I want to run out and start googling and help find him for you. Good luck. Sending strength to you and your mom.
for a different kind of girl Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:01 pm

Oh, the crying I’ve done today out there in this world. Your mom sounds like a truly strong woman. I hope this is the first step toward giving her a reunion with her son, and a new facet to your family by which to learn from and love. It could truly be such an amazing thing. I hope he’s out there, somewhere, waiting joyously for you all, and that you find him soon to experience that.
flutter Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:01 pm

Marie-

I am a birthmom. While I do not for a moment, think I made the wrong choice, I ache for my daughter every day.
Your want to be a good parent, your concern, your struggle…it all leads me to believe that the heart you have is strong, that the love you have for your child is insurmountable.
There are resources to help you with money, if that is your concern. there are counselors to talk to you and guide you.

There are birthmoms (me) that will hold your hand and hear your concerns and help you.

You are shortchanging no one. This life, this love is beautiful.
Amy @ Taste Like Crazy Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:02 pm

Coming from someone who was adopted [and currently bawling] I would LOVE to be “found” by my biological family.

I know that I have at least two 1/2 siblings and I’ve always wondered what they’re like…what they look like…if I pass them when I walk down the aisle at the grocery store.

I truly believe that only someone in this situation can understand the yearning and the hole. Because there is a hole as cliché as that may sound and I know that finding my biological family is the only thing that will fill it.

Understand that he may not want to know you. But, also understand that on some level you can’t care and that this isn’t about him. It’s about you, it’s about your mom, it’s about your family.

I wish you luck from the depths of my heart.
Tuesday Girl Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:02 pm

Marie, deciding with your heart vs, your head must be impossible. Your baby girl needs a loving family, food, clothes. can you give that to her? Are you sure?

Please talk to a social worker or your adoption agency.
Good luck.
anna Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:03 pm

Wow, fantastic post. Even with my heart of stone, I am weeping a little bit and looking at my own baby son. I wish you all the best in your search, wish I had a means of helping you.
The Introvert Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:03 pm

I don’t know what I can say that hasn’t already been said, but that was extremely well-written and throughly heart-wrenching. I pray that you will find him.
susan Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:04 pm

This was an amazing post. One painful to read.

I gave up a daughter at 20. The nurses kept trying to get me to hold her. It was gut-wrenching.

You’ll find him. I know you will. Good luck!
T. Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:04 pm

Um. Yeah. I’ve got nothing wise to say. Speechless.

I hope it works out the way you all want. To carry that hurt and guilt in her heart for all this time…I hurt for your mother.

Sending prayers on your behalf and your brother’s, as well.

T.
T. Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:05 pm

Oh and you f’in rock…and your mother, too.

T.
Stacy Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:06 pm

So beautiful. So raw. I hope you find him. You will.
crazedparent Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:08 pm

one of my dearest friends recently found her birth mom and it was the most amazing, positive experience of her life.

i wish the same for you in your quest to find your brother. and you *will* find him!
fairytalesandmargaritas Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:08 pm

Oh the heartbreak
and the hope.
I pray that you find him and that he understands and that he can love her.
I could’ve been him, but my mom chose at the last minute to keep me and I could’ve been her, but chose to keep my daughter.
But, I know I could’ve been there.
Heather.PNR Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:08 pm

@Anonymous/Marie -

I wish I could give you a big hug.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to raise your daughter. Nothing at all.

It’s not “an adoption plan gone wrong.” The decision to place a child for adoption really has to be remade after the child is born. Sometimes after the birth, moms realize that adoption isn’t right choice after all. And that is FINE. That is normal.

You sound like you really don’t want to place, but you’re trying to talk yourself into it. Please don’t. It’s a decision that can never be undone and will be a loss that you and your other other children carry with them the rest of their lives. If you give parenting a try and eventually realize that it really isn’t working out, adoption will still be there. Don’t feel like you need to rush into it right now.

I say that as an adoptive mom who what it’s like to be on the other side of the equation, waiting to see if a child will come home with me. The prospective adoptive couple might have some sadness over this change, but that’s just part of the adoption process for us. They will be okay.

Best wishes to you and your new daughter. I will be thinking of you. I sincerely hope things work out for you and your family of four.
Manic Mommy Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:08 pm

Oh. My. I hope you find him. I hope he’s had a good life. And that his parents (birth and adoptive) gave him a good heart.
Crunchy Domestic Goddess Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:11 pm

wow. what a story and so beautifully written. best of luck with your search to you and your family.
supertiff.com Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:13 pm

i was about to go to the mall, but now i’m a teary mess. your mother’s story is my mother’s story…and we found my brother. it’s been 9 years now, and while there were very trying times along the way, i’m (exceedingly) happy to report that these days it seems like he’s always been here…always been with us and part of us.

i guess in some ways he always was.
if there’s anything i can do to help you in this journey, let me know.

p.s.
when i was growing up, i never thought my mom was unhappy. but, now that her son is back in her life? she’s a completely different person. a huge weight has been lifted from her soul, i think. it has been the most incredible thing to see. we are so very, very blessed. i hope that someday you will get to share this unusual joy with your mother, as well.
Heather Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:15 pm

Oh good luck! I’ve got a giant lump in my throat from reading that.
kidsandcrittersinwyoming Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:15 pm

Wow, I really don’t have any words other than to say thank you for this. As the mother of an adopted daughter I always wonder what will her mother feel at some point, what will she feel? What will potential other siblings feel (as I believe there will be more her mother is young). I am thankful our adoption is open so we can answer these questions in time for all involved. I hope you find him.
sam {temptingmama} Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:17 pm

That was so beautiful, as always. I am totally speechless.

I hope and pray that you find him. I really do.
daysgoby Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:18 pm

Whatever I can do, C.
Whatever, whenever.
Mr Lady Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:19 pm

I live in Vancouver, and I will help you.
Stacy Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:19 pm

I am in awe – of your amazing writing ability and the courage it took to help your mother to heal. It can happen. You will find him. My sister found me. I’m sad to say that we’ve since lost touch, without ever meeting. There is no heart-wrenching story to it. Just parents without the capacity to be parents. Your mother – just wonderful. Give her a huge hug and tell her somehow, someway, he knows he is loved.
Avonlea Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:21 pm

Your mom is amazingly strong. Prayers from me too that you will find him.

I’m also sitting here crying at the heart-hurting beautifulness of this post.
The Ex Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:22 pm

My aunt gave up a baby for adoption when she was 13. He’s in his mid-thirties now and I found him. I found him and she won’t talk to him because she’s too afraid of what he’ll think.

My dad also gave up my two half-siblings when the mother disappeared and when they were reunited we found out they had a horrible life.

This is so….unbelievably touching. I just hope so much that works out and that he’s been happy and that no one gets hurt.
kittenpie Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:23 pm

OMG HBM, totally sobbing heaving sobs at work here… So sad, so beautiful, so… much. Godspeed on that voyage, honey.
Lisa V Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:25 pm

Catherine, two of my children came to us through adoption. Luckily they were both open adoptions and we have loving relationships with their other families.

No matter how much my children love me, it doesn’t negate their ties and bonds to families the were born to.

I hope you find your brother. Adoption should be about joining two families, not losing one.
whensheworeponytails Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:26 pm

I just thought about how my comment might sound. I sure hope it wasn’t thought that I was trying to dissuade you with my fears. I really do have high hopes you find him.
Liz Henry Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:27 pm

Oh! this made me cry!!! Good luck. I’ll help you spread the word.
Natalie Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:32 pm

wow. i’m not even sure how to comment. i was adopted as an infant as well. as a child and into my teenage years i always wondered about my birth mom, and even made a tiny attempt to find her when i was 16. it was more of a curiosity because i had a friend who found her birth family. i never tried to find her again, and honestly never cared to. i appreciated all she did in giving me away…giving me a chance at a life she knew she couldn’t give me, but i had no desire to know more. when i was pregnant with my first child i got a letter from the adoption agency saying she had sent them a letter for me and wanted to know if i wanted it. i got it and learned a little of her story. she was 16, from a large family, and money was scarce. it made me even more grateful to her…knowing that it was the hardest thing she ever did. she also told me she was registered with a finding agency so if i ever wanted to know who she was i could find her. i didn’t want to know. i wrote her back and told her how much i appreciated what she did…told her about my childhood and my life, but told her i wasn’t ready for any kind of reunion. 6 years later i felt like i was supposed to at least contact her and give her my name and contact info if she ever needed it. i did very reluctantly. i talked to her on the phone, and she just cried and cried she was so happy to hear from me. i honestly felt sorry for her, because although i could understand her feelings…her attachment to me…i felt nothing of that attachment for her. again…i was so grateful and told her that. i told her that i just wasn’t in a place where i wanted to meet her in person. i wanted to give her the same privilege she had given me. the opportunity to be able to contact me if she needed to. she was great. she has been great. i hear from her about once a year as she checks in, but she has never pressured me to become part of her family. some people may think it is heartless of me that i don’t desire a relationship. i am one of 4 children and the only one adopted. i was never treated like an adopted child. not ever. my grandparents even forgot i was adopted saying that my son looks just like my brother and why shouldn’t he. i think if i had felt a hole somewhere in my life or had been treated differently i might have responded to my birth mother differently. i am glad i know her story. the reasons why she gave me up. and when i had my children i always thought of her when they turned 2 weeks old. that was when she left me at the baby home. her last look at me. so i looked at my 2 week old babies and couldn’t imagine having to give them up. and i said a prayer of thanksgiving for the woman who made that sacrifice.
Isabel Kallman Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:32 pm

gripping.

thank you for sharing.
Lisa V Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:33 pm

Oh, and to the anonymous commentor considering becoming a birth mother- head on over to openadoptionsupport.com, post your question (or even email it) and you will have some birth moms who are likely pretty supportive responding to you. No one will try to push you either way, they will just be some good sounding boards.

If you’d like to email me vindaugablog at yahoo dot com I can privately give you the names of some birth moms who blog.
the weirdgirl Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:40 pm

Oh damnit. I really didn’t feel like crying today.

I hope you find him. Big huge hugs to you!
marymurtz Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:42 pm

As an adoptive mother, this hit me so hard; I have, as you know, tried in vain to make contact with our daughter’s birth mother and just saw her walking the other day. The case worker won’t return my calls, and all I want to do is send photos and an occasional update so they know she’s okay.

Honey, if there is anything I can do to help, you have only to ask. There are a lot of people out there who know the hoops to jump through and the sites and agencies that can help track down the information you are seeking. I haven’t read through all the comments yet, but I will.

This was so beautifully written, and it broke my heart. Tell your mother we are all going to help you.
xoxo
Jenifer Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:42 pm

Wow. Of course you are in my thoughts as you begin your search. What a journey you are beginning.
Genevieve Hinson Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:47 pm

An amazing, heart-wrenching post. I hope you find your brother.

The women at BirthMomBuds.com might be of some help and emotional support (for your mom, you and your family). I know there are search angels out there — perhaps they can help suggest one. These folks have a lot of experience in doing exactly this.
Mamma Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:47 pm

As an adoptee, I can’t even imagine that my birth parents have thought about me–let alone thought about finding me.

Thank you for this perspective.
Amy Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 5:49 pm

Good luck finding your brother. I hope it’s a glorious reunion for all of you.

Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com
SJ Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 6:00 pm

My older sister gave up a daughter for adoption when she was barely 21. Totally alone.

The daughter she gave up in the mid80’s turned 21 on July 27, 08. We are trying to find her.

I wish you luck. This story hits home to my heart like no other.

Blessings and Best Wishes.
Rachael Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 6:08 pm

This is the most beautiful, touching post I’ve read lately. I can’t imagine living with that in your life – I’m so glad your Mom got to have you and your sister to love. I hope that you are able to find your brother, and that it gives some peace to your Mom and to you. What an amazing and heartbreaking story.
Mrs. T Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 6:19 pm

Beautiful.

I wish you all kinds of luck and admire the bravery that your mother has shown and most definitely passed on to you.
Sam Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 6:24 pm

I am a first/birth mother and reading your post I cried my eyes out. Good luck with your search.
Bri Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 6:35 pm

This must have been so hard to write…bravo for your bravery and obvious love for your mom. I wish the two of you all the luck in your search and only wish there was something I could do.
American in Norway Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 6:40 pm

Wow… what a great post… I am saying a prayer for you all… I hope you find him
Jerri Ann Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 6:42 pm

Wow, amazing story! Thanks for sharing!
Katrina Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 7:04 pm

I don’t know what I can do to help, but will if you need an extra set of hands at the keyboard. I feel for your mommy and for you. Seriously, I’ll google or email or call if you need more bodies helping.

Katrina
klfrye@earthlink.net
Jezer Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 7:11 pm

Oh honey, you and your family are just extraordinary. Prayers and good wishes from me for you.
cjanelo Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 7:19 pm

Oh Catherine, what a beautifully written story. I wish you all the luck in finding him.
madgetastic Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 7:22 pm

Oh, your Mom. My heart aches for her.

Best of luck in your search!
Tracey Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 7:25 pm

I shared this with a friend of mine. She found her birth mom using Adoption Reunion Registry. They both
live in the Vancouver area.

Good luck!
Michele Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 7:32 pm

I found one sister. Another sister and a brother are still missing. And a father. I think I’ve reconciled to that now. But it took me searching to find parts of me to realize that I’m whole anyway. My best of luck to you on your search, my dear, that it may be fruitful, and put your mother’s mind, at least a little, to rest.
Little Monkies Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 8:10 pm

My brother was adopted and my mother always told my brother time and again how much his birth mother loved him. Although she’d never met her, I think she wanted him to know what a supreme sacrifice his mom made for our family.

I hope your brothers adoptive parents let him know how much your mom loved him. I can’t imagine that myself.
Her Bad Mother Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 8:20 pm

Anonymous/Maria – e-mail me (herbadmother@gmail.com) if you’re still reading.
Sara Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 8:26 pm

I was adopted.

I just wrote on my own blog a bit ago about it.

I said I’d probably never find my birth mother. I’ve got a good adopted family.

But the main reason is fear. What if she doesn’t want to know me? What if she doesn’t care? What if she’s gone and I’ll never know her.

I know your mothers fears reversed.

Tell her, if you can, that I love her for loving him.
b*babbler Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 8:32 pm

Wow Catherine – I really have no words.

It’s a beautiful, sad, tragic story. I hope that you are successful in your search…

((hugs))
Meg Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 8:37 pm

I can’t even read the other comments because of the tears in my eyes.

Beautiful and heartbreaking, all at the same time. I really hope you find him.
THopgood Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 8:49 pm

Wow

Just….wow….

I will be anxiously awaiting updates on your search and praying for a happy ending (for all parties involved).
motherbumper Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 8:53 pm

I am so f’ing proud to call you my friend it makes my heart explode. How you put it out there, with such beauty, grace, and gentle power just blows my mind. I love you and I know when you find him, he is going to be so proud that you are his sister.
J from Ireland Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 9:11 pm

Oh my God, that is just heartbreaking. I sincerly hope you find your brother and he knows how loved he is. His grandmother including him in her will, aw, that is lovely. Best of luck in your search.
Cathy Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 9:13 pm

You make my heart ache — with sadness for a lost little boy and with the beauty of your words.

Bless you. And bless her.
laurie Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 9:17 pm

Amazing. This is a powerful post. I do wish you the best of luck i finding him and that this story has a great ending. I hope that this is just the beginning of this story, too – that we will continue to hear more if / when you find out more and if you are willing to share.
Miguelina. Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 9:21 pm

Your mother is so lucky to have you, a fighter, as her daughter. I believe you when you say you will find him.

Beautifully written. I’m crying, just like everybody else.
Mom101 Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 9:36 pm

I just let out a gasp. A real one.

Oh Catherine. Oh oh oh.
Front Porch Legacy Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 9:39 pm

Beautiful. Just beautiful. Thank you for sharing your mother’s story and her love for her lost boy. Somewhere out there is my husband’s birth mother. He thinks of her all the time. We’ve tried to find her, but we have only a few details. She was an undergraduate student at the University of Virginia and his birth father was a law student there also. I think they would be proud to know that their son is a brilliant lawyer today!
If we should ever find her, we will sincerely thank her for her selfless act of love. My sweet husband loves her no matter what and no matter where she may be; and he thanks her for giving him a beautiful life. I think her for giving me a loving husband who I can build a beautiful life with.
I pray that you will have a joyous reunion some day soon. God bless your sweet mother.
Mandi Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 9:44 pm

I realize my comment will be redundant in reading all of these comments… but WOW. You are an amazing writer, first of all. And your story is just… Wow. The ONLY reason I am not bawling (cause I was on the verge the whole time) is because my own kiddos were trying to climb on me as I was reading. I wish you great success in finding him, I can only begin to imagine the many emotions that are coursing through you right now.
Shelli Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 9:48 pm

I am SO SO SO SO grateful that the birth mother that chose us to raise her child is STILL a positive, loving presence in our daughter’s life.

Your painful story simply affirms that for me.

Thank you for sharing.
Tracey Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 9:48 pm

Good luck, Catherine. My heart goes out to your mother and your family…
Fairly Odd Mother Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 9:55 pm

I think I held my breath as I read that entire post. To know you have a brother now . . .after all those years. My heart hurts for your mother, and for you. I hope you find him.
arse poetica Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 9:58 pm

My God, the sacrifices we make. I am heartbroken and crying and hoping to God that you find William.
Cynthia Samuels Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 10:00 pm

What an amazing story, beautifully told (of course.) I need to say this: the relationship you have with your mother is a spectacular gift. Amid this sad story, I as a daughter couldn’t keep my mind off the fact that you and your mother were sharing it. Such a beautiful thing.
I am so glad you have embarked on this quest — if any of my reporting background can help please let me know.
You are a remarkable writer, a remarkable woman, and a stunning mom and daughter. I am proud to know you.
Maggie, Dammit Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 10:03 pm

I have a sister, just like this brother. I wrote about her, but not nearly so eloquently.

When they took the baby away from my mom, she couldn’t bear to see her, either. My mom locked herself in the salvation army home for unwed mothers closet and painted until they were gone. She crafted a lakeside scene, birch trees and sunlight.

22 years later they were reunited. That painting hangs in my sister’s house today.

I wish for you the same sort of peace.
Meagan Francis Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 10:06 pm

I so hope you find him. This story has me bawling.
Liz Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 10:10 pm

Thank you so much for writing this, I am at the beginning of the process of adopting and I don’t ever want to forget what another woman had to go through in order for me to become a mother. Good luck in your search for your brother.
caramama Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 10:16 pm

Oh, Catherine! I’m crying for your mother, your brother, you, everything. How hard that must have been for her. How this must be so hard for you.

You are doing a wonderful thing looking for him. I wish you the best of luck finding him. I hear that private investigators can be really good at this. My best wishes to you and your family!
nomotherearth Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 10:23 pm

Just look at the strength you have at your disposal here. With everyone’s help, you’ll find him. I can feel it.

Good luck! If I can help in any way, I’m here.
laurie Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 10:33 pm

he would want to know everything of you, I’m sure. What a gift of a sister you would be. All wishes for all the luck in the world sent your way.

(Catherine, you are such a beautifully truthful writer. This is such a rare thing and this is why it means so much to me to read your words.)
Anonymous Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 10:35 pm

Wow. Just wow and good luck
mothergoosemouse Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 10:45 pm

Oh, C. Literally shaking with tears.

You and your mother. Such brave women, such pillars of strength.

I hope you find your brother.
Don Mills Diva Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 10:46 pm

Speechless Catherine, just speechless.

I hope you find him.
Kelley Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 10:51 pm

I wasn’t going to say this. I wasn’t going to comment. But. My family had a similar tale, one day I may blog about it. He was found. The whole family rejoiced. He broke my Aunties heart.

Sometimes people cannot live up to the dream.

Good luck my lovely and I pray that you find him and all is wonderful.
Mimi aka pz5wjj Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 10:53 pm

I know I’m like comment number 1,000, but I have to.

Wow! I hope you find him. And I hope he’s led a happy life.

Fantastic post.
Velma Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 10:56 pm

Oh, how I hope for a resolution to this story for all of your sakes! A loved one just had an adoption fall through, and it has been a topic on my mind all week. Good luck.
Her Bad Mother Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 11:00 pm

Kelley – thank you for saying that. It’s reality. It’s on my mind.
GIRL'S GONE CHILD Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 11:20 pm

Wow. Just… Wow. Sending you St. Anothonyesque thoughts. Love.
Mrs. Schmitty Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 11:33 pm

What a beautiful post that has completely pulled at my heart! I wish I knew how to help you. I do hope you find your brother. My thoughts are with you!
amanda Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 11:37 pm

Ditto on the wow. That really touched me. All the very best of luck in finding him.
carrie Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 11:37 pm

Even if all I have to offer is a bed and a glass of wine just outside of Seattle, I will.

You do what you gotta do Catherine, I am amazed and yet – not surprised at all. You go – you go get him.
GeekMommy Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 11:40 pm

Amazing post.

I hope you find your brother soon – just to tell him how much he is loved by his other family…

And in the meantime, I hope that this story gives hope to many an adoptee who is wondering if he was conceived in love and would be welcomed by his birth family.

I will wish you all the success in the world!!! ((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))
blissfullycaffeinated Said,

August 20, 2008 @ 11:48 pm

Oh my. Like everyone else here, all I can really say is wow. What an amazing and gut wrenching story.

Wow, wow.

Best of luck with your search. My thoughts are with you and your mom.
ms. changes pants while driving Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 12:17 am

amazingly beautifully painfully gently written.

beautiful. whatever you do, whatever directions you take in this search, listen to your gut. listen to that little voice.

good luck, and all beautiful things to you and your family.
Lady M Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 12:38 am

My heart aches. That was so beautifully expressed.

You will find him!
Mandy Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 12:48 am

Wow. Nothing profound to say. I’m just sending support. I hope that you find him… for everybody’s sake.
andrea Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 1:23 am

Chills. Goosebumps. What pain your mother went through. I hope you find him and the reunion is sweet.
Maria Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 2:38 am

I am overwhelmed by the love you and your mother have and by how beautifully and powerfully you’ve expressed it. I hope you find your brother and you have the opportunity to share it with him in person.
Nina Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 3:08 am

I hope to God you find him. Your mother, your mother…I can’t even imagine.

I hope to God you find him.
domoshar Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 4:22 am

You made me cry!
Wish you all the best of luck to find him as soon as possible and hug him!!!
PS: Do you believe you will make it?
You do, don’t you? It will happen!
Syko Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 7:57 am

Totally beautiful post.

My mother had the unfortunate habit of falling in love with married men. I was 11 when she told me that she was pregnant and going away to have the baby. She went away and I stayed with my grandparents. I don’t know if she actually had a child, and in later years she denied it. But she was mentally ill all her life.

I knew about the second one, I was 14, and one day she bought bus tickets for us and we were going on a vacation – we got to Hannibal, Missouri before her water broke, and she made it to a hospital where she gave birth to a baby girl she called Hope. She lied on the birth certificate, and said that my father, from whom she’d been divorced for years, was the father of Hope. A nurse in the hospital knew a couple who wanted to adopt a child, and a private adoption was quickly arranged. The adoptive parents drove the two of us back home, and my mother made them let us out of the car downtown and we walked home to my grandparents’ house.

The third was born when I was 18. I’d just finished high school and she woke me one night – “you have to help me, I just had a baby.” Health classes at school told me what to do, and I tied and cut the cord and wrapped the little girl in a towel. My mother got up and drove 50 miles, with me holding the baby, to where our old family doctor was located. We ran out of gas in the middle of the night. Someone came along and gave us a gallon. We got to the hospital and they took my mother and the baby, she signed away her rights to the child, and in the early hours we drove back home, where she pretended to have flu.

My mother died a few years ago, she never seemed to have any curiosity about the children she gave up. We never talked about it, any mention I made was met with denials.

I’ve thought about those little girls all my life. I’m fairly sure there is a third child, but other than “born in Kirksville, MO in 1953″, I know nothing. Hope was adopted by people in Quincy, IL in January, 1957. And the third was left at Still Hospital in Jefferson City, MO in 1960. I don’t know if they ever wonder about their birth family, or if they’d want to know anything about their mother. But they have a big sister who’s never stopped thinking about them and hoping they’re happy.
Britt Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 8:31 am

your post made me cry. i really hope you find him.

i always wished me father would look for me because i am so easy to find, but he never did. i’m 28 and i still wonder all the time if he ever thinks of me. he was only 16 when i was born and his parents moved him away before i was born. i wonder if i have any siblings. i have only pictures of him as a child that are now so faded you can’t make them out anymore. but i remember what they look like and i have some of his features and so do my kids. its hard.
i hope you find him.
-The Shiny Happy Mama- Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 9:07 am

Amazing. I hope you find him! Wishing you strength and love…
Liza Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 10:23 am

I hope you find him, and that at the very least, he is open minded and curious about the rest of his first family.

Your mom showed so much courage. I can’t even imagine going through something like that, particularly in so much isolation.
Jenna Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 11:02 am

I’ve always been too intimidated to comment on your blog.

I’m a birth mother. And I wish you the best.
Stefanie Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 11:31 am

Gawd, I am totally teared up and that’s through massive amounts of Zoloft. That post was written amazingly well. I felt like I was reading a novel which made the punch even harder when I realized it was your momma. I’m so sorry that she is still grieving and I hope someone can help find him.
lavandula Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 11:46 am

oh catherine how sad and heart wrenching for you and your mom. i hope and pray thAT you find william soon. and that he has a big open heart. i can’t help but i can and will pray for your mom that you find him.God bless you and your mum….
Sarcasta-Mom Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 11:46 am

What a beautiful and heart breaking post. I was tearing up the entire time, just imagining the pain of having to hand over one of my own children.

I wish you the best of luck with your search…
Veronica @Toddled Dredge Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 11:54 am

Beautiful and heartbreaking.

My brother-in-law met his brother and sister for the first time when they were all in their forties, after his father had died. They have become real friends. I hope the same happens for you.
Bon Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 11:54 am

wow. beautifully told, with dignity.

i hope you are all able to find each other. and i wish your mother, with her courage, peace.
Andrea Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 12:13 pm

I hope you find him and that it’s everything you hope it would be, and more.
Tammy Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 12:29 pm

I hope with you that you find your brother are are reunited. Many blessings in your search…
Dana Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 1:03 pm

I hope that you find and him and when you find him it is all that you hoped it would be.

Lots of love.
Momily Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 1:16 pm

Although I only know you through this blog, my thoughts are with you as begin this search. I can only imagine how difficult this is and how emotional it must be to have heard the whole story so soon after having your son. I wish you lots of courage and luck as you begin your search.

As for the research process, I’m not entirely sure how it works in BC with adoption records, but there are public records such as hospital registries, baptismal records and so on that you can access through the BC Prov. Archives or individual churches if they have not sent their records over to the Archives. Often homes for unwed moms also sent their records to the archives, but they are probably FOIP protected, so you would need to apply . . the librarian in me trying to be helpful.
Mary P Jones (MPJ) Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 2:14 pm

What a beautiful post. I wish I could do more to help than just sit here at the computer choked up on your behalf. I hope you find your brother.
Kristy - Where's My Damn Answer Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 2:51 pm

Wow – powerful entry. As an adoptive Mother I cried reading this. I know the name of the biological mother and have it tucked away in my brain – I wasn’t supposed to know it but I saw it and thought that one day my son might want to go searching for his own answers.

I hope that you find him – thank you so much for sharing this – I hope you’ll let us know the outcome.
BabyShrink Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 3:15 pm

Thank you for posting this beautiful, powerful story. Any parent’s heart aches, reading this. Mine included. I am a firsttime reader: Wow. Can’t wait to hear what happens. Good luck.
ALI Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 3:59 pm

you will find him, because it is right that he know he was loved. and he will be amazing.
Kristine Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 4:50 pm

Wow, I have chills! As the mother of a child through adoption I can say from my heart that your mother gave an amazing “gift” to another family.

As a mother through birth, I have to say that I can’t even imagine the pain it must have caused her, and clearly still does.
Jozet at Halushki Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 4:52 pm

Hugs.

And more hugs.

Many, many hugs.
mrinz Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 4:56 pm

You must find him, you must!
catnip Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 5:01 pm

I keep coming back and reading this and it blows me away every time. I wish you all the best in your search.
Lotta Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 5:32 pm

Catherine,

I found my birth mother about 5 years ago, and then lost her this year when she died of liver cancer.

Having a relationship with her was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. I know that once I set my mind on finding her nothing would stop me. But please, take care. Sometimes we find more than we were looking for and it’s pretty overwhelming.
Leah Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 5:37 pm

What a story. What a quest. Wishing you the best luck, C.
Pamela Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 5:46 pm

So touching and heartfelt. As the mom of four angels, I cannot begin to know the pain of giving up a piece of yourself and losing it forever.

All the best in your search and may it bring your mother the peace she so craves.
Dawn Johnson Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 6:16 pm

A dear friend of mine went through a similar situation recently as her family realized they had a half sister when her mother’s alzheimer’s reached such confusion that she finally started to tell her story. It was an awkward but magical reunion and relationship that continues to grow. My prayers are with you and your family through your new journey.
HollowSquirrel Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 8:20 pm

Oh honey. I’ll do what I can, too. Anything to help. Your poor mom. And you? I’m glad you two have each other. And your brother will be lucky to have you, too.
Anonymous Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 9:01 pm

I just wanted to give you a glimer of hope. I have a half sister that I have been in contact with for just under a year. My father left her mother when she was 2 and had no contact with them after that. She didnt even know that my siblings and I exsisted. We only knew her name (hoping that her mom didnt change her last name) and her moms name. It took us 10 years but we finally found her. It was worth all of the time effort, stress and tears we put into it. She is now an even bigger part of my life.

Your brother is out there some where. It might take some time but I have faith that you will find him.
Rocks In My Dryer Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 9:08 pm

Wow. This was incredibly beautiful. Really, really wishing happy thoughts for you, that you find him.
Ruth Dynamite Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 9:08 pm

You will find him.
Anonymous Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 9:34 pm

Wow- long ago a family member told me my father had a son before his marriage, for he started a family. The young girl went off with family, my dad went to Vietnam. I am not suppose to know this, I can not tell my dad I know this. I still question and wonder-
Thank you! had to be hard! S
Michelle Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 10:08 pm

I agree. Wow. I just recently found your blog and I LOVE IT. You write beautifully. I wish you the best of luck in finding your brother.
Shannon Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 10:29 pm

I’ve said this before – I love your mother. Not that I’ve ever met her, but I feel as if I have. I could hardly read this, even so, I’m still crying….
Rusti Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 10:50 pm

wow… I’m saddened, heartbroken, and hopeful… I wish you all the luck and best wishes in finding him…

{HUGS}
Charlene Said,

August 21, 2008 @ 11:01 pm

There really is nothing worse then loosing a child, either by choice or by fate. It does’t matter. I lost my first baby a few months ago (I was 12 weeks pregnant) and I’m still hurting. But, I thank whatever powers that I never had to make a choice like so many people I have met since loosing my baby. I had no control and I’m gratefull for that. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to let go. I am so sorry for you and your family and I really do hope that you get the answers you so bady want and that they are the answers that you need to put yourselves at rest.
Anissa@Hope4Peyton Said,

August 22, 2008 @ 1:27 am

I was adopted and often wondered what it would be like to have my birth family find me. I hope that you find him so your mother will have some peace in her heart. I hope that it answers questions that always rumble around the minds of an adopted child. I hope that your brother is open to the love so freely being offered to him. Best of luck in this.
MamaMichelsBabies Said,

August 22, 2008 @ 1:28 am

Oh wow.. I’m sitting here pregnant and wondering if I could do it thinking about the amazing love and strength it took to do it and weeping like a child.

May you find him and may your mother find peace, however that may come.
Suki Said,

August 22, 2008 @ 11:55 am

I hope you find him… .
Michelle Said,

August 22, 2008 @ 1:29 pm

I don’t even know what to say.

I so hope that you are able to find him, and to love him, and to be loved by him.

This post puts so much into persepective.
Kristen Said,

August 22, 2008 @ 1:58 pm

I am terribly choked up right now… the ending completely through me. I hope, hope, hope you are able to find your brother!
Sandra Said,

August 22, 2008 @ 11:39 pm

Oh Catherine. Sending you so much love.

You’ll find him. And he’ll be so lucky to have you in his life.

xoxoxo
::::wifemothermaniac:::: Said,

August 22, 2008 @ 11:52 pm

I lived most of my adult life in Vancouver until only recently and have hundreds of contacts there, I’ll forward this on.
Busy Mom Said,

August 23, 2008 @ 12:37 am

Another adoptee here.

I would love to be found, too.

As an only child, I didn’t know anyone biologically related to me until my oldest child was born.

You do wonder what it was like, where you came from.
All Adither Said,

August 23, 2008 @ 10:54 am

I don’t have any experience being on either end of adoption, but as a mom, I can sort of imagine the gutting of your soul that such a process would entail. I truly hope that you find your brother and that it brings some measure of peace to everyone involved. I’m sure he’s always wondered too. How could he not.

Sending positive, comforting vibes from Seattle.
Kat Said,

August 23, 2008 @ 6:20 pm

I have a brother too. I can’t quite deal with this post right now, but I’ll be back. My mom decided to try to find him, but she gave up a while ago. I’ve been hesitant to ask her about it, because the subject just makes her weep. But I’d really…really like to find him.I have no idea how to do that, it’ll require me to ask my mom about all this stuff that makes her weep, but I’ll do it. I’m inspired.
Marianne Thomas Said,

August 24, 2008 @ 3:14 pm

I clicked over here from Fussypant’s sunday links.

I am blown away by your story – by your mother’s story.

Prayers for all of you.
Sab Said,

August 24, 2008 @ 5:28 pm

I am in tears.

I honestly dont know what to say except that your story touched me.

God bless.
Homemom3 Said,

August 24, 2008 @ 6:07 pm

(((HUGS))) I hope you find your brother, I bet your mom would be so excited to hear. I do hope it comes to be a happy ending that ya’ll can gather and meet and have no hard feelings.
Crazy Mommy Said,

August 24, 2008 @ 10:37 pm

My dad was adopted. I have often wondered about my grandmother…is she sitting out there some where wondering about her baby boy. Why did she give him up. Is she still alive. I pray that all goes well for you as you look for your brother.

And Marie, I pray that you find the answers that you are searching for.
Glennia Said,

August 25, 2008 @ 3:11 am

Catherine, I believe with everything in me that you will find him. I know two people who found their adopted out siblings, through hard research and serendipity. You will find him.

xoxo
karrie Said,

August 25, 2008 @ 6:45 am

I hope for you and your mother, that he is out there reading.
Alex Said,

August 25, 2008 @ 2:05 pm

Best of luck, Catherine.
Marla Said,

August 25, 2008 @ 5:46 pm

Well, good luck. First stop, ISRR http://www.isrr.net/ ; and registries here: http://www.familyhelper.net/ft/ftsup.html

I’m on my own search, and wish you well.
Ungrateful Little Bastard Said,

August 25, 2008 @ 10:31 pm

I came here via a comment left on my blog by a friend of yours. Your post is beautiful and I wish you all the luck in the world. I’m going to skip all of the preceding comments for time’s sake, so apologies in advance if you’ve had these steps given to you already

If you haven’t already registered with Soundex, that should be a first start:

http://www.isrr.net

BC does have a reunion registry. Those are insulting and demeaning, but it’s worth a shot. I don’t believe you as a sibling can register with them, but your mother can

http://www.mcf.gov.bc.ca/adoption/reunion/index.htm

Those are a start. Other than that, getting to know adoptees might help. I’m not trying to drum up a visit to my site or anything, but in my links list I have tons of adoptee blogs.

Good luck, and don’t ever hesitate to give me a shout if you need a hand or would like to join a BC-based search group.

Take care. I’d give anything if my siblings were looking for me.
Mary Said,

August 25, 2008 @ 10:46 pm

I hope you find him. Best to you, your mom and your brother.
Izzy Said,

August 25, 2008 @ 11:25 pm

I searched and I found but, unfortunately, after six years, my four half siblings still don’t know that I exist. Someday they will. Best of luck and if you ever need any help or advice, feel free to ask. I learned a lot during my year-long search.
MadWoman Said,

August 26, 2008 @ 1:21 am

Wow. I wish I knew how to begin helping you find your brother. What a beautiful, yet tear filled (for me) story. I wish you all the best.
Karen MEG Said,

August 26, 2008 @ 8:15 am

This was a beautiful, heartbreaking post. I so hope you find him Catherine. And I hope that when you do, your mother will never have to cry again for her lost baby.

Good luck to you on this journey.
Anonymous Said,

August 26, 2008 @ 1:04 pm

So beautifully written. I have more to say, but it would be about me, not this incredible story.
Tootsie Farklepants Said,

August 26, 2008 @ 3:55 pm

You have no idea how bad I want to hug your mom right now.
antiadoption Said,

August 26, 2008 @ 6:44 pm

Wow, what a place to start. First of all, here is a link for you…

The first step I would do for your family is get the non identifying information available to you through the state of washington.

Your mother will have to sign for it though, its only available to surrendering parents, adoptees and adoptive parents. Not siblings. You COULD get the paperwork though, and have her sign it, and mail it in for her.

Have your mother also put a waiver to release yours and her identifying information should he come looking. This would go into his adoption file through the state.

There is also the option of a confidential intermediary, i don’t agree with these, i feel that tehese are a violation of our rights. We dont need the state to go in between us to mediate relationships which they often screw up, but if you believe in them, the option is availalbe to you guys. Read about it here:

http://adopteerights.net/nulliusfilius/?page_id=195

Not sure if that link is going to come up or not, bloggers kinda fishy like that. If it doesn’t come to my blog through the link and contact me there, I will help you.
antiadoption Said,

August 26, 2008 @ 6:49 pm

dude! why was I thinking this was washington!! grrr, sometimes I’m such a space!!

Here are BC’s laws…

http://www.vs.gov.bc.ca/adoption/releas_adopt.html

(smacking my head against the wall)
Jane Said,

August 26, 2008 @ 10:16 pm

I too am weeping. It strikes a very hard chord with me. I am the Adoptee. I too have a sister. But one that is older than me. 2.5 years older. I was a 60’s baby, given up, the result too of an affair. But not the affair itself that was my sister, But the after shock of the devastation as he left my mother and she turned to another, and another.
I did find my Mother and Sister, it took time..patience and heartache..
We are not in reunion currently, I hope one day we will be..I am a reminder of that pain..For both of them..
Tread carefully and slowly, take your time..There are some fantastic people in adoption BLOGS VILLE That will be able to help you in your search..If you contact me (I have a email on my blog – the mail box)I will point you in the right direction to reach out to those people who may be able to set you on the right path..
Im so sorry *cry* that you were forced to give your baby away…Im so sorry that it hurt you so much. Im so sorry that you still hurt so much..Its so wrong to take a child from their mother.*cry*

((((((hugs to both of you)))))
Deb@Bird On A Wire Said,

August 27, 2008 @ 1:12 pm

As an adoptee, I read your article with great empathy and a twinge of sadness. I am glad you could share this story, I am sorry your mom went through it. Finding your brother, if he wants to be found will be glorious for all. I wish you all god speed. Thanks for pouring your heart and soul out!
Kat Said,

August 29, 2008 @ 1:45 am

I’ve scoured the comments and can’t find the one I left the other day. Weird. I’ve been thinking a lot about this and just came back to read everything here again. I love all the comments. Its helpful to hear all the different experiences people have had with this.

I have a brother. My mom is finally willing to find him. She will hardly talk about it, so it hasn’t been possible to find him myself. This has inspired me to get her to tell me all the detail she has and get us signed up wherever we need to sign up to start the process.

I’ve missed him my whole life. For my mom, its the most painful thing she’s ever been through. I’m amazed that she feels ready for that. She was afraid to know before. I want to know – even if it doesn’t go well, I want to know him. I want to see what he looks like. I want to tell him he has a sister, and that if he ever wants me, I’m here.
thedailysnark Said,

August 31, 2008 @ 11:35 am

Wow! I just wrote a post about not wanting to find my birth mother. I appreciate your mother’s story though. I can’t even imagine how hard it was to give up a child, and I’m not sure that I’d be able to do it if I had to.

Like your commenter Natalie, I appreciate everything that my birth mother has done, but I’m just not ready for a relationship. I’m not sure I ever would be. I don’t know if it’s because my parents have been wonderful, selfless, loving people or if there’s something else.

But I truly do hope it works out for your mother.
Reinadeer Said,

September 4, 2008 @ 11:25 am

My husband has the name of my biological father on a scrap of paper somewhere.
He told me he would look for him. That was over 7 years ago. Sometimes I wonder. mostly, I forget. The man that raised me until he died when I was 13 was a bad man. In many ways.
So I feel I never had a father.
I cried when I read this, maybe your brother is waiting and hoping that someone will find him someday? Please at least give it a try. At least you’ll know.
Adoptee24 Said,

September 18, 2008 @ 5:26 pm

I began a search for my birth-family in 2001–it seemed to take forever! Here is a site that might help

http://www.canadianadopteesregistry.org/try_11.html

Also: file with the department of women and children’s services in BC…they will help–tremendously!

Here is a site for this: http://www.mcf.gov.bc.ca/adoption/reunion/index.htm

Here is another one: http://adoptionrecords.org/add.php3

It might seem like searching for a needle in a needle stack, but patience and persistence might just be what it takes to get your brother to turn up some day!!!

I wish you the very best of luck…and you will have it as love is on your side…:-)
Jessica Said,

September 21, 2008 @ 7:03 am

I was adopted at birth and when I was in my 30s, I decided to search for my birth family. I looked on the aol adoption search boards & miraculously found a sister who had also been given up… we weren't certain at first & temporarily lost contact… I later found out that my birthname was the same as hers & contacted her again. From there, we got to know each other & contacted our birth mother & found out that we have 2 other sisters & a brother. We stay in touch on a semi-regular basis, thanks to email!

I hope you can find your brother & it works out well!
Nicole Said,

January 14, 2009 @ 9:17 pm

Have you tried making a facebook group?
I’ve seen similar things out there — that’s how my mom found her husband’s son.

Good luck with everything

I know it’s a long shot but my Aunt worked at a hospital in Vancouver around that time and I’m going to ask her if it could have possibly been that one.. maybe she would have some ideas for you.

All the best
Al_Pal Said,

March 23, 2009 @ 2:41 am

Oh, goodness! A friend of mine gave up her first child when we were teenagers. She wasn’t with the father anymore and found a nice couple to adopt the child. We’ve mentioned the birth date to one another occasionally, but I think she is mostly focused on her husband and family. It was an open adoption but the adopting couple really wanted to feel the child was just theirs.

Good luck in your search!
St Said,

March 25, 2009 @ 9:35 pm

My mom wants me to find her son. We talked about it once some eight years ago. I have NO IDEA how to find him. I’m going to read all these comments in hopes someone has left you some hints…
Jaden Paige Said,

March 26, 2009 @ 8:58 am

Wow… this story is so touching, so powerful… Whatever happened? Did you find him yet?

I hope so. I pray for your mother to know, from his mouth, that she made the right choice… And that he understands.
Maura Said,

March 27, 2009 @ 2:36 pm

I found this post through a link at Bitch PhD today. Just wanted to let you know that my mother, too, relinquished a child for adoption. A girl, in 1961.

I always wanted to look for her, but my mom said it might kill her to meet her and find that she hated her for giving her up. It was pain enough to lose her.

Thankfully, joyfully, she found us. She had hired a detective who got access to records he had no legal right to have, and I’m so grateful he did. She brought great joy to my mother and we have a good, though tentative relationship.

I wish you luck in your search.
chermonblie Said,

April 8, 2009 @ 1:49 pm

Oh Catherine… this is such a touching story. I will send tons of good thoughts out that you find your long lost brother. Please keep us posted so that we can share in the good news!
Smiling, Beguiling Said,

April 13, 2009 @ 5:05 pm

Thanks for sharing your story here C, it's VERY nice to read an adoption story from a siblings point of view … I got to read your mom's story too, which was equally beautiful.

I was relinquished in 1967, the fourth & last child of my birthmother, the third that she'd given away for adoption. I've found her, my two relinquished brothers, and the sister that she kept. I ALWAYS wanted to know where I came from, who I looked like, what my medical history was(is). For me, search was a necessity. It isn't for all adoptees.

I'm lucky to have a good relationship w/ my siblings. I think it was easier for us b/c A) we instantly LIKED each other and B) there wasn't any mother-child weirdness. My birthmother is complicated, but I do love her and I'm grateful to her every day for bringing into this world so I could be w/ my adoptive mom.

I wish you all the best in finding your brother, and whatever the final outcome is when you do, just know that there WILL be peace in it.

HUGS
Goodson Family Said,

April 21, 2009 @ 1:22 am

Best of luck in your search.

I was adopted at birth. I am now re-connected with my birthmom. In fact, we just went to a yoga class together this evening. She’s not my best friend, but we get along just fine.

I also met my birthdad in person once, and conversed with him lots over the internet before he passed away.

And I have just recently began building a relationship with my bio-half-brother.

The main thing I want to say is: growing up, even though I didn’t know much about my birthmom and didn’t have any desire to find her, I never had ill feelings towards her. I never had hate or rage.

May your mom have hope in her heart. And may you find that sweet baby wrapped in the blanket, all grown up and ready for a mature re-connection.
Cindy Said,

May 6, 2009 @ 12:54 am

I just found your blog through amalah, and wanted to add a quick comment …

Sometimes it all works out perfect.

I was adopted at 3 months … my adoptive parents are the most wonderful, nurturing people, and almost 10 years ago (age 23) I had the fantastic good fortune of reuniting with my birthmother and her family.

I can never thank her enough for her sacrifice … I realize that of all the choices to be make, she made the hardest.

She is a wonderful person, with a wonderful family — who have all been incredibly accepting of both me and my whole family.

This has truely been a story of everything working out perfectly!! And although she’ll never be ‘Mom’ — she is “Grandma” to my Daughter and Son — and more special to me than I can express.

I don’t mean to sound either simplistic or sappy about it, but just wanted you to know that sometimes it all really does work out!!

Good luck in your search! I hope you find everything you’re looking for!
OneHotMama Said,

May 6, 2009 @ 10:32 am

I cannot emphasize enough that you should fill out search forms with the BC Department of Women & Children's Services–give them all the information you have–they will search. It might take time, it took 6 years to fine my bio-fam…and I am so glad I did, my birth mom had wanted to search but was afraid to…DO IT!!!

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