My dad died. My dad died, and I can’t even say, he died yesterday, or he died on Wednesday, because I don’t know, I don’t know, nobody knows, I only know that I have to fly home, now, right now, and talk to police – police – about when and where and how they found the body – the body… my heart recoils and shudders… his body, my dad – and to the coroner and to his neighbors and to anyone who might know anything and there will be words like investigation and autopsy and the body and this is my dad, my dad, my dad, and I have to be strong because my sister’s heart is breaking, has broken, and my mom, my mom, she doesn’t even know, she’s been camping and she doesn’t know and we have to find her and she will shatter into a million, a trillion tiny pieces when we do  and I have to be strong for her, for them, for me – for me most of all – I have to be and I don’t know that I can be. But I have to try. I have to try. I have to, I have to.

This is a nightmare. I have not slept, so I know that I will not wake.

There is only forward, into this darkness.